~ March 7th 2020 ~

So today I'm spending my free day hanging around Coney Island incognito. So far it's working. My disguise is my new look. Okay, admittedly I look like the trailer trash girls. Short pink hair, short black dress, carrying around a pink backpack. Obviously the outfit is trashy but I don't really care anymore. Not saying that I've became sleazy or anything...it's just that I've just gave up on everything. I might as well tight clothes...show off my skin. Who actually cares? I'm just gonna blend in with the trailer trash.

I've even learned to live life, embrace the colour black, and got several tattoos.

While I happily pick my cotton candy to pieces I hear a familiar voice. British of course. But it isn't my ex. This guys voice is deep but has enthusiasm...

Kyle.

I turn around and look behind me, but he isn't there which is strange because I hear him so clearly. I then look to my left and see him sitting there talking to one of his friends. Well this is a fucking surprise.

I don't want him to see me. And I don't want to see any past ghosts. I go to move but I catch him staring at me - I probably looked pretty weird staring at Kyle. I look the other way immediately. "Excuse me..." I hear Kyle happily mumble. Thinking that he is gone to the toilet I grab my strawberry milkshake and continue drinking it like normal.

Well that was a blast from the past. It's good to see Kyle happy though. Even if he is like Dan...a cheat.

"Maisie?" With that I literally jump. I almost fall off my chair while turning around, "sorry..." Kyle laughs holding his arms out. "Jesus Christ." I mumble under my breath as Kyle then immediately hugs me.

"I thought it was you. I love your hair and tattoos...wow." I thought I blended in with the trailer park girls. "Why didn't you say hi?" He then asks while sitting down next to me. Totally uninvited, of course. "Because you looked like you're having fun?" I lie while shrugging my shoulders back. I just didn't want to talk to any past faces - I don't want to get all upset again.

"He's not with us...you know?" Of course that makes me feel better, but I don't care about Dan. If I see him...I see him. His probably getting on with his life and I'm getting on with mine. "Where is he?" I curiously ask as Kyle laughs. "He is probably at the hotel FaceTiming Lana." Cute.

I'm not jealous. I mean it sucks to know that his heart belongs with someone else...but I'll get over for it. We're both adults and yeah.

"How are you? I mean...you've changed big time." I can't help but smile. I mean...it's nice for someone not to judge what I look like. Ali went ape shit but I had to remind him that I'm in my late twenties, he has no good over me anymore. "Let me guess, this look doesn't suit me?" They say that you change your appearance dramatically when you feel like ending it all. I guess this is what...motivated me.

Obviously I don't feel like dying now. Not anymore. Which is a huge relief for Ali, just this morning he told me that I look happier. And I guess I am. I pray every night to Jesus to look after my daughter, in return I just try to be nice. I work my butt off in my new studio and I try to make new friends. They was supposed to meet me here but..they bailed because of work commitments which such.

"Nah. You look fucking sexy." With that I laugh shaking my head. "I feel anything but that." Kyle then smiles at me. I've always been obsessed with his big brown eyes. They're so big...they always look full of sorrow though, "you should. Honest. Like...yeah." Trust Kyle Simmons of all people to tell me that I look sexy when I know and feel like a train wreck. This was not what I had in mind when my girlfriends told me to come to Coney Island.

"Didn't you have a kid...or was expecting one?" I randomly say even though I know he was. It must've been born last month or something? Kyle smiles before looking downwards. "I was...but then life got in the way and she had an abortion behind my back. Which fucking hurts." Oh Jesus that's...wow. I mean the guy is a dick...but he didn't deserve that.

"I'm sorry for your loss." Kyle nods his head before he then falsely smiles. "Yeah well...she wasn't the right one to settle down with anyway." I understandably nod my head as I'm running out of things to talk about.

That's when Kyle all of a sudden points at me his whole child like hairy face lights up. "Do you maybe want..." his voice trails off while I cringe. This better not be what I think it is going to be. "Um..." his voice trails off once again. "Maybe me and you should go on a date or something?" I shake my head but Kyle doesn't take no for an answer...at least not yet anyway.

"I'm only saying this because I care. But Dan has moved on with Lana. You should see their sick social media posts. Their happy...and it's only fair that you're happy too. Because you are one of the kind Maisie Chain." I've seen all of their posts. I guess that's why I can't hate them...as a couple.

Even if she took my boyfriend away from me.

She cares more for Dan and his mental health more than I would ever. When I was pregnant with Bee...I only cared about her. I probably left Dan feeling unloved or whatever. I played it safe...and for a guy who likes spice...I was boring.

"You can say no or whatever. I just like seeing you smile...that's all. You're very pretty and I kind of think that you're wicked. I might've always thought that...but don't tell Dan." Oh my god.

I don't say anything except feel myself blush...I mean that's sweet. Honestly that's lovely and caring. I guess I could give love another chance? So I nod my head.