I’m not sure I can handle watching everyone die again. I wasn’t good with it before, and now I’m in front of a live audience, I’m embarrassed to react in case I cry or, worse, throw up. I wish that I had someone next to me. I’m not sure I can face it on my own.

The show is strange. Whoever puts together the highlights has to choose what sort of story to tell. This year, they tried to put together a love story. It’s like someone started putting it together in hope that Katniss or Peeta would win, then guessed that Cato or Clove would win. I always thought they put the film together afterwards, but maybe they start while the Games are still going on.

There is a bit at the start is about before we were in the arena: its shows highlights from the reaping, chariots, scores and the interviews. Once we get into the arena, they show me escaping, but then move on and show footage of Katniss hiding in a tree when Peeta had supposedly betrayed her. There are more bits about Katniss and I do not turn up again until the Tracker-Jackers. I was lucky enough to escape then.

Then they show Katniss and me hunting and sleeping together. It makes me happy; it reminds me of the happiest two days I spent in the arena. Then comes the part I’m not sure I’m ready for.

Katniss and I separate and there is a short clip of me lighting fires. I can see why they haven’t shown much of me; I am not very interesting. She did the volunteering, probably the first in District 12, then she became the girl on fire, then she became a love interest for Peeta. All I ever was was the girl no one volunteered for, who gained a seven in training despite her size.

They the Careers leaving, then something I didn’t know happened. Foxface hops about to reach the food the Careers had stashed. Katniss arrived just after she had gone. Katniss didn’t see her little dance. Katniss just walked towards the food.

The explosion surprised me so much; I might have screamed. I’m not sure, because there was a mutual gasp from the audience.

Her foot was blown off, and she was flung against a tree. That explained the blood splattered tree. I began to cry, not bawling, but gentle tears trickling down my cheeks.

Then, of course, they showed me throwing up and meeting up with Thresh. They show Cato and Clove teaming up and it seems they had their own small romance, so I find most of it is boring from there on. The crowd, however, laughs and cries in all the right places, it’s like they’re automated.

The bit I sit up for is when Cato sets the forest on fire. Clove screams for him not to, but he ignores her. She comes up behind him and literally stabs him in the back.

So that’s what happened. No wonder Clove was so guilty when she saw the wolves.

Foxface and Thresh’s deaths are given in full. Even me being drugged is shown, although not me stabbing someone. Maybe I’ll tell Caesar about that tomorrow.

When it is finished, Caesar wraps it up by talking about how love was in the air but it just wasn’t to be, then he signs off. I wipe the tears from my eyes and manage to get up and pull off a real looking smile. The anthem plays and President Snow comes over to me with a little girl not much younger than me. She is holding a cushion with the crown on it. When he places it on my head, he smiles at me. But his eyes are angry, like I did something wrong by compete in the Games he makes mandatory. I wave at the audience, still smiling although now it is a little more real. Except for Snow, maybe winning won’t be too hard.

Finally, I leave the stage to find Seeder.

She will take me to the Victory Banquet. There I will meet President Snow again. This time, he will have a chance to talk to me properly. And I’m sure he won’t be too quick to congratulate me.