《Falling (A Sam Evans Fan Fiction)》Britney 2.0
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Haley smiled as she was lifted to the top of the pyramid Cheerios formation.
"Catch!" She alerted the cheerleaders down below to let her know she was going to fall. She naturally let herself twist and fall as she landed in Brittany and Kitty's arms.
"Well, that was just garbage. Haley, my office... Now! You too Brittany." Coach Sylvester said.
"It's okay, Britt. We'll be fine." Haley said as she wrapped her arm around Brittany. She turned to direct the girls. "Girls, practice one more time, and let Kitty substitute for my fall." She sent Kitty a sarcastic look. "Then practice is over and you can go hit the showers."
"Take a seat, girls. Brittany, I'm afraid it's time for a little tough love." Coach Sylvester said, taking her glasses off, while the girls sat down in front of her desk.
"I hold in my hand the most recent algebra test of one Becky Jackson. Our plucky little Ewok waddled her way to a respectable C-plus. Now, your performance, very same exam, unearthed the hitherto undiscovered grade... F-minus. You answered every question with see other side, where you composed an elaborate crayon-cape entitled Happyville. The town where math was never invented."
"Britt." Haley said as she gave Brittany a look of sympathy and frown.
"Yeah, that's me, and that's Santana, and that's Kurt and Rachel in Heaven. That is Quinn, Haley and Sam over there. And look, that's you, coach." Brittany explained.
"Brittany, you're a terrible role model for the cheerios! And as much as you're not their captain, they look up to you, not just Haley for some reason. Last year, I was lost in a haze of pregnancy hormones, and I allowed your record breaking GPA to slide. The Cheerios grade point average has dropped three full points. Some of my girls no longer see academic achievement as a worthy goal, and yesterday I caught one of them trying to marry a squirrel. Except, Haley. She's going to be Valedictorian of 2013 by graduation, I presume."
"That's 'cause I believe in marriage equality for all land mammals." Brittany commented.
"Brittany, you're off the Cheerios. I'm afraid you're going to have to lose the high pony."
"Tough love feels a lot like mean." Brittany said, as she left the office.
"Coach...you have to cut Britt some slack. She lost Santana, who's away in Louisville, and sometimes that bothers her, and she's struggling." Haley began, as she walked out. "But I will fix this, I have the perfect idea." Haley smirked at Coach Sylvester, before running after Brittany.
----
"Great news, guys. Principal Figgins has asked us to perform at the annual back-to-school pep rally this week. Now, I understand our National Champion street cred has dropped a little bit since school started, but this our chance to really wow them and get it back." Mr. Schue said.
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"What are we going to perform?" Joe asked.
"Good question. We're a family here, and when one of our family is falling down, it's up to us to get together to pick them back up." Mr. Schue explained, as he sent Haley a nod.
Everyone watched as Haley walked to the whiteboard, and wrote Britney 2.0.
"Oh, my God. Are we doing Britney week again?' An excited Tina asked.
"Indeed we are Tina." Haley smiled, before she continued. "Brittany, we know that you have been having a rough week, and I told Coach Sylvester I would do everything to bring your mood back." Haley said as she looked at Brittany. "I know that Britney is iconic, and you might not be too inspired right now, but maybe Glee this week can change that. Blaine and Artie if you will come up here?" She turned to the two boys who came to the front.
"This one's for you, Brittany." Blaine said.
{BOYS/BOYFRIENDS-SUNG BY BLAINE ANDERSON & ARTIE ABRAMS}
"So, Britt, what'd you think?" Artie asked.
"I'm once again inspired by the awesomeness of Britney. Thanks, Haley." Brittany answered and sent Haley a small smile.
----
After some chats, practices, maybe a little bit of manipulation and propositions, Joe, Haley and Sam sat in the front getting ready to sing to Brittany.
{3-SUNG BY HALEY ALDRIN, JOE HART, & SAM EVANS}
Unique screamed, causing them to stop, as Haley jumped out of her seat, grabbing the clippers from Brittany.
"Brittany, what are you doing?" Mr. Schue asked.
"Coach Sylvester's taken away my high pony. If I can't have my high pony, I don't want any hair at all."
"Honey, no." Haley said as she attempted to bring Brittany back to her seat. However, Brittany left the room.
Haley went after her, along with Sam, Tina, Artie and Blaine. They saw JBI trying to interview Brittany.
"Brittany S. Pierce, what do you have to say to reports you've gone off the rails?"
"Leave me alone, JBI!" Brittany yelled, annoyed.
"STOP HARASSING HER!" Haley called out.
"What's going on in your head right now?"
"Leave me alone, JBI!"
"What are you thinking?"
"There's no comment! Leave me alone!" Brittany yelled, pulling an umbrella from her locker and began smacking JBI with it. Haley gasped.
"Should we do something?" Blaine asked.
"No, he deserves it." Muttered Tina.
"I'm actually enjoying seeing him get smacked." Haley said, as Sam chuckled.
"About Brittany's downward spiral. I think the whole singing-at-her thing isn't really helping." Blaine said.
"Probably what she misses most about Cheerios is being in the spotlight."
"Well, we need to give her that." Sam suggested.
"LEAVE her ALONE!" Haley yelled, going up to JBI and smacking him with the umbrella, as she brought Brittany to the rest of the group and they walked down the other end of the hallway.
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----
Haley told the group that they needed to hold a Britt-ervention. That is exactly what they decided to do. Brittany sat in front of them, in baggy clothes, while she held a massive cup of coffee.
"Kiki, why is everybody in the glee club staring at me?" Brittany asked.
"Because those fools are jealous." The voice in a thick Australian accent replied.
"Who's Kiki?" Asked Tina.
"Kiki is Siri's super smart older cousin who's really jealous of how famous Siri's gotten. She lives inside this super chap phone I found at the Laundromat."
"What size coffee is that?" Sam asked.
"Kiki, what size coffee am I drinking?"
"You're drinking a settanta; 70 ounces of espresso."
"Oh, Britt, that's way too much coffee to be gulping in a day." Haley said, as she took the big cup of coffee out of her hands and held on to it.
"Thank you, Kiki. You're the only one that I can trust now that santana's too busy for me."
"Britt, all of us are really worried. You are spiralling downwards, you are showing depression and some anxiety." Haley spoke quietly.
"We know how hard it must have felt to get kicked off the Cheerios. We want to help you get back on your feet and start performing again." Blaine explained.
"You should be the lead performer at the pep assembly on Friday." Tina suggested.
"That's great, but there's only one problem. I have to lip-sync."
"We don't lip-sync in Glee." Blaine pointed out.
"Yeah honey, we don't do that. It' isn't morally correct and it's breaking the rule. We could get suspended and it would result in Mr. Schue became very angry." Haley explained.
"Well, my voice is too weak to sing live. I've been up every night this week yelling at the shrubs in my yard that have been making fun of me."
"They're angry, huh. I guess Lord Tubbington is too?" Haley said, playing around.
"We'll record the song in advance. Haley you can choreograph with my assistance, and Mr. Schue will never know. Lots of performers do this now. Kristen Stewart, James Earl Jones. Kiki, is it a good idea for me to lip-sync at the pep assembly?"
"It's not a good idea. It's a great idea. Can I get you another settanta?"
----
After the catastrophic fiasco at the pep rally, Brittany wandered into the auditorium where Haley sat waiting for her.
"Four, five, six, seven..." Brittany muttered.
"Hey Britt." Haley spoke up, as Brittany moved her map to look at her best friend.
"I got your note to come meet you here. Thanks for drawing the map." She answered.
"Yeah, actually I borrowed Sam's map." Haley explained. She sighed before getting serious. "Look, Britt, I'm worried about you, everyone is. The lip-syncing, beating up Jacob Ben Israel...You're intentionally hitting rock bottom."
"So I can make a glorious comeback, just like Britney. I mean, look at her. She got paid 14 million to be on X Factor. She looks great. She has amazing perfume you can smell from miles away. No matter what happened to her, she just came back stronger." Brittany smiled.
Haley grabbed the snack that Brittany was eating. "No that's enough junk food Britt." She said sternly. "Right, well...Consider this the last stop on the Train Wreck Express. An intervention." Haley said.
"Thank you, Hay." Brittany sighed. "I'm just so sad that everybody's mad at me."
"I just think they didn't understand what you were up to." Haley said before she turned her head to look at Brittany, frowning. "You okay? You still seem kind of bummed."
"I don't know. Santana would have understood. And then she would have used mean words against anyone who got down on me."
"You miss her, don't you?"
"I just miss, like the little things, like her laughs and the smell of her armpits. Yes, we had interesting lady sex, but she was also my best friend."
"Well, as one of your other best friends, I'm here for you. Look, I know you and I weren't as close as I was with Santana and Quinn, but you are and will always be a part of our squad. You matter and your health matters. I will always have your back, and nothing will be able to change that. Okay?"
"Okay." Britt smiled at Haley who gave her a comforting side hug. "That's a deal."
"Now we need to figure out a resolution to getting you back on to the Cheerios, as co-captain again."
"It's all a part of the comeback." Brittany smiled.
----
Jake had joined the Glee Club. As he walked into the room, Haley whispered to Sam. "You know he's Puck's stepbrother, and he tried to hit on me. True Puckerman fashion."
"Welcome, bro. God made you, and know that God doesn't make mistakes." Joe said as he sent Jake a smile.
"Hey. Your brother and I were really good friends. Ain't that a coincidence?" Sam asked.
"Hey Jake." Haley greeted, still unimpressed with him earlier on.
"Mr. Schuester?" Marley called out.
"Yeah, Marley?"
"If it's alright, I'd like to sing one last Brittany song."
"Did that come out this morning> Cause we've scraped the bottom of that Britney barrel."
"Not exactly. This is one of my favorites songs."
{EVERYTIME-SUNG BY MARLEY ROSE}
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