I wake and twirl one of Charlie's curls around my finger, debating how he'll react when I ask him a question that's been eating away at me since we got home.

I need Charlie to be safe.

And for that to happen, I need to know what he used when he tried to take his life and make sure he can't get to it again while he recovers. I won't take any chances. I just hope he understands. It's not babying, it's smart. The only reason he'd refuse is if he's planning to do it again, and then we have a much bigger problem.

I rest my head against his chest, listening to his heartbeat until he wakes up.

"Mornin', Ethan," Charlie mumbles tiredly as he plays with my hair. "Waiting on me again?" He yawns.

"Yeah." I chuckle deeply, the sound vibrating Charlie's chest. "I don't mind though, you're beautiful when you sleep. Your heart sped up when you woke up, it was really cute."

"Creep." He giggles.

I smile and move up to kiss him. "Would you like some breakfast? I can make something easy to digest like toast."

"Toast, coffee, and orange juice?" He lights up.

"Sure, will you come with me?" I ask. I don't want to leave him alone.

"Was plannin' on it."

"Wonderful." I slide out of bed and go into Charlie's closet and throw on one of his shirts. "Mind?"

"I like when you wear my clothes." He grins.

I beam. "I like it too and they're really nice clothes." I wiggle my shoulders and head to the door, not bothering with pants since I still have my briefs on. "You coming or do you need some help?"

"Can I get changed?" Charlie asks.

I frown. "Alone?" I remember how he kept hiding his arm at the hospital and realization dawns on me. "Yeah, of course, baby." I reluctantly close the door and head to the kitchen to pull out the bread.

Some time passes and Charlie wraps his arms around me, wearing deodorant and freshly brushed teeth. He's wearing a baggy, pastel purple hoodie, his slippers, and his black spandex shorts.

I return his hug and squeeze him tightly before releasing him to put the toast in the toaster.

Charlie hops up on the counter and starts making the coffee. "How are you?"

"Happy to be with you." I reply and grab a glass to pour his orange juice in while I wait for the toaster to pop.

"Cute." He sips some of the juice after thanking me.

The toaster pops and I put his on a plate and hand it to him before putting two more pieces in for myself. I decide to wait until after he finishes eating to talk to him so I don't spoil his appetite.

Charlie hops off the counter, swaying a bit before going to rinse his plate and then put it in the dishwasher before he pours us each some coffee. "You're awfully quiet, babe."

I swallow my nerves. "Yeah, I actually want to talk to you about something." I admit while I butter my toast.

He giggles. "That doesn't make much sense. Why would you be quiet if you have something to say?" He clasps his purple mug in his hands and takes a sip.

"I wanted you to eat first." I lean over and kiss his temple. "Let's go to the living room." I grab my plate and eat quickly, setting it on the coffee table when I finish. I sit down on the couch and pat the seat next to me.

The blond looks at me skeptically, eyes flickering to my lap as he bites his lip before doing as I say.

I take his hands in mine and make eye contact. "Charlie, I know this is hard for you to talk about, but I need to know what you used."

"I— Uh, meds... and a razor blade..."

"Where are they?"

"The bathroom..."

I squeeze his hands and give him a reassuring look. "Thank you. Charlie, I think it'd be best if I take those things, including your new meds, and hide them from you. Just to keep you safe while you recover. I know you said you wouldn't try this again, but I don't want to take chances when it comes to your life."

"What do I do if I need meds and you aren't here to give them to me?"

"Why wouldn't I be here?" I ask, confused since I plan to stay by his side until I'm confident he can handle being left alone.

"A job, school, your family, your friends need you, traffic, the list goes on."

A job.

The word hits me hard in the chest. I've never had a job before and I really don't want to get one. I know I have to though, I've basically been leeching off of Charlie's wealth and that's not right.

I sigh. "If that happens, I'll bring them out and trust you to use them on your own."

"You... you could keep the big bottles hidden and refill a small container so that there's only enough for me to take for a proper dosage..." He hugs his legs and blushes.

I nod. "That's actually smarter, I can get you one of those weekly boxes to put everything in."

"Okay..."

"Thank you for understanding, Charlie." I scoot closer and place my hands on his arms. "I love you so much."

"I'm sorry. I love you too."

I press a kiss to his forehead and get up to go to the bathroom. I take his old pills and his razor before heading to the kitchen to grab his new pills. I take them all to my room and close the door while I hide them. I notice all my shit from home has just been dumped on my bed and roll my eyes. Xander and Ryder could've at least tried to put it away.

I leave and sit back down, pulling my boyfriend into my lap.

He hides his face in my neck.

"You don't need to hide from me, baby." I kiss his head and rub his back soothingly.

"I—"

"What is it?" I ask soothingly.

"You shouldn't have go suicide proof your house because of your boyfriend..." He stutters. "It sounds stressful. College is for you to find yourself, not to run some nineteen year-old's one person mental hospital."

"First of all, it's your house. The semester is over. We'll take some time to recover and then get back on our feet and have fun together. I don't mind helping you, Charlie. Being with you makes me immensely happy." I pet him.

He nods, but he doesn't seem too believing.

"Don't blame yourself. I'm serious. I'm happy doing this. I don't want anything else." I tell him sternly.

"Okay..." He plays with the hem of his hoodie. "I... I'll take care of you. You don't need to get a job. I like having you around."

"I'll get one later." I decide. "It's not fair for me to just live off your hard earned money. Once you're stable, I'll get one."

"What if I'm never stable?"

"You will be." I promise him. "It doesn't mean you'll be fully healed or anything, but you'll be better and know what to do if it starts getting bad again."

"Okay..."

"You're doing amazing already." I hold him close. "I will stay by your side until you feel safe being alone for a little bit."

He closes his eyes. "Thank you, Ethan."

"You're welcome, Charlie." I nuzzle him. "You're worth it."

"Still quitting smoking?" He grins.

I grumble. "Yeah."

"Mr. Grumps, don't be so sad."

"Ew," I chuckle. "Don't call me that."

"Mr. Grumpybutt?"

I swat his ass lightly. "No."

"Mr. Grumpypoo?"

"You better stop or Mr. Grumpypoo will poo all over you."

"Mr. Dechart, one of my hard limits is feces, so I'm afraid we have some sexual differences that I, no matter how slutty I am, cannot get behind."

I chuckle and rest my hands on his wait, wanting to go further down but not wanting to push him. "I'm not into shit, promise. I'd never poo on you. That's gross to even say." I cringe.

"I can do some weird stuff, but that's a line I don't want to cross." He shivers.

I smirk. "What kind of weird stuff can you do?"

"Remember when you were a teenager and highly hormonal?" Charlie asks innocently.

"'Course."

"Remember when you were like 'I wonder what a blowjob would feel like?'" He hums.

"Yeah." I nod, wondering where this is going.

"So curious teenage you tried to blow himself, but failed." Charlie nods as well.

I blink, blushing. "Didn't know that was common, but okay."

"I didn't."

"Didn't what?"

"Didn't fail."

My eyes widen as I process what he's saying. "You can blow yourself?!"

"Yes. It's fun."

My body overheats and I stare at him in awe. "Oh my god, Charlie, that's so fucking hot you have to show me!"

"What? When? I haven't shaved in a while." He blushes.

I caress his hips soothingly. "I didn't mean now, I meant whenever you feel ready. And I can shave you if you want." I offer.

"Will you be super careful? My skin breaks eas—" He clamps his mouth shut.

I kiss his cheek. "Of course I'll be careful, baby. I'd die if I ever hurt you there."

"Thank you." He plays with my hair. "I need a haircut too. I'll have to get that fixed sometime."

"I can make you an appointment." I offer and run my fingers through his hair. "I'll miss it though."

"I'm not your brother. I can't have long hair." He giggles.

I chuckle as well. "I don't know how he does it."

"He's adorable. That's why."

I smile. "I'm glad you think so."

"Can't believe he's kinda seen me naked because of you."

I frown. "What do you mean?"

"Your drawings."

"It's just your back."

"I have a nice back." He sticks his tongue out.

"Baby, I know." I moan, rubbing his back. "That's why I drew it. You're so sexy and strong. It's beautiful."

Charlie gasps. "What if Ryder is into backs?!"

I chuckle. "I doubt he's getting off to the thought of your back. He's got his own King to fantasize about."

He smirks. "Our backs are different. Xander and I have different builds. That's why I'm super flexible and he's not."

"Lucky me." I smirk back.

"I try to make you feel that way." He winks.

"I'll always consider myself lucky to have you, Charlie." I kiss him.

"Flirty to mushy."

"I have many sides."

"Like Scout's dice?"

"Sure." I chuckle then remember that I haven't contacted Scout or O'Malley since I'd left Charlie. They're probably worried.

"I never got to give them their letters."

"Do you want to?" I ask, sure he put some extremely personal things in there if what he wrote to me is any example.

"Mhmm. I wrote them to be sent."

"We can have them over sometime and you can explain what happened and give it to them then, if you want."

"Explain it?"

"You can't just hand them a suicide note and not explain it." I tell him softly. "Just tell them that you tried but you're okay now and working towards getting better."

"Oh."

"They'll understand." I promise him. "Carmen has had her fair share of rough times and Scout... I'll let her tell you her story, but she'll understand and support you."

"That's good." Charlie bites my shoulder.

I smile comfortably. "Why do you do that? I like it a lot, but I'm curious."

"It means a lot of things." He blushes.

"Can you tell me?" I ask.

"It... feels romantic kinda... and it's sexual, but not a forced, fast sexual, or a 'let's do it right now, I need you' sexual... and I... it means I love you?" He blushes further.

I smile and bite his shoulder. "I love it. That's really sweet."

He chuckles and plays with my hair.

"Want to cuddle while I draw?" I ask, feeling inspired.

"Always. What are you going to draw?" Charlie asks.

"You."

"I see." He leaves and returns with my supplies before cuddling into my side.

"Thanks." I smile and take out a pad of paper and my favorite drawing pencil before beginning. I start outlining Charlie's body, the strokes coming easily to me since I've done it so many times before.

"You're so good."

"Thanks, it takes a lot of practice." I chuckle. I've never drawn his bare feet before so I take a look before beginning. "Can I see your feet?"

"Uh..." He looks at his slippers. "For how long?"

"If you could model them for me, that'd be helpful." I smile playfully. "Why? Are you self conscious about your feet?"

"No. It's winter." Charlie scoffs, but starts removing the layers. "They're just feet. They aren't special." Once everything is off, he wiggles his toes. "Xander painted my toes purple."

"They're very pretty." I smile and pat my thighs. "You can put them here, my body heat will keep them warm."

Charlie complies and hugs a pillow.

I smile and kiss one of his big toes before continuing to draw.

"Gross."

"Nothing about you is gross." I smirk.

"Oh yeah? What about my shit?"

"Not gross." I smirk wider, sticking to my word.

"Eating me out after I take a shit?"

I hesitate. "Uh... still not gross. I can do that."

"Liar."

I gasp dramatically. "I am a man of my word, Charlie!"

"Oh, eat my ass, Dechart."

"Don't tempt me, that's all I ever want to do." I chuckle.

"I'll go take a shit and ask you afterwards then."

I lock eyes with him. "Do it."

Charlie grabs my phone and takes a bunch of pictures of his feet before leaving for the restroom with a warm cup of water to act as a natural laxative.

I chuckle and grab the phone, using the pictures to finish drawing his feet. He actually has very nice feet, very fitting for him.

He returns ten minutes later and smirks.

"Have fun?" I question.

"It was a pretty good shit."

I chuckle. "Good for you, babe."

"Wanna eat my ass, partner?" He flutters his eyelashes.

I bite my lip and put my pencil down. I didn't actually think he'd do it, but now here he is, looking at me with that sexy, faux innocent look that I can never refuse, not like my pride would ever let me back down anyways. "Sure."

"Come and get me, cowboy." He motions me over with a finger.

I set my supplies on the coffee table and walk over to him, smirking.

"You second guessing yourself?"

"No," I wrap my arms around his waist. Maybe. "Are you actually ready for this, baby?"

"If it's to prove a point, then hell yes."

I smirk and hike him up into my arms and carry him to my bedroom. "You won't be proving anything."

"If I win, I want a frozen mocha~"

"Done. If I win, I get to watch you blow yourself."

"When I feel better, of course."

"Absolutely." I set him down on the bed and climb over him, fingering the hem of his briefs. "You shouldn't underestimate me, sugar."

"I like to think I know my Superstar."

I smirk and pull his briefs down, giving his cock a few kisses to get him excited (and delay the inevitable). I don't touch his hoodie because I don't know how he'd feel about that.

Charlie's eyes fall closed and he leans his head back. "Don't worry. I wiped well."

"Didn't think that was part of the deal." I hum, but I do feel a little relieved. I move my tongue down to his balls and spread his legs so he's ready for me.

"You're quite slow for yourself. You're usually more rushed." Charlie giggles.

I flush. "Shut up, slut." I spread his cheek and dive in, my tongue tracing around his entrance before slipping inside.

"Eeeew. Don't kiss me." He covers his mouth.

I close my eyes and press deeper since it doesn't matter now that I'm already in. I refuse to taste anything and just focus on the feeling. I round his walls once before pulling out and leaning over Charlie's face. "I'm a man," I pant. "Of my word."

He keeps his mouth covered. "I wouldn't have done it."

"I know." I chuckle. "That's okay. Want me to finish?"

"No. You aren't as into it."

"It wasn't as bad as I thought. No shit chunk leftovers got stuck to my tongue." I wiggle the muscle out of my mouth.

"Or course not. I'd never kiss you again."

"You're not even hard, baby." I take his soft cock in my hand and rub my thumb over the skin sensually. "Let me make you feel good. It's been so long."

"I have an erectile dysfunction." He scoffs.

"I don't think so. You'd gotten plenty hard for me before." I move my head back between his legs, waiting for the okay.

"What about you?"

"I'm okay or I could jerk off for you. I don't care." I shrug. Giving Charlie pleasure honestly gives me more pleasure than anything else.

"I-I'll blow you."

"Are you sure?" I ask, hoping I'm not accidentally pushing him to do things he doesn't want to. I sit up and rub his thigh. "We don't have to do anything unless you want to."

"I want to..." He bites his lip.

This sight is so arousing I decide to believe him. "Okay. May I eat your dirty asshole now?"

His eyes darken. "Be my guest."

I smirk and move back between his legs, no longer scared of what I might find inside. I plunge my tongue back in and swirls it around while I mouth the area around the hole, pressing my face against him and inhaling a scent that's so purely him.

"Ethan," he moans, pulling my hair.

I feel myself growing hard and begin tracing letters inside him with my tongue. I spell out his name first, rubbing my face against his ass while gripping his thighs.

Charlie moans before moving to touch himself. I decide to let him since it's been a while. I would've preferred him to come from just my tongue, but if he wants to touch himself then so be it.

I pull away for a second. "Stroke that dick for me, fucking whore." I growl seductively before returning to my task, drilling my tongue in and out of his hole quickly like a jackhammer.

Charlie stutters out a moan before stroking himself in time with me. "Fuck— Ethan— Please—"

"Please what, Charlie?" I coax, getting an idea.