IT'S FAIR TO say I would walk a million miles to be with you. I miss you in ways I didn't think were possible to miss another person. I miss the way you held me in your arms. I miss the way your eyes shined in the daylight. The way you smelled. Every day I wish we could go back, and take back the words of hurt and close the wounds they caused.

You slipped through my fingers and as my life goes on without you things slowly start to change. My heart doesn't skip when our friends speak your name. You are no longer the thing distracting me in the middle of the day. My heart doesn't ache for you anymore.

If only I wasn't lying to myself.

You are the only thing that can fill the empty space in my chest. The two of us fit together perfectly, and it seems impossible being polar opposites, but it's the truth. That's the thing I pretend not to know, but I do. I have loved you the way I only dreamed I could.

Wholeheartedly.

I have missed you longer than I ever should have.

I can't make you love me, but I can tell you that there is no one else in the world that makes me feel the way you do. You cures the loneliness. The warmth to my coldness. The bright light to my darkness. We don't make sense, but we work.

And all I can say is I wish we could go back to the way we were.

"This part here is really good, Mags," I tell her as I highlight the line and make note on the paper copy of her manuscript with my red pen. "Every day I wish we could go back, and take back the words of hurt and close the wounds they caused."

Maggie nods and marks down something on the notebook resting on her lap. It's our third official meeting on her book, having finally worked out all the details on her book deal and after everything, it's just the distraction I need.

"Thank you," she says as she looks up from her notes.

I frown. "For what?"

"This," she says, gesturing around my office. "You're treating me like all your other authors. I don't know why I thought you wouldn't, but I guess, I thought you might sugarcoat your feedback because I'm your best friend. You haven't and I really appreciate it."

"I promised you I would," I tell her.

"I know." She exhales as she shuts her book, resting her hands on top. "I'm excited to make all these improvements. I've seen you in action before, but it's different when it's something I've done. You're kind of the real deal."

The corners of my lips tug up into a smile as I shift to my computer, adding my final notes to the digital copy of her manuscript. "Thanks, Mags," I tell her. "I'm just going to add a few more notes to your digital copy, but you can take this," I say as I clip the paper copy back together and slide it towards her. "Do you have any other questions?"

"Yeah, actually," she says and scoots to the edge of her seat, a mischievous grin playing on her lip. "How are things with Luke?"

And just like that the spell is broken as I lean back in my chair with a long sigh. It's only been a week since Luke packed up his life and left New York, and it's been the worse week of my life. I didn't think it would happen so soon. I didn't think I would fall apart this quickly at the lack of his presence, but it's happening. I'm crumbling and it's all his fault.

It's only been a week and I miss him more than I thought was possible.

"They're good." I swallow and pick at the ends of my hair, twirling it around my finger.

"You don't look like everything's good."

"No, it's fine," I say, pressing my lips together as I pull my cardigan around my chest. "We're fine. I just... how is it possible to missing him this much already, Maggie? I don't ever stop missing him. He's on my mind all time, and all I want is to be near him."

Her lips curl down as she gets up and wanders over to my side, wrapping her arms around my shoulder. "It's hard being away from someone you care so deeply about."

"How am I supposed to do this for..." I trail off because I don't know how long I'm going to feel like half a person for. Luke has this huge opportunity, and neither of us know how long that will keep him from New York long term. "God, I don't even know for how long."

"Did you guys talk about it?"

"We didn't really get the chance to," I say as I rub my fingertips over my chest. "Everything just happened so quickly that we never got the chance to just pause and talk about what a future could look like. And what we did talk about was in a rush of emotion. All I know is that Luke needed to take the opportunity, and I didn't want it to be the end of us. Not when I just got him."

"It's a start," she says with a sad smile.

"What if it's not enough?" I ask. "The long distance might work for now. It might be enough, but I highly doubt it'll last, and maybe we can work out a schedule. Me going there, him coming home, but at the end of the day, he's still going to be across the country."

Her eyes soften as she looks at me. I already know what she's thinking, just by the look on her face, but the thought of actually facing it breaks my heart. New York is only a place, and right now, it sucks without Luke here, but it's more complicated than that. If this was nineteen-year-old me, the Emery that didn't know Maggie or Zane. I would have dropped everything to follow him to Los Angeles, but I'm not that girl.

The part of my heart I gave to Luke wants me to be in Los Angeles, but the rest of it, the part that was broken after Charlie. I gave that to Maggie and Zane, and they're here. They're my family, and I don't know how to put the distance between us. I don't know if I can.

"I could see you in Los Angeles."

I shake my head. "I don't know, Maggie," I whisper as I meet her gaze, my eyes wet with tears. "I feel like half of me is in Los Angeles with Luke, but if I went, the other half would be here with you. I don't know what I'm supposed to do."

"Em, do you love him?"

I press my lips together as I brush my fingertips over them. For a second, it's almost like I can feel him here with me. Just like the day after the blackout. He came to my office and he looked at me like I had just shown him the world. He was smooth and confident, but it was more than that. It was like he knew then and there. We weren't like his other one-night stands. We never could be. We were always going to be more.

"I don't know," I mumble.

She smiles. "You're always going to have me, Emery," she says. "Whether you're in New York or you're across the country. That will never change."

I watch as she gets up from her seat, holding her manuscript pages to her heart. I know what she's saying is true, because it's the way I've always felt about her. Even if we were halfway across the world from each other, it wouldn't matter because a piece of us is always going to be with the other. It'll be like neither of us ever left, but reality kicks in before the fantasy can settle. I want it to be enough. It should be, but I'm terrified it's not.

It feels like I'll be sacrificing one love for another.

"I love you," she says as she moves towards the door.

"I love you, too."

"It won't always be like this," she says when she pulls the door open. "These things usually have a way of working themselves out. You're going to have your happily ever after one day. Just have faith."

A snicker falls from me lips. "Yeah, maybe one day."

She offers a small smile as she shuts the door, leaving me alone to sink in my thoughts. I told myself in the days leading up to Luke leaving that I was going to be fine. I had to be fine, because there were no other options. I want to be okay, but I ache for him. I miss him.

And it's not because I need him.

I know life will go on, and my world won't end with him. The old me would have believed that it would. All my books told me that one person could make or break your life, but it's not true. Luke has added warmth to my life, but he won't be the only source.

He isn't the only source.

I will be fine without him, but I'm not falling apart because I need him.

I'm falling apart because I want him. I want to see him every day. I want to wake up to him. I want to fall asleep next to him. I want him in my life, and that somehow hurts more.

"You doing okay there, Wheeler?" Clark's voice wakes me from my daydream when he pushes my office door open, leaning into the doorway. "Sorry, I knocked," he says as he gestures to the door. "You seem to be daydreaming."

"I'm sorry," I say and twist in my seat. "I'm a little out of it today."

"Yeah? Everything going okay with Maggie's book?"

I nod my head as I sit up straighter. "Yeah, we're making really good progress on it," I tell him. "I'm really glad Maggie decided to publish it."

"Good, I'm glad to hear it," he says as he steps into the room, crossing to the front of my desk where he settles into the leather chair. "What's got you so distracted then? You've been walking around the office like a ghost the last few days."

I consider trying to cover it up with something I'm sure he'll believe, but I've always trusted Clark and his opinion, so I go with the truth. "My boy problems got a little more complicated," I say with a small smile.

He lifts an eyebrow in question.

"I started seeing someone, and it's really new," I say. "It also just feels really right, but he's a musician and he got offered a record deal which took him across the country from me. I'm so happy for him, and it was obviously an opportunity he needed to take, but we never really got the chance to talk about what it would mean for us and our future."

"He'll be there for a while?"

I nod. "I think so. The label wants him there full-time for right now, which is understandable. It just really sucks."

"You know, Eric and I used to be long distance," he tells me.

"You were?" I ask. "I didn't know that."

"We were." He nods. "It was really hard, but in the end, it all worked out. It may seem hopeless right now, but there's always a chance to make things better."

"How did you make it work?"

"We talked as much as we could," he says. "Sometimes that was every day, and sometimes we were lucky if we managed to get one five minute call a week. He was worth making the effort to make it work, because at the end of the day, he's what made me happy."

"How long were you long distance for?"

He sighs. "It was about two years before deciding we were both miserable," he says. "It was between breaking up or making a big decision. At the end of the day, Eric knew what a huge opportunity I had in New York and he made the sacrifice to leave Boston to move here to be with me. Not everyone is as lucky, but if you really want to be with this guy, sometimes that sacrifice is worth being with the person you love."

"I'd be giving up everything."

Clark smiles weakly. "Not everything," he says as he gets up. "You know, I have connections in Los Angeles. If you think this guy is worth it, I can make a call."

"You would do that for me?"

"Of course," he says. "I'd be bummed that I'm losing one of the best editors I've come across in my twenty years of working in the publishing industry, but some things are worth losing for the right person."

My lips curl up. "Thank you, Clark."

"You're welcome, Emery."