Dedicated to toxicsilence for being such a bloody brilliany reader, her comments make me grin and laugh so much

The loud ruckus of everybody's chatter in our Geography classroom seems dimmed as I stare straight ahead at the whiteboard. My eyes are transfixed on the words Mr Morris has scrawled across it but I don't read them, I don't notice anything around me. I'm completely immersed within my own thoughts that are busy and humming like a hundred honey bees.

How could I not have noticed it before?

Even though this particular thought has travelled through my mind too many times I still haven't found an answer for it. I must be blind or at least a complete idiot when it comes to how I feel. I always have been. I guess it's one of the reasons why I've got a counsellor.

But this, this is completely different to past experiences. The realisation that I'm a complete goner for Levi is startling, unwelcome and in a mad sort of way sends adrenaline rushing through my veins every time I think about it.

I'm certain whatever I'm feeling isn't love, it can't be. But it sure is making me doubt my views on what love is. I used to believe it was something commercialised, an emotion so exaggerated it had become make-believe. Yes, there's that flutter of the heart, the quickening of the pulse- but I was always sure it was chemistry. Dopamine, adrenaline, serotonin- chemicals were the answer to answer to all of that.

But, now, I can't help but think there's something more that does give some meaning to the message sonnets, nauseating love songs and crap movies are always conveying. Months ago Levi was a person I wouldn't give a second glance to, but now he's the first face I look for.

And that terrifies me.

"I'm taking the fact that you haven't hit me yet as a good sign," Imogen says, sitting tentatively before me and snapping me out of my stupor. It's a couple of minutes before our Geography lesson is about to start and it's the first lesson we've had together. I attempt to muster up my scariest scowl but I end up failing as I always do when it comes to being annoyed with Imogen.

I shove my hair away from my face for what feels like the fiftieth time that day. Due to the strange humidity today the curls I have normally have gone crazy and become a frizzy, out of control version of their former selves.

Ignoring her comment I remember the question I've been meaning to ask her, considering she's actually got some experience when it comes to this stuff. "How do you, er... feel when you're around Max?" I ask hesitantly, already feeling my face flush in embarrassment as the words leave my mouth. Imogen turns to face me in surprise, evidently expecting her relationship to be the last thing I'd ask about.

She blinks a few times, and after getting over the unexpectedness of the question, a smile blossoms across her face. Her eyes turn misty and a faraway look suddenly occupies them as she begins fiddling with her hair. "How can someone truly describe the boundlessly delightful and wondrously unexplainable thing that is love?" she murmurs.

For god's sake.

I barely restrain myself from slapping my forehead in exasperation, and instead look at her expectantly for more. "Well, could you at least try?"

Imogen shrugs before looking at me again, her eyes gleaming with delight. "Ruby, I feel- I feel euphoric when I'm around Max. I don't think I can quite explain it properly, but it's like, whenever the two of us are together a sort of... bubble encloses us."

I hum in response, as though I get what she's talking about when actually I have no idea.

"Why d'you ask anyway?" Imogen asks curiously, her head tilting to the side a little. "You never like hearing about Max and I."

"I... I don't know," I lie, straightening as I try to smile innocently. "I guess it, uh, finally struck me how beautiful your relationship is."

Imogen stares at my flatly, quirking her eyebrows up and folding her arms as she scrutinises me, her eyes studying my face closely. "Tell me the truth."

I give up the façade and slouch in my seat in defeat. "Imogen, you know I'm hopeless when it comes to these sort of... feelings," I groan, inwardly cringing at how pitiful the last word sounds.

"You have 'feelings'?" Imogen asks confusedly.

"Well as a human, I think I do," I grumble.

"Oh my god!" Imogen squeaks, clapping a hand to her mouth. I slide further down my seat, knowing she's cottoned on to what I mean. "Is this Levi we're talking about?"

"Will you shut up?" I hiss, worried someone might hear.

"At bloody last!" Imogen cries, dropping her pen and clutching her chest. "You know, I was seriously wondering whether your brain was able to, like, understand hormones!"

I scowl at her, not impressed with this comment.

"Alright, alright, I'll stop talking about it," Imogen says, picking up her pen once more but still grinning widely. She looks so elated it's almost funny. "So, I've been talking to my Great Aunt Greta about letting us all stay in her summer cottage for a little while during the holidays," Imogen says, thankfully changing the conversation topic. "I seriously think she's going to agree."

Imogen's mentioned this a couple of times before, this summer after exams and school she wants us to head over to the countryside for a short road-trip and getaway from Wickworth. She's stayed at the cottage a few times before with her family and describes it as something that belongs on the front of a postcard.

I'd love to go and probably will, but there's something that twinges uneasily in my chest. I'd had problems with sleeping ever since Grandma died. The infinite darkness and oblivion that sleep comes with reminded me too much of death which resulted in too many panic-filled, restless nights. These nights were always worse whenever I slept away from home.

Now things are better, after so much time with Mr Hibbert and learning how to cope with things better. Yet- as irrational as the anxiousness about sleeping somewhere that isn't my own bed is- I know it's not going to disappear any time soon. "I can't see anyone agreeing to shacking up a bunch of teenagers for the summer," I say, hating the reluctance that infiltrates my voice.

"Are you kidding me?" Imogen replies, beaming. "Great Aunt Greta's-"

"Ruby and Imogen, if you're going to carry on talking I'll have to think about rearranging the seating plan." Mr Morris' voice comes out of nowhere and startles the both of us; we both peer up and see him standing before our desk, staring sternly down at us. His large glasses have fogged up slightly from the humidity- they make him look slightly crazy.

"Get on with your work!"

* * *

Today's meeting with Mr Hibbert was surprisingly really good. Shockingly, he's started to actually wear clothes with a splash of colour on them rather than wearing his usual grey attire. I've noticed he's been perkier and more upbeat ever since rumours have emerged that he's been going out with Miss Billard, who equally seems to be less scary which is saying something for the terrifying Maths teacher. Maybe the rumours are true, that'd be pretty cute.

As I make my down the school path, I think of what Dad's going to be cooking for dinner before I notice my hair's caught in a button. I stop for a moment to free it. Since the morning my hair's turned even frizzier, making me resemble Ronald McDonald.

Pulling the lock of hair gently from the button, I become aware of someone's gaze on me. Glancing up, I feel my breath catch to see Levi standing by the school gates, looking my way. I'm reminded of the last time he was waiting out here to return my Geography book.

Just like the last time Levi's got a cup of coffee in his hand and his headphones on, I'm only just beginning to notice how much he drinks the stuff. His hair is ruffled and I guess it's from him running his fingers through it since any signs of a breeze have been non-existent today. Levi brings the coffee to his mouth and takes a sip of it and my eyes follow the movement, fascinated by his pink lips. They remind me of what happened in November and a faint ache stirs in my chest, one that feels like longing.

"Bug," Levi says, and I feel that familiar spike of annoyance at the stupid name. "Fancy seeing you here."

I pull my gaze away from his mouth but when I look at Levi, I notice his eyes are bright with amusement, as though he knows what I've been thinking of. "You say that like you don't know where I am on Thursday afternoons," I say.

"I must have forgotten you were stuck in hell," Levi says, alluding to the past hour I've spent with Mr Hibbert.

"Sometimes I like counselling," I blurt, not quite knowing where my answer come from. Levi looks at me in surprise, not expecting that as a reply. "I've actually kind of warmed to Mr Hibbert," I go on, "if you look past the fact he thinks it's the year 2000 he can be kind of helpful."

"He thought my name was Louis, the man's a prat," Levi says starting to walk away from school gates with me by his side.

"He's gotten better," I say in defence of my bumbling counsellor. Half a year ago I would've agreed but the man's grown on me. "He remembered my birthday's next week."

"It is?" Levi asks, surprise making his voice rise a little.

"Yeah," I reply. One of my favourite things about my birthday is that it's in May, when spring stops being so dank and summer starts making an arrival. "I'm thinking of going to watch the new Star Trek film."

The edges of Levi's lips curling upwards as he says, "Star Trek? I didn't know you were into sci-fi."

I nod, thinking of the blockbuster Oliver and I swore to go as soon as news of it first emerged. And before I know it I add, "Plus it has Chris Pine in it who's unfeasibly gorgeous." I stop in my tracks.

What the hell have I just said? For the second time I have no idea where the words I've just uttered have come from and this time it's got my cheeks flooding with heat. I want to cover my face in embarrassment when a gleam of amusement lights Levi's eyes as he folds his arms over his chest.

"'Unfeasibly gorgeous'?" he repeats and I groan in embarrassment which has Levi laughing, the sound melodic and warming. "Anyway, Chris Pine? I don't see it."

"Well you're straight," I grumble, wishing the topic of birthdays had never come up to save me some dignity. "Wait... when was your birthday?" I ask, it suddenly occurs to me that I have no idea when his birthday is.

"In October," he says before taking another long drink of his coffee.

"I missed it," I say, disappointment blooming in my chest. I don't like the idea I haven't gotten him anything at all.

"To be fair, it was before we, er, met properly," Levi responds. My response is instantaneous, the blush that invades my face at the mention of the kiss is all too familiar and I don't even have to look his way to know Levi's grinning.

"Well, remind me to get you something," I say, trying to divert the conversation away from the topic that never fails to make me incredibly flustered.

"You don't have to do that, Bug," Levi says, shaking his head. I know perfectly well I don't have to, but I also know I want to. I don't tell this to him, however, if I do I'd almost certainly say something stupid to go along with it.

We come to the same stop we did yesterday, the place where his road went down one way and mine the other. My mind's just as scattered as it was then, a day later I've barely acknowledged the fact that I'm completely gone for the guy standing before me.

Levi's eyes travel from mine to my hair which I'm pretty sure has gotten caught in my button again. My breath stalls as Levi leans in, his fingers brushing through the mad, untamed locks. Then it's as though he realises what he's doing and pulls his hand away but it's too late, because my heart's drumming quicker anyway.

He remains standing close enough to make my blood rush faster through my veins, carrying along a rushing heat. "Your hair's pretty wild today," Levi says, and I notice how the volume of his deep voice has dropped and there's a new energy that charges the air as he stares down at me. I can't quite read his face but there's something in his eyes... something there that mirrors mine.

"Yeah, I look like I'm the 'before' in an advert for hair products," I joke, attempting to sound blithe when really my voice has turned breathless.

Levi shakes his head and lowers his head a little so our faces are barely a few inches apart. My heart's hammering in my chest now, as though it's desperate to get out. Does he know the effect he has on me?

"No," Levi says, the word so quiet it's almost a whisper. One corner of his mouth quirks upwards. "You look unfeasibly gorgeous." I thank the stars my heart doesn't fail because right there and then all the air leaves my lungs. I attempt to drag in a breath so I don't pass out as Levi straightens, humour brightening his eyes.

"See you around, Bug," he says, giving me one last look before walking away. I stare after him with what feels like hundreds of butterflies fluttering chaotically in my chest.

Dear god, this boy is going to be the death of me.

Trying to pull myself together, I start walking, willing myself to think of anything but Levi. I only had a few more streets to walk and once I got home I could do anything to distract myself- play with Evie, read a book- anything. I have a feeling one more thought about Levi will make my mind combust.

Passing the shops, I'm surprised to see Luke and Natalia standing outside them. Just like the last time I saw them, they do not look happy. Even from the other side of the road I can hear their conversation due to how loud it is. The pair are arguing, quite heatedly, without taking any notice that they've gained the attention of several passer-byes, including me.

"You know what, Luke, I think it was a blessing in disguise that you weren't talking to me! I actually miss your silent treatment," Natalia cries angrily.

"Well I wish I was still ignoring you, god knows it's better than this," Luke retorts, just as furiously.

I probably should continue my way home but I hold back from doing so, whilst not wanting to be accused of being nosy or interfering, I can't help but want to step in and stop the rapidly loudening argument going on before me.

"Of course you'd still want to ignore me. I certainly wouldn't expect anything less for such a childish, intolerable idiot!" Natalia replies, her voice rising so much that it's become shrill.

Luke gives a derisive, empty laugh before he's about to reply when he abruptly stops. Then to my horror, he turns and faces me- the cold anger in his eyes turns into surprise when he sees me. I freeze on the spot, feeling rather like a deer in headlights, and stare back at him with slightly ajar mouth and rapidly reddening cheeks.

I knew I should have said something earlier, I think furiously because now it looks I've just been standing here eavesdropping.

Natalia turns to see who Luke's looking at and when she sees me her face immediately flushes pink. "Ruby?" she squeaks. It's hard to imagine that the now abashed and slightly timid voice she's speaking in was so loud and angry only a few moments earlier.

I frantically think for something to say, something that'll make this situation less awkward and will ignore the fact I've caught them in the middle of an argument.

"This weather's fantastic," I say brightly. They both stare back at me. Well, that was exactly the wrong thing to say. Just then, as if the universe is set out to get me, a loud rumble of thunder groans overhead and the sun disappears behind the thick, grey clouds brewing in the sky.

Luke raises an eyebrow and it's evident in Natalia's face she knows why I'm behaving so weirdly. She clears her throat with a few awkward coughs before glancing over at Luke. Now he refuses to even look her way and stares at the ground, poking around a stone with the toe of his shoe. Natalia sighs and gives a minute shake of her head before turning back to me and offering a brief, wavering smile.

"I'll see you at school tomorrow, Ruby." With that she pivots on her heel and walks off, each step quicker than the last.

Once she's out of sight Luke's shoulders slump as he sighs in what I think is relief. I don't know whether to sigh along with him in frustration, I don't know how long the idiot can go on for pretending he has no feelings for the one girl who's probably the only one he's ever had them for.

"You know, Levi once mentioned you've always been pretty crap at lying," Luke suddenly says. He's looking at me again and there's a small smile lifting his lips. I feel surprise at the idea the idea Levi would say something like that and it must have been evident on my face because then Luke explains. "It was during a Maths lesson and I think Miss Billard asked why you weren't listening. You went tomato red and it was pretty funny to watch."

"Oh," I say. The idea of Levi noticing such things in class makes my cheeks flush in embarrassment.

Luke crosses the road to come stand before me and the serious expression that takes over his face and extinguishes the previous humour in his eyes makes me gulp in nervousness. He's probably going to ask just why I was listening on their conversation and accuse me of being a nosy-

"I need to ask a favour," he says.

I blink before peering at him curiously, furrowing my eyebrows. "What?"

He swallows before giving a weird, small smile- one that appears hesitant. "Er, it's kind of..."

"Yeah?" I ask once he trails off into silence and Luke looks even more uncomfortable. He rakes a hand through his dark brown hair and glances towards me several times before hastily looking away. "Luke, are you OK?" I eventually ask once a few more awkwardly silent moments drag by.

"Er... Well, Davina Paisley's having a party this weekend and, well." He takes another pause before smiling abashedly once more. "Mind coming with me?"

"Me?" I splutter, stepping back and staring at him wildly. Is he on something? Has he forgotten that the girl he has a humungous crush on is Natalia and not the gasping, flabbergasted girl standing in front of him? "Luke- you, you and I are friends and what about-"

"No, I'm not asking you like that!" Luke cries and looking equally as horrified. "I meant we go as friends!"

"Oh," I say, slapping my hand against my chest whilst blowing out a breath of relief and thanking god he hadn't lost his mind. I regard him curiously. "Why d'you want me to come though?"

Luke doesn't answer. He looks towards the sky for a moment, as if searching for something to say, before shrugging and appearing pleading. "Forget about that- will you come?"

Then it occurs to me just why Luke would want to take girl he doesn't fancy to a party that I assume another certain person is going to. "Is this to get back at Natalia?" I ask flatly, crossing my arms. If he thinks he's going to rope me into some awful plan that's bound to go wrong then he's got another thing coming.

"No," Luke responds far too quickly. I stare at him expectantly before he curses and glares at me. "Fine then, it might be-"

"I'm not going to help you upset her," I say firmly, "Natalia's my friend too."