_______________________________

For going on nineteen years, all I've done is run

They tell me to slow down,

They tell me just to breathe,

But it really is easier said than done

With these wary legs, I will not walk, but I will run

Run from all of my problems,

Run away from all of my fears

Even with my asthma and all of these years

I have no anchors, not even one

The closest thing is you, but it's not you, it's me

Everyone, I want to show them all

It's not like father like son

I will run

The negativity can't catch me

These thoughts won't trap me

Your homophobia, your hate, (Pull the trigger, Tony, I won't be the one goin' down)

I will outrun it all, oh I will overcome (Hold my hand, Ethan; let's have a little fun)

Like a shark, I must keep moving forward,

Or else I'll drown

Run,

Run,

Run,

As fast as I can,

So that one day I'll be the man,

The man I truly want to be,

I'll see the future I want to see (I want to be a writer, Dad, why won't you let me?)

These storm clouds will vanish,

My silence will perish

So what if I'm running?

So what if I'm scared?

Aren't we all a little scared of what the future holds?

_______________________________

"Jesus Christ, Charlie, you're hard to keep up with," Xander says, panting as he collapses on the floor of my flat.

I laugh, stepping over him and grabbing myself some water. "Xander, it was only seven miles."

My younger brother looks at me like I'm crazy. "Yes, seven miles of you running like you were some type of superhuman. It's like you were running from something instead of just running just for sport."

Gulping down some water, I process his words. Everything has been hectic lately, especially with the threat of Tony hanging over my head. Ethan has been up my ass ever since and has been even closer since O'Malley warned us. It's a little suffocating. His worry worries me and it just felt good to be free, to not have to worry about all my woes and drama. Hopefully Ethan's calmed down as well.

"Maybe I am." I shrug, grabbing a green apple to munch on. I sit beside Xander's head on the floor and play with his hair. "Your hair is getting long."

"I'm getting older too." He grins and lays his head in my lap.

"Yeah. You'll be a big ol' adult in October." I pinch his nose, stiffening as my phone rings.

I pick up the video call, instantly smiling at the sight of my mother. "Hi, Ma. How are you?"

"I'm well, thank you. How are you, Charlie? Is college treating you well?" She asks, pushing some of her long, red curly hair behind her ear and smiling softly.

My grin grows. Seeing my mother always puts me in a better mood.

"All As, like always," Xander says, raising his head to get in frame. He grins goofily. "Hey, Ma."

"Xander is with you?" Mom quirks an eyebrow.

"Always." I pet his hair. "It's fine, Ma. I love having my little bro over." I pinch his cheek.

"Ow! Be careful with the fucking bread and butter!" Xander punches me and I laugh.

"Xander, language." Mom narrows her eyes.

"Ma, I can't stand here and let him abuse me!" Xander puffs his cheeks out and hugs my arm. "You know I love him. It's fine."

I ruffle his hair. "I love you too, Xander."

Mom smiles softly. "I'm glad you're doing well. If you ever aren't, just call me, okay, Charlie?"

"Yeah, Ma." I smile back, blowing her a kiss. "I love you."

"I love you too. So does your father, and don't forget it!" Mom grins before blowing me a kiss. "I love you too, Xander!"

"Love ya." He blows her a kiss back and I hang up, laughing.

"You're such a mama's boy."

"Whatever. So are you."

"Not nearly as much as you." I sigh before smirking. "So I was thinking, since your eighteenth birthday is coming up, that I'd take you to get some tattoos."

"Ooooooh. I'd love more tattoos." Xander's green eyes sparkle and he grabs my hand. "What about your birthday?"

"We have a while until mine. Plus, I'm just turning nineteen. That's not a milestone year at all."

"It's your last year as a teenager!" Xander exclaims. "I'll come and celebrate with you a little before your birthday since I have stupid school shit the day after your birthday. Sound like a plan?"

I smile, pulling him up to stand. "It sounds perfect. Now go home. You have school tomorrow morning."

"Uuuuuugh. Fine." Xander grabs the keys to my truck. "I'm going to use your truck while you're gone by the way."

I roll my eyes. "That's fine. You did bring me my car, so I'll say we're even."

"Nice!" Xander pumps, pausing with his hand on the doorknob. "I love you, Charlie."

"I love you too, Xander."

♥︎ • ♦︎ • ♣︎ • ♠︎

My door opens and Ethan lets himself in with the key I gave him. "Charlieeeeee~"

"Ethaaaaaaan," I mimic him, laughing as I dry my hair. "What's up?"

"Hey, just wanted to see you. And work on our project but mostly see you." He grins.

"Cute. I was actually working on the project. It's almost done. It should be done in time to turn in tomorrow night on time." I pop my neck and get back to work. "How are you, Ethan?"

"Awesome." He comes over and lays down, his head in my lap. "I'm good."

Playing with his hair, I nod. "That's nice. Do anything interesting?"

"Hung out with Scout. She keeps asking me how you're doing, so it's safe to say she likes you." He smiles.

"I like her too." I smile fondly. "I want to see her snake again."

"I'll ask her if we can all hang out sometime."

"Ooh. Sounds fun." I reach over to my laptop and continue working. "Did you bring a laptop?"

"I don't own one." He shrugs.

"Want my old one?" I ask, slipping a hand under his shirt.

"Sure, thanks." He closes his eyes contently.

"Want me to take you to get it or do you want to just wait for me?"

"You can go get it and I'll wait here." Ethan smiles cheekily.

I leave to grab it and return, handing it to him. "I'll wipe it before you leave. I hope you make use of it."

"Yeah, thank you." He kisses my cheek and opens it, pulling up our shared documents.

I get to work again. "Have you used your art supplies yet?"

"Yeah!" He exclaims excitedly. "I stayed up drawing all night the day I got home."

"Ooh. What did you draw?" I ask excitedly as well.

"Lots of stuff." He blushes. "I'll bring the book with me next time."

"I'm surprised you don't bring it everywhere. I mean, I bring my journal everywhere."

"Maybe I should start. Basically, whatever I can't fit in my pockets, I don't bring."

"Are you failing?" I ask, continuing to work. "You don't really bring anything to do the work with and you don't show up to any class except biochem and that's only because yours truly has that class."

"I'm like almost failing. But I got it, don't worry. I'm smart now, remember?" He smirks.

I cuff him. "You can't be my sexy archeologist if you fail!"

"I just said don't worry!" Ethan rubs his head.

"It's my job."

"I'll start going to class." He huffs. "I'll be a sexy archeologist one way or another."

"Mmm." I kiss his neck.

He hums.

I get back to work and he does as well.

After about an hour, I exhale. "Finally. We're done." I snatch the laptop from him and replace it with my body.

He chuckles and wraps his arms around my waist. "Good job."

"Yeah. We did it." I grin, running my fingers up and down his arms.

Ethan kisses me. "Celebratory drink?"

"You trying to spend the night?" I laugh.

"Charlie, I would live here if you let me." He chuckles.

"I mean, it is a two bedroom." I grin.

His eyes widen. "You can't be serious."

"Definitely." I chuckle. "You'd save gas money."

"You wanna think about this a little?" He asks, raising an eyebrow.

"Okay then. I'll wait since it'll make you happy." I hug him and play with his right hand. "I'll just start giving you gas money."

"No, no." He caresses my sides. "I just want to make sure you're sure and this isn't just some impulse thing and you'll kick me out tomorrow."

"Okay."

His eyes are shining and he kisses me again. "Thank you. I'll pay half the rent, whatever you want."

"You don't need to pay rent, just for groceries." I laugh. "I don't even pay the rent."

"Okay." He smiles. "When do you want me to get my shit?"

"Hmm. In enough time so that you can change your mailing address and get everything sorted out," I respond.

"Okay." He kisses my neck. "I...what should we do now?"

I sneak my hands under his shirt again. "You could make me a sandwich. I'm starving."

Ethan chuckles but nods. "Sure."

"What an angel." I sit back and watch him.

Ethan heads to the kitchen and gets out the supplies. He makes us both a BLT and brings them in on plates. He hands me mine and sits back down next to me. "Bon appétit."

"Thank you." I take a bite and grab my blanket. "I'm excited. Living by myself is really lonely."

"Yeah," Ethan talks with his mouth full. "I'm not a big fan of it either."

"Yeah. Momo helps. I talk to her a lot."

"I'm sure." Ethan hums. "I bet she's a very good listener."

"Second only to my brother."

"I want to meet your brother." Ethan says. "He sounds cool."

"Maybe you will one day."

"Hope so. You can meet mine too, he'd love you."

"You really think so?" I ask, continuing to eat.

"Absolutely!"

"I'd love to meet him someday." I grin and cuddle into him. "A big ol' group of friends."

"Hell yeah," He holds me close. "I'll bring him over sometime."

I hug him. "I look forward to it."