❝ hayami ❞

hayami

the girl that you like

the girl who touched your forehead in such a natural way

without even blushing or getting flustered,

like i stupidly do even when an inch of our skin touches together.

she just simply checked to see if you've got fever.

the girl who took care of you while you were sick

yes, you got sick

at the last night of the sleepover

what time that was?

oh, 10:37 P.M

and yes,

that shit's still stamped in my memory.

i am not even sorry.

aren't you stupid?

staying up until midnight, still drinking multiple cans of cold beers

laughing and partying with our friends

letting yourself drag along with the frigid wind

that was coming in from the open window

do you still remember that one?

look what happened to you

hey, weren't you trying to impress yourself to her?

fucking weirdo.

oh god, how idiotic of me

just to get jealous of a simple contact between her hand and your forehead

i had always kinda wanted to do that, you know?

hell, i had always wanted to hear your croaky and sick voice

i had always pictured myself taking care of you,

making coffee for you,

making soup for you when you get sick,

hearing your hoarse voice saying

❝good morning, akaashi! ❞

with that warm smile plastered in your face,

the rays of the sun irradiating your smiling face

sounds gay, i know.

i mean, everything that i am writing is gay.

because i am one.

god, why am i so stupid?

i feel like laughing now.

i'm sorry bokuto, can't help it.

all those imaginations faded away,

when i saw her laid her head in your shoulder.

her lashes fluttered close, indicated she was about to fall asleep

yet, you just let her be.

i didn't understood.

why did i got those stinging feeling from my chest

like my heartstrings were about to tear and explode.

i felt like my heart was shattering to pieces

yet i felt like picking them up again

and hand them back to you

i felt jealousy again for the millionth time that time

and it sucked

i hated it.

﹊

all of our friends were too busy chatting about their lives,

and yet, you stared at her with such admiration,

like as if no one's around

just like what i felt when you hugged me back at our sophomore party

i was stuck reading a carpentry book from your dad's bookshelf,

and even though i never liked carpentry

i was stuck reading it

i felt tears forming around my eyes

yet i tried looking unbothered

i still do remember

the way i looked hard at that stupid carpentry book,

pretending to read even though i couldn't understand shit,

bu that was simply because i never wanted seeing you with her,

and i, just remained silent

it did sucked,

and yes, it did hurt.

♡