I wake up, feeling how someone is carrying me. Looking up in confusion, I can see that Billie is the one who has one arm under my back and the other one under my knees. She looks down at me with her beautiful eyes, enough to make me melt.

"Sorry for waking you up, I just don't want you to lay on the floor, man. Looks uncomfortable as fuck", she explains before carefully laying me down on the soft bed. When she's about to leave, I grab her hand, preventing her from doing so.

"Will you stay?" I ask, biting my lip and she walks towards me again, laying down next to me. I guess that she wants to give me space, so I'm the one who moves closer to her, cuddling into her side. Immediately, she wraps her arm around my shoulders and lays the other one on my stomach.

"She's gotten worse", I say after a while of silence. Billie looks surprised, probably because of the content of my sentence, but also the fact that I told her about my mom.

"I'm so sorry, Ems", she says, observing me as if I'm about to fall apart at any second.

"It's okay, you don't have to feel bad for me", I say, giving her a weak smile.

"I still do, though", she sighs, pulling me closer to her.

"Sorry for pushing you away yesterday", I mumble, feeling bad for not letting her in yesterday.

"Don't apologize, you did nothing wrong. You slept on the fucking floor, man", she says with a sad chuckle.

"Where are the others?" I ask, changing topic.

"They're at school, it's monday, bro", she explains.

"Oh, right", I answer. I haven't been to school for a while and it's actually pretty boring to stay home all day.

"I got to know something today, Ems. I'm going on tour in Europe next week and I would want you to come along, but I don't know if you should be away from school for a month but you are welcome to go with me'', she explains and I immediately feel scared. Being without Billie for a month? That's never gonna work. I really want to come along with her, but I need to stay because of my mom as well.

''No way, do you have to?'' I ask her, already knowing the answer.

''I do, I'm so sorry babe. But you can come with me?''

''Have your forgotten about my mom? I don't want to travel around Europe, acting as if everything is fine when she's dying in a hospital bed!'' I suddenly snap, thinking that her comment was ignorant.

''I just want to help you! I want to get you on other thoughts because I know that you're going through some of the hardest things that someone can go through!'' She snaps back, furrowing her eyebrows.

''I don't deserve to think about other things, okay? I've created this life for myself and I can't just switch and become another person!'' I say in frustration, sitting on my knees in front of her.

''This is what I mean! You need to stop feeling responsible for eveything that's happening! It's not your fault'', she says, a bit more calm. ''I get that it's hard to just stop feeling that way, but please, just listen to me. If you don't think about other things than your sorrows, you're going to die on the inside and you won't ever feel happy again.''

''It feels like that has already happened'', I breath out, feeling the familiar pain in my eyes, but I keep the tears inside.

''It hasn't'', she says almost immediately, moving closer to me and cupping my cheeks. ''I can see the love in your eyes, you just need to use it more often. I can help you with that, but only if you let me."

"Do you promise?" I ask, my voice shaking. I feel so vulnerable. She nods before wrapping her arms around me, pulling me into her chest. I inhale her scent, and it does feel better then inhaling smoke, to be honest.

"I understand if you want to stay home to watch over her, but maybe she wakes up until next week before we leave? You can decide later if you want to come with me, alright?" She says and I nod.

"I love you, Billie. I love you more than anything", I mumble into her chest.

"I love you more."

"Hey, can't we tell Trav and Kev that we're a thing?" I ask, a bit scared of her answer.

''Do you want to?'' She asks back and I nod.

''Fine, I think that they will come home soon.''

Later

"We're home!" Julia yells from the front door. I pull away from Billie before heading downstairs.

"Hey, guys!" I say happily. Travis runs towards me and lifts me up, spinning me around. I laugh loudly before he pulls away, messing up my hair. That guy is my big brother, man.

"Hey, Ems", Julia says, hugging me and I hug her back. I'm so impressed by how Julia could change so much. She hasn't done anything bad since John's party almost a month ago. It's crazy. I hug Kevin as well before Billie walks down the stairs to greet them, too.

"We gotta tell y'all something", Billie says and Julia immediately looks at me, excited. "Let's just say it, me and Ems are dating."

Her being so honest makes me raise my eyebrows before looking at Kevin and Travis to see their reaction.

"YES! I fucking knew it! I told you, Kevin! I told you that they were together but you didn't listen, bro!" Travis outbursts before pulling both me and Billie into a group hug, making us laugh from his energy.

"Shut up, Travis! I never said that they weren't dating!" Kevin says, laughing. "But that's so fucking cute. I've always thought that y'all fit together, man."

"Now I'm officially alone", Travis chuckles.

"We'll find a girl to you as well", Billie says.

"Or a boy!" I add.

"Or a cat!" Kevin says.

"What the fuck, Kevin? Okay, let's go and eat because I'm hungry as hell", Travis says before turning around and opening the front door.

It feels good to not hide my interactions with Billie anymore. We sit in the restaurant and I lean my head against her shoulder when I suddenly hear a uknown voice.

"Oh my god, are you Billie Eilish?"

We all look to the left to see two cute girls standing nervously in front of the table.

"That's me", Billie answers casually before standing up and hugging the first girl. I would never just hug a stranger like that, but I guess that she's used to it. After hugging the other girl as well, Billie hands me on of the girls phone with a green case.

"Will you take the picture?" She asks and I nod, smiling at the girls. Billie stands in the middle of them, her arms around their shoulders. I take some pictures before handing the girls the phone back, sitting down again.

"Yo, those girls were so cute", I say, pouting.

"Weren't they?" Julia agrees before we start to eat again.

I start to think about Billie's offer to follow her on tour. She does have a point about thinking of other things than my sorrows, but it still feels pretty scary. The tour starts next week. Seven days. Will something happen to my mom within that time? I don't know, I'll just try to live right now without focusing too much on the future. It might help me.