Charles Clayton. A fifty two-year old man living in Chicago with his wife Christina. He must like the letter C. Anyways, he lives in a small red house close to a small lake that actually reminds me a bit of the lake where I used to be with my friends. Me and Julia managed to find a lot of information about him and he is most likely the one that mom was talking about. Of course, I wonder why mom tried to hide him from me but now I won't ever find the answer.

"I guess that I have a new dad," I sigh, making Julia look at me in confusion.

"You want to live with him? You don't even know him yet!" She says, pointing at the screen.

"Well, then I guess that I need to go to Chicago and get to know him!" I say, throwing my arm to my side.

"You can't just leave now, you need to relax after everything with your mom!" She snaps, making me groan. She sighs before grabbing my hand and looking at me with concern in her eyes.

"I know that you want to meet him, but you have to relax for a bit first," she says, brushing her thumbs over the skin on my hand. "You are going through a lot right now and I don't want you to be stressed."

"Okay," I sigh. "I'll wait."

She smiles before looking at the laptop screen again.

"That doesn't stop us from finding out more about him, though," she says, making me grin as we look through the website.

As we're scrolling through a website with information about different people, I notice someone that I think is Christina.

''Wait, look!'' I say, making Julia stop scrolling as I point at the picture. She clicks on it and a new window opens up with some information about the woman. The picture of Christina is of her in front of the lake by their house and she's wearing a leather jacket, looking like a badass to be honest. You know these kids in school that you never wanted to get in a fight with because their parents were really fucking scary and could kill you by just looking at you? She looks like one of those parents. The hair is red and dry as if she hasn't washed it in two years. She has a small nose, thin lips and big, brown eyes that are staring right at me and Julia.

''She's pretty,'' Julia says, looking at her and I must agree in one way. Yes, her hair looks terrible and she looks exhausted, but something about her just makes one feel as if she is a nice person and that's one kind of beauty.

We get some more information about the two and we discover that they both have a company together where they repair and respray motorbikes in Chicago.

''Dinner's ready!'' Julia's dad shouts from downstairs, making us both stand up after Julia closes the laptop. We decide that it's best not to tell her parents before we know more about this. Well, I do plan on going to Chicago to see Charles, but even Julia thinks that is crazy, so what would her parents think? As we walk down the stairs, I smile at Julia's parents for being so nice and for welcoming me.

I sit down by the table next to Julia's dad, smiling as I pour some soup into my bowl. It tastes amazing as always, Julia's mom makes great food.

''So, I'm sorry for bringing this up, but I just wanted to ask some questions about tomorrow,'' Julia's mom says, and I realise that I forgot about what's happening tomorrow. My mom's funeral. I've been so out of it the last weeks so I just let Julia's mom take care of the planning and she's been asking me some questions about it.

''It's okay, we can talk about it,'' I say, looking at her with a fake smile. No, of course I don't want to talk about it, dumbass.

''So, I just wanted to say that the ceremony starts at three pm. We talked to the company and I told them that I wanted you to have some time if you would like to have a speech or something. Just to speak your mind,'' she says and I smile weakly in appreciation.

After eating and returning to my room, I realise that I haven't talk to Billie about tomorrow yet. I've just thought that she would attend because well, she's my almost girlfriend, but now I don't know. She hasn't talked about going here to go with me or something, so I guess that she will stay on tour. Well, I'm not sure yet so I deal the blue-eyed girls number before pressing the phone against my ear, waiting for her to pick up.

''Hey babe,'' Billie says, sounding a bit stressed.

''Hey,'' I mumble.

''Are you alright?'' She asks with a concerned voice.

''Yeah. I was just wondering if you're attending the funeral tomorrow or not?'' I ask, biting my lip while she turns quiet.

''Ember,'' she starts and I immediately know the answer to me previous question. ''I'd love to be there for you but my fucking management and shit would never let me go home. I'm sorry.''

The last part of her sentence soudns like a breath, like she just hates to say it.

''Oh, okay,'' I say, immediately feeling the tears burning in my eyes. I should have expected this, but it just hurts so much knowing that she won't be there. Well, she didn't know my mom that well, but sometimes it feels good with an emotional support, you know?

''I'm so sorry Ember. Fuck, I hate this,'' she says quietly. ''I want to be with you so fucking bad.''

''I must go,'' I mumble before hanging up. This is just too much right now. I throw my phone on the other side of the bed before laying down on my back, looking up in the ceiling. I'm not mad at Billie for not going, I'm just scared of being alone without someone I need. I sigh before slipping under the covers of the bed, cuddling into the blanket. The guilt I feel of hanging up on Billie just stops me from falling asleep, so I quickly grab my phone, opening up our snapchat conversation.

After the kinda cheesy message, I turn my phone off and lay down, closing my eyes again. I really try to fall asleep, but all the thoughts keep me up and it's impossible to relax. After a while, I realise that I won't be able to fall asleep right now and a thought hits me when I think about the funeral. After standing up, I walk over to my bag to grab my notebook. I immediately sit down on the bed again, starting to write my feelings about what's going on.

When I'm done, I realise that I've kinda written three pages that look like a speech and that gives me the idea to read it up tomorrow. I immediately start to feel nervous, but I can't let my nerves get in the way right now, I need to do this. After sighing, I put my notebook down on the bed and lay down. It actually helps to write when I feel anxious because I just let all my feelings out. As I slip under the covers again, I feel more and more tired until I manage to drift off to sleep.