"What do you mean American Psycho book is better than the movie? Are you insane?!" I whisper-yelled to Johnny, trying to not make us look like a fighting toxic couple.

He frowned immediately, "Of course it is! It's not the best book I've read but at least it has some dignity, unlike the movie-"

"Hello, can I take your order?" the waiter approached us.

"Yes, please," I replied with a smile, glancing briefly at Johnny. "I'll have some chicken salad and fries."

"For me spaghetti." Johnny politely said.

"Any drinks?"

"Just water." I answered.

"Same goes for me."

I looked up from the table to see that Johnny was completely serious. I expected him to order wine, like he always does, and not just water. I wonder what's so important he wants to do tonight that he doesn't drink.

By the way, I loved this date. I honestly adored it. It wasn't formal nor over-dramatically romantic. It was the same as if we would talk in my kitchen, passionately devouring the freshly heated-up pizza I just took out of the oven.

That's what I loved the most. That feeling with him. Freedom is what they'd call it, I guess. We could talk for the whole eternity, even about the smallest things that don't matter and never will, and it would still be better than anything in the whole world.

Soon we got our food and started eating. It was a sorta fancy restaurant but not, and it was also Johnny's idea. He said that not only they have the best food, but there's a very low

chance any paparazzi will spot us here.

The food was, indeed, extremely tasty, but I was a bit anxious about the second part. It's not like I don't trust Johnny, it's just who I am. I tend to stress a lot.

By the time we finished eating, it already got dark, but it wasn't so late we would have to head home. And, to be honest, I didn't want to. I felt so good about this evening I didn't want it to end. I don't care, I could stay here forever and feel what I'm feeling forever.

I can't really describe it, it's like safety. You feel safe.

And happy.

We had a brain storm about where to go next, since it was comfortably warm and we both felt like taking a walk. At one point Jerry (our babysitter for tonight) interrupted and said he knows a place by the beach, a small pier that usually no one goes to because it's literally in the middle of nowhere.

Perfect.

As we drove there he also mentioned that in his opinion it's highly underrated, because you can see an entire sea from there, and, if you stay long enough, also the sunrise. I don't think we're up to that, though. But definitely another time.

The drive took about 20 minutes and it was mostly silent as we listened to some music. There it was, another thing making this evening so unforgettable.

We exited the car on some empty parking lot and made our way to the little stars, leading us down, towards the beach. Instead of getting sand in our shoes, we decided to follow the wooden path. It led to a small kinda patio with one bench on it, placed in a way where you could fix your gaze where the sky and water touches and that would be enough.

Jerry said he'll stay back and keep an eye on us and the surroundings in general, so we can have some time alone, just the two of us. I felt kinda bad leaving him like this, but he himself said that it's fine and that's basically his job.

Me and Johnny started slowly walking towards the bench.

"I hate that we have to be so careful while trying to do normal things." Johnny stated.

I felt the same.

"We also have to be careful because of the werewolves. Look, it's the full moon. They're coming out." I said, trying to bright up the atmosphere.

There was a moment of silence before he spoke up. "I'm not homophobic, so I don't think that's a problem-"

"Oh, my god, Johnny," I face-palmed myself quietly as he laughed.

"What?"

We made it to the bench and sat down, just admiring how the moonlight reflected in the water.

"Do you have any plans for summer yet? I know it's May, but still." I started softly.

"I don't know 'bout summer, but I'll be leaving to France in, what, three weeks? It's Lily's birthday and I can't miss it."

"Aw, that's so sweet!" I replied, grinning like and idiot. It really was sweet. "You're a great dad."

He shyly played with the rings on his fingers, smiling. "Thank you. What about you? Are you going somewhere?"

"I'd rather lock myself up in a cycle of writing, reading, sleeping and eating for an entire month if I could. But yes, I've been invited somewhere. Not sure about going, though."

"Where?"

"LA. Some family reunion. Last time I was there it wasn't so bad, but I just don't wanna go. I don't feel comfortable there." I replied.

"Ah, shit. Families are the most complicated thing on earth."

"Yeah, tell me about it."

Silence fell around us.

"Why?" he asked suddenly.

I shot him a puzzled look.

"Can you tell me why the relationship with your parents is like this?"

"Why do you wanna know that?"

"I want to understand you better."

I hesitated. "Are you sure? it's kinda miserable."

He nodded and I sighed.

"Well, you know the song Daddy Issues?"

He nodded once again.

"Daddy stuck around, but he wasn't present. That part. I know people would actually argue that I didn't have it that bad. And they're right. My parents bought me everything I wanted, my mom looked after me when I was sick and my dad used to say that he's proud of me if I did something good. They loved me. And that will sound so fucking ungrateful, but I think it wasn't enough."

"Not at all." Johnny interrupted. "Let me guess, you guys didn't even talk normally?"

I frowned. "How do you know?"

"I just know. Please, continue."

"They did all those things, but once I became a teenager, I realized it still wasn't enough. Then our relationship could completely go fuck itself. We stopped talking, literally, barely speaking a word to each other. I couldn't tell my mom if something was bothering me, let alone my dad."

I got silent for a moment and stared at the horizon. I then shook my head a little.

"Sorry, you just asked about what's wrong and not my life story-"

"No, please, I don't mind." he quickly answered. "It's okay, really."

"It feels a bit selfish."

"I promise I'll tell you my story once you're finished."

"Alright." I replied. "So, yeah, they gave me everything they could, but not what I needed the most. I wish we could eat a meal without me thinking how to get out of there as fast as I can or watch a movie together or, fuck, do anything together that's actually cool. That I could actually feel that they're my parents, closest people to me. But they weren't and it never changed."

"I just remember being all by myself." I continued. "When I was, what, 14? I realized what was going on. Actually, I realized I was completely fucked when I so desperately wanted attention from female teachers or my best friend's mom, just any.. I don't know, mom figure. Ever since I can remember. I wouldn't even look at boys my age, instead I got some weird fixation on much older men, and that unspeakably fucked me up. I was aware of a thing called mommy and daddy issues, but I never fully fitted into that image. Because I didn't have it that bad. But I made it here, partly by myself and partly with the help of my friends, but still."

"What about your siblings?"

"They were much older than me, they had their own lives by then."

"El, why did you never tell me?" he asked with pity in his voice.

"Because it's.. I don't like people having sympathy for me after. It's not like I fought for my life. People have it worse."

"There is always someone that has it worse than us. But that doesn't mean you weren't hurting at all. It doesn't cancel it."

"What about you? I know your childhood wasn't a bed of roses either." I said, bringing my knees up to my chest.

He told me about his mother arguing with his father, but his father mostly stayed calm and would sometimes punch a wall to get his anger out, but never his wife. Then how his dad left when Johnny was 15, telling him that he has to become a man now. And many, many more.

I sat, staring at his side profile as he spoke. I couldn't even imagine how much it affected him, but mostly I wondered what he did to deserve all of this. And yet, he's the most loving and caring man I've ever met.

I scooted a little closer to him as we remained silent, probably processing each other's stories. I don't know how to explain the state I was in right now. I wasn't sad, more like thoughtful, but I didn't consciously think about anything. Just looking at the waves.

At one point, I felt cold breeze hitting me from my left, and it got somewhat darker all of a sudden. I looked up to see that clouds had covered the moon. They were storm clouds.

"Uhm, I think we gotta get going," Johnny spoke, his brows furrowed. I was actually more than happy to do it once I felt droplets of rain chronically touching my skin.

"Yeah, I think you are right." I replied, and by the time we stood up from the bench and took one step, it was almost pouring down.

Suddenly, Johnny took my hand in his.

"Come on, hurry!"

We started sprinting back to the car, through the wooden stairs up, as we heard thunders chasing us. Even though we were nearly becoming drenched, I couldn't stop laughing.

We met up with Jerry already next to the car, and he wasted no time in getting to the driver seat and unlocking all the doors, letting us in. I basically jumped into the car and Johnny after me, shutting the door close.

We chuckled as Jerry started the car. Water wasn't dripping down from our clothes, but they were still a bit damp, like our hair. Johnny ran a hand through it.

"Where to now?" Jerry asked, sorta tilting his head back, in our direction, but still keeping his eyes on the road.

Our brains glitched for a second when we found out it's almost midnight, since we went out at 7. We decided we should at first go to my house to drop me off, and then Johnny will drive to his with Jerry.

--

"You mind waiting for a few minutes? I'd like to say goodbye to my lady." Johnny spoke to Jerry as we exited the car. He nodded with a smile.

"Where did you get an idea that I'm your lady?" I asked teasingly as we made our way to the door. It mostly stopped raining by now.

"You aren't?" he questioned, sneaking an arm around my waist and bringing me closer.

Oh, now I have a great urge to be your lady.

"Wait, I just remembered, you left your glasses last time you were here. Let me get them." I threw over my shoulder and jogged up the stairs and into the house.

Once I came back with glasses in my hand, he stood in the doorframe, leaning on his arm. I sighed, trying to contain my smile. He looked like a snack.

He straightened up as I got closer.

"Thank you."

He took them from my hand, but he didn't let go of it. I am ninety-eight percent sure I looked like a blushing, almost hyperventilating mess once he brought it up to his lips and kissed my knuckles. Elektra, get a grip!

Or don't, I really couldn't care less right now.

I took a step forward and kissed his cheek. Our faces were inches away. "Thank you for tonight. I wouldn't find a way to spend it better."

He smiled sweetly, but didn't respond anything. Instead, I noticed his gaze wandering down, to my lips, then to my eyes again. I didn't stop him. I just waited as my heartbeat fastened.

In a blink of an eye he connected my lips with his, bringing both of his hands to cup my face. I sighed into the kiss as his thumbs slowly caressed my cheeks. Oh fuck, I love kissing this man.

I took a deep breath once our lips parted, because I apparently forgot I have to breath, and smiled. I wasted no time in kissing him back, which, I think he liked since he also smiled in the kiss.

"You have no idea for how long I wanted to do that." he said quietly.

"Then what took you so long?"

He kissed me again, and it took all I got not to fire out with something stupid like I wouldn't mind if you kissed me to death. God, I didn't believe nor never experienced a kiss like this, so soft and addicting. I was mentally definitely screaming, crying and rolling on the floor because of how much I didn't want it to end.

"Can we not forget about this one?" he asked, and it took me a while to get what he was on about. Eventually I nodded energetically.

"I never did in the first place," I replied. Which was the truth I never wanted to admit.

"Me too."

Now it was my turn to kiss him, but it started to be just a tad more passionate. Actually, soon I got my arms around his neck and his hugging my waist, trying to be as close as possible. I shivered when he continued to assault my lips.

We both broke the kiss as my back hit the wall. We desperately tried to get some air in our lungs, my hands wandering to his face, hair and to his neck again.

"I'll text you when I'm away. Day and night." he stated.

As I remembered that he was actually supposed to leave, I felt bitter disappointment filling up my body.

"Shit," I breathed out. "Two weeks without this?"

I kissed him. He kissed me back.

"Unfortunately. But I'll be back, don't worry. I'll give you as much of this as you will want."

I suddenly felt butterflies rushing through my lower belly. Wait, no, he for sure didn't mean it in that way. I wouldn't mind if he did, though.

"Okay."

I hugged him tightly for goodbye, and he kissed my forehead before proceeding to walk to the door. I felt the warmness I had couple whiles ago disappear, and I already missed him. So much.

💅💅

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