Posterity has not labeled me as the strongest woman

Because I continued living

After my reason to live

Left home.

They didn't get the little details right

That I was just a breathing body

Not Radha anymore.

Initially

It was treacherous.

It stabbed my heart

It clogged my eyes

It was tormenting,

To say the least.

Floors began to be

Mopped more often

Shelves began to be dusted more often

How naïve of me to think

These little errands and the labour they demanded

Would keep me away from feeling the

Pain.

I know you know

But many don't.

Truth to be told,

I was scared of feeling the tremor

I didn't want it

To grip me

Twist the fragile bones in my body

And eat me alive.

That's the power of pain

It can kill you while you

Still breathe.

And then one day

I dreamt.

What a lovely dream that was!

I dreamt of a blue boy

Playing His merry flute

Clad in shimmering yellow

With a girl.

The night sky darkened

The flute began to crescendo

And then

Stopped.

The girl

Asked the boy

"What is it that you feel right now?"

The boy smiled

The most beautiful smile in the cosmos

And said

"Love".

I woke up to a brighter day, Krishna.

You came when the path was weary

And my feet were tired.

You would always do that

But that day

I just wanted to thank you

And probably shed a tear or two.

It dawned on me

If I had felt the love

Why can't I feel the pain?

And so I did.

I shed tears.

It thawed my frost bitten heart

I apologized to it

For being so overbearing on it

For giving it

The massive burden

Of a repressed pain to bear.

I felt the pain, Krishna.

It didn't make me happier

But it didn't kill me, either.

In fact it saved me

From drowning

In an unending, eternal ocean

Of pure misery.

You don't know what your heart is capable of

Until you do the thing you fear the most.

For me, it was

Feeling.

And that's how

I became

The strongest woman in history.