''What? What happened?'' I ask, digging my nails into the skin on my knees while hoping for the best answer.

''Kevin, talk to me!'' I repeat when I hear him sob instead of answering.

''I told you! He's gone and no one knows where he is!'' He says, almsot sounding mad.

''Hey, calm down! Is Julia there to help you?'' I ask him, knowing that my best friend is the only one who can calm him down completly.

''Yeah, we're in the car,'' he says and now I can actually hear Julia's voice trying to calm the poor guy down.

''Have you called the police?'' I ask, running a hand through my hair in frustration.

''No,'' he simply says, not explaining further why, giving me the only option to ask why.

''Why not?''

''Listen, Ember. He told some deep shit before this happened but I couldn't connect it and I never thought that it would be this big. In the message he said that I shouldn't call the police because that will hurt him, he didn't say why, though,'' he explains.

''How could it hurt him? Kevin, you need to call the police! What if someone is hurting him?'' I outburst.

''It's not like that! He planned this!'' He says immediately, making me turn quiet as I think about that morning by the lake when we had the conversation about his mental health. He told me. Me only. I knew how he was feeling but I didn't do anything about it. The fact that he is gone just makes me feel ill.

''Ember?'' I hear Kevin's voice say.

''I... I've got to go. I'm coming home as soon as I can,'' I say before hanging up. My throat feels dry and nothing feels real. This is my fault. I know that I blame myself for too much, but this is my fault. Travis felt bad and he told me everything. He gave me the option to help him, but I was too busy ''fixing'' my own problems. The emotions make me feel hopeless and it feels like I'm the worst person in the world. It's like I'm stuck inside a nightmare I can't wake up from and I don't care if that's the most common thing to say when you feel bad. I just look up at the sky, trying to stop the few tears to make their way down my freckled cheek. Where could he be?

After what feels like hundreds of attempts to call my best friend, I eventaully put my phone down in my pocket and sigh deeply in frustration. I can't do this anymore. Everything happens too fast and I can't even enjoy a small trip with my girlfriend without a tragedy. What if he's dead? Oh my god, he could be fucking dead! I feel how my bottom lip starts to shake and it doesn't take long before the tears stream down my cheeks as I sob uncontrollably. Suddenly, the door behind me opens up with a squeek and I can tell who it is just by hearing her breath.

''Everything okay?'' She asks and I realise just now that Billie doesn't know about this. I almost forgot that she was upstairs during the whole phone call and my breakdown. I guess that the negative thoughts just took over, and I don't want Billie anywhere near those.

''Travis is gone. No one knows where he is,'' I say, looking out in the air.

''What?'' Billie says after a short moment of silece. ''What happened?''

''Kevin called me while crying and told me that he was gone,'' I say, my gaze still stuck at a tree somewhere in the never-ending forest.

''Is he kidnapped? Did someone-'' She starts but I cut her off.

''He planned it,'' I say, finally turning around to face her and she looks concerned.

''Planned it?'' She repeats in disbelief and I stand up, walking out a bit onto the grass.

''Yeah, Billie. He planned it! And you know what? He actually told me that he was in a dark place and how he felt and I didn't do shit about it! It's my fucking fault that he's out there!'' I scream, pointing towards the woods just because I can imagine Travis being in a forest, trying to get away from everything.

''Hey, hey!'' Billie says, almost looking scared as she approaches me slowly. My heart is pounding in my chest and it feels as if it's going to jump out of my body. When she comes close enough, she puts both of her hands on my shoulders, rubbing her thumbs over the fabric softly. ''It's not your fault.''

I know that she's lying. I can tell that she's lying. She wraps her arms around me, pulling me close as I inhale her scent that isn't even enough to calm me down as usual.

''Why can't it be like before?'' I mumble into her chest, feeling so incredibly little and hopeless.

''Just imagine that we are there now. When we first met and hung out by the lake every day. When we had our first kiss in my bedroom, everything wasn't perfect, but we had each other. Just like now. I love you. I will always love you and the comfort of love is too fucking strong for anyone to break, okay? It's you and me.''

It takes a while for Billie to calm me down, but after a while she convinces me to walk upstairs and get some rest. As I walk over the floor to my bed, I feel dizzy and ill from everything that just happened. Quietly, Billie pulls up the covers, signaling for me to lay down and putting the blanket over me again.

''I will go downstairs and explain everything for Charles and Christina, I'm sure that they will understand if we go home a bit earlier. I will book tickets and everything, so don't worry about that. I'll be back soon, okay?'' She says, putting her hand on my shoulder and kissing my temple before returning downstairs.

I try to fall asleep, but everytime I close my eyes I see Travis face in front of me. That perfect face. The way his hair fits perfectly with his face. The way he smiles and laughs. The way he always takes care of me like the big brother I never had. The lonely tear falling down his cheek during our deep conversation and the way he opened up to me. I love him. He is my best friend. Will I ever meet him again?