"Integrity is telling myself the truth. And honesty is telling the truth to other people." -Spencer Johnson

I felt my breath hitch, as my heartbeat picked up. I felt the color drain from my face in an instant. This can't be happening, right? It has to be a dream. Someone please tell me this is a dream. Our eyes are still connected, both of us just stared at the other. My father and my brothers looking kept looking at each other, expecting the other to know what was wrong. I didn't have time to acknowledge them. All I could do was stare into the dark green eyes of the man who almost killed me more than once, who let me his friends borrow me in exchange for money, and who is supposed to be dead, John, my past foster father.

Fear. It was something I had grown familiar with in my years in foster care. I thought I knew what true fear was, truth is, I had no idea what it was until I moved in with John and Larissa. Nothing could have prepared me for what I would experience in that house.

"G-get out," I cleared my throat hoping that would make me louder, "g-ge-get o-out," I stuttered out. I didn't say it loud but it was loud enough everyone in the room all heard my statement. Anger developed on John's face as he knew that I was talking to him. On the other hand, the heads of my family members all snapped towards me with surprise written all over their faces. "Why, Bella?" Elijah asked with pure confusement laced in his voice.

I racked through my brain trying to find how to answer that question. The starvation, the constant abuse, the degrading words, the constant coldness that engulfed me every time I went into that house. Which reason would they like to hear?

"Amore Mio, please answer Elijah's question." dad said in a demanding tone. "P-please-please just make h-him g-go away" I pleaded with my father. Tears started to develop in my eyes at this point. My father looked at me with a look that was asking me 'why.' "H-he's done b-b-bad-" before I could finish my sentence John took 2 long strides towards me, instantly making me shut up, before swinging his arm back ready to hit me. Out of habit I quickly brought my arms up to cover my face and squeezed my eyes shut all in record timing. (Amore Mio-my love)

I waited and waited for the blow to come but it never did. I opened my eyes and very hesitantly brought my arms away from my face. Only to see all of my family members (even Mateo) looking livid. That's really the only way I can describe the look of anger on their faces. Theodore stood in front of me holding onto the hand that was supposed to hit me in the face. "What the actual fuck do you think you're doing?" Theodore said in a scarily calm voice. It scared me how calm he sounded because in the 2 weeks I've been living with my family, Theo seemed to be the hot-headed brother. If looks could kill John would not only be 6 feet under but also already in his cell in the underworld.

"That bitch don't listen to anything she tells you! She's nothing more than a dirty whore!" John yelled at the top of his lungs. At John's words, flashback after flashback kept going through my head. Memories that I hoped and prayed would leave me be, came back in an instant.

I felt like all the oxygen left my lungs and all my airways closed up. I feel my unshed tears leak from my eyes like a dam breaking. I backed up until I felt my back press up against something. I think it was a wall but I didn't give it much thought. I slid down it safely landing on the floor. Tears are still dripping from my eyes. I brought my knees up to my chest and placed my head on my knees. I couldn't breathe. It was all the bad memories I ever had came out of nowhere, each one hitting me like a bus.

Everything hurts. Pain is the only thing I've ever known yet, right now in this very moment it feels like a stranger that I'm meeting for the first time.