The messages started coming that night.

Sky was already in bed, in her pink My Little Pony jammies, feeling all soft and warm and happy for the first time in months. She was thinking about Eli and the kiss.

His lips on hers. The taste of salt and iron.

The throaty sound he had made when she'd broken the kiss.

The way her core had turned into a molten pot of hot lava, her heart into a fucking hummingbird with fast, fluttery wings that filled her ribcage with their frantic beat.

Sky opened her eyes as the soft blip of her phone interrupted her pleasant dreaming, and reached to take her phone from the nightstand.

Someone had tagged her on Instagram - an account she didn't know. Furrowing her brows Sky clicked at the notification, and there it was, clear and bright on the screen of her iPhone - a photograph of herself kissing Eli in front of the school.

The text below said: "shit-lip is getting his shit eaten" followed by a bunch of laughing and poop emojis.

A sudden horror crushed Sky's ribs with the force of a bulldozer.

Oh no, no, no, no, no! Shit!

There had been kids in the yard, but Sky hadn't realized someone had taken a photo. She hadn't been paying attention.

And that was the worst mistake one can make in high school, where dangers lurked everywhere like poisonous spiders in a jungle.

Of course, Sky knew that all too fucking well, but she'd been so distracted by Eli's hotness that she hadn't even stopped to think–

And now it was all over the internet.

The most beautiful moment of her life turned into a joke. The precious moment when she'd kissed the boy she liked. But nothing of that was in that stupid photo - it didn't capture the butterflies in her stomach, nor the uneven beat of her heart, not Eli's scent that had surrounded them, or the way he had groaned after the kiss as if he couldn't believe it had really happened.

Now all that was gone, and there was just this photo of a short redheaded girl kissing a boy, whose cheeks were as red as her hair, and the picture made it all look so awkward, so fucking stupid.

Sky felt like she couldn't breathe.

It was like taking a bullet again but not to the shoulder this time, but straight through her sternum.

Messages were now flooding her insta and her snapchat, cruel anonymous messages calling her whore, slut, loser, shit-eater, and worse.

Sky gripped the phone in her fingers, unable to stop looking. She felt physically sick, her supper was climbing up her throat - mashed potatoes and fried chicken, and Dad's special homemade lemonade - now it was all threatening to come up and she tasted the bile at the back of her throat. She clenched her teeth and swallowed down the bitter saliva.

Then a Whatsapp message arrived, one from Sam, and Sky read it her heart in her throat.

: what happened?

Is that photo real?

Sky hesitated but then decided to go for honesty. It wasn't like she had something to be ashamed of, and she sure as Hell couldn't hide the truth even if she wanted to.

: yeah I kissed eli

kyler was making fun of his lip and I felt bad for him

The three moving dots told Sky that Sam was writing a reply, and she waited, ignoring the other notifications that flashed on her screen.

: kyler?

what did he do

Sky muttered a silent curse. She'd forgotten that Sam had a crush on Kyler - or on that image of Kyler that boy liked to show to Sam. Sky, on the other hand, had realized early enough what Kyler really was, and kept a safe distance from that prick. But Sam and Kyler were supposedly going to the movies tomorrow and Sky was pretty sure Sam wouldn't want to hear anything bad about her date. Still, She wasn't going to lie about what had happened.

: you know the same shit, calling Eli shit-lip and stuff

: are you sure it was Kyler?

yeah I saw the whole thing

he told eli that no girl would ever kiss him

also he threw Demetri's bag into the trash

I wanted to make eli feel better

but now I've just fucking ruined everything

At that, the tears Sky had been holding back, flooded her eyes and fell to her cheeks. She'd fucked up big time! If she was now being mocked on Insta, she could only imagine what Eli was going through.

: don't worry

it's gonna pass

they have a short memory

like what happened to Aisha at the Halloween dance

nobody even remembers it anymore

Sam had no doubt meant well, but now Sky felt even worse. She was pretty sure Aisha remembered.

Aisha was this really nice girl from the school, and Yasmine had made a super cruel photo edit of her at the Halloween dance and sent it to everyone. And Sky had done nothing to stop her, nothing to comfort Aisha. She had just silently watched as everyone laughed at her.

Well, ain't karma a bitch. Sky thought bitterly. Now I'm getting what is coming for me.

That's what Kat would say, anyways.

She didn't reply to Sam again. She wanted to ask her if she was still going to speak to her tomorrow if she could still sit at the same table with her, Moon, and Yasmine, but—

But there was really nothing to say, nothing to ask.

As Sky checked her insta again, She noticed that Yasmine was one of the people who'd shared the photo on her real account, and that was as good as a slap in the face. Sky knew that whatever friendship had existed between them, was now erased for good.

Sky felt her new life slipping through her fingers like sand, all the hopes, and dreams of a circle of friends, of safety - of being on the top of the food chain this time - blown away, scattered in the wind.

She turned to her side and sucked in a trembling cry, tears now flowing freely from her eyes and moistening her pillow. Her fingers that still held the phone were cold and numb.

If only I could text Kat. She'd know what to do, what to say–

Sky scrolled on her Whatsapp until she found the texts between her and Kat. She didn't read them often, because it always made her cry, but now she was already miserable and crying, so it felt only appropriate.

The last message she had received from Kat, said simply 'gonna see you at lunch, bitch' and she had replied 'lol I hope they have pizza'.

So fucking normal, so fucking every day. There were hundreds of messages in that strand, and most of them were just like that. Of things that hadn't been important then, but now they were and now Sky would never erase them.

Never.

Without even thinking, she began to type a message.

Kat I'm feeling like shit

there is this cute nerd that I like

and I've messed up everything

I wish we could talk

I miss u like hell

She stared at the words on the screen, and then pressed the little, blue send arrow. The text was sent into the void, and for the longest time Sky kept the Whatsapp open, to see if against all reason and hope the message was read, but of course, it wasn't.

It never would be.

But just as Sky was about to put her phone away, another message popped into her screen.

: sky have you seen the picture

Sky's heart skipped a few beats, an almost painful ache took her breath away.

: yeah

I'm so sorry

: why r u sorry?

it's not you who's sending that shit

Sky took a shaky breath.

: I'm sorry 'cause I made everything worse

: you didn't

and I'm sorry too

I didn't want them bullying you

Sky didn't reply anything. She couldn't. She couldn't take Eli's kindness, she sure as Hell didn't deserve it and it only made her feel worse. Eli should be mad at her, he should be telling her to sod the fuck off because her stupid act had no doubt made everything a thousand times worse for him, but no. He was still kind to her, and that almost broke Sky's heart.

: are u okay?

: no

She also typed 'I wanna kill myself' but then decided to erase it before sending it out. She didn't really know Eli well enough to send him a message like that. She could've sent it to Kat, but that was different.

: can I help?

: no, it's okay

She wanted to ask Eli if he had liked the kiss, if he liked her if they could hang out in school tomorrow and maybe after that too - but she couldn't. She didn't want to make things more strained, more awkward than they already were. Besides, Eli was probably just being nice to her, because he knew she was feeling like shit.

: they're idiots

you said it yourself

try not to take it too hard

: thanks

Sky stared at her screen for a long time, at the three moving dots that appeared and disappeared indicating that Eli was writing and deleting something several times before the text finally appeared on Sky's phone.

: can I ask you a question

you don't have to answer if you don't want to.

: sure

Again it took some time before Eli's message came, and when it did it made Sky's heart jump.

: why did you kiss me?

Because I like you?

Because I wanted to feel that fucking hot lip on mine?

Because every time I breathe in your scent, I go weak in the knees?

Because you are the only person who looks at me like they want to know the real me, and not just what I pretend to be?

Sky didn't send any of those messages.

This time it was her message that took a long time to send, and in the end, it was simple.

: cause I wanted you to know that Kyler is an idiot

That was all she could write to Eli, and he didn't type more either, so after staring at their message strand silently for a couple of minutes more, she finally put away the phone, deciding not to check any of the new insults that had probably swarmed her insta again.

She lay there, on her bed, surrounded by darkness that slowly crept into her soul making everything heavy and black and suffocating. And no matter how much she tried to think about the kiss, and how wonderful it had felt, that memory was now stained, it was shattered and the only thing she could think about was the photo and the insults.

It took long before she fell asleep that night.

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