There's something terrifying about silence.

Maybe it's to do with the unknowingness of everything. If everything is quiet, then you can't hear what's going on and, therefore, can't save yourself when things go wrong.

Shouto's always been burdened with Endeavor. He's pretty sure the first time he was really beaten was when he was just four, which is a sad truth. By then, he hadn't yet learned to protect himself. He'd simply let it happen, confused with what was going on.

He told mama, she didn't do anything. Couldn't, now that he looks back. She was just as defenseless as Shouto was.

Everyone was defenseless when it came to Endeavor. Fuyumi and Natsuo were avoidant, that's how they came out unscathed. Mom was too, after her days of trying to protect her family were over. She was still scarred, in the end. Mentally, at least.

Shouto couldn't avoid. He also couldn't confront. The only real thing he could do was listen. Become plaint.

Father took advantage of that, shaped Shouto into something he'll never be able to overcome. Shouto is still haunted by the hits he took, and for what?

He protected his mother, took those hits for her.

And she burned him, something he never thought could be possible.

Shouto sat in silence for about three hours after the incident in the classroom. He still has to write an apology essay to Cementoss and give it to him after the break ends. Aizawa had grumbled something about Shouto deserving an apology, and that a teacher should've known not to grab a student clearly having a breakdown.

Shouto's phone vibrates next to him, shaking his table. He drops his pencil onto the blank letter paper and answers.

"Shouto! You're off for ten days, right?"

Shouto picks his pen up back up, twirling it in his hand the way he's seen Uraraka do. maybe you just don't know yourself that good

"Yes."

"Dad said you didn't say anything about coming home, so why don't you pack and we can all stay at the house? Natsu's on break, too. It's super convenient!" There's the jingling of bells on her side of the phone.

"What are you doing?"

Fuyumi giggles, "I'm helping dad decorate the house."

His heart squeezes in on itself. Endeavor has never decorated for Christmas. Shouto's never celebrated, even.

"Melt all of the snow in the yard and then you can come in. I want to watch," he says, arms crossed.

Shouto shivers, goosebumps settling on his skin. It's cold, his quirk defends against it most times, but it still affects him.

Father waits inside while Shouto tries his best to heat up his left side. He just got his quirk a few months ago. He doesn't know how to use it all the way and it's so hard to learn. Father hits him when he doesn't listen.

"Isn't Christmas on the 25th?"

Fuyumi clicks her tongue, "Right, you've never really had a Christmas before, have you?" She pauses, saying something to Endeavor. Shouto wants to bet the bastard can hear him. "You're supposed to decorate pretty early in the month. I already did mom's room with the nurses, it looks super cool."

Shouto perks up, "How is mom?"

"She's doing so well! She can't wait to see you again, sometimes you're all she talks about," Fuyumi feigns inconvenience. "She's sad you can't get out more often, though."

Shouto sets his pen back on the desk, slouching back, "Can she have visitors today?"

Fuyumi sighs over the phone, a break in the flowy conversation. "She can't, the nurses are doing a potluck with everyone. Oh Shouto," she steps away from the conversation, changing the topic. "My school allowed us to throw potlucks. Mine was last week, all my students loved it. And you know, they know about you and dad being heroes. You should come by as a surprise sometime."

Shouto wants to tell her that'd be abusing his fame as a hero in training, but it'd only be an excuse to not go.

"Yea, okay. I can talk to Aizawa-Sensei about it."

"Please! My students would love to see you in person. I hear the upper grades talking about the sports festival all the time, they'd be so jealous." Shouto can hear Endeavor's voice over the phone, in the background of all the talking Fuyumi's doing.

"Oh, sure! Shouto, I'm handing my phone to dad now," she says, and immediate panic takes over his body, sending him rigid.

"Shouto."

He's half tempted to hang up, but he might want to hear what this bastard wants to say.

He still doesn't give him the satisfaction of an answer.

Endeavor sighs, "Okay. I... I thought you should know that Fuyumi will be staying for the holidays, here at the house."

Shouto rolls his eyes, "I know that." There's a little more bite than intended, but it gets the point across.

"Yes, of course. You should come home for a few hours, at least. Just to visit your brother and sister."

"And you?"

...

"I can leave if it's what you-"

"Do whatever you want. If you send a driver then I'll go see Fuyumi and Natsuo."

There are two very relieved sighs, "Thank you... I mean-"

"I'm not staying the night. And if you crowd me I'm leaving," he bargains, which is one hell of a deal, each Todoroki knows.

"That's fine, I'll send Kurumada to UA for you," Endeavor states, serious voice lacking its usual heat.

He sounds genuinely excited.

"Okay," Shouto answers dryly, and Fuyumi's blabbing her mouth in the background, talking about activities he's never heard of.

"Shouto," Endeavor says, his heavy footsteps heard through the phone, taking him far from Fuyumi. "I'd like it if you answered your phone more. I've been talking with your sister more, spending my lunches with her. You and your brother are understandably-"

Shouto scowls, hoping Endeavor can feel his hateful energy. "We're all adults, the way I see it." He pauses looking at the shadow of feet on the other side of his door. Someone's there. "You missed the part of all of our lives where we needed you, and we needed you to be good."

Endeavor's breath stutters, and Shouto can't find it in himself to feel bad.

"Fuyumi can do what she wants, but me and Natsu... we don't need you, it's not beneficial to us."

"Shouto, I-"

"Do what you want, Endeavor. Keep pretending like you didn't do what you did. To mom. To Touya. And we can both pretend you never hurt me, either. But as long as the past lives, I'll never be able to see you the way you want me to."

Endeavor, is fire.

"You are not my father. You were my trainer, and I've moved on." He swallows, "You should do the same."

It's silent for longer than Shouto anticipated. He thinks he hears a muffled breath, shuddering. A few times, it sounds like Endeavor might say something else, but nothing understandable leaves his mouth.

"I'm hanging up. There's nothing else for me to say to you," Shouto says, and he gives ten seconds for Endeavor to answer.

His voice is sad, and he probably deserves it.

Shouto still doesn't like that he's the reason for someone's pain, however deliberate it was.

"I'll see you soon, Shouto."

It's only said to end the call nicer than what Shouto could've done, and so he hangs up.

It's a lie; there is never not anything to say about the Todoroki family. But even someone like Endeavor avoids things, like the topic of his dead son and ill wife. The topic of his past.

Shouto stands, stretching. He sneaks up on the door, unintentionally, but usefully. Opening it, he almost regrets it.

"You talk too loudly on the phone."

Shouto exhales, looking to Midoriya instead of Bakugo. "Did you need something?"

Midoriya takes a moment to stop staring at Shouto, even then, he misses the question. "Were you just talking to your dad?"

Shouto looks to his side, squeezing the door handle, "Yes."

"Sounded like one hell of a talk," Bakugo pushes his way in, laying in the middle of the room, on the ground. "So IcyHot, you going home anytime soon?"

Shouto nods, "I'll be back tonight, though. Did you need something," he asks again, since they ignored him the first time.

"Was gonna see if you'd come to Ground Beta with me, train a bit. Guess not, though."

Shouto picks a backpack from under his bag, packing an extra jacket and hat. "I can tomorrow, maybe."

"Not that big of a deal," he says, eyes on Midoriya as he closes the door softly and folds his hands behind his back.

"Todoroki," Midoriya sits, face twisted into a concerned expression. "You... you're okay right?"

Shouto stops packing, a jacket sleeve hanging out of his backpack. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"We heard your call, idiot. And all that shit with throwing up in the middle of class, falling asleep and shit." Bakugo folds his hands behind his head, "Don't think I've ever seen you sick before."

"Todoroki, you scared everyone. Even Kachaan was worried. He sat with you while you slept at Recovery Girl's office."

"Shut up! It's only because she had another student in there and I was trying to make sure IcyHot didn't choke on his own vomit!"

The excuse, however elaborate, was clearly a lie.

"Anyways," Midoriya frowns, "You seem kinda stressed lately."

Shouto fixes his backpack, looking through his desk drawer and stuffing the quirk suppressants into his backpack. "It's break now, I think a reset on all of our work is good." He smiles faintly at the thought of his mother, the calm her hospital room brings. "And I haven't visited my mother for a while," he thinks aloud. "I can't wait to see her."

Both Bakugo and Midoriya are staring, Midoriya with glimmering eyes and Bakugo with his own version of a proud smile. Very small, very hard to see.

"Your brand of excited sure is something, IcyHot." Bakugo leans back, looking up at the ceiling. "You know, if anything shitty happens at your old man's place, let us know and we'll come get you."

Shouto almost says something but Midoriya beats him to it, smiling fondly at Bakugo, "Kachaan, that's so nice of you!"

"Shut up!"

Shouto smiles, "Thanks, Bakugo. I'll keep it in mind."

Bakugo only reddens, "Yea whatever. I'm gonna be bored here anyway."

Both boys know it's not something Bakugo would say in front of most other people, and it means a lot.

A text from Kurumada has the three boys walking out into the hall. Midoriya smiles the whole walk down to the first floor, Bakugo feigns a lack of care like he always does.

Kurumada greets Shouto with a smile and a small mint candy, red and white. He makes a few jokes about his hair that Shouto can't even pay attention to.

When he looks out the car window, he sees Midoriya's expression, the way both he and Bakugo have taken to talking. It's a serious topic of conversation, and Shouto knows for a fact it's about him.

They fade away from view as Kurumada starts driving, and hell awaits.

"A little to the right... now down. Uhhh... diagonal?"

Shouto exhales, body deflating with the movement. His arms have been moving the stupid ribbon or garland or whatever the hell this thing is up against the wall for nearly five minutes, and Natsuo is not helping the soreness at all.

Shouto's head pangs as Fuyumi's lighthearted laugh fills the house, and he looks behind him to see Natsuo smiling fondly.

"Okay, maybe a little to the ceiling..."

"Natsu, you're taller than me. Why don't you do it?"

Natsuo smiles playfully, "You exercise more. Buff arms or whatever. Anyways, if I was the one holding it up, I couldn't know where to put it."

Shouto turns his head back to face the wall. "Not like we're making any progress this way," he mumbles, sighing.

"I've got good ears, you know. When did you become so sassy?"

"I'm not sassy," Shouto says, whatever that means.

Natsuo laughs, "Sure. I meant expressive. That better, Shouto?"

Shouto rolls his eyes, tacking the stupid decoration onto the wall despite the crookedness. Natsuo whines and rushes to fix it while Shouto rubs his arms, rolling the soreness out of his shoulders.

Fuyumi walks in just as Natsuo reaches up to fix it, commenting on how he should know better than to put things sloppily onto the wall. Natsuo sticks his tongue out at Shouto when she says that, and Shouto can't help but smile a bit at the teasing. It's a natural thing that he'd never had before, he's seen Kaminari and Kirishima joke like this. It's always pleasant watching them, it's a completely different feeling actually experiencing it.

Whatever it is, despite being numbed from years of blocking out everything but survival needs, Shouto really likes it.

His smile dissipates as Endeavor walks in, so does Natsuo's. His older brother turns away, arms stiff at his sides. Shouto only looks down at the ground, waiting for his father to snap and start yelling about something.

Except, that hasn't happened for months, not since he became number one. Not since he got exactly what he wanted and could therefore finally change into what Shouto's been needing desperately this whole time.

And Shouto won't even accept it.

The door slides closed on its track, Endeavor stepping into the living room, towering over everyone. He didn't greet Shouto, Fuyumi said something about a work call, which was convenient up until now.

The heat in the room builds, tension thickening. Fuyumi's looking between the three of them and nervously sputtering.

Endeavor speaks before she can stutter anything else out. "Shouto, it's nice to see you."

Shouto turns his head away, "Okay."

He can feel Endeavor's blaring shame, it comes in the form of a subtle heatwave. He knows Natsuo feels it too, with the way he squirms. Everything is suddenly so silent and awkward, nothing like the lively setting Shouto and Natsuo had so easily created.

Weird, how that happened. Shouto and Natsuo don't talk very much. Only when they meet accidentally at the hospital with mom.

And this house, this room... so much has happened. It feels like yesterday that Shouto was sitting on his knees, prepared to bolt for the door to the hall if Endeavor caught him watching TV. Uneasily leaned forward and listening to All Might explain quirks and the importance of kindness and other cheesy stuff like that.

Shouto's eyes catch the wall on the other side of the room. He's been thrown against it before. The paper walls have been replaced since then, it's been eleven or more years now. But they're all just standing here like Shouto wasn't abused here. Like Endeavor didn't pay to hide the bloodstains of a bloody nose or busted lip.

Endeavor shuffles at the door, "Oh, you've started decorating again. It looks festive in here."

Natsuo scoffs, defiant as ever. "Yea, no thanks to you."

Fuyumi smiles worriedly, "Natsu, you said you'd be pleasant?"

"Whatever," he says, pushing past Endeavor on his way out. Shouto wants nothing more than to walk out with him, to leave the tension behind in this room, but Fuyumi's giving him that look of pity, pleading eyes begging with her pouted lips for him to stay.

Shouto looks to the cardboard box of decorations, "Fuyumi, what should I put up next?"

Fuyumi smiles, face filling with warm color as she points to a garland that looks like leaves, little red styrofoam berries clustered all over. "We should hang these someplace high, don't you think? How about above the doors?"

Shouto shrugs, trying to soften his expression. Endeavor's watching them interact, probably jealous that Shouto acknowledges Fuyumi.

Taking the garland in his hands, "Just tell me where."

Fuyumi's and Shouto walk over to the door, forcing Endeavor out of the way with as little interaction as possible. Fuyumi directs Shouto to hold up the ends of the garland, so she can say whether it's even or not. Shouto struggles to reach across, Endeavor takes the initiative.

Shouto watches Fuyumi push a thumbtack into the wall, holding Endeavor's side up.

"You've grown so tall, Shouto," Endeavor comments uselessly, warm gaze set on his son.

"Does that make you mad?"

Endeavor frowns, "Why would a simple fact anger me?"

Shouto pins Endeavor down with a steel gaze of his own, "You know, it's a lot harder to push someone around when they're not four feet tall."

Endeavor pales, and Fuyumi cringes, "Shouto, please, can we just decorate? Just this once?"

Shouto dulls, "Fine. Sorry."

"It's my fault, Fuyumi," Endeavor speaks up, "I shouldn't have treated you that way so young, or ever. Your question was valid, based on my past behavior."

"See, Shouto? He apologized. You should too, and then we can-"

The door slams open on its track, a wooden bar breaking and Fuyumi flinching from the loud noise. Natsuo grabs Shouto's shirt sleeve, pulling him backward, "Don't corner him with that bullshit! Shouto's never done anything bad to have to apologize," he glares at Endeavor, "Especially to him!"

Fuyumi lets her hands hover unsurely around the two, but before she can grab Shouto or say anything, Natsuo's pulling him along and stomping through the paper mansion. He pushes Shouto down to sit in the genkan, and Shouto follows his lead by slipping his sneakers on and tying them. He grabs his backpack and follows Natsuo out the door, nearly slipping on the frosted sidewalk.

In the car, on their way to God knows where, Natsuo cusses.

A lot.

He talks about Endeavor in such a hateful way that Shouto almost has to beg him to stop for a moment so he can keep up with all the acid he's spewing.

"That asshole! First, he wants to be all rough with you and then he wants you to act like nothing happened? And Fuyumi... I love her and all but she needs to stop pressuring you to talk to that guy. It's like she doesn't understand at all where you come from! She was never hit or anything by him, he just ignored us when we were kids. But you... you..."

Natsuo's slowed down, and when Shouto looks in the rearview at his face, he sees tears rolling down his cheeks. "Natsu..."

Natsuo wipes his nose, sniffling loudly. "You always took the fall for us, Shouto. No matter how much he hurt you. You protected me, Fuyumi, mom, even Touya sometimes." He sighs, unstable breathing finding its footing in the hardly newfound adrenaline rush Natsuo undoubtedly gained from running out like that.

"You know, I saw him do it once," Natsuo admits, and Shouto's eyes widen double their size. "I saw the way he treated you. Throwing you around like you were nothing. Hurting you so badly. It's unforgivable, so don't feel like you have to listen to Fuyumi. She doesn't know what it's like and she doesn't want to know."

Shouto swallows thickly, "Natsu..."

Natsuo stops at a red light, staying silent to allow Shouto to speak. Shouto's lost any semblance of a sentence he had previously wanted to start.

Instead, he looks out the window, "Where are we going?"

Natsu clears his throat. "I'm starving, and dealing with Endeavor calls for comfort food." He turns in an intersection, eyes locked on the road, "Let's pick up food and eat in the car, to stay warm."

Shouto nods, saying nothing. His social battery is running a bit low, and if he's honest with himself, his headache just grew a hundred times

worse. His brain feels like it's tightening and only half of his head is actually hurting, which puts too much pain in a small surface area.