give two shits about relationships and all the crap that comes with them.

I didn't have the time nor the care to engage in something so meaningless and emotional. But, hearing about Kimberly's past relationship, particularly a meaningful one given her reaction, brought something alien out of me.

I should've asked the doctor to scan me too.

However, the word that really hit me like a truck was 'cheating'.

Cheating? Cheating on Kimberly?

The only thought running through my head was 'Wow, this guy's a fucking idiot'. Why? I had no fucking idea why I had the sudden urge to pummel him—thoughts I haven't had in a long-ass time—but I guess it had to do with how he was stupid enough to cheat on Kimberly.

As much as she got on my nerves, there was something about a woman like her. Something that you wanted to hold on to, keep by your side, as long as she wanted you.

Cheating on her wasn't an option. Hell, it wasn't even on the fucking test.

I could literally feel the attraction between my fist and his face. A face that had the audacity to look crestfallen at the door my wife left through merely a few minutes ago.

"I should probably explain," Darius broke the silence.

I stayed silent, not trusting myself to not let out a string of expletives.

There was no way to explain what was wrong with me. I wasn't this type of person. I didn't get riled up this easily, but when it comes to her, I can't even fucking think straight for a second.

Suddenly, everything I was became nothing but a clean canvas for her to use to her liking.

I hated this.

I hated not being in control over my thoughts, my actions... my feelings.

The second I saw her dazed look and bleeding head—for the first time in my life—I felt scared.

I don't recall the last time I felt that strong sense of not knowing what was going to happen. Even with Mom's diagnosis, I kept my head level.

But when I saw Kimberly yesterday, I was torn between rushing to her side and beating the guts out of whoever did that to her.

I gestured for him to continue, wanting nothing more than to get this over with. I blame Ashton. As expected, the two cousins were a dynamic duo, to say the least.

"Kim and I dated for about a year in high school. We were friends before that, but I guess we just thought it made sense to be together." His words were doing nothing to calm the storm brewing inside me. "I don't have the right to tell you the whole story, but I cheated on her the summer before senior year. Granted, in my opinion, I had a good reason to do so."

I looked at the guy who was around my height, but significantly leaner, wondering what the absolute fuck was wrong with him.

He needs a scan too.

I straightened myself, crossing my arms in the way that drives Kimberly insane. "And what, pray tell, was this reason of yours?"

The guy had balls, for sure. To look me in the eyes and admit that he had a 'good reason' to cheat. Especially on my fucking wife.

"I wanted her to be happy."

I wasn't expecting those exact words to come out of his mouth, hence my eyebrows shooting up at the admission. The absolute last thing I expected was to see the genuinity in his eyes.

"What the fuck?" My expression definitely matched my confusion.

He took a deep breath, anxious about continuing. "Like I said, there's stuff that I shouldn't be telling you. But, long story short, Kim's stubborn"—I snorted, surprisingly agreeing with him—"and she needs that extra push to stop making excuses and do something. She never wanted to be in a relationship with me, and I knew it. So, I gave her the push."

"Why cheat? Why didn't you just break up with her?" Rich people and their fucking problems were going to be the death of me.

"If I broke up with her, she'd make some excuse about being too heartbroken to... do what she needed to do. Cheating was the only way to bring that dangerous anger out of her and make her... do the shit head-on. Honestly, I wish I did it sooner." There was plenty of hesitation in his words.

I didn't realize how much I hated being out-of-the-loop until now. I don't consider myself nosey, but there was not a single part of me that didn't want to figure out the puzzle that was Kimberly.

Fuck this.

"I know I'm being vague, but I would like to keep my balls intact. Kim and Vi are dangerous to the manhood of men who wrong them."

The two of us shifted subconsciously, remembering the graphic threats from the two of them, specifically Vivian.

But there was one question that was still bothering me. A question that I so desperately wish I didn't have. "Did you love her?"

It was his turn to look at me with raised eyebrows. "Considering your aversion to hearing 'cheating' and 'Kim' in the same sentence, I think you know the answer. She's impossible not to fall in love with. Fuck, I willingly put myself in a position to get my ass whooped by a majority of the student body just to see her happy."

Before I could stop myself, a second question tumbled out. "Do you still love her?"

He had a sad smile on his face, contemplating how to answer the question in front of his ex's husband.

"Yes and no," he admitted. "I don't think I love her romantically anymore. It's hard when she hates me for what happened. But I love her the way I did when we were friends. I love her enough to want to see her happy. I'm sure you're sick and tired of hearing this, but Kim's been through shit. Tough shit that no one deserves to go through in the formative years of their life. It's why most of us turn a blind eye to how she copes."

"All I hear about is this 'shit' but no one ever talks about what happened," I practically growled out.

He shrugged. "It's not our place to do so. But, considering how she's attempting sobriety because of you, I'd say you're close to finding out."

"What makes you think I want to find out?" I lied.

He just raised his eyebrows in the you're not fooling anyone look. "You keep telling yourself that..." He walked to the door before turning around to face me. "Believe it or not, Kim really needs someone like you. Now, if you'll excuse me. I need to go talk to your wife. Pray for my balls."

♕♕♕

KIMBERLY

A fucking babysitter.

After everything I told Jace, he still thought I needed a fucking babysitter.

I took another sip of my cold brew, letting the cool drink soothe the burning rage building up inside of me. It didn't help that it was too warm outside for mid-fall.

Fucking global warming.

After grabbing coffee from the office building's cafeteria, I took the elevator to the roof. I was tempted to leave the premises, but considering my current state, I decided against it.

I was angry, but not angry enough to die—even if it's an accident.

Plus, the roof has been one of my favorite parts of the building since high school.

During my sophomore year in high school, I had a complete breakdown because of global warming. Like cried because I thought my grandchildren would have to move to Mars breakdown. Looking back, it was pretty comical and my family was over my dramatic shit, but Alex implemented more green policies into the company.

Dad eventually followed suit, but Alex took it a step further by building a rooftop garden. I had a lot of memories here—painful, happy, emotional.

I don't know how long I was sitting on one of the benches, but I heard the door open behind me. There were only two options for who would follow me up here, but only one of them knew how important this place was to me.

"Get out," I snarled, not looking up.

Darius sighed, expecting my reaction. "Kim—"

"Don't."

Not surprisingly, he actually stayed quiet but decided to plop himself on the same bench as me.

"Don't test me, Dar. I am not above launching you off this building." It was an empty threat, but I wouldn't be me if I didn't make one.

"I'd like to see you try pushing me."

"I'll hire someone."

"I didn't come here to argue."

"Okay," I replied. "Then leave."

As expected, he didn't take the bait. "We need to talk."

"I don't want to." I knew I was being childish, but there was not a single part of me that was thinking straight right now. Everyone was taking turns, deciding what they thought was best for me. And, no one—not a single fucking person—asked me what I wanted.

"Too bad. There's a lot I haven't told you, even if it's almost eight years too late." Darius rubbed his hand over his shaved head, just like how he used to run his fingers through his curls when we were younger.

In a brief, momentary lapse of judgment, I indulged him for the sake of our old friendship. "Fine, speak."

"I was really in love with you, Kim." My eyebrows shot up to my hairline. "Like really in love. But I knew you didn't love me. Even though we'd been going out for almost a year at that point, I knew it wasn't me you wanted. I was the safe option. The option that sounded great on paper.

"I couldn't bring myself to be mad at you for that because I thought 'Hey, I'm dating Kim Astor. No one can touch me. I've got the hottest girl in school.' Eventually, I realized that I was blind and selfish because I held onto this hope that you'd look at me the way you looked at him. You wouldn't do anything about your feelings while you were with me. And, I hated that I was holding you back.

"Because, if there was one person I loved more than you, it was him. He was my best friend and you were my girlfriend, and the two of you were so fucking in love with each other and I stood in between that."

An overwhelming sense of regret flooded my throat. "I'm sorry. It wasn't your fault. He and I were stupid for acting like it was nothing and putting you in the crossfire."

"Trust me," Dar laughed. "There's not a single person in the school who thought it was nothing besides me. Because I chose to stay blind. But, after the championship game our junior year, I saw the way you ran up to hug him, how bright your eyes were, how big your smile was. I realized you'd never look at me the way you looked at him.

"I was pissed. That night, he and I got into a fight. We beat the shit out of each other. I was angry at him for having you even when you were mine. He started saying all this shit about how he wanted you to be with someone who could give you something that he couldn't... a future."

I choked on a sob, setting my cold brew down so I could cover my eyes before the tears started falling.

"So, I made the decision to break up with you. I told Vi, but she just went on a tangent about how stupid I was for thinking it would work. She said something about how you would use the breakup as an excuse, and I realized she was right. So, I decided that I needed to get you angry for this to work, hence the decision to cheat." Even with my eyes closed, I could tell he moved forward to lean against his thighs.

"Kim," his voice was a sad whisper now, "I don't regret it. Yeah, I wanted you for myself. But, seeing how happy you were with him made it worth it. You know he never got violent, but the day after the party, he beat me up. And I let him.

"He loved you more than anything, Kim. My only regret is not doing it sooner. I could've given you more time with him. I could've..." His voice trailed off, regret lacing into his words.

By now, the sobs I was holding back were freely falling. There are too many memories of him today. Too many memories of what I lost.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I sounded pained. "Why did you let me hate you for this long when I was the one at fault? You may have physically cheated, but I was never emotionally invested in the relationship and it wasn't fair to you."

"It made me feel less guilty," he forced out a laugh. "Made it worth it. As long as you had the anger, you wouldn't blame yourself. So, I was okay with it."

I stayed silent.

Partly by choice, partly because I couldn't breathe. Everything felt so raw, burning with pain. Like rubbing alcohol being poured into fresh wounds. Except these wounds weren't fresh, but the pain was.

"Why are you here now?" I broke the silence. "Why do you need a job?"

Dar let out a dark laugh. "Long story short, my parents are assholes."

I found myself subconsciously agreeing with him. Darius's parents had very outdated values and beliefs. Growing up, Darius's father put more effort into being a successful businessman as opposed to being a good father. And his mother valued reputation more than the happiness of her children.

It's safe to say I rarely went to his place when we were together. The only member of his family I liked was his little sister, who was Audrey's friend.

"Last year, Azariah came out to our parents. Dad lost his shit and kept misgendering her, threatened to cut her off from the family, and called up a conversion therapy camp to 'fix' her. I was already working for the company at that point, so when I stood up for her, he cut us both off and kicked us out." The sorrow I felt earlier was now twinged with pure, unadulterated hatred.

Azariah, Darius's sister, privately came out as transgender when she was eight. She was always scared to tell her parents, which was now completely justified, so she would only express herself in school or around us.

It sucked having to misgender her in front of her parents, but keeping her safe was a top priority.

"What about your trust funds?" I asked.

"Since Azariah is still a minor, my father completely depleted her account. I only had access to a quarter of it since this shit went down before my twenty-fifth birthday," he sighed. "It's a decent amount of money, but it's not enough. Azariah started hormone therapy and keeping her in school is expensive. Plus, I need to save enough for her to go to college."

I couldn't help but feel proud of the guy next to me. He's come a long way from the dumbass who tried dribbling a watermelon like a basketball.

"What about getting a job at another company?"

"I would but our father had me blacklisted in many companies." He put his hand up when he saw me ready to respond. "I know you're going to offer one, but I don't deserve to take someone else's job or have one made for me just because we know each other. Ash has already done more than enough by getting us that apartment and letting us pay a discounted rent."

I nodded, remembering that Dar and Azariah moved into the apartment next to Ashton's last year. Uncle Eli was the CEO of Raines Corp, and they had apartment buildings and hotels everywhere. At the time, I didn't think much of it or him, but now I see why.

"But why a bodyguard?" I was still confused on why he would now choose this as his profession.

"I never wanted to take over his company, so this was honestly a blessing in disguise," he admitted. "It gave me time to realize that I've always wanted to do something more active, you know? Plus, I've been taking care of you for this long, I might as well get paid for it."

I couldn't help the snort I let out.

Over the years, since Ash and Darius were best friends, the two of them would work together to make sure that I got out of clubs and bars safely if I ever overdid it. It was before I found out about why Darius cheated, so I never properly thanked him for it.

"Thank you," I blurted.

"Don't." He shook his head. "I made him a promise that I'd keep you safe."

Fuck... the tears are back.

"Okay."

"Okay, what?"

"Consider yourself hired... but I have two conditions." He looked at me reluctantly, scared of what I was going to say next. "First, it's not 24/7. I will call you when I think it's appropriate for your services."

He nodded slowly. "That's doable. And the second?"

"Before all this shit went down, we were really good friends who never had issues asking for things from each other." He let out a deep breath, dipping his head. "If you or Azariah need help, just ask."

"Fine," he reluctantly agreed. "But, don't count on me taking you up on that favor. I want to show her that we need them. That we can do this on our own. Getting my certification was the first thing I truly did for myself. It was oddly satisfying."

I turned my head to get a better look at him. I couldn't help but feel proud of who he became. He was no longer the spoiled, egotistical teen but was now a responsible, caring adult.

"I'm proud of you," I started, taking a deep breath before my next sentence. "... He would be too."

Darius just looked ahead, a wistful look on his face.

Silence blanketed over us, the memories of the past surrounding us like a cool film against the warm air.

Throughout the entire conversation, I could only focus on how misplaced my anger was on Darius. Truth be told, I got over the fact that he cheated ages ago, but there was a part of me that wanted to hold onto that memory forever.

After all, Dar's plan worked and I ended up with him.

But I felt so... ashamed at how angry I got at Dar for cheating. Even though his course of action was messed up, he had a point.

Darius may have been physically unfaithful, but I had been emotionally unfaithful.

This was so fucked up.

"You know..." Darius cut through the silence getting up. "Now, don't get mad at me and just hear me out, but I know him and he would want you to move on."

"Please, I get enough of this from Vivi," I sighed.

He lifted his shoulders in a noncommittal shrug. "I know you do, but that girl loves you too much to say it with any conviction. I, on the other hand, don't care if I hurt your feelings by saying this."

I rolled my eyes. "Thanks."

"I mean it. Your happiness was always a priority to him. So, why don't you let yourself be happy?"

"How can I be happy if he's not here?"

"You just try. All you need to do is try. And you've got a pretty alright guy, sitting in an office a few floors down, who you should try with. You owe it to yourself too."

***

emotional damage.

probs hate.

love, zia.