(Scene: Bowser's Castle)

Captain Bro was minding his own business, taking a nap after training the newest batch of recruits, when...

(BOOM!!!) (Captain Bro falls to the floor)

Huh?!

(Ground shakes like there's an earthquake)

What's goin' -

(Cannonball flies through the wall)

: Gah!! (Ducks, but cannonball explodes, singing the room head to foot)

Grrrrrrrr....!

(Marches out into the hall to see Koopas and Boos running about, ducking and squealing as they dodge flying cannonballs. Explosions come from outside.)

HEY! What's going - (dodges another cannonball)

(salutes frantically) S-s-sir! It's the kids! (Gets knocked out by a cannonball, which then explodes)

(from far away) Yeah, take that, Iggy! Ain't no way you can beat me!!

(Captain Bro goes out onto the balcony, where Bowser Jr. is sitting in his Clown Car, his cannon aiming at one on the towers across the courtyard.)

: (launches a cannonball; explodes across the courtyard) Yeah! Take that, Morton! And that! And this, and that! (Fires three more times)

: Junior!!

: Oh, Captain! Thanks for comin'! You're just in time to join my army!

: Army?! (Cannonball sails overhead)

: Who shot that? Was that you, Wendy? Take that!!

Enough, Junior! You kids are destroying the castle!

: No can do, Cap. We're at war! I'm gonna prove that I was Dad's favorite!

: (over a megaphone, in a tower across the courtyard) MWAHAHAHAHAHA! DO YOU GIVE UP BJ? ARE YOU READY TO ADMIT THAT I WAS DAD'S FAVORITE?

: (pulls out his own megaphone) NO WAY, IGGY! I'M HIS FAVORITE!!

: (over megaphone) NO, I AM!

NO, ME!!

: I AM!! I'M HIS ONLY DAUGHTER!

: YOU'RE A SISSY IS WHAT YA ARE!

: WHY YOU!! (Shoots a cannonball, which flies over Captain Bro's head)

: Okay, that's it! (Snatches BJ's megaphone) KOOPA KIDS, YOU ARE HEREBY ORDERED TO CEASE AND DESIST! STOP THIS NONSENSE AT ONCE!!

: YOU AIN'T MY MAMA!! (Shoots at Captain Bro, who dodges by he skin of his teeth)

: (furious) STOP IT RIGHT NOW, OR I WON'T GIVE YOU YOUR ALLOWANCE!!

: WHAT! YOU CAN'T DO THAT.

: YES I CAN: BOWSER GAVE ME POWER OF ATTORNEY. (Ignorant silence) MEANING I CONTROL ALL HIS MONEY!

: OH NO!

: OKAY, TIME OUT!

-----

(Back in the castle, in the war council chamber, which is falling into disrepair; there've been no wars since Bowser died)

(The Koopa Kids are sitting around the table, bored; Captain Bro is standing beside Bowser Jr., tapping his foot)

(An insurance Koopa enters, bearing a briefcase)

: I've finished my initial inspection. (Gives Captain Bro a report) My estimates.

(scans the paper and proceeds in having a breakdown)

What'sa matta?

What's the matter? You kids and your shenanigans are going to cost us 1.3 billion gold coins out of the castle treasury!

: Not if we switch to Geico! We can save 15% or more in 15 minutes!

: I thought that was only for car insurance.

And besides, Esurance is where it's at these days, kids.

: Besides the point! You numbskulls halfway destroyed the castle because of your little...little...

: War! And nothing about it is little, Cap!

: Yeah! Now stop scoldin' us so we can get back to beating each other's brains out!

: What the heck is this war about, anyway?

: They're just mad because I was Dad's favorite.

: No you weren't! I was!

: Everyone knows that I was Dad's favorite! I was a prim and proper princess amongst barbarians!

: Hey!

: Who cares who was Bowser's favorite?

: Whaddya mean, Cap'n? Dad's favorite gets all the money!

: What? No they don't. Who told you that?

: Dad said it. In his letter.

No he didn't. (BJ fishes a crumpled up piece of paper out of his shell and shows it to him. The Koopa Kids crowd around Captain Bro as he reads it)

: Ya see?

: See what? He didn't finish his sentence.

: Bowser never was one to focus on anything for more than a minute.

: That's why we've gotta go ta war! Whoever's still alive at the end will prove that he's Bowser's favorite! (Pulls a huge bazooka out of his shell) Which is me! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!

: Think again, Iggy! All that gold is goin' ta me!

: Don't think so, bro! (Fires bazooka at BJ, who ducks. The blast destroys the back wall of the war council chamber)

: I do believe that's another 100,000 in damages.

(Iggy and BJ run out of the room, followed by Wendy, Morton, Ludwig, Lemmy, Roy, and Larry)

: Get back here, you two! I'm Dad's favorite!

: No I am!

: No, me!

(Captain Bro follows after them, shouting)

: Stop it, you little snots! Stop this RIGHT NOW!

: (inspecting all the damage) Boy, I'm going to get promoted for this.

___________________________

A/N: This one was fun to write! Tell me what you think, and come back for more installments featuring your ideas!