"You are scared," Sensei said as soon as he had closed the door behind them and they were alone in the tiny, plain and simple room he called his office but which in reality was more like a storage closet.

Sky shrugged, not meeting his eyes.

"What are you afraid of?" Sensei asked. He leaned on the wall, crossing his arms on his chest, giving Sky one of those looks that said she wouldn't be walking out of here unless she gave him some answers.

Sky shifted on her feet, wished that the gi had pockets where to stuff her hands, but it didn't so she clasped them behind her back, trying to get a grip of her nerves.

Sensei Lawrence had always taught her that fear didn't exist in this dojo. If she now admitted that she was afraid, would he kick her out? Would he tell her she wasn't Cobra Kai material after all?

That thought felt like a knife in her windpipe.

"Ginger, just spit it out. I know something is bothering you, so you might just as well tell me. What are you so scared of? Losing a fight? Getting kicked in that shoulder?"

"Everything," Sky breathed, tasting tears.

She was scared of fucking everything.

Scared of fighting in the tournament, of getting another flashback, of being the nut job, the embarrassment of the whole dojo.

Scared of losing her temper and getting into another fight at school.

Scared of dad finding out how miserable she still was, how broken, how she still thought about killing herself every other day.

Scared of opening the envelope that had arrived in the post a week ago, and was still lying on her desk, an envelope which had her name written on it with Kat's Mom's handwriting.

Scared of Matt, still, even if she knew he was rotting away in prison and there was an entire continent between them.

And the last one on her pathetic list of fears - she was scared of having sex with Hawk because God forbid, she might even enjoy it and that thought terrified her because no matter what anyone said, she knew without a doubt that she didn't deserve to feel good.

Because everything in her was wrong and twisted and broken, and it would never get better.

"I'm scared of everything," She repeated silently, her voice shaking. "Of every fricking thing. And I'm stuck in it, and I know you always say fear doesn't exist, Sensei, but it does—!" She pointed at her chest with a trembling finger. "It's all in here, all the fear in the world, and I'm a pathetic loser!"

"No you're not," Sensei said, taking a step closer. "You're not a loser. You're a fighter, you are a badass!"

"I'm really not." Sky breathed. The stupid tears were still burning in her throat, she clenched her jaw to stop them from flowing.

"You are no quitter, Ginger. If you were, you wouldn't have come back after that first day when Hawk got you on the mat."

Sky didn't reply. She stared at her feet, her bare toes, that sucked in the cold from the floor. Inside she felt frozen anyway.

"Most of us have a sob story," Sensei Lawrence continued after a short silence. "The world doesn't give a shit about that, about the bad things that have happened to us. You just gotta keep moving forward, keep getting back up to your feet, no matter how many times the world kicks you down. And that's why you came here, isn't it? To get back up. Or was it just to get close to Hawk?"

A ghost of a smile touched the corner of Sky's mouth.

"No, it wasn't just because of him,"

"Yeah, because you are a badass babe who can kick ass," Sensei said with an encouraging grin. "And you shouldn't be scared of the world. The world should be scared of you!"

That made something stir in Sky's chest - like a small sparkle, the beginning of a fire.

She was so fucking tired of being scared. Of feeling like she wasn't enough. That everything was her fault, that she was worth nothing, that she should be dead—

But I'm not dead.

Kat would kick my ass for being a pathetic loser who can't get her shit together. Kat would tell me to fuck Hawk already and to kick ass in that tournament, and she would tell me to stop fucking whining and just be me again.

But it wasn't so easy.

It would soon be a full year since she had been shot, a full year since Kat had died, since that day when the light had gone out in Sky. She still didn't know how to bring back that light, how to start breathing again, how to be just her again, if it was even possible after everything that had happened.

"How can I strike first, when I'm already lying on the mat?" Sky asked, raising her eyes to meet Sensei's ice-blue stare. "I don't have the confidence to fight in that tournament. It's gonna end badly for me if I try."

"Ginger–"

"I've told you not to call me that!" Sky exclaimed. "My name is–"

"Phoenix!" Kat is calling at her, laughing. "Come on, kick me in the face!"

They are sparring at the capoeira studio that's next door to Kat's home and feels like home too. Sky loves every detail of this place, the smell, the mat under her bare feet, the music, the burning of her muscles. Sweat is dripping down Sky's back under her pink workout top, her braid is so wet with sweat that droplets are spraying off of it with every turn of her body.

"Stop running away from me, then," she manages an answer between her fast breaths.

Kat is moving like a goddess, her long limbs graceful, her ginga so soft and feline that Sky can never hope to achieve the same, but she doesn't mind that Kat is better than her. With Kat everything is so easy, so natural, it's like they are two halves of the whole, and even when sparring, they are really just completing each other.

It's never mattered who wins these fights.

This time it's Sky. She manages to land a kick on Kat's face, just as she tempted her to do, and Kat goes down holding her cheek.

"You okay?" Sky asks panting, offering her a hand.

"Like you could hurt me," Kat laughs, feeling her jaw with her long, dark brown fingers, making sure nothing is broken. "Come on, let's go again. The tournament is in a couple of months."

Kat takes her hand, she helps her up. Her heart is so full of happiness, it's like a sun inside her chest, rays of light traveling through her body, reaching her fingertips. The tournament - she knows Kat's gonna win the thing because there is no one as good as her, but it doesn't matter. Sky can't wait to kick ass in there too. Matt is gonna come to watch, and it makes everything soft and hot in her heart - Matt with his blond hair and his dark eyes and the killer smile that makes her all weak in the knees–

He promised to come, and maybe after that, he's gonna take her out for a date.

Her first boyfriend. The hottest guy in the school.

"Phoenix," Kat says with a knowing smirk. She always knows what Sky is thinking as if she's the fricking telepath. "Get your shit together, you got a tournament coming."

"Yeah, I know," she replies with a blush.

She loves it when Kat calls her Phoenix. It's one of their inside jokes - they have always been such nerds, and bonded in kindergarten over superheroes. In their games, Sky was always Jean Grey - Phoenix, and Kat was Ororo Munroe - Storm, and together they saved the world from Magneto more times than Sky could count. Sky's nickname has stuck, even if they aren't kids anymore because she really looks like Phoenix with her flaming red hair.

"Come on, kick me," Kat commands again with her wicked grin. "If you can."

When Sky launches her small, strong body into motion, she knows there is nothing she can't do.

She's a fucking Phoenix, and nothing can stop her.

That memory took Sky's breath away and left her gasping for air. Tears started flowing down her cheeks, their taste on her lips all salt and sorrow.

"My name is Sky," she finished her broken sentence. "Sky O'Brian."

Not that she had any fucking idea who that girl was.

"Yeah, I know–" Sensei Lawrence started saying, but Sky couldn't bear to listen. There was a weight crushing her chest, she couldn't even breathe. She needed to get out, out, now, because she was flipping, the room was spinning, the walls shrinking and expanding, and she couldn't breathe–

The next flashback would be worse. It would send her spinning into the darkness that would consume her whole.

"I have to go–!" she managed, her eyes darting from Sensei Lawrence to the door, and then she bolted, out of that door, trying to catch a breath, but tears were running down her face and she was drowning in them, no, she was drowning in blood–

People at the dojo turned to look, as she rushed across the room, but she didn't even notice. Out, out, out, she had to get out–

And then she was running through the front doors, the bell chimed, her feet were still bare and the sunshine fell on her wet face, but still, she couldn't catch a breath. Her chest was collapsing. She couldn't breathe, oh god, she was suffocating, she was drowning, she was tasting blood, and–

And she's back on the cold, tiled floor.

The blood is gushing out of her shoulder, and she's watching it with disbelief.

This isn't how this ends, it cannot be. She can't die like this, she is the Phoenix–

Kat - where is Kat?

"See you at lunch, bitch."

"Lol, I hope they have pizza."

Suddenly fear fills her lungs like water and she is drowning in it - or maybe she's drowning in blood? The taste of copper fills her senses, as she rolls to her side. The air is thick with the smell of blood, it's sickening, it makes Sky's stomach turn.

Matt's white Adidas sneakers are splattered with blood.

A gun clatters to the floor next to his feet.

Kat is lying on the floor, her lifeless onyx eyes staring back at Sky, a narrow stream of blood running down her chin, and Sky wants to scream, she wants to scream, she wants to scream but no sound comes out of her mouth. The silent breath that leaves her lips makes blood bubble on the corner of her mouth.

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