Dinner is chaotic. It's always been chaotic in this house, but I haven't had dinner with my family in a while. I miss how loud it tends to get from the multiple conversations going on between everyone, and I miss the constant clanging of forks on plates as everyone eats their food.

Being back and surrounded by constant activity is what makes me decide that I want Max and I to have a big family like mine.

And we will have that family. Max is going to pull this off, we're going to defeat the hybrids, and everyone is going to be okay.

I know I'm being naive and stupid for believing every word of that, but it's easier for me to tell myself that than to face the possibility of something going wrong in our plan. If one little thing does go wrong, that's it. Game over.

I don't want to think that way. Max is going to pull this off. We are going to defeat the hybrids. Everything is going to be okay.

It has to be.

If things aren't okay, what the hell does that mean for us?

I don't realize I'm zoned out until Mara snaps her fingers in front of me. "Earth to Brynn," she grins. I smile back, shaking my head and shoveling another forkful of pasta into my mouth.

Molly and Mason are sitting on either side of me at the kitchen table. Mason and Carter are in a very intense conversation about Paw Patrol, and Molly and Ellie are quietly talking about watching a movie later. I text Julie and ask her if it's alright if the twins spend the night here. I don't think she'll mind at all, but I want to double check. She gives me the go ahead and thanks me for babysitting for the night.

"Molly, Mason. Do you guys want to sleep here tonight?" I ask them. Mason nods immediately, bobbing his head up and down. Molly looks at me before cautiously nodding.

"Can I sleep in your room?" she asks me quietly.

I smile, "Of course you can."

"Can Ellie sleep in there with us?"

I nod. "We can watch Beauty and the Beast."

"Yay! I love Belle!" Ellie says.

"Me too," Molly says, a small smile appearing on her face. "She's my favorite princess."

"Mine too. I was Belle for Halloween last year," Ellie says.

I start zoning out again, gazing around the room at my family. My dad and Lacey are standing against the island as they eat their dinner, conversing with Hayden, Xavier, and Lexi sitting across from them. Levi and Violet are watching something on an iPad with a set of earbuds hanging in between them. Ben and Ryder are talking about a new album that just came out from one of their favorite artists.

Carter and Mason are keeping themselves entertained with one thing after the other, and Ellie, Mara, and Molly are talking about their favorites things about all the Disney princesses. On any other night, if things weren't going to shit right now, I would be saying that my all time favorite princess is Elsa because she don't need no man.

Ironically, I feel like I can't function because I don't have my man. Yes, each day without him is a little easier than the last, but that doesn't mean that it's actually easy. I keep myself busy with Mara, Mason, and Molly so times like right now don't happen. When I don't have someone or something to distract me, the pain of Max being gone hits me like a freight train.

It physically hurts. I'm going through the motions of living my life, but life feels pointless without Max. I hate that I'm depending so much on a guy after being such an independent person for my entire life. I never thought I would be the kind of girl who sits and wallows around because she can't see her mate, but that's exactly the kind of girl I've turned into.

Okay, kind of turned into. I sit and wallow privately. I try to be happy during the day.

And maybe it's just the circumstances of Max being gone. He's risking his life to try and save everyone else, and I'm here pregnant with our child. He's missing out on the beginning of our pregnancy with our first child. I want him here for that more than anything.

After dinner, we all swim for a little longer before it's bath time. Mara and I bathe Mason, Molly, Carter, and Ellie in the huge jacuzzi tub in my dad and Lacey's bathroom. After baths, we make multiple bowls of popcorn and get a movie going for the kids in the playroom. They all peacefully decided on the newer Karate Kid.

Mara and I sit on the floor behind the couch, our backs leaned up against it. I have my head on her shoulder and eyes closed. Right now, it's enough to stop me from crying. I don't know why this evening has been harder than normal. All I've wanted to do since dinner is cry and cry some more. Somehow, Mara knew this, and once we had the movie playing for the kids, she sat me down right here and pulled me into a hug.

"It's so hard to keep pretending like I'm not struggling," I whisper, numbly staring at the toy kitchen in front of me.

"I know," Mara says softly. "You're handling it so well. I know it sucks. I know it's not easy."

"He's missing out on everything right now," I say, rubbing a hand over my belly. "We should be bickering over names and decorating the nursery and buying clothes even though we don't know the gender."

"I know," Mara says again, wrapping an arm around me and pulling me into a one armed hug. She abruptly pulls away, though, and I take my head off her shoulder to look at her.

"Mara-"

"Brynn, you could still decorate a nursery! You can find a house for you and Max and decorate for the two of you. Well, three of you."

"That's. . .not a bad idea, actually," I say. Images of me looking for a house and decorating it to surprise Max when this is over flood my mind. We'll defeat the hybrids, all of this will be over, and I'll bring him back to our home. We'll make love in our bedroom, and the next morning, we'll make peanut butter pancakes in our kitchen.

I can picture it so clearly, and suddenly I have something more to look forward too.

"Mara, that's actually a really, really good idea," I say, reaching over and pulling my best friend in for a hug. "Thank you."

"Of course," Mara says.

"No, seriously Mara," I say, pulling away and looking her dead in the eye. "This is going to give me something to do. It'll distract me while also giving me a part of Max, in a way. Like, I'm doing this for us."

"I know, Brynn. And I'll be there to help you with everything."

I nod, because I know she will.

Once the movie is over, we put Mason and Carter to bed in Carter's room on the bunkbeds, and then we head into my room with Ellie and Molly. They fall right to sleep on my bed, and I grab a bunch of blankets for Mara and I to sleep on the floor.

I fall asleep to thoughts of finding and decorating a house. I want it to have lots of bedrooms so we won't have to move in a few years. I'd rather get it right the first time, even if most of the bedrooms will be empty for a while. The yard needs to be big, because a big family equals LOTS of things going on at once.

I have a dreamless sleep, and maybe that's why the voice in my head wakes me up right away.

B!

At the sound of Max's voice in my head, I'm wide awake and sitting up in my bed. Even in my sleepy mind, I hear how frantic his voice is.

Something's wrong.

My hands automatically go to my stomach, resting on the small bump.

Max, what's wrong? I mind link. Mara sits up beside me, probably feeling the sudden jolt of the bed when I sat up. My heart drops in my chest as I wait for his response. It takes him a few seconds, and that's not a good sign.

Something is very, very wrong.

They found out.