"Did you tell them?" I asked Johnny, holding the phone between my shoulder and my cheek, making myself a drink in the meantime.

"No! Why would you even think that?" he replied, in a way almost hurt.

"I don't know Johnny, you tell me! It was a secret between us, and it for sure wasn't me who gave it away." I now moved to the living room, placing the glass on the table before nearly throwing myself on the couch.

"Are you hundred percent entirely sure about that, though? Maybe after Molly or weed? No blackouts?"

I searched thoroughly in the depths of my mind for the possible time I would ever tell someone, but I couldn't even recall thinking about sharing that confidential knowledge.

"I only smoked weed with you."

"Then I don't know either." he sighed, hearably done. For a moment heavy silence seemed to be surrounding us, somewhat waiting for the other one to say anything.

"You know, it's not looking good for me." Johnny continued. "Tabloids can't shut up about me bein' a mess, doing one-night stands for fun and, of course, the cherry on top is saying that I did it because I'm addicted to acid or somethin'."

You might think that it's no big deal, just a rumor, a possibility, that two celebrities could've hooked up once, while drunk. But not in this case, not even in Hollywood. Not when Johnny is being accused of violence against women, with him saying he could never be disrespectful towards one. It just all strangely fits together as a bad image, and, for fucks sake, it's the last thing that Johnny needs.

Now you can also add our personal struggles. I don't mean that we're suddenly ending our friendship, but the way this situation is shrouded in mystery just makes the atmosphere really weird. Like both of us wants not to talk, but think it through first. It's weird because we never had to do something like that before. We never had to question our trust like this.

"I know, Johnny. But I swear, I have no idea how it happened."

Again, silence. I took a sip of my drink.

"Listen, can we not discuss this over the phone? Do you mind meeting somewhere?" he asked. I thought about it, biting the skin around my nails.

"I don't think it's a good idea for us to be seen together right now. Maybe when the storm will pass."

"Oh," he answered and I couldn't find any particular emotion in his voice. "Sure, you're right. Just call or text me if anything changes."

For a week straight I tried to find the solution for the problem, or more like leave my current reality so I don't have to deal with it at all, by painting and writing and basically doing anything that gets my mind off things. Like, enormous amounts of coping.

I'vebeen also staring at my phone for good 10 minutes, overthinking if to text him, call him, whatever, just to get even a glimpse of him. To remember how he sounds, how he talks.

Jesus, Elektra, that's pathetic. It's not like you haven't seen the man for two years. It was only a week. An extremely longing, dull and lonely, whole week. Even though Alex was here with me almost all the time, I still didn't feel any better. I was a mess.

I don't know how it happened that me and Johnny haven't spoken a word to each other, except a quick information I got from him that in two days we'll have meet at the studio to establish the details of out trip to Berlin in something like two months, to record the music video to Heroes again.

Which means I'll have to speak to him anyway.

The thought made me a little anxious. I didn't understand why I couldn't just go and text him like I always do, and it was kinda scary. Although I can't deny how horrible it made me feel. All because of stupid articles. Fuck you, press.

My mind was racing at this point, almost already living all the negative scenarios I was imagining. Suddenly, somehow, like right on the cue, my phone got a notification, making my head go quiet like the deserts are that you see in western movies, not a single thought.

It was a text.

Thank fucking god. I almost started jumping around but contained myself as fast. I replied a simple be there in 10 and decided to just quickly get my hair ready and spray some perfume, without changing into very official outfit. I mean, it's Johnny.

I left a note for Alex in the kitchen, since he was at his friend's place that evening, just so he'd know where I am in case he comes back.

I was about to head out, checking if I had my phone and everything, when I heard the front door shutting close. I walked into the corridor to see Alex high as a mountain.

"Hey," I said, getting his attention. "You alright?"

He turned around and I noticed the reddened eyes he had. "Yup, everything's greaaat."

He walked past me, to the kitchen, and it would be all fantastic if not one thing. I wasn't exactly mad about him getting high because he doesn't do that very often and I sometimes do it, too, but I frowned at how he smelled.

Like weed and.. cheap perfume.

"Where have you been?" I asked as he looked for something to drink.

"At Toby's. I told you before."

"Honestly."

"That is honest." He frowned, glancing at me.

I crossed my arms over my chest, "Oh, really?"

"Oh my fucking god, what's your problem again?" he shut the cupboard's little door with force, almost breaking the glass. Why the fuck did he get so angry so fast?

"Nothing, I just want to know why you smell like women's perfume." I meant it, I didn't want to fight again. We seem to do it surprisingly a lot lately.

"You're paranoid." he snorted.

I moved to stand in the kitchen's doorframe while he poured himself another drink. I didn't know why, but I felt anxiety in my lower stomach.

"Why can't you just explain yourself? That's all I'm asking for." I said, my tone changing to a kinda frustrated one.

"Fuck off," he scoffed, sitting on the couch.

"The fuck? Do you even know what you're saying?" I asked, subconsciously tensing.

"Perfectly." he answered, turning on the TV. "Hey, why don't you get me a drink?"

I laughed, not believing what I'm hearing. "Why don't you move your own fucking ass? I'm not your maid or some shit."

He shot me the look, making me instantly take a step back, before he even stood up.

"Where were you going anyway?" he questioned. My heartbeat fastened with every second as he was getting closer to the kitchen. But when he got here, he just proceeded to get the drink. I noticed that except being high, he was also becoming drunk.

"T-to Johnny's place. We need to sort things out." I was kinda afraid of how he's gonna react at the mention of Johnny.

"Hah, I thought y'all are not friends anymore. Not a surprise, I wouldn't like to be friends with such an idiot, too." He shook his head.

I felt anger full-filling my chest.

"Don't fucking talk about him like that!"

He snorted again, "Or what? You know, I'm sometimes scared for you. I heard he beat the shit out of his ex-wife, so who knows what he might do to you?"

"Shut up! He didn't do it, he would never do anything to me either."

"Fine, protect your little lover. Is he that good that you spend so much time with him?" he asked with suggestive smirk, and it took all my power not to slap it off from his face.

"Are you saying I'm cheating on you?"

"Well, you accused me of that multiple times, even now, so why can't I?"

I pinched the bridge of my nose, "Jesus, Alex, maybe for once you could see the blame in yourself, and not saying I'm crazy! I hang out with him 'cause we're just friends!"

"Mhm, then I bet he fucks you good-"

"Maybe if you took that shithead of yours outta your ass you'd finally listen to me!" I fired out, but immediately got quiet when I saw how he looks at me. Oh, he got mad. I backed up.

"Say that again."

My heart was pounding, and I was purely scared how this will escalate. He somehow started growing bigger in my eyes, the angry gaze of his not helping. I was also scared what will happen if I don't answer.

"M-maybe if you took your head out of your ass-"

Next thing I saw were stars as I felt a quick punch, his fist hitting my face. I realized I never knew such pain before, and especially not coming from a man. The man I love.

I grabbed the left side of my face. The hit seemed to land directly on my upper cheek bone, millimeters away from my eye. In the same time, a throbbing pain poured all over it and I lost my balance, stumbling back. Now I really mean it when I say I saw stars. Actually, for a moment I didn't see anything at all. Just darkness.

I heavily sat on the floor, unsuccessfully trying to grab anything to hold on to, pulling away and looking at the shaking hand that was pressed to my cheek, to see if there was any blood. Thank god there wasn't.

I heard only distant mumbling, but once someone got ahold of my shoulders, I went back to reality. It was Alex, saying something over and over again. I looked up, staring into his now teary ocean eyes.

"I'm sorry, fuck, I'm so stupid. Will you forgive me?" he rambled. I was in such shock I didn't even understand most of the things he was saying.

"Leave," I whispered at first, then louder. "Leave. It'll be better if you leave."

He fell silent, pulling away from me. He then apologized again and left through the main door.

I waited couple seconds before I finally bursted into tears. Not because of the pain, though it hurt as hell, but because I couldn't comprehend what just happened and why did I let it happen.

With hot tears streaming down my face, I quickly stood up and went over to the freezer, grabbing the first thing that came to my sight and putting it right against my eye. I hissed at how painfully cold it was, but I knew it'll help.

I laid like that on my kitchen floor for the next 10 minutes, and then decided to text Johnny that eventually I won't be able to come over. I said it was some very important work business that Elsie made me do. I had to lie because I knew damn well that he would've literally killed Alex if he got the chance.

I cried some more, took painkillers and went upstairs to get ready for bed. It was early, but I couldn't deal with thoughts and life in general right now, so I figured out I'll just go to sleep.

Once I got to the bathroom and took the package of some iced strawberries away from my face, I cursed very badly.

I cursed because a black eye was forming on my face.

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