Except for your eyes, no blade can control me, no sharpened knife.

—

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"Butterflies and roses / Nightingales in proses," she sings to herself as she chases butterflies around the rose bushes with a stick. "All the world fades away / Love is only what must stay." She then starts skipping in his direction. "She is who he chooses / He is who she chooses."

She grins and waves the stick at him. "Do you remember the next part I taught you?"

"I do."

"Sing to me then," she demands, reminding him of his teacher who comes to teach him lessons.

"Caliph to his queen proposes / The army marches on horses," he sings for her and she beams, nodding her head in approval. "All the world may betray / Heart is what you shall obey," she joins in with him as they finish together, "She is who he chooses / He is who she chooses."

She claps happily for him. "You're a good boy, Joojoo."

And a coy smile blossoms on his face.

The heart is a wild little thing, caged within bones and flesh, treacherous and rebellious. Too often even if mad or breaking, it stays strong to live through the miseries inflicted upon it. But so is the heart a fragile little thing, emotionally chaotic and too often frantic than serene, sometimes feeling too deeply that it does crack, the pain close to death if not death in itself.

She says still as he drapes his cloak over her body, his usually nimble fingers having a quiver in them as he hurries to pull the hood over her head and leads her to the very small balcony of his room outside. The brisk night air bites her face and her nose instantly numbs from the cold. She puts her arm around herself and he holds her shoulders to turn her to himself and meet her eyes.

"Stay here. I'll see what Arwa needs."

"You, obviously," she cannot hold herself from saying, any previous warmth between them evaporating in the chill of the night.

"I'll try to make it quick--"

"Then go already." She steps away from him. "It's freezing out here."

"You could've stayed in the room--"

"And have your lover made a fuss about finding me with you at midnight?" She scoffs. "No, thank you. You might have an excuse to give her, but I wouldn't have any explanation for Eskander if he finds out about it."

Adam grimaces at her reply but doesn't say anything more and leaves to receive the queen. Noura goes to stand by the wall so as not to be spotted by any guard on duty. She hears Arwa's voice as she enters the room.

"You took a while answering the door," she points out. "Were you asleep?"

"No, I was changing."

"I'm sorry for disturbing you at this hour."

"Don't mention it," Adam dismisses her worries before asking with concern, "I hope everything is alright though?"

Noura shifts closer to the door to listen more clearly. If she's spotted, she really has no explanation to give anyone, let alone Eskander. He has already been suspicious of her activities and she's not coming slow with her ventures full of risks.

"Everything is fine. I had a very good news, and I wanted to tell you myself before you could find from someone else. That's why I came to you now."

Noura peeks through the gap in the balcony doors. Arwa has a wide grin across her lips, standing before Adam, thankfully facing away from her and providing her with an opportunity to spy on them.

"Must be something special," Adam says and Arwa nods with a smile.

"Can you take me to Khalifa?"

"No," he declines right away.

"Please--"

"Arwa, I said no," he refuses her more sternly, frowning, and Noura cannot make out any look she gives him. "We've already talked about it. You know it's not safe our there at the moment. I can't come with you myself, and I'm not taking any risks with your life, neither his," he reasons. "Wait until things settle."

"And when will it be?"

"Soon."

"Not soon enough for me to wait around the corner."

"What is so urgent? Tell me, I'll send a messenger to him."

After a moment of resilience, Arwa finally gives in against him and sighs, stepping closer and placing her hands over his arms. "Alright, then ask him to come here."

Adam tilts his head, and Noura perks up, intrigued. His Excellence making an appearance at the palace? She feels her gut twist in anticipation. But any excitement she gets is soon crumbled by Arwa's next statement as she speaks with pride and exhilaration.

"I'm expecting. I'll give a heir to this throne."

She feels her world still, frozen, suspended in time as if no more meaningful. She feels her world shake and shatter, not knowing what sense to make out of it. Adam has a look of shock written over features, but she cannot tell what must be going on in his head.

"You're..." he trails off, unable to complete his thoughts, and Arwa simply nods before embracing him. He naturally puts his arms around her as if some instinctive response. Adam mumbles something into her hair that Noura cannot catch, kissing the side of Arwa's head. She pulls away from the door, unable to take it anymore.

Noura presses against the wall and closes her eyes. Her rationality melts into a puddle of intangible thoughts, her mind a hive of illicit possibilities. Noura fists her dress, Adam's cloak suddenly a weight over her shoulders she wants to rid off. She bites down her lip, trying to lull her heart, telling herself none of it should concern her-- that Adam and her weren't anything to begin with but only a namely couple.

Minutes add to one another and she doesn't realize for how long until she hears him call her name.

"Noura?"

She opens her eyes and looks at him.

"She left. Come inside now."

"I should be leaving too," she states calming, a turmoil of emotions creating wreckage within her which she's afraid she cannot chain much longer.

Noura tries to walk past him but he holds her arm. "Listen--"

"I already did." She brushes away his hand. "You don't owe me any explanation, so please don't bother."

"Then why do you look upset about it?"

"I'm not."

"Who are you lying to?"

She rolls her eyes and tries to walk away again, but he steps in her way. Adam holds both of her elbows, stilling her attempts of escaping him.

"You aren't assuming things again, are you?"

She glowers at him. "I believe in what I see."

"You don't know the truth, azizi."

"That's because you've been lying to me."

"What lie have I told you?"

"That you'll stay away from her for as long as we remain married. But here we are."

She struggles to get away from him but he stubbornly keeps her in place, his orbs searching hers frantically with a hue of disbelief. He let's out a short, incredulous laugh.

"What are you implying?"

Noura grits her teeth, hissing from between them, reminding him, "She's pregnant, Adam. I heard it."

His look turns into a glare. "And you're crazy to assume that it's mine."

"And you're crazy to assume I'll believe you," she spits back.

"You think I could fall so low?"

"Yes, and even lower than this if need be."

"She's not my wife," he retorts heatedly. "Don't be insensible."

She pushes him hard across his chest and he lets go of her. "So I'm foolish now?" she huffs. "You told me she's not married to Al Shafay either. But now suddenly you're implying it's his child. Who is she to him then, his consort? And if so, why did the caliph want to marry me when he already had her? Did my refusal open new doors for him?"

"Noura, that's enough."

"No, it's not." She points a finger at him. "You, Adam, go around the palace fooling everyone. The caliph by claiming to honor him but being involved with his lover behind his back. The queen by claiming to love her but playing me along side her. And me by assuring me every time that you care for me but all you only do is keep things from me and lie to me."

"What truth do you want to know?" Adam works his jaw, as if close to snapping. "I keep things from you so they won't become a dagger at your throat."

"The only dagger at my throat has been yours!"

"The truth will kill you, Noura," he tries to explain, now appearing desperate. "Sometimes ignorance is bliss. You don't realize that now, but whoever learns the truth in this palace doesn't live to see the next day sun."

"Well if you think I can keep up with your lies, then you're mistaken."

"I haven't lied to you. Arwa and I..."

He doesn't finish, swallowing thickly, and she can only stare at him in disappointment. He steals away his gaze from her.

"It doesn't matter," she mutters in defeat. "You do as you please-- you're free to. I don't love you to fight for you anyway."

With that, she takes off his cloak and places it on the bed before marching out of his room. He doesn't attempt to stop her, and she doesn't bother giving him another glance. Noura makes her way to her chamber, Hafez following closely behind her, no questions asked as he escorts her.

She enters her room and the door closes behind her. A few candles are still flickering, others already out, casting shadows and orange patterns of light across the wall. She keeps standing in front of her bed, knowing well sleep is the last thing to grace her given her heart is drowning every moment of time.

Why can't she be numb to everything? When did Adam start affecting her so much?

She removes her dagger from her waistband and unsheaths it. The blade appears aglow in candlelight. It's handle is an elegant craft work which she admires the most among all the daggers she has ever owned. This is the one Eskander had gotten her when she had gone to the bazar with him, where he got her an anklet and a pendant too that she still carries on herself.

Noura holds the dagger in the light and hums in appreciation. "You're beautiful. But how can you not be? You're a gift from a darling man."

She goes to place it under her pillow but a knock at the door interrupts her. She catches her footing in the carpet and stumbles forward. The dagger slips from her hand and in an attempt to catch it, she cuts herself with it as the sharp edge of it comes in her hand.

"Ah!"

She quickly drops the dagger and falls to her knees, nursing her hand where blood is already oozing out from the long gash formed there. The knock at the door comes again. She doesn't answer it, too occupied by her wound, ironically given to her by what she admired, before she hears Eskander's voice from the other side.

"She might have fallen asleep."

Noura hurries to her feet and instantly rushes to the door. She opens it before he could leave and he turns around at the sound.

"Eskander?"

He smiles apologetically at her. "I'm sorry if I woke you up."

"I wasn't sleeping." She steps aside. "Come in."

Eskander walks into her chamber. Hafez behind him lowers his eyes when they meet hers. Noura silently closes the door.

"I was passing by your chamber earlier," Eskander states as he looks at her. "I noticed Hafez wasn't on guard. When I asked I was told you weren't at your chamber."

Noura purses her lips and nods, her throat feeling dry as she utters, "I couldn't sleep, so I decided to take a walk."

"Everything good?"

She only shrugs in response.

"Azizem, you can talk to me if something disturbs you. I--" He breaks off, knitting his eyebrows in worry as he notices her hand. Eskander moves closer to her and takes her hand in his. "How did you get this?"

"I mistakenly cut myself with my dagger. It fell from my hand and I tried to catch it."

"Be more careful, Nour," he advices.

"It's not deep."

"Still." He gesture for her to sit down. "I'll ask Hafez to get you a bandage and clean water."

Noura goes to sit on the window seat. The sky is not as clear as before, a few clouds lingering and veiling the stars. Eskander leaves the chamber and she stares out of the window absently as she waits for him. He returns a while later with a bowl of water and bandage.

"I'm sorry for troubling you," Noura excuses.

He pulls a chair for himself and sits in front of her. "It's no trouble."

He takes her hands and Noura watches silently as he carefully begins to clean it. The quiet between them is comforting, but the chaos in her head keeps hammering there. She seeks an escape from everything, but she feels trapped and lost. Eskander rescues her from the torture as he strikes a conversation.

"Has Hafez been a good company?"

She smiles at his question. "The best."

He smiles too whilst keeping his gaze down and busy with bandaging. "He never disappoints."

She feels a glitch in her chest but manages to suppress it. "He fears you too much. Do you give him death threats?"

Eskander chuckles softly, rubbing ointment on her palm. "I told you, he exaggerates."

"Does he now?"

"Uh huh. I expect much from him. Maybe he feels pressurized, but I know he has the potential in him. That's why I'm strict with him. He's a capable young man. If he polishes his skills right, he'll achieve great ranks."

"Like you?"

Eskander tips his head. "Who knows, maybe one day he'll even excel me."

"I'm glad you care for him so much."

"Of course. I care for each of my men, azizem. But Hafez is special; he's like a younger brother to me." He glances up at her. "That's why among all others, I chose him as your guard."

Silence once more settles between them. Noura finds herself staring at his face as he finishes the bandaging. His eyes are set down, his lashes forming shadows over his cheekbones and the sharp angles of his nose and jaw knives through the light. She inhales slowly, deeply, finding her heart rate accelerating as her gaze falls to his mouth, his lips pulled in a straight line.

Undoubtedly he's a handsome man, his looks bewitching like a soccer's spell. Women might be attracted to him, as Adam had stated, she believes that. But she cannot doubt the fondness he carries for her in his eyes.

"Done." Eskander releases her hand and looks up at her, smiling. He catches her staring at his mouth and her gaze quickly shies away from him.

"Thank you," she mumbles and retracts her hand.

He doesn't say anything more and she shifts her gaze back to him. The smile is no more kissing his lips, his light brown orbs ablazed like embers in the candlelight. If he has any musings on his mind, he doesn't let her see through them.

What is it she feels towards him? So intense that it consumes her. What was it she shared with Adam? So intricate that it confuses her. She's stuck in a labyrinth with no way out.

Noura edges forward in her seat towards him. "If I ask you for something, will you give it to me, Eskander?"

"I can give you my life if you ask for it, janem," he promises. "Ask away."

She licks her lips, taking her time before presenting her request. "If I ask you to leave all of this for me, will you?" she questions weakly, but with a thread of hope still evident in her voice. "If I ask you to just go home with me and start a new life with all of this behind us, will you?"

Eskander searches her face for something and she patiently awaits him to reply. He nods a moment later. "If that's what you desire, Nour, then I'll even go so far as to abandon this all for you."

"Really?" She feels her heart fill with pride.

"Yes. But if I ask you to allow me to honor my vows, will you?" he questions back. "Do you not love me enough to accept me as I am?"

"Eskander," she strokes his jaw, "why would you think that?"

He smiles ruefully at her. "Will you be honest if I ask you something?"

She hesitates, unsure of what's to come, but then nods in agreement.

"Did you read my letter, azizem?"

Her throat constricts, her hand falling to his shoulder, but she forces out the truth. "I did."

"Do you see me as a villain now?"

She shakes her head at him, chuckling. "If you're a villain, does it make me a villainess to still love you?"

"No, Nour. You're my angel." He takes her wrist and kisses the inside of it. "You ignite me. You burn me. I'm just ashes in your presence. You're the light to my darkness, mahe-man (my moon)."

Noura laughs lightly at him before whispering teasingly, "I never knew you could be this romantic. I had heard the general of Baghdad was a ruthless man."

Eskander grins at her words. "Love does strange things to us, sayidati."

"Careful, for your army might believe you're possessed if they're to see you like this, general."

"Does the lady mind?"

"She can never mind you, sayidi."

"Even after knowing all this time I've been a spy for the prince and deceiving the caliph?" he expresses his worries and she smiles assuringly.

"Yes, even after the treason makes you a villain, Eskander, and I'm accused for loving a villain. But tell me," she speaks tenderly, "tell me when has the heart ever been sane and sensible in love?"

"Never," he admits. "And I'd never want yours not to be mad in love with me."

Noura can only smile at him in response.

That night when he leaves her chamber and she stands there at her door watching him disappear out of her sight, a feeling that someone somewhere around is watching them too bugs her. She peers on both sides of her, finding no one, but the intuition doesn't fade.

Someone is keeping an eye on her, and she's sure of it.

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A longer chapter for a longer wait. Remember to share your love and your thoughts with me.

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