"Sky,

I haven't heard from you since you moved to California, and my heart is breaking.

I miss you. We all miss you. Adriana keeps asking when are you coming over again, and Paulo is threatening to buy plane tickets and come to your door if you won't answer his emails.

Instead of one daughter, I feel like I have lost two, and it is too much.

I know you think that what happened was your fault, but it wasn't. No matter how much I miss Katarina, I do not blame you. I never have. I need you to know that what happened that horrible day was not your fault.

Please, Sky, write me back. I want to know that you are alright."

Sky stared at the words on paper for a long time, tears blurring her vision, memories flooding her mind. Breathing in and out, in and out.

She couldn't make herself answer that letter - not yet - so she simply folded it back into the envelope and laid it on her desk, on top of her school books, but the words Kat's mom had written kept circling in her head, and she couldn't easily shake them off.

'It wasn't your fault.'

Whose then, if not mine?

For the rest of the afternoon, she buried herself in schoolwork, to keep her mind off things. But every once in a while she glanced towards that pile of papers, to the simple white envelope, hearing the words of that short letter in her mind over and over again.

It wasn't your fault.

Aisha came over after school, just as she had promised and to Sky's great delight, she brought cupcakes. Carrying the box with an assortment of different colored delicacies that were almost a work of art, Sky led Aisha into her room - this was the first time Aisha was in here, yesterday she had waited downstairs with Miguel - and just like everyone, she was blown away by her enormous bed.

"That thing is like straight from a romance novel," Aisha commented with a laugh.

Sky rolled her eyes.

"Not that many interesting things happen there," she replied. "Books beat real life every time."

Aisha gave a laugh as they climbed to sit on the bed, side by side, leaning their backs on the headboard. Sky picked a pink cupcake with a huge amount of fluffy frosting and took a bite while Aisha went for a simpler option.

Suddenly Sky felt nervous.

She tried not to think about the times she'd had Kat sitting in this bed just like this - all the sleepovers, all the late-night chats, all the times she had poured her heart to Kat, the times they had made lists of the hottest Avengers or something just as stupid. Her chest tightening with emotion, Sky glanced at Aisha, who was not Kat - but who was kind and awesome and smart and funny and badass, and wanted to be her friend, and maybe that was enough.

"So, tell me what I missed in school?" Sky asked and Aisha replied, and just like that they fell into a conversation that was natural and effortless, as everything in Aisha was.

It felt really good.

They talked about school, their friends, movies they wanted to see, and homework they didn't want to do. And then the talk drifted into Karate, and the coming tournament.

"I must say that I'm with Sensei in this one," Aisha was saying. "You have the skills, you have what it takes to win the whole thing. You can't just bail."

Sky made a face. "Come on, I'm done with karate. And I mean all of it, not just the tournament."

"I understand you feel like that now," Aisha replied solemnly. "But really, I think you are overreacting. You should come to the dojo today. We can go together if you want to."

Sky let out a long sigh, picked another cute cupcake - this time lime green - and took a bite. The frosting melted on her tongue, so sweet it made her toes curl. She fucking loved cupcakes. She used to bake them with Kat all the time, messing up the whole kitchen with powdered sugar and different types of frosting, causing dad to have a nervous breakdown. She hadn't baked one cupcake since Kat had died, but her love for them hadn't diminished.

"I don't know, Aisha—" she said. "After yesterday I'm pretty sure that Sensei thinks I'm a loser."

Aisha shrugged. "Well, are you gonna prove him right or wrong?"

That almost made Sky laugh - Aisha's unwavering belief in her, even after all the shit she now knew.

"I'll think about it," she said, even if she had in fact made up her mind already. There was no way in Hell she'd be going back. "But until that, let's talk about something a lot more fun."

"Like what?"

Sky gave her a wicked grin. "Boys. What else?"

"Not that much to talk about." Aisha shrugged, picking on her cupcake. "I've never dated anyone."

"You will," Sky replied. "You are so beautiful and amazing, and it's only a matter of time before someone falls desperately in love with you."

"Thanks," Aisha laughed, her dark eyes softening. "But I don't want it to be just someone. I want it to be someone I like too."

Sky glanced at Aisha, maybe sensing something in the tone of her voice. "Anyone in particular in your mind?"

"No, not really," Aisha replied, and Sky wondered if that was the same kind of a 'no' as the one she had given to Sam an eternity ago when Sam had asked if she had a crush on anyone, and she hadn't wanted to reveal her affection for Eli.

Now that felt so fucking stupid. Why had she ever cared what Sam and her social circles had thought? Sam, who wasn't even picking up her phone calls anymore, not since she had broken up with Miguel and decided that all Cobra Kai's were villains or something.

"You sure about that?" Sky asked with a teasing grin. "There are some cute guys in the school. Not many, but some."

"There's no one, okay?" Aisha replied, though her cheeks turned rosy. "I mean, I've had crushes like anyone I guess, but nothing ever came of them."

"It'll happen," Sky said. "I know it will. And that dude better treat you good because you deserve the best, girl."

Aisha gave a small laugh. "You're lucky to have Hawk as a boyfriend," She said then, sincerely. "He adores you, and honestly, Sky - the way he took care of you yesterday, well, not every guy would've done that."

"I know," Sky said, her heart suddenly heavy. "He's too good for me."

"I didn't mean it like that—"

"I know that he is. He is fucking perfection—" her cheeks heated. "I mean, he has a heart of gold - and he's like so hot that I might spontaneously combust just thinking about him."

Aisha laughed again - she had that easy laugh Sky really liked, one that made her feel like she could talk to Aisha about anything. Sky glanced at her with a wicked grin. "You wanna hear something dirty?"

Aisha giggled. "Absolutely."

"I gave Hawk a handjob," Sky smirked. "In his kitchen. Yesterday, right before we got to the dojo."

"No way!" Aisha laughed and brought a hand to cover her mouth.

"Yeah, I totally did."

"I was wondering about the hickies," Aisha replied, still giggling. "Looked like a swarm of vampire bats had attacked your neck."

Sky's blush deepened as she remembered Hawk's lips on her neck, the way he had devoured her, sucked her tender skin between his lips, the way it had made her feel like there was a void in her gut, an emptiness that only he could fill.

"No bats. Just one Hawk."

"It must've been a hungry hawk, then."

Sky laughed, her cheeks turning pink. "Hungry for something, alright."

Aisha returned her smile and took another cupcake, giving Sky a conspiratory glance. "So, one way only? He didn't return the favor?"

Sky turned her eyes to the plate in her lap, the partially eaten lime green cupcake, and began to crumble tiny bits off it, bringing them to her lips one by one.

"He wanted to. But I was... I wasn't quite ready for that yet."

"You know," Aisha said after a small silence. "He adores you. He literally loves you so much it's a bit creepy."

"It's not creepy," Sky replied softly. "Believe me - I know what creepy love looks like."

"Oh—" Aisha's dark eyes widened. "I didn't mean to—"

"It's okay." Sky replied with a wave of her hand. "Just saying. What I have with Hawk, it's not creepy. If anything, it's dreamy."

"Well, it certainly looks that way," Aisha said, nodding. And then, after a short silence: "So, what you told me... does it mean that you haven't done... it yet?"

That question made Sky blush.

She was sure everyone thought she was doing it with Hawk already - they had been dating for months, they were making out everywhere, they had left that party at the canyon together and everyone knew she'd been grounded afterward. Hell, even dad thought she was having sex with Hawk - that thought always made Sky uncomfortable, but not as uncomfortable as thinking about the fact that Hawk had been waiting for her to open her damn legs for an eternity, and still she was keeping him hanging, promising him everything and giving him nothing.

There was a word for that kind of a girl, Sky knew, and it brought a bitter taste to her lips. She suspected that if she kept this on much longer, Hawk would realize she wasn't worth the wait and would ditch her for someone who was gonna give him what he wanted.

Sky shook her head, her curls falling partly to cover her face. "No, not yet."

"Cause I was wondering, after that party—" Aisha said, taking a small bite of her blueberry cupcake. "I mean, I was worried when you left with Hawk and you were so drunk, and I was wondering if I should've done something about it—"

"Hey, don't worry! Nothing happened," Sky said reassuringly. "Well, something happened, but no, we didn't do it. We still haven't"

Aisha glanced at Sky, looking suddenly serious but also kind - as always. "Can I ask you why, or is that too personal?"

"No, it's just..." The end of that sentence drifted off. Sky wasn't quite sure how to put her thoughts in words. "It's just that... I have been kinda scared to do it. Because I'm afraid it will fuck everything up between us. I mean, he's the first guy ever to truly love me, and... it makes things more difficult. If you know what I mean."

"I'm not sure I do," Aisha said. She put away her plate, drew her knees against her chest, and hugged them. "I would've thought being in love would make it easier to sleep with someone, not make it harder."

"Yeah, if you're a normal person," Sky said with a hollow laugh. "If you have my brain, well then, everything is complicated. You know, I've had sex before. With my ex. And one other guy, and... it wasn't good." An understatement of the century, but she wasn't going to go to the shameful, painful details that she only wanted to forget. "And... I don't know, I kinda just wish that it would be different with Hawk. And so I keep postponing it because I'm scared." She was silent for a moment and then continued. "And also, because I'm scared it's gonna be good. And after everything I've done, I really don't deserve that."

Aisha's brows furrowed in confusion.

"Everything that you've done?"

Sky shrugged, not meeting her eyes. "You know, my best friend is dead because I am a slut."

"Ummm, I don't know why you would say that about yourself, but no." Aisha said firmly. "Your best friend is dead because some lunatic shot her."

Sky took in a sharp breath, a sudden weight crushing her chest. She had thought Aisha understood, that Aisha would get it, that she would know that everything that had happened was her fault, and she'd still choose to be her friend, but now—

"But... but I caused that." she tried to explain. "I cheated on Matt."

"And that is an excuse to start shooting in a school? No, Sky. You're thinking about this all wrong. Your ex didn't turn into a psycho killer because you cheated on him. Maybe you cheated on him because he was already batshit crazy." Aisha took a breath, then continued. "I'm sure I'm not the first one to tell you this, but what happened to your friend was not your fault."

Sky couldn't say anything, she felt like there was an elephant standing on her chest, crushing her ribcage, and she couldn't breathe.

Aisha was right about one thing, though - she wasn't the first one who had told Sky this. Dad had told her so, her therapist had told her so, Hawk had told her so... and even Kat's mom in her letter.

But somehow it felt different now that Aisha said it. Aisha, who was so sincere, so good, so wise. And she was her friend.

Sky didn't know why that mattered, but it did. It almost made her feel like it was Kat, telling her it wasn't her fault. Kat, the one and only person whose forgiveness she needed but could never get.

Tears burned in her eyes, but she blinked them away, drawing in a shaky breath.

"Thank you," she said silently. "You're such a good friend."

"I know," Aisha said with a small smile. "That's my superpower. You want some more good advice?"

"Definitely,"

"Then I think you should maybe sleep with Hawk already." She said quite seriously. "Only if you want to, of course. No pressure! But it just seems to me that you're putting it off for all the wrong reasons. If you want him, then maybe you should just go for it. That guy worships you, and I'm sure it's going to be amazing."

That made Sky blush.

Yeah, she was pretty sure it would be amazing too. Just kissing with Hawk left her breathless and high-headed, breathing in his scent of steel and cotton, and boy made her so weak in the knees it was difficult to think straight. She had never wanted anyone as she wanted him - like he was her oxygen, and without him, she would suffocate.

"Yeah, maybe," she said with a little grin, "Next Monday afternoon at 4 pm it is then."

"That's oddly specific," Aisha replied laughing.

"Book club," Sky grinned. "Thank God for books, eh?"

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