Keeping in mind what Aizawa said: that Endeavor can be the adult for a while, Shouto does not speak to him on the car ride home. Endeavor wants to, it's clear in the way he sits, slightly turned toward Shouto to seem more open. But Shouto turns away and watches the world pass through the window, uninterested.

Fuyumi greeted him in such a manner that he almost didn't remember all the toxicity she produced. They hugged, flour from her apron rubbing off onto Shouto's shirt. And then, she let him come cook with her and Endeavor.

It was... awkward. Fuyumi talked. And she talked and talked and talked. Endeavor kept busy with pulling things in and out of the oven for his daughter, so she could focus on the main dishes.

Neither said much, Endeavor seemed more nervous than usual, Shouto brushed it off because he is not supposed to care about Endeavor's feelings anymore.

Now, he is laying in his futon. In the dark, with a thin blanket and no furniture, nothing like his dorm room. It's more spacious and it's empty, aside from memories of being tortured within these walls.

He screws his eyes shut, shaking his head. He doesn't want to think about that. He doesn't want to think about the shadowy figure that loomed in his doorway, watching his every move like a hawk. Shouto doesn't want to think about the much smaller, kinder figure, the one that tried to kill him when he was little, because Shouto stole a role he never wanted.

Mostly, he doesn't want to think about Endeavor, though. About those hands that have done nothing kind for him. Those hands that hit and burn, leaving scars that still haven't left him. He doesn't want to think about how he would scream, beg for a hero to help him. Until one day, he realized heroes can't save everyone, and Shouto had fallen into the small group of people not meant to be saved.

Except, he does think about those things, and he can't breathe. His headache has grown and he is suffering again, alone in the dark.

Easy fix. He digs into his bag and pulls out the blue labeled bottle, it's nearly almost full. He takes two, dry swallowing and letting his head hit the pillow. This way, at least, his head won't hurt as the unceasing nightmares hit him full force.

(He's scared. So scared.)

When he is finally able to sleep, watching the doorway to make sure Endeavor is not actually there, he dreams of pain and blood. There is no escape from the haunting blue eyes that refuse to stop watching.

He wakes up, and downs water along with the quirk suppressants. This mansion is made of paper and wood, ironic for a family of fire users.

The next time his mind drifts far enough to be considered resting, he dreams of water. Water filling his head through his ears, his mind floating away far from his body.

And just before he wakes up, fire. He dreams of fire and of this house, burning down from the bottom up. His family is inside and he is inside, already turned to ash.

He chooses not to sleep, after that dream. Seeing his mother's flesh melting right next to his, that's too horrifying.

He can hear that Endeavor is also awake, his footsteps too heavy and recognizable to be sneaky. Even as the floorboards creak slower than usual, a result of his slow walking attempt at silence, Shouto hears his father as he sneaks through the hall.

Shouto sneaks through his own room, blank-faced and practiced at sneaking. He used to do it when he was supposed to be sleeping, and the dietary foods Endeavor had him eating weren't enough to make him full. He'd sneak through the courtyard and into the kitchen, where one of the maids took pity on him and left things like apples and oranges out for him.

He slides his door open loudly, startling Endeavor. He's in a robe, a black tank top underneath, and baggy sweatpants that stop just short of his socks.

Endeavor straightens his posture out, "Shouto... I was trying not to wake you."

Shouto steps out of his room and slides the door closed, brushing past Endeavor on his way through the hall. "I couldn't sleep, I'm hungry."

Endeavor stays there for a moment, and Shouto rolls his eyes, turning back.

"You can still go to the kitchen, Endeavor. I'll leave once I have food."

Endeavor nods, firmly and carefully.

The kitchen is warmer than he remembers it being at night. Maybe it's something to do with Endeavor's being here. Maybe Shouto using his fire more often has made him warmer as a person, he doesn't know.

There's not much to eat, Fuyumi pre-cooked dinner, so the fridge is filled with food they can't touch, yet, and the cabinets full of ingredients.

He guesses with no reason to be out here, he should go to his room.

"It's bare, here, isn't it?"

Shouto stares at the wood grooves underneath his slippers. He doesn't answer, but he wants to see where this is going. Can Endeavor be civilized, and for how long?

Endeavor clears his throat, "Your mother used to... she used to sit with the maids and make shopping lists. Looking back, she knew all of the right things to get for you kids."

Shouto's interest has been piqued. He doesn't know why, maybe it's because he can see Endeavor's point of view on their past, how he thought of anyone besides Shouto.

"...Like what?..."

Endeavor seems surprised that Shouto answered him, "Oh... I'm not entirely sure. I know Fuyumi and Touya would share..." he holds his hands up to gesture out an object, "It was a bag of these puffed chips, I've never personally researched them, though."

Shouto squeezes his own wrist at the mention of Touya. "I didn't know that."

In his head, Touya is a memory he never really experienced. Just those blue eyes, spying on him out of jealousy.

He's only seen Touya's face once, as he turned to watch Shouto be dragged off by their father. And the expression was full of malice.

He knows Touya hated him. He knows why, and he knows that despite this hatred and jealousy, he's glad Touya didn't have to endure what he did. Even if it meant dying.

"You... yes, I suppose you wouldn't. I never allowed you into their wing of the house," he says, as if trying to list off the things he can remember of Shouto's childhood.

"I regret it, Shouto. Keeping them from you. And you from them. I was so... tired. Everything I worked for had turned out to fail... I just wanted you to be perfect."

Shouto scoffs. This was a waste of time. "Everything you worked on... Do you mean your other experiments? Fuyumi and Natsu? Touya? They weren't what you wanted so you had me and-"

"I'm sorry," he says, and Shouto quiets. "I've grown used to speaking of you and your siblings like that, but I don't think of any of you that way. Even when I was neglectful of them, I loved them as my children."

How could you love a bunch of strangers?

"And you... Shouto, you've disliked me since the moment you were born. When I picked you up as an infant, you'd cry until Rei could hold you again. It's like... like you knew I was horrible."

Shouto turns on his foot, "Whatever you're trying to do, stop. I tried letting you talk to me, and somehow, you ruin that."

Endeavor's face contorts into a regretful expression, "I'm... Shouto, please-"

"If I cried when you held me, maybe you were just doing it wrong. Not enough practice holding babies with the other three you neglected," he spits, fists clenched. "It's not my problem, so don't try blaming me for it."

"I'm not-"

"Save it. I don't want your shitty apologies, or stories of mom before she hurt me, or of Touya before he died."

Endeavor goes silent, and it's not until he hears muffled cries, that Shouto turns around, eyes wide with fear.

His father is crying, right there on the other side of the counter island.

And Shouto isn't supposed to make him cry, it's supposed to be the other way around.

Endeavor's hand is at his mouth, covering whatever sounds it might emit. Shouto replays the conversation in his head, Endeavor tells him of his mother. Of his memories of Touya and Fuyumi.

And Shouto... Shouto snaps at him.

As Endeavor... his father, brushes past him, Shouto grabs ahold of the back of his robe, halting him.

"I'm sorry, I... I won't say I didn't mean it but it was rude of me to say, anyways." Shouto turns his body towards Endeavor. "Let's talk, okay? I wanna talk."

Endeavor's crying stops, and Shouto wonders if he was crying because he was insulted, or because he finally realized that Shouto won't accept him.

But Shouto wants to try, because it's just as much his fault as it is Endeavor's fault that they're so strained.

Endeavor has a television in his room. It's a medium-sized flatscreen, hung on the wall over his dresser.

And he turned it on as soon as he entered the room with Shouto, which means he's used to using it, and he probably watches it often.

He doesn't know why it surprises him so much, but it just doesn't seem like something Endeavor would want. Deep down, Shouto knows Fuyumi's probably behind it, but Endeavor seems to like it, and he's never been shy about ridding himself of things he doesn't like.

"I've started watching a show," he starts, sitting uncomfortably straight on the bed. "It's about a man who is trying to find his brother, and it turned out that the brother was the antagonist of the plot."

Shouto watches his father speak in awe, and Endeavor clears his throat, "Hawks recommended it. He wouldn't stop annoying me with it."

Shouto swallows thickly, "That's... this is..."

Shouto doesn't care about the stupid show. This is the strongest he's ever felt that paternal bond that most kids have with their fathers. And he hasn't even said anything, yet. He's just been sitting and listening and it feels like such a big step just to do that.

"That's... nice." He's still stood awkwardly to the right of the bed. It's still early in the night, only ten. He can leave and he can abandon this entire thing. Aizawa says to trust himself.

Shouto sits down, just a foot or two from Endeavor. He can't help but look around, several things catching his eye.

For one, Endeavor has an action figure on his dresser. The fact that it's himself, means that he didn't buy it, but it was actually Hawks or some sidekick from his agency.

Another thing that surprises Shouto, is the piece of printer paper hung on his wall. It's a child's picture of a Koi fish, orange, black, and white all blotchy and the water is unfinished around the edges. At the bottom, reads Natsuo's name and the date. It's from twelve years ago. Which means that Natsuo drew something as a kid and Endeavor has it hung in his room.

It wasn't there before, he knows. This was once Shouto's room, too. Back when he couldn't sleep without his mother because Endeavor might hurt her, otherwise. This room used to just be the futon and the dresser, empty besides the cries of a woman and her child.

"You haven't been in here for years," Endeavor says distantly, reminiscently. Shouto wonders what those memories must look like from his point of view.

Shoto remembers being small, and being weak, and having those things pointed out to him too frequently. He remembers his mother crying and he remembers the unexplainable feeling that he had to protect her. Because who, besides him, would? He remembers being thrown against the walls and through these thin, thin doors. He remembers hearing his own heart in his ears and screaming, because the pain had finally built up to be too much.

He remembers water in his lungs, a hand on the back of his head.

But Endeavor... he was never the small one. He was never left to bleed like Shouto was. When he remembers what these walls used to home, does he see Shouto? Does he hear his screaming and does he feel anything?

Or does he feel a sense of power, remembering what authority he held over another human being?

Shouto looks at his father's slippers on the floor, "No, not for... not for eleven years, now."

Endeavor nods, "It's changed quite a bit, hasn't it? Fuyumi helped me decorate it."

Shouto nods, pointing to the picture of the Koi. "I didn't know you would keep something like that."

Endeavor lets out a small laugh, "Even back then, I found it endearing he would draw something for me. Of course... that was before everything turned too intense."

He senses the tension in the air, and he thinks that he doesn't want this moment to stop. Or at least, he wants it to continue for a little while longer.

This is all he's wanted, and now he can finally commit to it.

Shouto changes the subject, "So uh... Hawks. I didn't know you had work friends."

"Oh...yes. Hawks is a persistent man, it's impossible to get away from someone like that."

Shouto furrows his eyebrows, "You can just say you like having a friend, you know."

Endeavor fixes him with a look so deep that Shouto has to look away, first. And the realization hits him, that all this time they've spent in this stupid project for a predecessor, Endeavor knew about as much about being normal as Shouto did. He doesn't know how to just exist, with no real goal in mind and no routines.

Shouto hates that it's true, but they're not unlike each other.

"Right... he's... he's nice. But really, I meant it when I said he annoys me to no end."

Shouto nods, "I have friends like that. They're the reason I ever watch TV, or try all the food we make at the dorms."

Endeavor smiles, which is a weird look, on him. "That sounds nice, I'm glad you enjoy it there."

"I really do," he responds fondly, bringing his legs up into the bed and crossing them, abandoning his slippers to the floor.

Shouto hugs himself and leans forward a bit, making himself comfortable. "One time, Bakugo nearly blew up the entire building."

Endeavor leans back on his palms, and the tension is slowly thinning out. "Bakugo Katsuki, he's certainly a handful, so it doesn't surprise me."

Shouto squeezes his forearm, "Yea, he's a lot. But he's nicer than he lets on."

"I can't imagine having to live a floor above from him."

"He sleeps early, so it's... it's more pleasant than you'd think."

Turning, Endeavor looks more innocent than Shouto's ever seen him. "You know, your experiences at the dorms don't sound far off from how growing up with my brother was."

Shouto stills, "You have a brother?"

Endeavor nods, "He's living in Australia, working as an EMT. Even now, though, he's childish," he huffs, and Shouto feels a laugh bubbling up inside of him. Maybe.

He pushes the feeling down, and it turns into nausea.

"So you still talk with him? Or..."

"Er... sometimes. I don't reach out to him, but if he feels so inclined to, we can hold conversation well." Endeavor pauses, before looking up at the ceiling. "When we were younger, we were inseparable. It's the kind of relationship I imagined all of my children might have together." He moves his head downward, fallen expression too saddening to look at for too long. "I've ruined that, I can't apologize enough."

Shouto shakes his head, "No it... we're okay now, right? Me, Fuyumi, Natsu- we're all friends. And you can regret it all you want but there's no changing what happened, so we can just-"

"I know she put you up to this."

Shouto stills, squeezing his arms harder. It's partially true. Fuyumi did ask him to be civil. She begged him to be nice, and to try.

Even still, "Maybe she did," he says, voice low and meaningful. "But it doesn't mean we can't sit together. Let's... let's just watch the TV. I wanna see what your show is about."

"You don't have to do this, Shouto. Fuyumi... she's a lot. I know she is. She just wants the best for the family, but I'm not sure she knows what is best, anymore."

Shouto could not have put that into better wording.

"Endeavor..." Shouto reaches across the bed and plucks the TV remote from his father's hands. "Let's just be a guy and his kid tonight, I want to watch TV with you."

He isn't sure what he's doing.

Really, he has no clue.

But Aizawa said to trust himself, right?

And Shouto just wants one good night spent in this household. Just the one, he can settle for that.

Endeavor laughs softly. He laughs by letting air huff through his nose and letting a small smile play at his face.

Shouto never knew such a happy sound could come from his father.

Shouto, despite spending three hours watching TV with his father, has no clue what the show is about. He's too interested in studying this new man, because this isn't the Endeavor he grew up with. Somehow, somewhere in between his promotion and now, he changed. Drastically so.

Endeavor is otherwise silent, besides the small laughs he releases. His eyes illuminated by the TV, focused completely on the show.

Shouto imagines that his mother is here, sitting next to him, and that the three of them could spend nights like these together, falling asleep to a show. There would be no screaming or crying, Shouto would not have to stand up to his father in his mother's place, because the Endeavor from back then would not exist, and it would be a dream come true.

He imagines that Fuyumi and Natsuo are here, Touya too.

"She's going to betray him, I know it," Endeavor says, sure of himself.

Shouto is more awake, at the sound of his voice. "Oh... yea."

"There are too many signs, I've worked with detectives and I'm sure they'd predict the same."

Shouto nods, because this is weird. It's nice, but it's weird.

"Uh... Endeavor, I never meant to... I mean... if you wanted to sleep I'll go."

Endeavor shakes his head, "No need. Unless you're uncomfortable? I... I'd understand, given our history."

"Don't speak. I don't want to hear you."

Shouto's lips stay shut, even as the tape is ripped off of his mouth. He's learned his lesson. If he doesn't talk, again, then father won't make him be quiet again.

"If I hear one sound out of you, I'll make sure you aren't able to talk ever again."

Shouto nods.

"I don't think I could sleep, anyway. I get restless on holidays like this. It's a miracle I was able to come home at all," he confesses, and Shouto sighs.

"I really want to start over, Endeavor. I really want to talk like we were just now, and I really don't want to want to hate you."

Endeavor doesn't interrupt, for once. And it bothers Shouto to his core.

Shouto looks down at his left hand, fist clenched. "But you're so infuriating. I can't stop being angry with you, and I can't stop remembering things. It's so frustrating." He closes his eyes, holding back tears. "My entire life, you hurt me, and instead of any justice, I got to see you gain popularity, and become the number one hero."

Endeavor winces, "Shouto, I-"

"You taped my mouth shut when I was three. Do you remember that? I was three and I was crying because I fell. You did it again when I cried because you hit me."

Endeavor can only look away, "I do. I'm so sorry."

Shouto shakes his head, "You'd beat me for defending mom. And for telling you my wants. You... you tried drowning me. Just because you thought beating me wasn't working. And now... now you get to pretend like nothing ever happened. Do you know how lucky you are?"