______________________________

Charlie King sat on a wall,

But Charlie King was alone on that wall

Charlie King was tired on that wall

Charlie King could never be himself on that damn wall—

So—

Charlie King had a great fall

All of Xander's hugs and all of his tears,

Couldn't fix all of the cracks forming over the years

The little brother tried,

The little brother so desperately cried—

He tried to care for his elder,

To become some sort of a shelter

But it's not the duty of the younger to take care of his older brother

And for that,

I admit I failed

For years I sat on a wall,

A wall made not of sticks and bricks,

But of toothpicks held together by falsities,

A wall unfit for sitting,

And even more so unfit for living,

So I fell

All the King's courses

And all the King's expectations

Are the reasons fucking why

I couldn't hold it together in the end

But I never meant to hurt the King,

Or to make the fair Queen cry

And oh, I really never meant,

To make the poor Prince distressed

Or leave my cowboy without a proper goodbye

I guess I never knew what it meant to really die

______________________________

"Charlie."

I groan, opening my eyes to see my dad in the doorway. I blink. "Dad?"

He nods and looks at the sleeping Ethan. "Who is he?"

"My boyfriend," I say, not missing a beat.

"Can I meet him and talk to you?" Dad asks.

"If he can stay. He's pretty shaken up. I want him close." I play with Ethan's hair fondly.

Dad nods and I kiss Ethan's forehead until he wakes up.

Ethan groans and shuffles before opening his eyes, smiling when he sees me. "Charlie."

I smile back at him and ruffle his hair. "My dad's here and he wants to meet you."

Ethan's eyes go wide and lock onto my dad. "Oh, hello, sir, Mr. King. It's nice to finally meet you." He says nervously and raises his hand for a hand shake while the other stays in its place around my waist.

Dad shakes his hand.

"Dad, this is Ethan Dechart." I lean against the brunet and hum contently.

My dad smiles. "Nice to meet you. You can call me Jay. Are you from Charlie's school?"

Ethan smiles and sits us both up. "Thank you, Jay, and yes, I am."

Dad nods and sits down, looking into my eyes. "I'm so glad you're awake. I kept visiting, but you were still asleep. I read your letter..."

I force a smile. "Dad, I'm sor—"

"I talked to the college and had your major switched over. I hope that's okay."

My jaw drops.

Ethan looks just as shocked and takes my hands to ground me. "To journalism?"

"What else?" Dad grins, running his fingers through his hair, causing me to notice that he's starting to get some grays.

Ethan squeezes my hands. "How do you feel about that?"

"Happy, really happy." My eyes tear up. "Dad, thank you." I lean over to hug him with one arm. "I'll try and make you proud some other way, I promise."

Dad shakes his head. "Charlie, you already make me proud. You don't have to do anything. You and Xander are really good kids and I'm sorry that I made you think that you didn't have your own choice in what you pursue as a career. You do, your mother and I have always wanted you to be happy. There are tons of lawyers, but you and Xander are one of a kind."

I sob, and he just brushes his finger against the bridge of my nose until I calm down and then he kisses the top of my head.

"You don't need to cry, Charlie. It's true. Your boyfriend can surely vouch for me there. I got all of the information for your counseling as well, so whenever you're ready, you can get help. Okay?" Dad ruffles my hair and I sniffle.

Ethan hugs me. "I'm so happy for you. You're an incredible person and I know you'll do incredible things."

"Thank you, both of you." I kiss Ethan's cheek and then my dad's. I hug them and then poke my dad's forehead. "Don't you need to get to work?"

"I'm supposed to, but they can survive without me." He grins.

"Dad."

He puts his hands up. "Fine, fine, I'll be a good influence." Dad kisses my forehead and then looks Ethan in the eyes. "Be good for him."

Ethan nods, determined. "Yes, sir. You can count on me."

"The nose trick always works, by the way. He's like a puppy."

"Rude, Dad. Go lawyer somewhere and stop embarrassing me." I hide under the covers.

"I love you," he says. "Yo ho—"

"No, I'm an adult. You're going to embarrass me in front of my boyfriend." I pout.

"Yo ho, Charlie. You can't leave me hanging." Dad pokes me.

"No. Not right now. I'll text it to you."

Ethan smiles at me. "You don't need to feel embarrassed in front of me." He nudges me. "Say it."

"Yo ho, yo ho, I am a pirate. Yo ho, yo ho, as happy as can be..." I blush and hide. "Yo ho, yo ho, let's start a riot. Yo ho, yo ho, it's time to sail the sea."

Ethan pulls the blanket down so he can see my eyes. "That's cute as fuck."

"It really is. He wrote the poem when he was like four." Dad smiles. "My wife and I would just love to show you all of his childhood memorabilia."

"Dad, no!" I practically scream. "Ethan can't see the book! Don't!"

Ethan looks between us, his insatiable curiosity peaked. "I'd love to see. Please, Charlie? I'm sure you were super cute! Please, please, please!"

"Fuck your puppy eyes. I don't care." I bury my face in the pillow and Dad chuckles.

"You can come over anytime. We'll just have to make sure we're home to show you."

"Xander's friend and Ethan's brother, Ryder, would just love to see Xander's memorabilia." I grin evilly.

"Then Ryder can come too! Text me when and we'll figure it out. Love you, Charlie. Stay safe."

"Love you too, Dad."

The door closes and I bury myself deeper in the pillow. "My family is so embarrassing. I forgot they were like this. If I didn't introduce you as my boyfriend, none of this would have happened. Aaaaah."

I can feel Ethan leaning over me. "If you hadn't introduced me as your boyfriend, they would've wondered why there was a strange boy in your bed." Ethan reminds me and his hand finds my hair. "I like your family, they seem nice so far." He leans down. "And concerning the childhood pictures, I'll show you mine if you show me yours~"

"Baby Ethan?" I perk up.

He nods. "In all my diaper glory!"

"What about baby Ethan in the bath?" I giggle.

He cringes. "I suppose."

"Hopefully Ryder will actually be interested in diving far into Xander's childhood and see how many times I made that boy crossdress for my own amusement." I laugh evilly.

"Ryder... fuck." Ethan sighs deeply.

"What? Are you two okay?" I ask.

"I don't know. After I heard about you last night, I kind of freaked out and yelled at him and then I just left without a word, on my bike, and never came back." Ethan explains, pulling out his phone.

I blink at the time. "Holy shit, it's already four pm."

"Damn."

"I think Ryder is with Xander." I laugh, showing Ethan a picture of Xander wearing makeup with Ryder smiling beside him in a selfie.

Ethan smiles and relaxes. "That's good. At least he's having fun."

I nod. "You should talk to Ryder in person later, maybe tomorrow because I think they're having a sleepover. You can come out and everything. Unless you aren't ready. You can keep me a secret."

"No," he shakes his head and takes my hands. "No more secrets."

"Is my bi-boy gonna come out to the whole world?" I giggle.

"Yeah," He smiles brightly. "Yeah, I am. I'm ready. I'm ready to be with you and I want everyone to know that we belong to each other."

"I'll get us candy rings then." I hum.

"I'd love that. It might be a while until I can get you a proper one." He looks down, ashamed.

"You're going to get me a ring?" I shake my head. "No, I don't need one. We can get them tattooed or something."

He chuckles, caressing my ring finger. "Are you sure?"

"Maybe not. You said you couldn't get me tattooed on you."

"Yeah, I don't do commitment tattoos. But that doesn't mean we can't show our love in other ways." He kisses my cheek.

"With rainbow tee shirts."

"If you want." He smiles then his eyes widen. "Have you ever been to Pride?"

"No." I look down.

He bounces excitedly. "We should go!"

"When is it? It's still winter."

"It's usually in the summer so it'll be awhile, but that might be really fun! I can take Ry too! He'd be so excited."

"Maybe Xan will come too." I smile softly.

"Yeah! Like a double date!" Ethan kisses me. "I can't wait for you to meet my mom, she'll love you."

"Really? What makes you think that?"

"Because you're so sweet, and funny, and hardworking, and cute. I just know she'll love you."

"That's nice." I play with his hair. "Since we're on the topic of hard workers, how were your grades for semester one?"

"Rough at first, but they started to go up after I met you and while I was at home I kinda immersed myself in my work so I didn't have to think about you." He admits. "So they're okay. I'm not passing with flying colors, but I'm not failing either."

"Am I gonna have to become your tutor?" I giggle, but kiss him. "I'm proud of you."

"Thank you." He smiles. "A tutor-student thing might be kinda hot though."

"It's what our siblings are doing." I smirk.

Ethan scrunches up his nose. "Gah, I don't want to think about them going at it."

"They aren't going at it. Ryder hasn't come out yet." I pat his head.

He just huffs and lies down next to me.

"Can we listen to music?" I ask.

"Yeah, of course."

"Okay. It's your choice. Play your Queen." I giggle.

Ethan chuckles and pulls out his phone and sets a playlist on shuffle.

I hum along and close my eyes, leaning against him. "You're so warm."

"And you're so soft." He kisses my shoulder.

"I'm pointy right now. I lost a lot of weight." I frown.

"That's okay, baby." He rubs my stomach. "You're perfect, and if you can stand my cooking, then I can do my best to fatten you right back up."

"I wasn't fat." I puff my cheeks out.

"No, you weren't, not at all." He kisses my cheek.

"Also, I didn't miss you low key checking out my dad."

Ethan chokes on his spit. "What?! No! Pffffft, no, ew."

"You were. It's fine. I've been told I'm his mini-me."

Ethan blushes. "Okay, maybe, he was kinda hot. Not as hot as you though."

"Ah, so you'll also think my mom's hot." I nod, pulling up a picture of us all at the beach. "You'd fuck my whole family, wouldn't you?" I giggle.

Ethan blushes fiercely, his mouth hanging open. "I don't know!"

"Say it, babe." I look him in the eyes.

"I mean, I don't necessarily want to fuck them."

"I see."

"Buuuut if I'd met them first—" he lets the sentence hang.

"So you could be fucking my brother instead of me." I laugh.

"Not him, he's underage." He shakes his head. "I need alcohol for this conversation, Jesus Christ."

"Xander's been eighteen since October."

"Oh." Ethan blushes.

"He has tattoos and a tongue piercing."

"Really?" He smirks. "Ry will certainly like that. Tongue piercings are super hot too, I've been thinking of getting one. I was with this girl once who had it... and fuck, man, the way that thing feels against your," He looks down at his crotch and winks.

"I know what tongue piercings are for." I look away and scoff.

"Hey," He gently turns my chin back so I look at him. "Are you... jealous?"

I don't reply.

"Charlie, I'm with you now. I love you. I don't need anyone else." He assures me.

I roll my tongue up in my mouth. "I don't need a piercing to make you feel good."

"You're right, you don't." He smirks. "Honestly, your blowjobs are the best I've had in my life."

"I know."

Ethan kisses me but pulls away before it gets too heated.

Humming, I get comfortable on him and look up into his eyes from my place on his shoulder.

His eyes are shining as they meet mine. "I love you."

"You're so mushy."

"I've been waiting to say that for months. I'll never get tired of it."

"Aaagh. You're so gay right now." I close my eyes. "I love you too. Don't make me say it too much. Wouldn't want it to lose its value."

Ethan nods and kisses my head. "Are you hungry?"

I hold my left arm up. "These tubes have it covered right now. I can't keep food down. Ask Carmen."

"Carmen? You've seen her?"

I hide my left arm again so he can't get a good look at it. "While you were gone. I stopped eating as much because I was busy with school and so she came over looking for you and ended up making me dinner... which I threw back up."

"She can cook?!" He raises his eyebrows. "And she took care of you? Damn, she must really like you. Last time I was sick, she threw stress balls at me and laughed whenever I sneezed too hard."

I poke my tongue out at him. "I had a cuddle fest with your ex."

His jaw drops. "Holy shit."

"It's true. We cuddled and watched a movie together after I got sick. Her macaroni is really good. Sadly, I wasn't ready for the goodness." I smirk smugly.

"Are you sure you weren't hanging out with her good twin?" Ethan teases.

"Yes." I remember something and then all of a sudden, I feel disgusting. I move away from Ethan and frown.

"Hey," He reaches out to me, sensing my change in mood. "What's wrong?"

"I'm bad."

"Bad?" He touches my knee. "What do you mean?"

"The night before Carmen was over, I was really unhappy and I..." I clench my eyes closed. "I went to the bar and left with the guy who looked the most like you. I didn't like it, and I'm sorry. And you probably hate me now and I deserve it and I know we weren't official. I thought you were gone forever and so I didn't think and I ended up hurting both of us because— it doesn't even matter. I'm sorry."

Ethan stays quiet for a minute before slowly pulling me into a hug. "I... I don't hate you. I'm hurt but... I know you didn't do it to hurt me and I can't imagine the pain you were in, so it's okay, I forgive you. I'm not going to let something like that ruin us."

"I'm not a cheater. I promise. I won't cheat on you. You're my boyfriend now. It's only you."

He looks into my eyes for a long, tense, minute before nodding. "Okay. I trust you."

I cry. "Thank you. I'm so sorry."

He wipes my tears and holds me close. "It's okay, Charlie. It's all okay now."

"I just want to have you and get married and have a kid. I don't want anything else." I bury my face in his shoulder. "I'll be as good as I can as a boyfriend, but I know for sure I'll be faithful."

"I want that too, baby." He kisses me. "You're doing amazing so far."

I try to calm myself down and nod. "Thank you."

"You're welcome, Charlie."

"I love you," I mumble tiredly in his neck.

"I love you too." He whispers and lays us both down. "Sleep, Charlie."

"No. It's not good for me to sleep all the time." I try and stay awake. "Xander said sleeping is bad for depression."

Ethan nods and sits us back up. "Okay. We can watch a movie or something in my phone if you want." He offers. "And I'm going to need some food..."

"You can get food, Ethan. Order it and then just act like it's for me and then eat it." I giggle. "Or I could have Ma send pizza or something."

"I don't want to inconvenience your family. I'll order something." He leans over to press the nurse calling button.

A nurse comes an opens the door. "Do you need anything, Mr. King?" He plays with his clipboard.

"Some food?" Ethan asks.

"You're feeling well enough to eat?" He asks.

I look to Ethan and the nurse smiles.

"I understand." He hands Ethan the menu. "Just choose whatever you like, sir."

Ethan smiles and picks something, thanking the nurse as he leaves. "They're nice here."

"The nurse is genuinely nice, but some of these people are only nice because they want my parents' money."

"Dicks." Ethan huffs. "At least they ain't like some of Ryder's doctors."

"Ryder's doctors?"

"Yeah. It took awhile for us to find a doctor that actually understood what being transgender meant. He went through tons who were just disrespectful and uneducated. It sucks too that when we finally found one, a couple years later we have to move to Texas of all places and start all over." He sighs.

"You moved here before your family did though." I remember. "Why did you choose St. Sinclair in the first place? I've always wondered."

"It has good programs. I never expected my family to move out here, but a good job offer plus being near me was enough for my mom." He chuckles.

"Plus cowboys." I giggle. "You like my accent, right? It's not like too weird is it?"

"Your accent is hot." He breathes.

"Thanks. It's not that heavy though. Should I use more southern slang? Start saying y'all?" I laugh.

"No," he laughs and pats my back. "I like you just the way you are."

"I meant for role playing." I wiggle my fingers.

"Oooh~" He smirks. "Then yes, please do. You know, I've always had this fantasy of being fucked hard by a cowboy."

"Babe, I thought I did that." I poke him.

"Real hard." He smirks and blushes. "Doggy style."