KIMBERLY

Dwight Schrute once said, "Nostalgia is truly one of the great human weaknesses... second only to the neck."

While I've never tested the second part, I can heavily vouch for the first.

Ever since Chantelle's call, I couldn't stop reminiscing on my old days of modeling. Modeling, by no means, should ever be described as easy or painless.

Years of experience was enough for me to know that being a successful model was like selling your sanity. Your body was always on display, critiqued by people who think they have some sort of control over you.

Mental health was the last thing ever taken into consideration. Food was always up for question. Competition was enough to turn close friends against each other. But, ultimately, I couldn't stop myself from loving it.

It was rough. As a new model, you don't get a say in what you do.

But once you got that control, the world was at your fingertips.

My parents never understood why I wanted to model. With the lives that we had and the shit that we went through, avoiding the public eye became an obsession for all of us.

They didn't know that, for me, it was all about control.

Control over my body... my pictures... my life.

That was the most liberating and powerful thing I could have.

Over time, you learn to appreciate the artistry.

The bustling of the crew members to set everything up, the chatter from the models and makeup artists, and the beautiful dawn sky paired with the gentle breeze was enough to wake me up from my two hour nap during the car ride here.

Chantelle was right about Divine being desperate to have me. The car that picked Jace and I up from the hotel was stocked with all of my favorite snacks and drinks. More importantly, they got my favorite photographer for this shoot.

"Yanis Dupont, are you ignoring me?" I walked up to the photographer I worked with numerous times, teasing him.

"Kimberly, my muse!" Yanis immediately turned around and started air kissing my cheeks. "When they told me you agreed to this shoot, I started melting from the combustion burning in my heart." The Frenchman had a flair for the theatrics, which is probably why we got along so well.

"It's a miracle you're still alive," I laughed, moving to the side to introduce Jace. "Yanis, this is my fiancé, Jace Kingston."

The word itself was a magnet for everyone else to surround us, curious about who Kim Astor decided to settle down with.

Being single, with the exception of my no-strings-attached flings, for most of my career had people obsessing over who I'd end up with. Hell, if anything, people thought I'd be single forever, which was so scandalous. But I couldn't care less.

"Nice to meet you," Jace offered, sticking out his hand.

Squealing, Yanis just replied with, "Your babies are going to be so beautiful! I will die if they don't model."

Like I said, drama queen.

"Kim Astor engaged and modeling again? It must be the end of the world," Thanvi Srinivasan teased. I've worked with her a few times before, and we have a really good relationship.

She's a few years younger than me, but I respected her as my equal. It takes guts to call out a beauty company for their colorism, but she did just that and opened many doors for dark-skinned women everywhere. Last I heard, she took up acting, furthering her influence.

"Didn't you see pigs flying the other day?" I joked back, pulling her into a hug.

Chantelle came running up to me, tackling me into a hug before pulling back to analyze Jace. I've known her for so long, turning her into an older sister figure of some sort. She's been quite protective over me when it came to men, since she was there when that happened.

"Shit, Kim. You did well." She nodded her head approvingly, causing two of the other models to laugh.

"I'm the lucky one," Jace replied, causing the smile on her face to deepen. "Chantelle, right?"

"Yes, it's nice to officially meet you, Jace." She nudged me. "This girl never tells me anything anymore."

I turned my attention to the three other models there, only recognizing two of them. Zhao Daiyu and I have walked the runway together in both Paris and Milan, while Lola Castellano and I have done quite a few beauty campaigns together.

Both of them were nice. I got along with them well enough. Maybe not well enough to talk all the time, but enough that we'd have friendly conversations if I ever saw them at events.

Daiyu was the only one older than me, already being married to a big-shot music producer and having two adorable kids together.

The last girl and I have never met. I think her name was Sascha... That's all I got. I'm pretty sure her mom was a famous German model and actress, but I didn't know the young girl that well.

But if she kept staring at Jace like that, we would have an issue.

With my famous smile, I stuck a hand out in her direction. "Hi! I don't think we've ever met. I'm Kim Astor."

It was rare that I found someone who didn't know who I was, but I was still humble enough to introduce myself every time.

This lovely girl, however, looked offended that I didn't know her. "Sascha Ludwig."

She didn't even bother to shake my head, turning her attention back onto Jace with a coy smile. The subject of her affections just stood there, aloof and all. I didn't know who to stab first.

Sascha was lucky Vivian had the insight of enrolling me in anger management classes. However, if she didn't check herself, the kickboxing classes would make an appearance soon.

Noticing the tension, Yanis clapped his hands, ushering everyone to get ready for the shoot. Soon, Jace and I were alone.

I turned my attention to my fiancé with a deadly smile. "Flirt with any of the girls, I'll kill you. Let any of them flirt with you, I'll kill you."

"So, I die either way?" He smiled smugly, as if he was amused by the situation.

"Bingo."

"Jealousy suits you, Kimberly." He shrugged. "But you don't have to worry about me breaching the contract."

"Good boy."

His eyes followed me as I sauntered away before turning around to follow the makeup artist.

♕♕♕

The intensity of his gaze was maddening.

For some reason, I'd been expecting Jace to spend most of his time doing work on his phone. But I was proven wrong. His eyes followed my movements as Yanis called out directions like a madman.

The rare times we made eye contact had my body flushing with heat. The only heat I was getting from this shoot.

The water was up to my mid-calf, cold enough to make me pray for this shoot to be over. The sheer white dress flew around me as my arms reached up towards the sky. Thankfully, I was allowed to keep my necklace on since it matched the vibes and other gold accessories.

My hair was blowing around me in loose waves as I contorted my body to Yanis's liking.

We've been at this for over an hour already, using every minute of the sunrise and the colors brought with it to our advantage. We already did the variety of shots that were asked for, the only one left being the cover shot.

The light was now haloing around me, and I knew we didn't have that much time left.

But it was worth it. The remaining wisps of pale pink, light blue, and lavender peeking through the soft clouds looked absolutely heavenly, which was perfect for Divine's aesthetic.

"That's it! That's the shot," Yanis called out happily. "Come here, Kim!"

With urgency, I got out of the water and made my way over. "Is it good?"

"Good?" Yanis looked offended. "Muse, it's absolutely perfect. You look like an angel."

For a second, my heart lurched as everything stopped around me. It's been so long since anyone called me that. I wasn't expecting it to debilitate me as much as it did.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

"Thank you," I mumbled, staggering backwards. "I need to head out."

I needed to get out of here before I had another panic attack. I could feel it rising up my throat with bile. I didn't even process being in front of Jace until I followed his gaze to my chest, the sheer dress leaving nothing to imagination.

The normally cheeky remark I'd make died on my lips as I attempted to take deep breaths. Without wasting another moment, I walked past him to the wardrobe area, stripping out of everything as fast as possible while still being mindful about the clothes and jewelry.

I walked back up to Jace, ignoring the curiosity in his eyes and got ready to open my mouth to tell him we needed to leave, only to be interrupted by Lola.

"Kim, you looked great out there," she complimented.

I so desperately wanted to leave, the inability to breathe hurting my chest. "Thank you! You looked amazing. You've really come far as a model."

Breathe, Kim. Take deep breaths. Deep, deep breaths.

I was hoping she would leave, but she didn't. Suddenly, a large hard engulfed mine. I looked up to Jace, shocked by his actions, but he just kept his eyes on his phone, rubbing his thumb against the back of my hand.

The rhythmic motion was helping more than I cared to admit.

"You're staying in São Paulo, right?" I nodded. "Great, the other models and I are going clubbing tonight. You should join us."

Clubbing tonight sounded like the best way to calm myself down.

"I'd love to," I replied. "Send me the details."

After giving rushed goodbyes to everyone, I dragged Jace out of there and rushed to the car.

The minute we sat inside, I closed my eyes, willing myself to calm down. I felt his eyes burning holes into the side of my face, but I made no attempt to alleviate his curiosity.

"Are you okay?"

No. I wanted to yell that answer out loud, bothered by just how not-okay I was. A single word, only five measly letters long, had the ability to knock me down to the very bottom. I was so sick and tired of being like this, but I had no way of stopping it.

"Peachy," I gritted out, doing my best to not snap.

Jace must've noticed the lingering hostility in my tone because he stayed quiet for the rest of the journey back to the hotel.

I felt bad, but there was nothing I could do about it.

I lost control of this ages ago.

♕♕♕

The smell of Brazilian barbeque filled the air as I woke up, tangled in the white bedsheets. I don't recall even reaching the hotel or coming up to the room, but here I was.

The events of the morning, defined by my lovely panic attack, came crashing down on me.

I checked the phone to see that it was almost eight at night, meaning I slept most of the day away. Explaining this would be difficult to Jace, so I opted for evasion or just acting oblivious. Quickly brushing my teeth, I stepped out to the source of the scent.

Jace was sitting at the makeshift desk in the living room, while an assortment of mouth-watering food was on display, calling my name.

At the sound of my footsteps, his head snapped up, taking in my disheveled appearance. "You're up," he stated blankly.

"Yeah," I admitted. "I guess waking up at four a.m. takes the life out of me." It was a stupid attempt at a joke, considering what he witnessed, but who was I without my stupid jokes?

"I figured you'd be hungry, so I got takeout from a nearby restaurant. The bitoque is for you." He nudged his head towards the table. "I tried waking you up for lunch, but you kicked me... twice."

Vivi always did say I was a violent sleeper.

"Thank you." My voice was disgustingly shy. Even I wanted to throw up after hearing it. Regardless, I sat at the table, digging into the delicious steak. The egg on top was perfectly cooked and the potato slices had the right crisp.

I didn't realize how hungry I was until I started eating. Jace didn't sit with me, so I assumed he already finished eating. This gave me time to reply to the texts I got from Lola about the club. I invited Savannah and Benicio to join us and both of them agreed.

"I'm assuming you don't want to talk about it," Jace suddenly asked, referring to this morning.

"Correct." I could tell from the way his jaw ticked that he was annoyed but respected my wishes. "Are you going clubbing with us?"

"Who's 'us'?"

"The models, Van, Beni, and me," I replied, taking another forkful of steak. I didn't miss the way his eyes darkened when I used Benicio's nickname.

"Yes," he answered, a little too fast if you ask me.

"Okay," I said. "We're meeting there at around nine-thirty."

He nodded once, turning his attention back to his laptop. Because of the lack of conversation, I opted for texting the family group chat and checking social media. Once I finished eating, I cleaned up after myself and headed to the bathroom for a quick shower.

The anticipation of drinking put a pep in my step while I was getting ready. My shower lasted twenty minutes, giving me ample time to do my hair and makeup.

I left my hair natural but pulled it up into a tight ponytail, putting oil on the ends. I kept my makeup light, the only bold statement coming from my red lip.

I thanked my years of experience when I opened my suitcase to find the perfect clubbing outfit and shoes. The shimmery, baby pink bandeau top with straps and the matching short skirt paired well with the red-bottoms that were the same shade as the set.

Considering how warm it was tonight, I didn't bother with a jacket. Plus, the amount of body heat I had was enough.

Stuffing the necessities into my clutch, I went to the living room to see Jace ready in a black button-down with the sleeves rolled up and fitted plaid dress pants.

He raised his eyebrows, trailing his eyes down my body. "The driver's downstairs."

That's it? That's all he has to say?

Without another word, he headed for the door, expecting me to follow.

I mean I still did, but I wasn't happy about it.

Van and Beni were already in the lobby, their mouths dropping open when they saw my look. I gave them a little twirl, to which Van started clapping merrily. "You look so good!"

There. Was that so hard to do, Jace?

"Thank you! But you are a vision," I complimented back. She did look stunning in her black, sparkly bodycon dress.

Beni was still looking at me when I gave him a small smile, instantly making his cheeks red. He was about to say something when Jace placed his hand on the exposed skin on my back.

"Let's go." His voice came out raspy and bothered, but I knew this pretense was because of Benicio.

Speaking off, he immediately closed his mouth and sped off to the car. The club, according to the address, was not too far from the hotel. Nightlife in São Paulo was one of my favorite parts about coming here. While paparazzi were always around, they weren't as incessant as they were in New York.

Every time I traveled far from home, I didn't have to worry too much about the repercussions of my actions. I could do whatever I wanted, with little to no judgment.

A short car ride later, we got out in front of the club. Jace still had his hand on me, guiding me inside. I tried ignoring the tingling feelings building up, but it was just so hard with how explosive it was.

I needed that drink. Fast.

We immediately spotted the girls and headed over to the large booth. Daiyu was sitting with her well-built and tattooed music producing husband, Thanvi was dancing with a girl nearby, Lola was getting drinks, and Sascha smiled at Jace the second she spotted us.

I had no right to be jealous. It wasn't like we were in a real relationship, but something about the way she was staring ignited something within me.

Thankfully, Lola came back with some drinks, handing me one. "I hope you still like vodka."

"Is that even a question?" I accepted the vodka sour, drinking it a little faster than necessary. "Thank you. I really needed that."

"Don't you think you should be taking it slow?" Sascha called out, judgment written across her features.

I leaned forward, resting my face in my left hand to make sure she could see the engagement ring. "Oh, Sarah. I don't do things 'slow'." I winked.

Daiyu quickly covered her laugh with a cough while Lola amusedly pursed her lips, causing Sascha's eye to start twitching.

"It's Sascha."

"Oops." I smiled, shrugging my shoulders. "I'm gonna get another drink. Does anyone want anything?"

Everyone shook their heads, so I got up to head towards the bar. Before I could take another step away from the book, Jace took my hand and followed me.

We walked towards the bar, but I couldn't help the suspicion crawling in my mind. The bartender took my order and started a tab under my name, while Jace just stood there silently. "If you're trying to babysit, I'd rather you stop."

Once again, he didn't look the slightest bit affected by my venomous tone. "Sarah has a point."

"Then why don't you go live it up with her." I must've looked psychotic with the way I scrunched up my face, but he just shook his head in disbelief.

"I don't get you," he muttered, narrowing his eyes at me. "You're so fucking bipolar."

"Don't try to understand me." I sounded like a real fucking bitch right now, but it was the only way for me to go about this. "I don't know if you forgot, but we're nothing to each other."

I thanked the bartender for my drinks and headed back to the table, leaving him there.

I was in a pissy mood when I got to the table and started nursing my drinks. Alcohol always puts me in a better mood. Or, maybe, it just suppressed the bad mood.

Either way, I wanted—no, I needed—to forget. Today wasn't a good day.

The word just kept replaying in my head over and over and over again.

Angel. Angel. Angel.

I kept on drinking, hoping it would take the memory away. Begging for it to take the pain away.

I was so preoccupied with my thoughts, I didn't notice the homewrecker's missing presence until my eyes found her with her hand on Jace's bicep.

This bitch is getting on my nerves.

Slightly tipsy, I headed in their direction, happy to see that Jace shook her hand off of him. Still, I stepped in between them and shot Sascha a look that would normally have people ready to piss their pants.

I perfected my bitch-face ages ago for situations just like this. "Listen up, Beethoven. I don't care who the fuck you are, but you better keep your hands off my man. Got it?"

Sascha clenched her jaw, tilting her head, thinking it would threaten me. Dumb bitch. "Why don't you go back to your drink, Kimberly?"

Like I haven't heard that one before.

I scoffed, my tone turning deadly. "Trust me, Sascha Ludwig, you don't want to get on my bad side. Dealing with entitled fuckers like you is my forte."

Her eyes narrowed, she turned around and left Jace and I at the bar.

When he didn't say anything, I questioned him. "Why didn't you tell her to back off?"

"I thought we were nothing," he mocked my tone from earlier.

"In private, we are," I replied. "But in public, you're mine. Remember that." He didn't reply. Instead, he slowly took a sip of whatever was in his glass. "Fine, be that way. I'll go ask Beni if he wants to dance."