not that anyone asked but:

• H a y d n •

If there was one thing I knew how to deal with in life, it was a hangover. The dry throat, the headaches, nausea- I could deal with it all, but the one thing I couldn't handle?

That annoying fucking beeping.

"Good to see you're awake Miss Moreno." A soft, feminine voice spoke as I blinked against the bright light, beeping becoming louder as my eyes adjusted.

"Where am I?" I asked hoarsely as I rubbed my eyes, trying to sit up.

"You're at St. John's Hospital, you were admitted late last night. Let me go get your doctor." She smiled kindly before she hurried off as I looked around me.

I couldn't see much due to the curtain around the bed, but I knew that I was in the hospital- it was obvious from the I.V. in my arm and the beeping that was slowly going to drive me insane. I soon turned my attention to the doctor that walked towards me as I took the blood pressure monitor off my finger, the beeping stopping immediately.

Finally.

"Good morning, Haydn." The doctor greeted before he drew back the curtain a little to reveal three familiar faces who followed him in: Luis, Jamal and Bones.

Fuck.

"How long was I out for?" I asked softly as my father eyed me carefully.

"About ten hours." The doctor clarified. "How are you feeling?"

"A little fragile but it's no big deal, I'm okay." I shrugged, still unsure as to how I ended up in a hospital bed but the reaction from my friends told me that was the wrong thing to say.

"No big deal?! I thought you were dying." Jamal whisper-yelled at me as I frowned.

"Ah, yes, you should be very lucky your friends got you here when they did. We gave you something to flush your system of the drug and-" He started but I shook my head in a panic as I turned to Luis.

"I didn't take any drugs, I swear- I just drank, that's it," I promised, the last thing I needed was for him to bring up rehab- again.

"Your body was having a bad reaction to the amount of Rohypnol in your system." The doctor further explained as it clicked.

"Rohypnol? Like I was roofied?" I asked in disbelief, and he nodded.

"Yes, but you will be okay now. We will monitor you for the rest of the day, but you should be able to go home later this evening." He promised before checking his watch. "I'll be back to check in on you a little later, if you need anything just ask your nurse, Lucy, to assist you." He smiled politely before he grabbed a clipboard and exited the room and as soon as he was gone Jamal came up and hugged me.

"I'm so happy you're okay." He sighed in relief, and I hugged him back, confused. "You fucking scared me."

"What the hell happened?" I asked, making eye contact with Bones and Luis.

My father's expression turned grim while Bones gaze dropped. "I'll let you guys have some space," Luis said before he exited, and I feared the worst as Jamal pulled away.

Bones and Jamal quietly explained the events of the night: where and how I was found, the cold shower, the fight- everything, and although I was left feeling a lot more vulnerable and exposed than before, I was grateful that they managed to find me before it was too late.

"Thanks for finding me, guys," I said, a little awkwardly, but they just looked at each other sheepishly, like I was missing something. "What?"

"We actually didn't find you." Bones admitted regretfully and I frowned. "I actually thought you were with Ray."

"And I hesitated to even go inside the house," Jamal said honestly and before I could ask my question, he pulled back the rest of the curtain and my heart stopped beating. "She's really worried about you."

Cristina was fast asleep in a plush chair next to my bed, and it took a few seconds before the sight hit me like a train. I knew it had only been a few days since I'd seen her, but I forgot how beautiful she was, how much I always wanted to be around her, how much she drew me in and at that moment all I wanted to do was pull her close. My heart fluttered with hope when I saw she was wearing one of my hoodies, a few curls from her bun falling onto her forehead as her soft lips sat in a small pout and as I took in the soft curves of her side, I was reminded what it felt like to have her fit perfectly in my arms and what I'd do to feel her again.

I missed her.

"She's the one who found you," Bones stated, pulling me out of my thoughts, "she got a little roughed up in the process, but she got you, dragged you into the shower and even stuck her fingers down your throat." Bones explained and I felt my heart swell. "She actually had a panic attack last night, it got so bad one of the nurses had to help."

"I fucked up," I murmured sadly, unable to take my eyes off Cristina as I regretted every decision, I made that took me away from her. God I was such an idiot.

It wasn't supposed to be like this, I didn't want to hurt her- I just wanted to disappear. I didn't think she would come after me. Besides, she's so beautiful and funny and good it wouldn't have taken her long to find someone else who would love her almost as much as me. But as for me? I'd probably spend the rest of my life alone because I knew no one would ever compare to her- I would never love anyone more, that much I knew.

"You did, pretty bad too." Jamal agreed and I sighed, angry at myself for the pain I caused her.

"She must hate me."

I hated me too. Especially after hearing about everything, she had to go through, but I wouldn't blame her if she did- not many people wanted to stay around once they'd seen the extent of my self-destruction.

"You're so dramatic," Jamal muttered before a loud thud echoed throughout the room and I shot my attention to Jamal who smirked down at the thick file he'd dropped from my table. "Oops." He smirked nonchalantly as he put it back and I heard Cristina yawn, rubbing her eyes as she woke up.

Shit.

"Well, I'm going to go ice my hand." Bones said awkwardly after a few long seconds, and I glared daggers at both.

"Yeah, and I've got to go get food or something." Jamal agreed shooting a now awake Cristina an apologetic smile before they both disappeared out the room.

As soon as the door closed, I felt the tension grow tenfold. Cristina hadn't said anything but when I built the courage to look at her my eyes collided with her deep brown, and I felt like I couldn't breathe.

"Hi," I murmured after a few long seconds, not knowing what else to say.

"Hi." She replied a little coldly, her eyes filled with relief and sadness, and I cleared my throat.

"I just wanna say thanks, for coming to find me and for helping me, you didn't have to," I said softly, dropping my gaze as I felt hers burn into my skin. "And I'm sorry-"

"Fuck you, Haydn." She scoffed coldly as she got up to pace the floor in front of the bed and I was a little taken back.

"Cristina-" I tried again but she cut me off again.

"No!" She glared at me, but she didn't look angry, she just looked hurt- which was so much worse. "You can't just say 'thanks' and 'I'm sorry' and expect everything to be okay. Do you have any idea how worried I was about you?! I even called Sara because I thought you ran off with her and actually, I would have preferred to find you safe with her than the way I found you." She said angrily with tears in her eyes as guilt overcame my body.

"Haydn, I had no idea where you were or if you were okay! I was losing my mind, I felt like I was dying, and I couldn't even reach you." She said before she sniffed and something in me broke when I realized she was crying, and I was the reason why. "And I know you were hurting but I thought I was your safe space, I thought you were going to come to me, but you didn't. You told me you loved me and just you left me like I was nothing and you didn't even care." She cried, and I winced at her words as she sat down on the bottom of the bed.

I slowly edged towards her and gently pried her hands away from her face before I wrapped my arms around her, relief washing over me when I felt her body relax into mine as she hugged me back.

"I'm sorry Cristina, I'm so sorry. I never wanted you to feel like that." I whispered as I felt a lump grow in my throat. "When Luis told me she died I panicked," I admitted as she pulled back, her face inches from mine as I gathered the strength to get the words out. "I just felt really alone and unwanted, and I guess I got a little too into my head about it. Cause she didn't want me, Cristina, I know she didn't and neither did Luis or Laura. My old friends only wanted me around if I was drunk, happy or high and I was terrified that pretty soon you'd see me the way everyone else does and then you wouldn't want me either and I wouldn't be able to survive that." I said honestly, more honest than I'd ever been with anyone in my life. "I fucked up, badly, and I'm so sorry, I never meant to hurt you. I didn't think I mattered enough to hurt you."

Cristina took my face gently in her hands, staring deeply into my eyes as my fast-beating heart steadied under her touch.

"Baby, please listen to me very carefully. I will always want you and I will never leave you because you are strong and beautiful and electrifying, and I am so in love with you. Haydn, I plan to spend as long as I can next to you, so, you don't have to worry about me leaving." She assured me genuinely and as much as I wanted to believe her, I couldn't- there was a little voice in my head that stopped me.

"It's okay Cristina, I'm not gonna leave again, I don't need a pity confession to get me to come back home," I whispered removing her hands from my face.

There was no way she loved me, not after everything I put her through- not everything she's heard and seen. It was impossible, it didn't make any sense.

"You really don't believe me?" She asked in disbelief, and I shook my head silently and she rolled her eyes. "Wait here, idiot." She muttered before she sat up and left the room, leaving me stunned and confused as the door closed.

Cristina wasn't gone long before she returned with a black box in her hands, and I frowned as she sat down in front of me and placed the box in my lap.

"Happy Birthday, I guess." She said with a small smile as I stared down in shock. "That has been in my car for days, I was actually going to give it to you on your actual birthday, but you know how that went."

"You remembered?" I frowned; I couldn't believe she even knew.

"Of course, I did." She shrugged, like it was no big deal when in fact the gesture meant a lot to me- more than she'd ever know. "Are you going to open it now?" She asked softly and I nodded.

The first thing I saw was a hoodie, a Brent Faiyaz hoodie and I smiled, I had been obsessed with him for a few months, but I didn't think she noticed.

"Think of it as a replacement for all the ones I've stolen and plan to steal." She joked and my heart jumped at "planned" as I took it out, I was surprised to see that there was still more in the box. "The socks are just cause I thought the cars looked cool and you like cars so..." She shrugged embarrassedly while I was still looking in amazement.

No one had ever put in this much effort for me- ever.

"Wow," I exclaimed as I lifted the polaroid pictures of her posing in lingerie and she blushed deeply- which I loved, I hoped she never stopped.

"Oh yeah, that's for your wallet." She grinned, biting on her lower lip and I found myself distracted by the action. It had been too long since I'd seen her up close. "The other two pictures are for your room." She explained as I looked down at the two framed pictures of us and I felt like crying- I looked so happy, in both of them. "I remember the first time I was there you said you didn't have anything personal because you didn't think you'd be here this long, but these are a reminder that you have something, someone, holding you here. Someone who wants you here." She explained and I couldn't bring myself to look at her because if I did, I really would cry.

"You shouldn't have," I whispered around the lump in my throat, but she ignored me and reached in and took out a little jewelry box all the while I was fighting tears.

"This is the last part." I could hear the nervousness in her voice as she handed it over to me and my breath hitched when I saw the gold chain. "That's the date we had our 'first' date, remember? At the greenhouse?" She spoke lowly and I nodded, not trusting my voice to tell her that that memory was engraved into my brain- I replayed it often. "Turn it over."

That's where I lost the battle.

Staring down at the italic font I read and reread the words "I love you- Cristina" while tears escaped my eyes and rolled down my cheeks. The little voice in my head telling me that she was lying quieted down because this little chain meant she loved me before all of this- she really did love me, even after all the shit I put her through.

"Fuck." I murmured as I wiped away my tears with my hand and she gently lifted my chin to meet her eyes.

"Do you believe me now?" She asked softly, her eyes full of love as I nodded. "Because I do, I love you more than you can imagine Haydn."

"I'm sorry," I whispered as more tears came, what I was apologizing for I didn't know, but I didn't know what else to say.

Cristina carefully moved closer to me and wrapped her arms around me tightly as she directed my head to her shoulder and I couldn't help the sobs that took over my body, the consequences of the emotional past few days choosing to manifest at that moment. After my tears subsided, we were quiet for a few minutes before Cristina pulled back and looked at me, kissing my wet cheeks as she caressed my face.

"Baby, I don't care if you come with baggage- as long as you come to me." She smiled and for the first time in a really, really long time I felt like everything would be okay.