When Jay said that we could do anything, my pulse immediately began to race. I was nervous. Nervous because I wasn't entirely sure what he meant by "anything," nervous because he could potentially ditch me because I refused to do anything, and nervous because deep down I wanted to do things with him that I never imagined I'd want so soon.

We began to walk back, trodding barefoot along the dirt path, softened with moisture and wear due to its use. We sure looked like a sight, emerging from woods in the middle of the night soaking wet.

"Should we just go home in the morning?" I said. We were drenched and had no changes of clothes. It would also be disgusting to crawl back into bed after having swam around in a creek in the middle of the woods, and our clothes would most likely not have dried yet. And if we took a shower it would most likely wake the Fredericks up and they'd wonder what we were up to. My thoughts immediately went back to when we swam in the stream.

"Yeah..." He said. "Alina, are you okay?" He laughed.

I snapped out of my daze of analyzing the situation, realizing that I was so deep in my thoughts that I wasn't paying attention to where I was going and my cheeks were red from reminiscing our kiss. "I'm fine." I laughed. "Just thinking."

He snaked his arm around my waist. My breath hitched in my throat and I stiffened. I hoped he didn't take that as a sign of discomfort when it was simply shock. "What are you thinking about?" He said, his breath tickling my temple as he leaned in to whisper, shivers running up my spine from the huskiness of his voice alone.

I turned my head to look at his eyes; this time they were a captivating stormy grey. There was a sort of lust in his expression, and his lips were turned up in one corner to form a seductive smirk that was beyond irresistable.

"You." I said softly, the sound barely making it past my lips.

He gently pinned me against one of the trees at the edge of the woods. The bark dig into my back, but it wasn't painful, just a slight discomfort that was heavily masked by the other emotions and feelings within me.

"I've been thinking about you ever since I saw you by the pool."

I looked over past my shoulder at the ground and laughed. "Yeah I remember. You insisted on soaking me."

He made a face. "Way to ruin the moment."

I grew red. "I-"

"I'm just kidding, you've got me so turned on nothing but lack of consent could stop me from doing this."

For the second time tonight, his lips crashed against mine. His hands snaked underneath my shirt, or his shirt, and around my waist, squeezing it ever so often. My skin tingled at his every touch and there was a burning feeling at the pit of my stomach. I wove my fingers through his dark hair as Jay intensified the kiss, his tongue slipping into my mouth and working along with my own to deepen the kiss.

"I want to do so much more with you." He said, leaving a trail of kisses down my neck. He finished by leaving a hickey on my collarbone. I'd worry about that later, for now I had to enjoy this.

"Like what?"

"Anything you want." He smirked.

"Um-" I bit my lip and his grip around my waist loosened. "Nothing more. I just don't know if I'm ready."

Where there was lust in his eyes now lingered disappointment, but he did his best not to show it. "If that's what you want."

I nodded.

He wrapped one arm around my waist and we continued to walk back. "Whenever you change your mind..."

I rolled my eyes. How we managed to go from a state of total intimacy and closeness to bickering like children, I didn't know.

"That won't be for a while."

"That's what they all say."

I looked at him and he shot me a smug look.

"Who's they all?" I decided to say. I knew, I knew perfectly well. I just wanted to hear Jay say it. Say why and with who he does it, for what? Was there an underlying factor that I was unaware of? I doubted it, for the circumstances are fairly predictable but I was still curious to see what his view on the topic would be.

"They all, figuratively." He said. "I was talking about virgins. Specifically the ones at Brunswick, or in Greenwhich, or even Stamford or Darien, or..." he took a deep breath. "The list goes on."

I nodded and he looked at me, carefully observing me for any trace of a visible emotion.

"And so what I'm saying is that high school fucks you up. Especially when you get older. I used to have morals, believe it or not." There was a hint of a smile in his lips but also seriousness in his eyes.

"I don't believe it." I teased. "Jay Von Baron and morals don't belong near each other."

He laughed and brushed a strand of hair that had fallen forward.

"Freshman year I wasn't that bad." He laughed, looking at the floor. "Even though I was fucked up after something that I'll tell you about one day, I wasn't this bad."

I looked at Jay, a puzzle of a boy with a past unknown to me yet one that I seemed to understand as the root of his turmoils.

He probably noticed me staring as he looked at me and raised his brows.

"Do you want me to stop?"

"No," I said. "Keep talking." I liked how he was opening up to me, and I had a feeling he didn't do this often with too many people.

"Okay." He smiled. "Not that many people want to listen to me, ever." Jay chuckled, a sort of exasperated laugh that had nothing but sadness behind it. "High schools fucks you up. Especially if you don't have the right type of friends. My parents don't pay attention to me, and they hadn't for a while, so I fell into the wrong crowd and started doing the worst stuff."

By now we had made it onto the clearing, and we walked in the field where the horses tended to graze. It was just us and the stars, which scattered the dark night sky. I could hear the comforting chirp of crickets as we walked along the soft green grass, dampened with dew. I hadn't been this at peace in a long time.

I saw the red barn a short distance away from us, and I gradually began leading Jay towards it, but still allowing him to talk.

"I feel like I'm talking too much about myself."

"No!" I said, and he looked kind of surprised. "I'm listening. Don't stop."

"Okay." He smiled softly . "One time I came home smelling of weed. I was high too, with bloodshot eyes and the diction to prove it. My dad got pretty mad."

I opened the barn door with ease. It wasn't locked or anything, and it swung open when I pulled the handle. We continued inside. I remembered how much I used to like coming here. The barn had aged though. The wood was now falling apart and there was hay everywhere. I looked up to see a huge hole in the ceiling, and through it, the stars in the night sky.

Jay and I sat down on a bale of hay and he continued.

"He came so close to hitting me I thought he was actually going to do it. I was scared, but looking back on it I wish he would still get mad. Now he doesn't give a fuck. He'll just scoff or roll his eyes if he sees me doing something."

I didn't know how to reply.

"My dad, h-he hates me." Jay said, letting out a sob. There were tears threatening to spill from his eyes, and his bottom lip quivered the slightest bit. I looked at this broken boy and realized the world had ruined him, messed with his mind and made him become a person he deep down knew he shouldn't be proud of.

I let him lay his head on my lap, and his breathing slowly grew more even as the sobs subsided. This was one of the first times I'd seen him cry, and I wondered if it would ever happen again.

"He doesn't hate you." I said, my voice barely above a whisper.

I felt Jay nod the slightest bit. "Yes he does. He's sick of me. And I don't know why I'm like this. The drugs, the sex-" he took a deep breath. "I don't know. It feels good but it doesn't last. I don't need a temporary fix, yet it's the only thing there is for me."

"He loves you, in his own way. But put yourself in his place. What would you do if your son was constantly getting into trouble, doing drugs..." Jay sighed. "Eventually, especially as time goes on, there's nothing you can really do but hope it ends." I wanted Jay to see where his father was coming from. "But maybe he needs to be a better dad, and be there for you, and give you that support."

I've always sucked at giving advice, and now it seemed to me as if I was speaking nonsense.

"You're sort of right." Jay spoke up. A strand of hair had fallen over his eyes, and I moved it away with my hands. I played with his dark hair, which was still damp from our swim. I ran my hand along his jawline, over his lips, down his nose, tracing every one of his overly attractive features.

I realized he had fallen asleep, as he was no longer talking and didn't reply when I said his name.

I sighed and lay down next to him, hoping for the best tomorrow morning.