It had already been a year since Zarya left us. Chachu and Chaachi had gone back to the U.S. Life had gotten back to normal for my parents. How? Don't they miss their loved one.

I sprinkled my face with the cold tap water. Glancing at the mirror, I saw what I had become, my eyes became hollow, my lips dried. Sighing to myself, I got out from my washroom. Following the tiled floor, I advanced towards the commotion downstairs.

When I stepped downstairs, I saw Bhai and Bhabi. What were they doing here? Finally after a month of Zarya's death, they decided to show up. I rolled my eyes, as I was about to go back upstairs, I heard bhai greet me. "Walaykum Salam" I answered, not paying much attention to what they were saying, I went upstairs.

"I know he's upset with me, I couldn't make it mama, the business deals weren't allowing me" Bhai sighed, "I'll go talk to him" Bhabi said whilst, coming upstairs. I quickly rushed to my bedroom. I heard a knock at my door, "May I come in Dr. Aalyan?" I nodded my head. "You know you can share everything with me Aalu, what's wrong?" She sat next to me and asked in a very soothing manner.

"What's wrong!" I shouted. "What's wrong is that, when I needed the both of you the most, you were not there! In fact, no one was there. Can you believe I lost the one I fancied the most! The one I loved, the one I could trust the most, my muse! My Zarya. I'm not stable bhabi, I'll end up saying something that will hurt you, so please leave"

She sighed, "You know what hurts me the most Aalyan, the fact that we couldn't be here for you at your toughest times. I'm sorry for that. We cannot control our fate. It's written by Allah SWT, no one can change it. It's in His hands. We're just mere humans." With that, she left my room.

At dinner, when I got down, everyone was at the table, the old liveliness was back. The moment I had come into their eyes, they stopped talking and giggling. "Come sit with us Aalyan" dad motioned me to sit. "No thanks dad, I'll skip" I forced a half smiled. "I'm not asking your opinion, I'm ordering you to sit down!" Dad said in a very stern manner.

Sighing, I pulled out a chair next to Bhai, he put his hands on mine and mouthed a 'sorry'. I just nodded my head. My brother was someone, I could never be angry at, he supported me through everything, though I was jealous of him, he never once raised his voice against me. Bhai was the more preferred son, he finished his studies in London and handled our business there with Chachu. He also married a girl my mother chose for him.

I was the opposite one, always did things against their will. My father wanted me to learn business studies but I was more interested in science. Although I got engaged with the girl my family loved and so did I but fate had turned it's back on me.

"Are you okay?" Bhai asked me, bringing me back from my reverie. "Oh yeah I'm fine" I pursed my lips into a half-hearted smile.

"It doesn't seem like you're fine" Bhai patted my back. My fingers formed a fist, "I'm fine trust me" "If you're fine, why are you playing with your food!" dad barked across the table. Without saying a word, I left the table.

Enough of them controlling my life! I needed mental peace. The cool breeze hit my face as I opened the patio door

"Catch me if you can, I bet you can't!" Zarya's voice echoed through the narrow hallway, "You're cocky, I'll catch you in a jiffy" I ran down the stairs. We were playing tag, this was our daily game to play. I grasped her waist and pinned her against the wall. I could feel her breath

"Who's gonna save you know would-be Mrs. Zarya Aalyan" I smirked, gently brushing my nose against hers. "Mr. Aalu, we're not married yet, if amma gets to know, she'll send me back to London" she pinched my nose and laughed, "Arrey aise kaise jaane de hum tumhe" I got closer, "Aalyan!" bhabi called out. "Where are you?" "Oof bhabi, I'm coming!" I shouted.

I snapped out of my thoughts, upon hearing a knock on my door. "Chote saab, begum sahiba aap ko bula rahi hain" one of the maids said. Without saying anything, I followed behind her. As I got downstairs, I heard bhabi say, "Mama don't mentally pressurize him, he needs time to get out of this trauma" "I don't think so, he has to move on Ilma" mama said on a serious note. "But mama-" bhai started but ended the moment they saw me.

The morning sun poured into my room, disturbing my peaceful rest. Haye subah ho gayi? Ab shuru hogi drameybaazi!

"Noushi!!" Amma yelled at the bottom of her lungs. I jerked up from my bed. Without even brushing my teeth or wearing decent clothing, I rushed downstairs. "Tune kal patangbaazi ki thi, hai na?" She yelled. "Maybe" I shrugged, picking up an apple from the basket on the countertop. As I was about to take a bite, amma snatched it from my hand, "Kaisi badtameezi hain! Main ne ab kuch nahi bolna, main jaa rahi hoon" I rolled my eyes and left.

Had hoti hain yaar!

I was running upstairs when I bumped into my stepfather, Hasan. "Noushaba, tumne aaj university nahi jaana" he asked. "Nahi" I yelled at him, "Acha tou phir main ja raha hoon?" he smirked, I hated his vile face. "The door is that way, not on my face!" I pointed and stomped upstairs.

I didn't join the following lunch or dinner. Amma had come to pacify me. Slightly pushing past the door, she sat on my bed.

"Noushi, we need to talk" she sighed, her eyes were staring into the marbleized floor, "Noushaba..you're taya abbu had called today, remember your cousin Galib? It's his wedding in a week and they have requested you to go to Lahore tomorrow and stay for a week" amma chewed on her lower lips.

I was shocked, my own taya abbu had called and asked for me! I was more than delighted but my delightfulness came to a sudden halt when I realized I still needed amma's permission — she doesn't move on without asking from her husband.

"So? What did you say? Let me guess, you refused by saying a big fat 'NO' right on their face" I taunted.

After baba's death, mama didn't let me keep any contact with his family. Once, my phuppo (father's sister) had called me up for her daughter's birthday but amma denied. From then onwards, everytime any of my biological relatives called me for any occasion, I wasn't allowed.

"What makes you think that?" she creased her brows. "Oh nothing darling" I sarcastically patted her shoulder, receiving a death glare instantly. "Noushaba, I'm here for your opinion. If you want to go, you can but inform me right now, I have to call your taya abbu to send someone pick you up" she said with a straight face on.

I couldn't understand what she was saying— was she for real asking my opinion at once? Wow impressive.

"Amma" I called as soon as she was about to leave. She turned around and raised her eyebrow, "Yes?" "I'll go" I replied almost breathlessly. "Okay then, I'll call your taya abbu"

After she left, I switched my speakers on and put the volume at its peak.

I hadn't fallen asleep till tahajjud, after praying tahajjud, I brought out my diary.

Monday 26th April, 2017

You won't believe what went down today, I had locked myself up in my room for the fourth time in my room but this time, a miracle sparked! Amma came to ask me if I wanted to go to my taya abbu's place and guess what I said? I said YESS! I still reminisce the day abbu, taya abbu, Galib bhai and I had a kite competition, it was mainly abbu and taya abbu, Galib bhai and I were playing as commentators. I wish I could live back those days.

xx, Noushi

I put my diary in my backpack. Opening my closet, I debated about what to pack. After an hour of debating, I packed my bag. Finally a getaway from these people!

I laid down on my bed, staring at the ceiling. How is life so cruel? Ya Allah! Tu hi Malik, tu hi Khaliq, hum qafir o ka raah dikha

"Nou, meri jaan, kahan chupi ho?" abbu's voice echoed through the corridor as he advanced to my bedroom. I sat down on the floor, hugging my legs tightly and not uttering a single word.

He entered my bedroom and sat next to me. "Khafa ho aap humse?" he asked. I didn't answer, he held my chin up with his index. "I know you're angry with me. I'm sorry, I couldn't have dinner with you" he paused "Let's have ice-cream together okay?"

My eyes lit up when I heard about ice-cream. I quickly dressed up in a pink frock with white stockings underneath. Amma tied my hair up in a bun.

Abbu pecked my cheek. "MashAllah, this is called real "

A tear made its way down my eyes. I quickly rubbed it off. Noushaba never cries, crying isn't in her dictionary!

I heard fajr azaan soon afterwards. I went to my bathroom for ablution and then took out my prayer mat. I offered fajr prayer and dozed off to sleep.