Frostwing192

Previously on "What If Bowser Died?"

Peach! Call General Toad. I've made my decision.

Wait, what? General Toad? Um, why?

We're storming Bowser's Castle.

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(scene: Bowser's Castle and the surrounding barren scrubland. Two armies are assembled in the area: Bowser's Army fills the castle courtyard and surrounds the outer gates, and the Mushroom Kingdom Royal Army stands in the outer field, ready for battle)

(A couple of Yoshis trot through the MKR Army and into the commander's tent in the rear, where General Toad and a couple of his advisors are looking at a battle map)

Sir! We've returned from our scouting!

Excellent. What have you found out about our enemy?

They're well equipped, sir. Catapults, not as well made as ours, loaded with Mini Mushrooms and Ztars, Shell Blasters, Shell Bazookas, Magikoopas, boomerangs... they're well prepared for us, sir.

Hmph, let them think so. They're foolish to even think that they can withstand our might.

Uh, no offense, sir...but I'm not so sure. I've been in a lot of battles, mainly when Bowser was alive and, uh...they kinda look different than when Bowser was commanding them.

Different how?

(scratches his head) Well...not so stupid. They kinda actually look determined, like they might be able to defeat us.

Maybe thanks to Luigi? If the rumors are true...

Silence, dinosaur! You're to keep those rumors to yourself. If the rest of the soldiers were to know that we were going against the Champion's brother, it would crush morale.

Right, right...but, uh, no offense again, General, but why are we even going to battle? I mean, if Luigi's really the new King, shouldn't we, I dunno...be sending him cake and-

Look, Peach says jump, and we go find a trampoline, okay? Orders are orders. We're going to war, whether we like it or not.

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(Bowser's Castle)

(A couple of Paratroopas fly onto the castle balcony, where the King Boo is waiting)

How went the scouting?

I suggest we retreat with all speed, sir.

Retreat? How dare you suggest cowardice as a course of action?! (looks at Paratroopa 2) Off with his-

Seriously, sir. They've got us outnumbered three to one! And from what I've seen, they've got better catapults, plus mushrooms, Yoshis, ray guns, beam swords, smart bombs and... (shudders) Smash Balls.

(pales [somehow]) Oh my. You're right...retreat seems rather lovely right now. (steels himself) I'll give your report to the king.

Hey, uh, are we ever going to get to actually meet this king? I've never seen him.

In fact...I don't think anybody does. I hear he just kinda appeared one day. Who is he?

Speak when spoken to, minion. Now get back to your squadron and wait for your orders. (floats back into the castle and enters the throne room, where Luigi is sitting, drinking from a tall, golden, bejeweled cup filled with...Mountain Dew)

a-Well, minion?

It seems we've a long battle ahead of us, King Luigi. The opposing forces are...formidable.

Ugh, I a-can't believe this... I a-thought that when Daisy a-found out that I was a-king, she would be amazed at a-my...awesomeness. (grits his teeth) How many a-toads?

According to our scouts? 1500 to our 500.

Egad.

Yes...it has been suggested that we retreat.

...

(hopefully) Your Majesty?

No. We will a-not retreat. We - I - will a-not be a coward. We will a-fight. And we will a-win. And we will a-prove to the a-Mushroom Kingdom - to a-Daisy - that we - I - am awesome!!!

You've lost me.

(points down to him) You will a-fight. Down to the last man. That's all you-a need to know. Now a-take this. (throws a scroll down at King Boo)

A speech?

Read it to our a-troops. It will a-galvanize them.

Are you sure about this, King Luigi?

a-GO!

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(Back on Mushroom Kingdom side)

(General Toad is sitting on a Yoshi at the front lines; second Yoshi trots up)

Well?

They've refused to negotiate with us for the release of Pauline.

So I guess that's it then.

Yes sir. They're refusal...technically, it's a declaration of war.

Indeed. (shouting) Okay, men! Form up! Get ready!

(Entire army shifts into battle-ready position, and General Toad trots on his Yoshi down the ranks of soldiers)

Men...we've grown sloppy. Soft. Comfortable. We've assumed that since Bowser died, all of our troubles were over. That all problems concerning the military had gone to the grave when that big brute did. We've assumed that since Bowser was gone, the MK Military no longer had anything to fear from the Koopa Kingdom. (glances around) Well, men, we were wrong!

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(reading from Luigi's script) "They were wrong about you. They are wrong about you." (floats before the ranks of Goombas and Koopas, who are armed with Shell Blasters, boomerangs, and guns) "They call you 'dumb'. 'Barbaric'. 'Idiotic'." (stares intently at the small army) "But you aren't dumb. You aren't barbarians, and you aren't idiots. So what if the Koopa Kingdom is poorer than its Mushroom counterpart? So what if Bowser taught you how to punch and kick instead of read, write, and solve math problems? That doesn't make you any less than the people, the army, of the Mushroom Kingdom." (smiles) "No, it makes you better."

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We are better than them! Always were. Always will be. Antasma, Fawful, Bowser, some other evil king...it doesn't matter! Come what may, but we will always do what is right! We will always oppose the evil forces that sit upon the Koopa Kingdom throne! Whether it's just the kidnapping of an innocent maiden...or the invasion of the Mushroom Kingdom altogether, we are the agents of light, and we will always defeat the darkness!

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"You will defeat them. I know that you will. Let them come with their 1500 men. Let them come with 5 thousand. 10 thousand. 100 thousand. 1 million! It doesn't matter. Because we are Bowser's Army, the servants of the Koopa Kingdom throne!"

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We are the Mushroom Kingdom Royal Army, servants of light, protectors of freedom, and the humble soldiers of the throne of the Mushroom Kingdom and Sarasaland!

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And we-

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Will-

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WIN!

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Koo-rah!

Hoo-rah!

Now go!

CHARGE!

(With ferocious wars, the two armies dash out into the field, screaming at the top of their lungs as they move towards each other. They meet in the middle in a fiery explosion)

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(7 days and 7 nights later)

Princess Peach, Princess Daisy, Lady Rosalina. A pleasure.

(Peach, Daisy, Rosalina, Waluigi, and Captain Bro get out of the Jeep they drove into the MK Camp and move into the commander's tent, where General Toad is waiting, sitting by a table with a large map)

General Toad! What happened to you? (General Toad's wearing an eye patch, and has his arm in a sling)

(blushing) Well...um, during the initial charge, a, uh, Paratroopa knocked me off of my Yoshi, and I broke my arm in the fall, and then, uh, I got hit in the eye by a Boomerang Bro...

That's my boys, tough as nails.

Hey!! What's he doing-

Relax, he wants Luigi off the throne as much as the rest of us. Now status report, General. It's been a week, and you still haven't even breached the courtyard yet! I demand to know why.

(still blushing) I'm sorry, your Highness, but...Bowser's Army is more formidable than we originally thought...

More formidable how?

It's... It's simple, really. (points down at the map, which has the layout of Bowser's Castle on it). There's only one entryway to the castle complex. We plowed through them during the initial charge, so they fell back and clustered together at this one entrance. We tried pushing through but...we can't.

(angrily) Can't?

I-I'm sorry, ma'am. B-but for some reason, we can't break through their defenses...

You tellin' me we got ourselves a 300 sitch right here?

300? (lost)

The movie, dummy. (General Toad's still lost) Like at the Battle of Thermopylae during ancient Greek times. Persia was trying to invade Greece, but 300 Spartans were able to hold them off at Thermopylae, the Hot Gates, this narrow corridor, even when the Persians sent thousands of soldiers towards them. They lasted for-

Shut up! (slams her hand on the table) I don't care about how they've held us off! Do something about it! I want Pauline out of there, because I am not. Marrying. LUIGI!!

C-calm down, Daisy, you won't have to marry Luigi. We'll get Pauline out somehow. (glances at General Toad) Right?

I-I... I don't know about that.

(furious) What?

(flinching) H-here, come out and I'll show you.

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(on the cliffs above the battlefield. Bowser's Castle is clearly visible from here)

See how our ranks can't seem to break through? (points down to battlefield, where 700 soldiers of the MK Army are pushing against the entryway of the castle. Some sort of glowing, rainbow-colored shield is keeping them back, and 200 of Bowser's Army stands behind it, looking bored)

What's wit dat shield?

Magikoopas.

Yes. They've erected an impenetrable shield in front of the gates, impervious to anything we've got. They've placed a larger, transparent shield around the entire castle, so catapults are useless too.

Are you telling me that we're losing to Bowser's Army?

I'm sorry, Your Highness...

... ... ... ...All right. Retreat.

W-what?

But Daisy! Already?

Look, they can't get into Bowser's Castle, okay? What's the point of fighting any longer and wasting the entire military budget?

Didn't we already wipe out half of the funds just getting this whole war started?

And now it's over. (stomps off)

Ugh, I can't believe this... General Toad, give the order.

Yes ma'am.

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(Back in Bowser's Castle: throne room)

(rushes in) King Luigi! King Luigi! We did it! We've won!

(pops out his earbuds; he was listening to JRR Tolkein on audio) a-Really? We a-won?

Yessir! Your 300-inspiration, combined with the Magikoopas' shields, worked like a charm! They've retreated!

a-Excellent. You've done a-well, King Boo. Keep around 200 of the a-soldiers posted and on a-patrols, but recall the a-rest. Prepare a a-banquet for my-a brave soldiers.

Yes sir! (floats off)

(Once he's gone, Luigi moves into from throne room into the caste's dungeons, where Pauline is still sitting in a jail cell)

: Let me out of here!

: a-Sorry, Pauline, but you aren't a-going anywhere! Thanks to a-you, the superiority of my Army has been a-demonstrated! Daisy only has a-three days left to sign my a-marriage license. And she knows that she cannot a-beat me with military strength, so she will a-sign it!

: The Mushroom Army lost?

: By a a-landslide!

: Luigi, please, this is madness! Kidnapping her friends and forcing her to go to war isn't going to make Daisy like you any more!

: Of a-course it will! I'm powerful! Undefeatable! Awesome! Daisy will agree to marry me, because she a-likes awesome guys!

: Luigi, you're delusional! Please, just let me go.

: You're a-not moving from that spot until Daisy signs that-a marriage license! So get a-comfy! (pivots and marches out of the room)

: Luigi, wait! Please! Let me go! Luigi! (glances skyward and prays) Daisy, please, please, please find a way to rescue me...!

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