You know when you're really nervous? Like... really fucking nervous, so nervous that you can't even think straight. I felt that way when I was little and we were at an amusement park one day. There was this big roller coaster that all the cool kids wanted to ride, but I was really fucking scared so I didn't do it. All the older kids then started to mock me and told me that I was a "pussy", so I showed them that I was cool and rode the roller coaster anyways. It was scary as fuck, but the kids stopped being assholes after that, at least against me. They of course found another poor person to pick on instead.

That's the feeling I have now. I'm really fucking scared, but if I manage to do this, it might feel better afterwords. I step into the house after taking a deep breath and I let my glance land on my mom who stands in the corner of the hallway.

''Hi, Ember.''

She sounds calm, as if she doesn't want me to become mad.

''Hey, mom'', I mumble, barely looking her in the eyes. My hands are shaking and I feel like I'm going to have a panic attack or something.

''Listen, I'm sorry for everything. I promise that I will be a better mother for you'', she says sadly. My eyes immediately tear up because this is a sensitive subject to talk about. Her words take me by surprise. Why would she do this?

''How do I know if you mean it or not?'' I ask her, trembling.

''Huh?''

I take a deep breath before continuing.

''How can I know that you're not only saying this because you don't want Julia to take me away from you?''

She sighs and steps closer to me.

''I need you to trust me, Ember. I will stop drinking and spend more time with you instead.''

''Do you promise?''

''I promise.''

I step closer to her and she pulls me into her arms. I tense a bit at first, but I try to relax. My tears escape my eyes while I bury my face in her neck, letting my tears soak into her shirt. She strokes my hair and kisses my head.

''I promise I will take care of you better'', she mumbles before pulling away and wiping away my tears.

''I was wondering if you would like to eat some food tonight at a restaurant?'' she asks, making me smile.

''Sure, i'd love to!'' I smile.

"Whose clothes are you wearing, by the way?" She asks when I'm halfway up the stairs, making me freeze.

"Oh, I borrowed them from a friend", I say before walking into my room. Not wanting her to ask more, I switch into an gray hoodie with a small "Adidas" logo on it and a pair of track pants.

I know that it's maybe stupid to believe her right away, but right now I'm so desperate for someone to care about me, especially my own mom. And she wouldn't lie about something like this, would she?

Later

The restaurant is pretty decent with a red and light blue color theme. We walk to the big desk where the employer stands. He is an old man with gray hair and a similar beard with a red shirt on.

"Hey, I would like to order a hamburger with everything on it", I say, leaning on the desk.

"I'll order the same", mom says, placing her hand on my shoulder before paying the man. I sit down on one of the couhes, hanging my head in my hands. After a while, mom comes back with the two hamburgers and some soda.

It feels really weird to hang out with my mom like this. I haven't done it in years and trust me, I know how crazy all this sounds. I forgive my mom after she's been abusing and hurting me and maybe that's stupid, but as I said before, I'm desperate after some love from the small piece of family I have left. When I take another bite of my hamburger I notice my phone lighting up.

Snapchat from Bil

I immediately open the snap.

''Who are you texting?'' mom asks, making me put my phone down to look at her.

''Oh, just a friend. Her name is Billie'', I say with a smile, trying to sound casual. I don't know why, but when I mention her name my mom instantly changes the look on her face for a second. After that, she turns back to normal, what the fuck was that? I try not to think about it.

"Oh, that's great Ember. Is she nice?" She asks, rushing her words a bit.

"Yeah, she's cool", I answer before seeing another snapchat from Billie.

I put my phone down, smiling before looking at my mom again.

"Are you done?" Mom asks, smiling at me.

"Yeah, I think so. Are you?" I answer.

"Yes, let's go."

I follow my mom to the car and she pulls out her car keys from the pocket, unlocking the car. I crawl in into the car and get comfortable in the passanger seat.

"Is it okay if I go see a friend tomorrow?" I ask her, turning around.

"Sure. Who?" She asks, curiously but a bit stressed as well.

"Uhm, just Billie, Julia and two other guys. Travis and Kevin."

As I say that, her eyes changes a bit. She was probably expecting me to say Ava or Liam, she doesn't seem to like Billie at all.

"Don't you like Billie?" I ask, a bit hurt.

"Ember, please! Be happy that I gave you another chance!" She suddenly snaps, making me raise my eyebrow and turn quiet.

I get into the house as the car stops, laying down on my bed and checking my phone. The weird conversation in the car made me confused so I decide to call Julia. After almost three minutes of calling, she picks up.

"Hey", she says while eating something, probably candy.

"Hey, we need to talk", I say, putting my phone on speaker.

"Sure, what's going on?" She asks, a bit concerned.

"My mom, she... she apologized to me when I came home. She was like "I'll be a better mom" and I believed her."

"That's amazing, Em!"

"I'm not done. We went out to eat and everything was fine until Billie texted."

"She broke up with you?"

"What the fuck, Julia? We are not together, I don't even like her!"

I hear Julia laughing loudly over the phone, making me blush.

"I'm sorry, I just had to. Continue", she says.

"Alright, so my mom was like "who are you texting?" and I was like "it's my friend Billie" and then she looked really pissed, but she tried to hide it. It looked like she fucking hates her or something."

"No way, that's weird, man."

"I know right? And when I asked her in the car if she didn't like Billie, she became mad and snapped at me."

"Yo, she's weird as fuck."

"Yeah. By the way, are you free tomorrow? Me, Travis, Kevin and Billie will hang out and Billie told me that you could come, too."

"Really? Yeah, sure. Why not?"

"Cool, but I have to sleep now. See you tomorrow."

"Yeah, bye."

I put my phone down and bury my face in the pillow. I did not expect my mom to react like this and I'm still not sure if she's faking it or not. At least, I won't show her that I'm a bit dubious. It might help me. After a while, I feel more and more tired and eventually I manage to fall asleep, thinking about the upcoming day with my friends.