《Sh*t My Parents Say》149 》Mom and Dad
Advertisement
I had received a letter in the mail from some government branch and I was having difficulties opening the damn thing.
"What are you doing to that envelope?" Mom asked of my horrible letter opening skills.
"I never get mail! I don't know how to open these things without ripping them."
"You know you're an adult soon, right? You're gonna be getting more of those."
Later, I was going to make soup in attempt to soothe my sore throat. I had a blonde moment and temporarily forgot how to use a can opener. Don't mock me.
"Are you fucking serious right now?" Dad asked, laughing. "You know you're going to be an adult soon, right?"
"Yes, I do. I'm reminded every couple hours." I opened the can, and put the chicken noodle contents in a pot. Then I turned to Dad and said, "K, what now?"
He shook his head and said, "What do the instructions say?"
"Heat and serve. What is heat? What temperature is that?"
"Jesus," Dad muttered, shaking his head as he walked away.
Keep in mind that I turn 18 in four weeks and actually have no idea how to fend for myself. I would die without my parents.
Advertisement
- In Serial43 Chapters
The Space Spoon
Humans, robots, aliens, and energy life forms, all tend to like Tejeda for his easy-going personality, not knowing what lies beneath his ever-changing face. He is a Nubilae, a shapeshifting race known for their insanity. But Tejeda appears carefree and often amused even in the most perilous situations. His one-of-a-kind weapon of choice is a spoon, an old utensil that no one remembers anymore ever since eating has become obsolete. You will laugh at him. You will be scared by him. You will enjoy every step of his journey if you are a bit as crazy as he is. Join me on Discord: https://discord.gg/QNZtVmVWc5 My website: https://helenbold.com
8 200 - In Serial14 Chapters
Transposed
Apparently, even heaven had the odd clerical error. Which was not something Nathaniel Miller would have expected, and yet, that seemed to be exactly what had happened to him. The collector of souls seemed to have been given the wrong address, and instead of taking one Nathaniel Miller of the earth apparently right next door, he took Nate. As recompense for this small bit of error Nate was placed in the body of the Nathaniel Miller that had supposed to have been taken in the first place, and seeing as he now had an opportunity to try to live his life a different way he planned on taking advantage of this chance. No one, however, had specified how different this world would be from his, sure they had said the tech would be a little older, and there were other small anomalies. But no one had seen fit to let him know that older meant medieval, and those small anomalies mentioned? They probably referred to all the fantasy elements and magic that seemed to be part of this world. Still, he was determined to do better this time around, after all, chances like this were next to unheard of...
8 145 - In Serial11 Chapters
Scattered Fragments
The people of the Riana federation have been trapped under a barrier that limits their magical abilities and threatens their existence unless they abide by imposed faith known as "harmony". But scriptures speak of a way to bring down the barrier when a mage who can master seven spirit gems appears. Heron has set a goal to be that mage. So, with his adventuring partners May and Icarus, they set off to explore the lands of the Riana federation. In their journey, they'll discover that the state of the union is all but harmonious with political conflicts between its member states, rebellious cults, and prophets inciting chaos. Will they manage to gather spirit gems? Why has no one so far managed to collect them? And how reliable are the scriptures that speak of salvation?Join in on the epic journey as our protagonists explore the mysteries of Riana federation and witness an adventuring party's heroic efforts to push themselves beyond their limits.
8 183 - In Serial11 Chapters
The Economics of Emotion
Walking an empty life, he was granted a new start within a story of his own making. Instead of being able to walk the life of a mc he was designated the role of a side villain, an intentional loose end as there was no real “role” outside of being the villain. Unneeded and unwanted in this story but granted a new lease on life he decided to take up the role of the lead villain and to rest control of his story back into his own hands! --------- Participant in the Royal Road Writathon challenge November 2021!
8 95 - In Serial8 Chapters
Tale of Kaerus - Dropped
Immortality ? War?If the world were just a game for the gods?And one man is reincanated for the fun of the folly?What would be of that man ?*----------------------------------------------------------*Hello hello, if u are reading my story, know that english is not my native idiom... this is my first fiction...My english is very very very poor...Then be patient and kind to me...This story is about reincarnation and war.War not only between kingdoms, not only between mens, not only between swords... but also between hearts, souls and ideologies.WARNING: GORE, SEX, RAPE AND ALL IRRATIONAL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE AND LIKELY TO HAPPEN... BECAUSE I'M THE AUTHOR AND GOD OF THIS STORY AND WANT WHAT GONE HAPPEN... or not - teheee...-Sorry, but i ended it :/
8 122 - In Serial12 Chapters
To Live Again
A demon lord addresses a crowd in his final moments. A crowd consisting of family, friends, enemies and curious bystanders. However he is killed moments before he can name a successor, leaving those he once thought as loyal, grasping at the fragments of his dying kingdom.Apparently reborn the demon lord is raised by a loving but powerless couple in a fractured world created by those he once considered his retinue. Where he learns the horrors that befalls those without power.Starts off slow though will speed up in the future. Contains mature themes. Tags, especially the mature tag are there for a reason.10,000 - 25,000 word chapters.
8 199
Prev Chap
Next Chap
Chap List
Boy
Girl
