(this is Johnny's living room, where they both sit in)

I threw a quick 'bye' over my shoulder at Jack, while already running up Johnny's front door stairs. A wide grin spread across my face as I rang the doorbell multiple times. I clenched the pile of paper in my hands, looking once again at the title on the first page,

Richard Says Goodbye/The Professor -

script (1th version)

I patiently waited the whole week for a call from Elsie, saying she's got the script. Every actor or a cast member like me was supposed to get it through their agent, and everyone more or less in the same time. That's why the first thing I did was call John, like he used to introduce himself through the phone, and together we decided to meet up at his house. I mean, he was obviously already there, so only I had to arrive.

I was so happy to finally learn about this movie and to see how my work will look like! If someone had told the dreamy 15-year-old me that in the future I will actually have something to do with movie sets, making music with famous people or living my best life, she wouldn't believe it. Yet here we are.

I didn't wait long for the door to open, revealing Johnny in his work outfit, which he wore almost always when hanging out at home. It included his hair combed back and carelessly tied with a hairband, some messily thrown on shirt with only few buttons did and light blue jeans with old, colorful spots from paint. When you look at it, the outfit has just written 'extremely cool' all over it. I have no idea how Johnny literally always understands the assignment.

Speaking of him.

"Hi, how are you? Did you read the thing yet?" I asked. He smiled, quickly letting me inside while scratching his hair a bit. He always found a way to mess with it, even if it was nice and didn't disturb him or tickled his face.

From my observations- okay, that sounded really weird, but that's what I call occasional glances. Anyway, I think it's some kind of habit, a movement that he makes when he doesn't know what to do with his hands or is just nervous.

Though I'm not surprised he does it a lot - his shy or even timid personality definitely plays a part here. But it also makes me wanna simply giggle every time he does it.

"Hey, El. Good, and no. I was waiting for you." He greeted me with a sweet smile.

Once I moved inside, a wave of warmness hugged me comfortably. It was cloudy and cold today, but, to be honest, just like on a typical, almost November's day, so there's no point in complaining much. Though in Johnny's house it's always warm, and you could smell cigarettes in the air which made it even better.

"Have you been painting?" I asked as he offered to hold the papers for a moment so I could take off my jacket.

I noticed a few dark blue paint stains on his palm. The color was similar to the one my eyes have. Scarily similar, even. A coincidence, I guess.

He stared up at me with big eyes, dumbfounded. "Uh, no.. I mean yes!" he chuckled awkwardly. "Of course I have. Just, uh, some gift for my friend."

I frowned but still smiled at his kinda suspicious behavior. "Cool," I replied. "Can I see it?"

"Oh, no, no, it's not finished yet." he answered quickly, curving out this reassuring smile on his lips.

He seemed kinda stressed about it. I understand him though, the way I sometimes used to be so anxious while making gifts or stuff like that for my friends is indescribable. You literally don't know if they're even gonna like it.

As we walked further into the house, to the kitchen-living-room to be exact, Johnny was telling me some news he's got from his agent.

"He chatted with the guys from our music production, you know. They said that the music video is gonna be wonderful, and that they're gonna take care of it- Please, sit." he interrupted his speaking softly to nod towards the four-seated table.

I approached it and waited for him to continue. There was dim in the room, the black blinds were completely closed and the only light was coming from one lamp above the table and a few candles all around the place. I think that's how Johnny protected himself from the outside's gloomy vibe.

I don't know from where, but I could hear music playing softly. I think it was Venus In Furs by The Velvet Underground, but I'm not sure.

The whole place looked pretty much like Johnny was about to draw a pentagram on the floor and summon demons, but it was also very comfortable to sit in.

I couldn't get enough of Johnny's way of living, I liked it so much. If it could say anything it'd go like: stop worrying so much and just enjoy whatever you've got here. I've never seen someone have such way of being and it's charmed me like nothing else. You could just feel happy around here. And all because of one person's presence.

"Also," he continued, walking around the kitchen. I positioned myself on a chair with my back facing the white sofa, so I had the whole view of what Johnny was doing. "They mentioned that there is a slight chance the current material they have won't be used at all,"

I gave him a puzzled look once he turned around. Then why were we even recording it?

"So, it turned out- You want juice, tea, or maybe something stronger?" he asked with raised brows, standing in front of the open fridge.

"Juice, please." I answered and he nodded, turning to the fridge again. I noticed he had both orange and apple one there, and didn't even hesitate to pick the apple juice. I grinned to myself because it's my favorite, and he knows. "So? What turned out?"

Johnny told me the whole story about how they wanted to honor David Bowie himself by recording the song in the Hansa Tonstudios in Berlin, where he originally did. Johnny told me it all meant the world to the band to just kinda keep the cover cool and add grace to it by recording in the same place as the legendary singer.

Long story short, after some misunderstandings in documents, which were the reason we had to record here, they- we can finally do the job, actually flying over there to Germany. I haven't been to Europe in years, and I was kinda curious how it's doing without me.

"But it will take some time, probably all the way 'till June." he added, sitting opposite of me. He placed my juice in front of me, and his own somewhat mix drink next to the cigarettes maker. Oh, now I noticed he's been doing some massive production of them before I showed up.

"That's a long time," I commented, sipping on my juice. "We're already gonna be halfway through shooting the movie- Oh, right, the scripts."

The music topic of our conversation went on as I waited for Johnny to prepare his sorta work space and clear the table a bit. He moved the box with tobacco and some cigarette sheets to the side, placing his script in front of him. I already did that earlier, so I just waited for Johnny to be ready.

I noticed he still had a burning cigarette in the ashtray, but placed in a way it wouldn't die immediately. I thought I can accompany him and light one too, just to relax a bit. But suddenly, with the corner of my eye I spotted something unusual on the table. It simply looked like undone cigarette, and by that I mean not rolled yet.

Although something caught my attention. The, kinda huge amount of, stuff put on the sheet wasn't tobacco, but something green.

Is that.. weed?

I couldn't see it before, due to the quite big pile of paper, means Johnny's script. I lit my cigarette, still curiously looking at it. I knew Johnny smoked, but he never did in front of me so I didn't think of it much.

He followed my gaze and made an Oh, as a sound of realization. He probably thought I find it disturbing or something, so he quickly put the substance into a small bag that laid nearby, dropping it into the box he previously put to the side, along with the sheet.

"Were you smoking?" I casually asked, taking a hit. The music changed to something else that I didn't recognize.

He shook his head, "No, I was just making some for later." he replied softly with a smile.

"Cool, I've actually heard it's very relaxing." I said, and he nodded. I think he seemed to be more on ease when he realized I'm not gonna eternally judge him for smoking weed.

"Oh yeah, very." he agreed.

"Wait-" Johnny started yet again with confused expression. "You've only heard?"

Yeaah, so there might be one thing I forgot to mention here.

"Well, it just sorta happened that.." I fidgeted with my cigarette a bit as I actually realized how it will sound, and the fact that I turn 27 on Halloween in two days didn't help. "I've never tried it myself."

He just stared at me and it was pretty hard to read through his expression. Was he surprised? I don't know.

He finally decided to ask slowly, "You've never been high?"

"Except Molly, no." I simply replied, looking up into his eyes.

"Why, though?" He asked, taking a hit from his cigarette and fixing his eyes on me curiously.

I brushed off the spent tobacco in the ashtray before replying. "I feel like I'm scared of reacting badly. I mean, I don't wanna throw up and be unconscious for two hours straight while thinking I'm gonna die."

"Why do you think it'd go that bad?" Johnny asked.

"Well, because that's how reacted the first person I ever saw smoking weed." I answered. "And that's why I never did. I didn't really trust anyone that much to fully relax and smoke without this hideous fear."

He thought for a moment before saying, "So you're just afraid there'll be no one to hold you in case you're actually gonna loose your shit in high mess?"

I chuckled, "Yeah, pretty much."

"I totally understand, I've seen people react badly, too, throughout the years." he replied. "But, you know, it doesn't have to look like this. And fears are just stupid little bastards that are sometimes completely pointless. You can choose to just ignore them and do stuff anyway."

I agreed, stealing glances here and there at the weed in the box. He was right, so maybe I could try tonight? I was scared, but it for sure doesn't mean uninterested.

"It's not pure weed but mixed with tobacco, since it's your first and it can't be too strong," Johnny said, working on gathering substances in the middle of the sheet. "And we don't want you to loose your mind, do we?"

"What?" I asked, worried, exchanging glances between Johnny and the thing. I sank deeper into the sofa, hugging the pillow I held between my knees and my chest.

"Sorry, too early for the jokes."

So, as you might've figured out by now, I decided to do it. I don't know why, I just thought I have to stop living in this circle of constantly fearing and just go out there. In this case - finally, what you'd dramatically call, do drugs.

I tried telling myself it isn't much of a big deal, so I'd feel better. However the excited but nervous knot in my upper stomach still wouldn't stop tickling my insides.

So I just quietly observed Johnny's hands do the job, (in which he seemed kinda fluent, by the way) while thinking of what's the worst thing that can happen.

Though most of these feelings were silenced by the thought of Johnny helping me, if needed. It's so strange, like in the end you don't even care because you feel you're safe anyway.

It was about 11 pm now, so it's pitch black outside and we even opened the blinds to get some view at the dark blue sky, now that all the clouds went somewhere else.

We already went through the whole script, talked, commented and just judged in general. I wasn't even a bit disappointed, it seemed like a really fun and wise movie.

The place probably smelled like cancer from the hilarious amount of cigarettes we've smoked.

"Here ya go," Johnny's words made me snap out of my thinking trance. A new wave of nervousness raised in the pit of my stomach, but I ignored it by confidently taking the joint from Johnny.

It wasn't very different from cigarettes he was making; Just bigger and it didn't have a normal filter, but somewhat open space where you connect it with your lips.

Johnny handed me the lighter and I breathed out deeply before proceeding to light the stuff. I felt like Snoop Dogg in some way.

Like Doris Day said in this one song, Que sera, sera. Whatever will be, will be.

I quickly inhaled maybe 4 or 5 hits, wanting the scary part to be over already. Johnny took the rest from me, saying it's enough, and took two more hits before putting it out in the ashtray.

I asked him to stay a bit sober, in case I was actually throwing up and being unconscious while thinking I'm gonna die. He agreed, but said that this little amount of substance wouldn't knock him off his feet anyway. For sure not as much as it will do to me.

The smoke was rudely scratching the inside of my throat and I even had to cough a few times to make the uncomfortable feeling go away. When you smoke cigarettes for the first time, only the top of your chest and lungs are burning, so this was something new to me.

It definitely tasted different than cigarettes, and it wasn't as pleasurable as them. In fact, it was making me nauseous as fûck, but I was too caught up in sensations happening around me.

"Oh shit," I breathed out. For a moment I felt like I was floating but then quickly found myself on the couch again. What's happening? It feels like my mind is glitching.

"How are you feeling?" I heard Johnny's voice asking. It sounded far away but then I remembered he's not, and it went back to normal.

"Great," I giggled, admiring the world around. Everything just perfectly slowed down and really seemed not in any rush. Why would it, tho?

I wonder why everything always seems in rush. I feel like all the people on the planet should smoke some weed and see how beautiful it can be without this definitely not necessary and stupid hurry. But what am I even talking about?

Damn, they weren't joking about drugs creating new patterns in your brain. I don't think I'd consider any of these weird perceptions while sober. It's good to sometimes just stop.

I noticed Johnny's getting his high too. He sighed and tilted his head backwards, resting it on sofa's big pillows. The Euphoria soundtrack fits here so well.

His jawline is so sharp, so distinct. I also haven't yet seen anyone with that perfect and straight nose. I won't even mention his heart-shaped lips, they seemed so soft, I wonder how..

Jesus Christ, don't think that! It's really not cool to think like this about your best friend.. but he's so handsome! Oh my lord. Handsome is not even enough to describe it.

I was so relaxed, so calm. The circus that exists daily in my head took some time off, and I could finally be happy with peace. Now I get why people get addicted to these stuff.

"Do you want some juice?" Johnny asked in a sweet yet tired, stoned voice. If that's what I would hear, then I'd get him high everyday.

"Yeah."

He stood up and brought some.

I drank it.

"Do you want some more?"

"Yeah."

"How do you find the music?" He asked once again. I didn't recognize the song.

"Cool." I replied. "Do you sometimes feel like... And then you're like.."

I fixed my gaze on the record player.

I tried to form a sentence but I couldn't, for some reason. I wanted to tell Johnny how this one song makes me feel, but it was all so goddamn slow, I loved every second of it. Now I'm a chaotic mess.

After something like an hour and a half of just playing around like kiddies and creating truly bizarre conversations, we began to grow hungry. Johnny's idea was to order McDonald's to his house.

"It's midnight! Who will drive food to your house at midnight?!" I threw my hands up in the air at his somewhat weird idea.

"Well, maybe some nice guy could. I'll even pay him!" he answered.

We looked at each other before bursting into hysterical laughter.

Honestly, I could do a Top 5 times I almost died tonight because of the lack of oxygen from laughing. Everything just seemed so stupidly hilarious.

But seriously, tonight was the biggest and greatest fun I've had in a while, or maybe even in my whole life. I'm glad Johnny was here with me because, as we all know, he's the coolest and sweetest person I've ever seen. I think the fact I haven't met anyone like this before really proves he's special. Oh, he is.

I also think this whole fear I had was so completely pointless, like Johnny said earlier. I wasn't unconscious nor having this feeling like I'm gonna die soon, so I think it went wonderful. It was a great idea with overcoming the fear, and I would even say I'm proud of myself. Or just high, that's all.

We ended up ordering it and the consequences were just funny and annoyed glances from the delivery guy. I think he wanted to sleep through his night shift or something but some two irrational human beings decided to order food.

After consuming like 3 servings of big fries, I really wasn't hungry anymore. Someone once told me that when they get high they want to just eat and eat and eat. Well, I guess not in my case.

Maybe it was the food, but I suddenly felt so tired and slightly uncomfortable. I didn't feel so funny anymore, and I think the sensations were slowly starting to fade.

Oh man, it was becoming very uncomfortable. Mentally and physically. I felt something weird in my mind, like an anxious thought but I couldn't see what it was nor somewhat catch it. I told Johnny about it. He seemed more sober than me now.

"It's called the uncomfortable state of being stoned. Unpleasant." he replied. Even though I was sitting, my eyelids were begging to close them and go to sleep.

"Do you want to sleep upstairs?" he asked, right on cue.

I mindlessly nodded, almost not noticing I was picked up by two strong arms, one sneaking itself across my back and the other under my thighs. I hid my head in the crook of Johnny's neck as I felt us moving.

"Am I not heavy?" I decided to say the thought that casually appeared out loud and he chuckled.

"You're light as a feather, El."

Suddenly a wave of fear came over me.

"Don't drop me, please."

"I won't," he softly replied. "You're safe with me."

We made it to the room and he proceeded to lay me down on the bed, but I wouldn't let go. I didn't want him to go.

"Don't leave," I said quietly.

'Are you sure?" he asked. "You're stoned out of your mind, I'm not sure if it's a good idea."

"Please?"

He sighed, "Okay."

This time I actually laid down and giggled, closing my eyes. "I don't know whatcha talking about."

"About what exactly?" he asked with a smile. I heard him somewhere in the room, he's probably taking off his jewelry.

"I am completely sober."

Oh, I am not.

He only laughed mockingly, making his way back. "Yeah, sure."

I felt bed dipping beside me and I opened my eyes to see Johnny making himself comfortable under the covers of the famous, just the most comfortable bed. I moved closer to lay my head on his warm shoulder, sneaking my arms around his left one, not allowing him to move. He chuckled but didn't say anything.

The only light blasting into the room came from the full moon, and the only sound I could hear was Johnny breathing. He didn't seem asleep, tho.

"Thank you," I mumbled. "For everything."