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I couldn't breathe.

The walls were closing in.

It felt as my chest was collapsing in on itself as I thought of what could happen tonight. What if they leave me? What if I get lost in the crowd and they can't find me? What if I spill something on myself in front of everyone and they all start laughing at me? What if I drop my cup because my hands are so sweaty and everyone laughs at me? What if they leave me? What if I throw up from how nervous I am and everyone laughs at me? What if, what if, what if.

My palms were sweating as I dragged them up and down my thighs, trying to calm myself down before I started crying. I felt the tears surfacing as I tried to focus on my breathing and not throwing up. It was not about me tonight, so I need to get a grip, and relax.

I felt a warm palm on either of my exposed thighs. Waves of calm washed through me as I closed my eyes and exhaled.

"Baby doll, try to breathe," Grey said as he kept his eyes on the road. I looked at him, and just stared at his beautiful profile. I exhaled again, closing my eyes, trying to push all of the panic out of my mind. They won't ditch me. They never would do that. They said they wouldn't leave my side and they meant it. They would never break a promise.

But this pressure in my chest just kept pushing and pushing and pushing. I can't breathe.

"One," Ryker softy said.

I gripped his hands as I felt the tears escape. If I hold on to him tight enough, then he can't lose me in the crowd.

"Two," he softly continued. I him heard take a deep breath and he squeezed my hands.

"Three." I was breathing too hard I could barely hear him.

"Four," I breathed out, and he squeezed my hands. I felt a kiss press against the side of my head.

"Good girl. Five," he continued.

"Six." I tried to slow my breathing. They would never leave me. They promised. They would never break a promise.

"Seven." I felt a hand on my thigh and a thumb slowly rub back and forth. I tried to focus on the warmth surrounding me. I can't let the darkness consume me. They would never leave me. They promised. They would never break a promise.

"Eight." I felt my breathing slowly return back to normal. I could breathe without it hurting. The tears continued to flow as I gripped Ryker's hands.

"Nine," he pressed another kiss to the side of my head as I felt the car start to slow down.

"Ten," I breathed out. The pressure was gone. I could breathe through my nose. I opened my eyes and peered at Ryker. He gently smiled at me and placed a kiss to my forehead.

"Good job, beautiful." My body warmed at his praise and I smiled at him. He wiped at my tears with his thumbs and brought up the bottom of his shirt and wiped at my snot. I tried to stop him from doing so, I didn't want him to ruin his nice shirt but he did it anyway. I laughed as he tucked his shirt into the waist band, covering my snot from the bottom of his shirt.

"We love you," Grey whispered as he placed a kiss to the top of my head. "We will not leave you." He reiterated. I turned around to stare into his beautiful green eyes and I nodded my head.

"Are you ready?" Grey asked, squeezing my thigh. I nodded, and gained control of my limbs as Grey tugged me out of his car. He wrapped his arm around my waist, just as Ryker did.

"Just remember to breathe, okay?" Ryker whispered in my ear as we walked to the front door. As soon as it opened, we were bombarded with noise. All I heard was ringing in my ears as Grey and Ryker were greeted by everyone, and I do mean everyone.

I felt their grip on my waist tighten the further in the crowd we went, it felt as if they were trying to cut off my circulation. People were shoving us so hard, that I didn't even know where I was.

I couldn't focus on anything that anyone was saying, it was so loud and hot and humid and it felt like the walls were closing in on me again. I peeled their arms off of me so I could grip their hands as tightly as I could so that I couldn't lose them. They both smiled down at me before continuing to greet everyone.

We finally made our way into the kitchen where they both made a drink for me. I looked at the cups and looked back up at them.

"Mine has pineapple juice in it, you love pineapple juice," Grey said, trying to sell me on the drink he made. I giggled as I looked at Ryker so he could sell me on his.

"I just poured a cider in here, I didn't think that much sorry," Ryker shrugged. I giggled as I took the drink that Grey made and took a sip. The drink tasted just like juice, but I knew there was alcohol in it from the warm that my body instantly warmed. I smiled as Ryker chugged the drink that he had "made" for me and he burped very loudly after finishing.

"That was way too bubbly I shouldn't have chugged that," he burped again as he and Grey made their own drinks. I laughed again as a group of their friends came rushing into the kitchen.

"Beer pong, let's go!" Jordan, their best friend, shouted, clapping Ryker on the back. They both looked to me, silently asking if I wanted to play. I nodded my head, and everyone cheered. We made our way out of the kitchen and outside, where a table was set up to play beer pong.

Grey, Ryker, and I stood at one end of the table and I picked up a ball, fiddling with it and waiting for the game to start.

"Why do they get three people that's not fair?" Someone shouted, and it was a voice I didn't recognize. I don't think they went to our school. How many people are at this party? This house is absolutely packed.

"Shut the fuck up," Jordan calmly said and I smiled as he stood up for us. I always loved Jordan, he was my favorite friend of theirs. He never judged us, and he never made me feel uncomfortable.

"Alright, eye for an eye. Holland, want to go first?" Jordan asked and I nodded. I stared Jordan in the eyes and I felt a grip on my elbow. Jordan's eyes flicked to my elbow and he rolled his eyes. "Grey, relax, it's for the fucking game." The grip on my elbow didn't loosen and I rolled my eyes. I looked into Jordan's eyes again.

"Eye, for an, eye." Jordan and I spoke before tossing the ball. His bounced on the table before rolling away, and mine landed in the middle cup. I smiled as everyone cheered and Ryker placed a hand on the small of my back.

"Good job," Grey and Ryker spoke at the same time and I scrunched my nose. I hated when they did that.

The game commenced, and we crushed them like we normally do. I always start off and land the first cup, and then Grey and Ryker just absolutely demolish the other team. Everyone should know by now that we're the best team and shouldn't play against us, but they do for some reason. I always feel on cloud nine after we win a game, it's the best feeling.

I had finished my drink and I felt my limbs loosen considerably. I felt so warm, and I wanted this feeling to continue. I wanted another drink. I saw that Grey and Ryker were laughing and joking around with all the guys. I can go and get another drink, I don't want to bother them. The kitchen is right there they can clearly see me, it's no big deal.

I went to walk to the kitchen when a hand gripped my wrist and tugged me back to their side.

"Oh no, beautiful. Where do you think you're going?" Ryker smiled down at me.

"I just want another drink, it was so good."

"Alright, what did you drink then? What did I make you?" Grey asked, hugging me from behind and trapping me between the two of them. I smiled as I lolled my head to rest against his chest, and I stared up into his eyes.

"Something with pineapple juice." I giggled and he laughed as he rolled his eyes.

"You don't even know what was in it, how can you make another drink if you don't know what was in it?"

"I can just guess."

"That does not sound like a good idea baby doll."

"It's the best idea."

"Let me make this one, and you can make the next one." I nodded my head, easily giving in to him.

I followed Grey into the kitchen, blowing a kiss to Ryker as he stayed behind to talk with everyone. I intently watched as Grey made me the drink again. Pineapple juice, cranberry juice, and coconut rum. He only put a dash of the rum, and I squinted my eyes at him.

"Oh no, mister. More alcohol." I tutted at him and he laughed as he poured more into the cup.

"Will that do, baby doll?" He asked, holding the cup out and slightly bowing. I giggled as I took a sip. It still tasted like juice but it made my body really warm and my head feel light. I nodded my head and smiled at him.

He grabbed my hand and led me back outside, the bass moving through our bodies and making me want to dance.

I zoned out as Ryker and Grey talked to everyone, and suddenly my drink was empty again. I need another one. They totally won't notice me leaving this time, I can be so super sneaky. The best spy that ever lived.

They might be better though.

"Where are you going?" Ryker laughed. I put my cup upside to show that it was empty again. "Okay let's make you another drink."

"I can do this one myself, I'm a big girl sometimes," I said. "The kitchen is right there you can see me the whole time." I nodded my head enthusiastically and he just laughed.

"Okay. But we're watching very intently." I nodded my head again as I made my way to the kitchen. I took a few extra side steps that were totally necessary to regain my footing, the sidewalk had moved and I'm sticking with that story.

I felt so free and loose and warm as I made my way into the kitchen and to the counter. I was staring at all the bottles on the counter, trying to remember what was in my drink. I furrowed my eyebrows as I tried to concentrate.

"Hey." I slowly turned my head to see a guy standing right next to me, way too close to me. I immediately got chills as he stared into my eyes. He had black hair in a quiff, and pale blue eyes that looked into my soul. He was wearing a dark blue sweatshirt, and black skinny jeans.

"Yes?" I asked, clutching the counter to try and steady myself.

"You look stressed. Do you want a drink?" He gave me a smile, meant to make me warm up to him. But every single fiber within my being made me want to run and hide.

"No thank you." I tried to step around him, but he boxed me in. I tried to look back out the glass door to see if Ryker and Grey were going to come, but from where we were standing, they wouldn't be able to see me. I felt panic instantly flood me.

"Just one little drink. Then I'll leave you alone." His face was inching closer to mine, and I wanted to throw up from how nervous I was. I need him to get away from me. If I give into him, he said he would leave me alone. One drink won't hurt, right?

"Okay." I whispered, and he smiled at me. He slightly backed away and set about making me a drink. He was still too close, I couldn't get away safely. I ran my hand through my hair, trying to steadily breathe as he placed the cup in my hand. I looked back towards the glass door, but I was still out of their line of sight.

I sniffed the drink, and it immediately burned my nose, the smell wafting down my throat and slightly burning it. This isn't the same drink that Grey made me. I took the cup away from my face, but he brought it back to my lips.

"I made it myself. It's really good." He raised his eyebrows as he smiled at me. My skin was crawling as I took a sip of the drink. As I swallowed it down, it burned my throat as a hint of orange juice and plastic was left on my tongue. I tried to take the cup away, but he kept it firmly at my lips, leaving me no choice but to chug it down.

When it was all gone, I put the cup down on the counter, and the room was slightly spinning. He brought a hand to my face, and made me look into his pale eyes.

"Perfect," he mumbled, giving me a smirk. He latched onto my wrist as he dragged me to the living room. I tried to look back towards the glass door, but he had moved too quickly, or I had moved too slowly.

*******

I couldn't focus.

The lights were...bright. And everywhere at once.

I felt the music moving through me.

Hands. They were grabbing me.

I was dancing to the beat.

I felt too hot.

The lights were moving, green, and red, and blue.

The music was louder.

The room was hotter.

There were more hands. Everywhere. On my hips, on my chest.

There was someone in front of me, and behind me. Who are they?

Can I have another drink?

It was too hot now.

A dark corner. I don't like these.

Why is he touching me there?

I don't want his hands on me. No.

I'm crying. He doesn't care.

I need to get out.

Get your hands out of me.

I don't like this.

This doesn't feel good.

I can't breathe, I'm crying too hard.

But I can't move.

And he doesn't care.

There was too much noise now. It was shouting, and screaming, and pushing me.

I am so relieved.

***********

"Holland!" Slow. That's how I felt. Too slow.

They grabbed my hand and pulled me.

It was cold now.

"Holland! Look at me!" Hands were on my face, making me look into green eyes. Grey.

"Thirsty." My throat hurt. But Grey.

"What did you drink? Holland!" Tired. I need sleep. And another drink.

"He gave it to me?" Warms hands were on my face. So warm.

More shouting. And punching. I could hear punching. And screaming.

*something about them yelling and shifting I don't know dude I don't remember how it went and I'm not rewriting that part just imagine they yelled, they shifted, and they're standing in front of her in wolf form*

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-abbey

Edited: September 4, 2021

A/N: I basically rewrote this chapter. Our boys do not blow up at Holland because why the fuck did I think that was a good thing in the first place? I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter more, let me know your thoughts.

LOVE YOU ALL. Thank you so much for sticking through this with me!!