SEASON 5 EPISODE 3

THE QUARTERBACK

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Guys, it's here. Grab your tissues, and cry or be emotional, it's your choice, it's valid. I didn't make it without crying, so you aren't the only ones.

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Finn Hudson had been gone for three weeks. Every one of the New Directions were feeling broken, and grieving in whatever way they saw fit. Even if they had only known him for four months. Haley had known him the longest, and she was surprisingly holding it together. She was holding it together, being the rock of the group, as a mom would. She didn't want to break yet.

After the funeral, Mr. Schue had called the New directions together so they could honor him in the choir room through song. The feeling of sadness lingered through the whole choir room.

"I'm really glad so many of you could make it back for this." Mr. Schue said in a weaker tone than usual, after he had written Finn's name on the whiteboard.

"We wouldn't miss it for anything, Mr. Schue." Mike said, quietly.

"The funeral was for everyone. But I wanted to do something just for us. To memorialize him the only way we know how, by singing. All week long anyone who wants to come up and sing, maybe a song he sung, maybe something that reminds you of him..."

"Singing isn't gonna bring him back." Puck spoke up, louder than he intended to.

"No, it's not. Nothing is. Not ever. But for two minutes or so we can all maybe remember the best parts of him. So, think of what you want to sing, if you want to sing and we'll start tomorrow." Mr. Schue continued.

Mercedes shook her head before walking to stand in the middle of the room. "Oh I can't wait until tomorrow, Mr. Schue. I've been balling for three weeks, if I don't get this all out now, I don't think I'll ever stop crying."

"Sure Mercedes, start us off."

"I remember Finn telling me that he sang this song to his baby's sonogram, at least he thought it was his baby. He was the first cool kid to be nice to any of us and he was our leader in here." Mercedes said as she looked up, feeling tears come to her eyes. "We love you Finn."

{I'll Stand by You-Sung by Mercedes Jones}

----

Later on, Sam and Artie sang Fire and Rain in the auditorium while the rest of the New Directions sat listening in silence.

Santana rushed out, right when the song finished, feeling very overwhelmed.

Soon after that Haley got up and walked out, everyone watched her as she left. Sam's eyes followed her as she left. He sighed , wiping the tears that had fallen during his performance.

Haley had been distant from everyone including Sam. She wanted space, and she knew if she got comforted, she would break.

----

Haley sat in Finn's room with Carol, Kurt and Burt as they sorted through Finn's things.

"I marked these boxes so it'd be easier to separate things." Kurt said.

"Thanks honey." Carol smiled weakly.

"You don't have to do this now. It can wait." Burt said from the door.

"There's no timetable." Kurt commented.

"It's true." Haley added softly.

"No."

"We should do it now, or...I'm afraid I'll never do it." Carol said.

"Look it's the ball from the first game we ever scored at."

"You should keep this, dad."

"That was the weirdest football game I had ever been to."

"Look, it's the faggy lamp from Marlene Dietrich basement redecoration."

"I think he kept it in here to prove a point to Burt."

"You know, if its, uh, okay with everyone, I think I'd like to keep that lamp."

"No. It's not okay with me. That thing is awful."

"I need a lamp in my office at the shop. I tore into him about this lamp. You know, I was right, in principle, but you know, come on. The kid didn't have a prejudiced bone in his body. I knew what he meant when he was calling it "faggy." I wasn't teaching him a lesson in tolerance, I was teaching myself one, and he was just unlucky enough to be there for it." Burt explained.

"Finn knew how you felt about him, honey. He kind of liked it when you yelled at him." Carol reassured him.

"Should've hugged him more, you know? No, it was always...you know, we'd fist-bump or we'd high-five, but...I should've given him more hugs.

"I should've called him more." Haley said aloud as the other three smiled sadly at her.

"You know, the last time I saw him, he was so bummed out about some test at school, and I just, you know...told him to get back at it, you know? He was worth it. It was the perfect time for a hug. But for whatever reason, I just...gave him a pat on the back, and that's that. Now he's gone."

"Oh, d-don't. I need that. I want it. Seeing him come into the hallway wearing this...it was like Superman had arrived." Kurt said wearing Finn's letterman jacket.

"God, his arms were long." Haley commented. As she struggled to hold her tears in.

"I always thought that when I, uh...how do parents go on when they lose a child? You know, when I would see that stuff on the news, I'd shut it off, 'cause it was just too horrible to think, but I would always think: how do they wake up everyday? I mean, h-h... how do they breathe, honey? But you do wake up. And for just a second, you forget. And then...oh, you remember. And it's like getting that call again...and again, every time. You don't get to stop waking up. You have to keep on being a parent, even though you don't get to have a child anymore...." Carol began to break down as Haley, Kurt and Burt wrapped their arms around her, in a comforting hug.

——

Haley sat in the choir room, enjoying the peace and quiet, while she fiddled with the best man speech that Finn had written, after her and Sam had gotten engaged. She had used Finn's drumsticks and played quietly on the drums, but decided that it wasn't enough and wrapped them in a bag to take home.

She heard someone walk in and turned to see Sam come in to sit beside her.

"Hay, are you doing okay?" He asked as she sighed, and shrugged, sadly.

"Yeah, I'm fine." She assured him, sending him a small smile.

"No you aren't Hayley. You haven't eaten much in weeks, you've barely slept, you only cried once, you've been distant. You haven't even talked to anyone. I want you to know that you can talk to me, and come to me or anyone for comfort." Sam said, bringing her into his arms, as she rested her head against his shoulders.

"Believe me Sam, I know." She sighed.

"I know you are trying to act strong, hold the group together. You don't have to do that. You are allowed to feel, and break down. Grieving is hard, but whatever you're feeling is valid." Sam said, trying to get her to be vulnerable.

"Mhm." She mumbled as she lay still in his arms, just enjoying the silence, and listening to their deep breathing.

"If I'm ever ready, I will." She finally answered, as Sam sighed, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

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Santana hadn't managed to get through her rendition of If I Die Young. She had run out of the choir room, during her breakdown.

After a quiet decision, Kurt went after her. They allowed her time to grieve by herself. It was unusual that Santana would show any emotion.

Haley sighed, as she stared blankly ahead.

----

Through Puck's rendition of No Surrender, everyone could see that despite his and Finn's ups and downs, they were brothers. The pure pain and anger Puck was feeling lingered through the song and in his voice.

After he finished, everyone got up to wrap themselves in a group hug. The mood changed rather quickly as Santana stormed in, breaking the hug.

"We all know you took it!" Santana yelled, accusing Puck of taking Finn's letterman jacket.

"I didn't take Finn's jacket!" He yelled back frustrated.

"Guys! Calm down!" Haley raised her voice.

Mr. Schue stood between the two of them, preventing any further arguments. Santana stormed out of the room, clearly upset, as everyone else walked out as well, leaving Puck to sit alone in the room.

----

Later in the day, the new directions were standing at the memorial they'd made in honor of Finn at his old locker. They had placed flowers, candles, notes, and Haley added his drumsticks.

Haley sighed as Sam wrapped his arm around her, keeping her close, as the group continued to admire the memorial set up.

"This is sort of cheesy." Kitty frowned.

"No. It's beautiful." Everyone turned to see Rachel, who was clinging on tightly to Kurt's arm. "I just had to see it." She finally admitted.

As Rachel readied herself for her performance, she anxiously played with her Finn necklace. Taking a deep breath, she began to speak.

"Nobody treat me with kid gloves, okay? I don't know what to say either. I loved Finn..." She began, as the tears she'd been holding in began to fall. "And he loved me, and he loved all of you guys." She managed to choke out. Her vulnerability showing. "I like to sing in the car, and um before Finn, I used to sing alone...and this was the first song I sang with him when we used to drive around together. So, this is for him."

{Make You Feel My Love-Sung by Rachel Berry}

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That evening, Haley found herself standing on the stage in the auditorium. She didn't have the strength to break down or talk or sing in front of the entire Glee club. She thought that she would honor Finn by singing in the auditorium where they met all those years ago.

She nodded at the band, signalling she was ready. Taking a deep breath, she began to sing.

{In the Arms of an Angel-Sung by Haley Aldrin}

She didn't even make it through half of the song before she broke down sobbing.

"Oh, Hay." She heard Sam whisper, as he brought her into his arms, letting her cry against his chest. He swayed them back and forth, telling her to breathe.

After she had calmed down, he pulled away a little, so he could look at her.

Moving the stray hairs out of her face and wiping her tears, he spoke. "Do you want to talk to me? I know you probably don't have enough strength to do a whole presentation for the group, but I'm here."

Sighing, she slowly got up and pulled him up with her so they could sit on two stools, while she began to talk gently.

"Finn was like a brother to me. The brother that I never had. I met him at the age of 13, when he was 14 years old, right in this auditorium. Glee club wasn't around, but I had loved using it after school for music and songwriting...my private concerts. He just happened to be there one day. From there on, our bond only grew stronger. His family took me in when I was struggling with my dad's domestic violence and emotional abuse...my mom's ignorance, and ungratefulness. He was there when I tried to commit suicide. He was there with me on my first day at McKinley. He saw me through a lot of my memorable moments. I really don't know what I'm going to do without his presence here. His kooky and dorky personality, his signature smile and smirk, his pep talks... I miss him. And out of the memories, I have, running through my mind, I am unable to pick one. All of them being of too much memorability and significance. I don't believe I'll ever be able to comprehend or validate my emotions, or his loss. There aren't adequate words to encapsulate what it was like to witness his growth, or time with him...." Haley rambled, as she looked up. "Finn, if you're up there, which I know you are, looking down at us proudly. I want you to know that ... all of us miss you. From now on, we are all going to make you proud. Especially me. I never got to tell you how much you meant for me. I should've. You meant so much to me, even past our arguments and fights...we had our moments. I feel lost, and empty, and I don't know if that'll ever go away. It will become a scar one day. Truth is, you aren't really gone. I know you'll always be there for me and for everyone else. I love you. We all love you." Haley finished, as she broke down crying again.

"That was beautiful, Hay, and so was your song." Sam said as he wrapped her into his arms again.

"You know, he wrote a best man speech for us." She sniffled holding up the speech in her hand after they had pulled away.

"He did? Well, should we read it?" Sam asked, as Haley closed her eyes and shook her head.

"No...I believe it would only be appropriate if we open it at our wedding in a few months. We can read it together." She suggested, as Sam nodded.

"Yeah. I think he'd like that." He agreed. "I also thought that it would be memorable if we incorporated Finn's drumsticks in our National's number?" Sam asked, as Haley smiled sadly.

"I think that would be lovely. We will need to get Mr. Schue's approval, but it would certainly be special. You already have me on board. It's a way that we can honor Finn. No one but our special group will know the significance." She explained, as he smiled softly.

"Definitely. Well...I love you Haley, and we are going to get through this together." Sam assured her.

"I love you too, and I know we can get through this." She agreed, as he leaned down to press his lips to hers. She reciprocated, wrapping her arms around his neck, as he wrapped his around her waist. Haley was finally feeling comfortable at last after the difficult week.

She knew that Finn was smiling down at them, and he would always be there, probably saying something dorky, but still managing to make sense. He was proud of all of them, and she knew that there wouldn't be a day that would go by without her, or anyone thinking of him.

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In honour of Cory Monteith

1982-2013 🤍

We miss you, and we will love you always. Please keep our Naya safe too. I can only guess that you two are keeping it real up there🎶