''What do you mean?'' She asks, starting to look a bit concerned.

''I know that I've should have told you earlier but...'' I start, feeling more and more sadness washing over me as I speak.

''It's okay, take your time.''

''I used to have a dad and a brother. My brother's name was Evan and he was the most beautiful boy in the world. I remember how my friends used to complain about their younger brothers because they were annoying, but I always told them how much mine meant to me'', I say with a chuckle, still crying. Billie gives me a weak smile, rubbing my back.

''I've been dealing with depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember and I hate to talk about it because people always judge me. Evan always helped, even though he was six years younger than me. He didn't know what was going on, but he was always so calm and caring and it helped me a lot'', I say, my eyes locked on the wall. Time for the hardest part. ''It was autumn, a rainy day and we were on our way home from a restaurant in the car when my parents started to fight about some shit. I was used to it because they used to fight all the time, you know?''

Billie looks at me, taking in every word that I say. When I say something heartbreaking, she rubs my back a little extra.

''Suddenly, I saw how my dad was going way too fast. I tried to tell him to stop, but he didn't listen, so I-'' I pause, feeling how the guilt spreads all over my body. ''I shook his shoulders so he would pay attention to me, and he tried to get my hands off of him. That made him let go of the steering wheel, and the next second... They were dead, Billie.'' I say right before breaking down again. I can hear how Billie gasps, pulling me closer to her. I try to move away, not wanting her to feel bad for me but she just pulls me closer with a hand on my head and the other one around my waist.

''I'm so sorry'', she mumbles, probably not knowing what to say and I don't blame her. My life is literally a mess and I hate to share it with other people, because it brings them down as well.

''He was the only one that meant something to me, and I was going to protect him with everything I had, and I failed. I failed, Billie'', I crack out. ''It is my fault, you can't tell me otherwise, because ever since then my mom has been calling me a killer. The night when she hit me, she had just told me that I was the one who killed them.''

''It's not your fault. You haven't done anyhting wrong. I'm here.''

Billie lays down and pulls me down with her. I rest my head on her chest, my eyes still wide open. I feel like a burden, I hate this. She rubs my back lightly, tickling the skin a bit and it actually calms me down. I feel exhausted from crying so much and I don't wanna fall asleep because I really don't deserve to rest, but it's hard to stay awake. Eventually, I close my eyes and feel how I drift off.

I wake up by some voices in the room. Billie and Julia. The sun is shining through the curtains, creating stripes of light on the white sheets. I feel exhausted and my eyes are aching from crying so much.

''Is she sleeping?''

''Yes.''

They talk quietly as if they don't want me to walk up. Why the hell would they talk about me when I'm in the same damn room? I want to tell them that I'm awake, but I decide to keep pretending that I'm asleep in case they say something about me.

''Okay, so the hospital just called. She's in coma apparently and they don't know if she's going to wake up.''

Her words create a knot in my stomach. For a second, I thought that everything about my mom was a dream, but now the reality hits me.

''Oh my god, how should we tell her?''

''You don't have to'', I whisper, sitting up in the bed before yawning. Julia looks at Billie, biting her lip as if they didn't want me to hear.

''Em, I'm sorry'', Julia starts but I cut her off.

''It's fine, I would have found out anyway'', I sigh, throwing the covers off of me before walking down the stairs, Billie and Julia walking quietly behind me.

''I made some breakfast if you're hungry'', Julia says, pointing at a bench in the kitchen. The kitchen were we always used to play when we were kids. I remember one time when we were playing tag and Julia ran into the kitchen to hide from me. Her mom had just baked a plate of cookies but Julia ran into the plate by accident so it fell down. Her parents became mad and we felt so guilty. It's insane how time flies.

Not wanting to let anyone down, I grab a plate of pancakes before sitting down on a chair. Everyone sits down around me, observing me as if I'm about to fall apart at any second. I stab a piece of pancake and eat it. It probably tastes amazing, but I'm not that hungry right now. The others keep watching me and it gets annoying.

''Guys, please just say something. I'm fine'', I say, waving with my fork in front of me, making the others jump a little before starting to talk.

''Well, as you know, the hospital called and they said that you could see her today'', Julia says.

''Oh, okay. Does Travis know about all this?'' I ask. He is a part of our little ''squad'' or what you wanna call it, so he deserves to know.

''Yeah, I called him this morning.'' Kevin answers, scratching his neck.

''Okay, we can meet after and go to that lake again, maybe?'' I ask. I really do need a distraction from all this and that place was really calming.

''Sure'', Billie smiles weakly.

When I'm finished eating, I get ready to leave.

''I can drive you to the hospital, Ems. I'll stay in the car if you want to, but if you want me inside you can just tell me'', Kevin says, standing up and squeezing my shoulder before grabbing his car keys.

''Great. Thank you, Kev.'' I say.

Before leaving, I approach Julia and hug her tightly.

''Good luck, Em. You're so strong, you know that'', she mumbles into my shoulder.

''Thank you'', I say before pulling away and turning around to Billie who hugs me, wiggling back and forth. ''Good luck, you got this, shorty'', she says when we pull away, rubbing my arm a bit. I turn around and walk towards the car where Kevin already sits, ready to leave. I yank the door open before sitting down in the soft seat.

After a while, Kevin stops the car on a parking lot next to the big, white building with the word ''hospital'' in black letters on it.

''Ready?'' Kevin asks and I nod. ''Do you want me to stay here or do you want me to come with you?''

''You can join me if you want to, I don't like hospitals'', I say and he nods before exiting the car and locking the doors.

As I enter the hospital lobby, I already see a lot of people in pain. It scares me as fuck and Kevin probably sees it, because he puts a hand on my shoulder, leading me to the desk. A bored, gray-haired woman looks at me, waiting for me to tell her what I want.

''Hey, my name is Ember Clayton and my mom came here yesterday. Can I see her?'' I say, as politely as I can. The woman turns around, writing something on her keyboard before facing me again.

''She's in room 121. Follow that hallway and take the elevator to the second floor'', she says, leaning over the desk to point at one of the long hallways. I thank her before walking down the hallway towards the elevators.

''I'm nervous'', I mumble.

''It's okay, Em. You got this'' Kevin says, pressing the ''2'' button in the elevator.

After stepping out from the elevator, we walk through the hallway. ''119'', ''120'', ''121''. I stop and take a deep breath before opening the door.