I tried to stay focused on my guitar and just getting lost in playing rather than on all the cameras surrounding me. After all these years it probably shouldn't make me nervous anymore, yet somehow I still feel that pressure

on me. But I can't lie, there was also another thing that could make me calm by catching my attention and not letting me go for longer than I'd like.

The thing had black, wavy hair almost reaching her shoulders, and the sudden memory of how it tickled my skin when we secretly kissed backstage, before recording the music video now, carried me away from the present moment. Just her.

Well, fuck, now all I wanna do is kiss her and I can't. Kiss her neck, shoulders and everywhere she likes. By this time I got addicted to all the little sounds she makes and the way her eyes close from pleasure, but I don't plan on getting any rehab. Not from this.

Only after a moment I noticed the stupid grin that somehow formed on my face as I kept watching her focusing on the part she was playing. She seemed to be doing the same thing to avoid cameras and nervousness.

I dragged my gaze across the room and instantly locked eyes with Alice. His lips formed a little smirk while still looking at me, and then he broke off the eye contact and continued doing his thing.

He noticed. Did he figure out the truth, though? Maybe he thinks I just like her. I don't know, he always seemed like he's seen through me and knew every little secret, but he has never said anything to make sure. God, why am I overthinking it right now? He's given me that look many times, so maybe now, that he is actually right, I start to get nervous?

I sang the rest of the song, then we all played and we recorded, what I think is, a pretty good music video. We will probably have a meeting later to decide which one, the one we did few months back or today, will be the official music video to Heroes. Berlin was actually a good choice after all, though it is even more literally boiling hot here than in America.

We got a break after the directors told us they gotta see if it will be enough of material, but I don't think we'll have to film anymore. We did what we could best, and that's basically all that was needed. Not mentioning that for, like, two hours straight.

After I set my guitar aside, Alice asked if I want to get some coffee. I agreed, though it seemed kinda suspicious that he didn't invite the whole band, but one thing I was sure about is that he wants to talk.

I asked him about El, does he know if maybe she wanted some coffee, too, but he said she walked out of the room, for a cigarette or to the bathroom, before he got the chance to talk to her. I nodded and we started walking towards the little cafeteria.

"So," he started. "I noticed you and Elektra hang out somewhat more lately."

Here we go. Just play it cool.

"Really?" I asked confused. To be honest, deep down I totally agreed with him, but playing dumb was my best idea by far.

"Yeah. I thought you didn't want anyone in your life after.. all that happened." he softly replied.

I got what he was on about. "She.. she's different, Alice. She feels different, that's for sure."

She feels like a safe place in the middle of the scariest storm, and I wondered how is it possible she had me opening up so fast about the things I promised myself not to lay on other people's shoulders. It wasn't even that long after it happened, but I had that weird trust in her, a trust I didn't think I'll ever gain again in other human being. I guess she really is different. She has me. She always did.

"I believe you. You look like you're about to throw up with happiness when she's around," he answered and I chuckled. "I seriously thought you preferred loneliness."

"Not with her. I mean she's.. incredible." I smiled, looking down at the floor.

I don't think I'm ready to admit it wasn't that I preferred loneliness. Never. I was just scared of anything else.

I leaned my head back against the wall, trying to control my smile. I accidentally eavesdropped on Johnny and Alice, but I don't think I regret it. The way he said it- I don't believe he is capable of hurting me like I've been hurt before. He's been hurt too, and I think he trusts me and hopes he will find peace as much as I do.

skip to around midnight

I paced around my room nervously, biting my nails. Johnny was supposed to come to my hotel room 5 minutes ago. Jesus, calm down. It's just 5 minutes.

I know but what if he can't sneak out because of his bodyguards? Do they know? I mean, they could've figured it out by now. Though Johnny reassured me they won't judge either of us, especially when they know me so well.

Oh god, I need him so bad right now. I just want to kiss him and hug him. I know it sounds cliche, but after a whole day of pretending and not being able to show affection to the person you really, really lo- uhm, I mean like, it really messes with you.

I stopped in my place and watched the door for a second before going back to being anxious. I don't know why, I felt like a teenager afraid of being caught in act. My lower belly vibrated from nervous butterflies.

You can't even imagine how fast I turned my head towards the door when I heard it unlocking. In order to do that, you had to have a special magnetic card, and except me there was only one other person having it.

He gazed back and forth at the both sides of the corridor cautiously before quietly closing the door behind him. I guess that means it's safe.

He smiled gladly at me and all my worries just disappeared. I suddenly stop caring, I knew it'll be fine just as long as I am with him.

I threw my hands around his neck, pressing my head into his shoulder.

"Hi," he said happily, tightly hugging me back. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I just got a bit stressed."

"It's okay," he pulled away and kissed my forehead, tucking some hair behind my ear.

I looked up at him and his lips, and I just couldn't help myself. I kissed him, bringing one of my hands to caress his cheek.

"What do you wanna do?" he asked softly.

"How much time do you have?"

He thought. "I probably will have to get back by sunrise."

"That gives us.. 4 or 5 hours." I said. My eyes laid on my bed and then on the TV, and suddenly an idea popped into my head. But Johnny was faster in speaking.

"Do you wanna cuddle and watch some movie?"

He summoned a smile to my lips and I just had to kiss him. I loved doing that. I loved how his hands always wandered in that time, to my back, sometimes dangerously close to my butt, and sometimes just tangling into my hair.

Our lips slowly moved in a rhythm we builded up. I could do this forever, but I don't think I could do it with anyone else. Just Johnny. I wanted to feel his body close, to have his scent tickling my nostrils.

Shit, I'm so screwed. I never want to let him go.

Johnny told me he'll quickly use the bathroom and I should pick a movie to watch. Once he was gone, I threw myself onto the bed and turned on the TV. I planned on focusing more on his touch than on the potential movie for the rest of the night, so I decided on The Naked Gun since it's probably the funniest movie I've ever watched and you don't have to pay much attention.

I laid on my side, with my back to the bathroom door, and I almost managed to click 'play' when I felt bed dipping beside me and the tattooed hand I knew so well found its way to my belly. Soon his other arm replaced the pillow I laid my head on, and I found my back pressed against his chest. He tickled the back of my neck with the tip of his nose, making me have goosebumps all over my body.

I couldn't stop with the butterflies in my belly. Or, actually, it weren't even butterflies anymore. It was an entire zoo and they ran a marathon, making the pit of my stomach vibrate.

"I talked with Alice today." he murmured.

I smiled at the memory. "And?"

"I think he knows."

My smile dropped. I somehow didn't hear that part of the conversation. I turned onto my back quickly and Johnny laid his head on my shoulder instead. I noticed his eyes were closed, but his fingers still actively traced patterns on my belly.

"What are we gonna do?" I asked.

"Nothing. I'm not sure, though, he might just suspect. And he always did that."

I stared up at the ceiling, kinda lost in thought. "Maybe we should tell them?"

"About us?" he asked.

"Yeah."

"I- I don't know. I have no idea how they would react."

"They're our friends." I pointed out. "They won't suddenly hate us, right?"

He stayed silent.

"Maybe it's a stupid fear, I don't know. But I'm scared that's exactly how it will go." he finally replied.

Nobody said anything after that. I don't know why it was such a weird vibe here all of a sudden, but I thought that my trip to the bathroom to do my skincare for the night will fix it a little. So, that's what I did.

After a while of messing in front of the mirror, I was nearly done. I just had to moisturize my face, when I felt two hands on my waist and a chin on my left shoulder not long after.

"I'm sorry." he started quietly, hugging me from behind.

I frowned. "Why?"

"I sometimes imagine bad scenarios and let myself believe them. I'm sure they wouldn't hate us." he answered.

"Johnny, it's ok. I sometimes have weird fears, too. But it's not a bad thing." I turned around and his fingers now connected on my lower back. I smeared some moisturizer on his cheeks and nose.

"Wait- What are you doing?" he asked confused, but still leaned on my hands.

"If you don't take care of that pretty face of yours, I will."

He grinned.

"So, aren't you mad about before?" he asked.

"No! Why would I-" I then realized. "Johnny, I'm not who once used to be by your side and to who you had to apologize constantly. It's over, it's the past. You'll feel much better when you understand it."

He nodded and I continued softly caressing his face until there was no more moisturizer left.

He leaned down and kissed me, probably as a thank you.

"Shall we go back to bed?" he asked.

"You read my thoughts."

thank u all for the ideas under the last chapter 👽

Thank you for readingI hope you enjoy 🌺