Dark

Sex.

Sex was a coping method, a way to simply to deal with what life continues to throw at people. Or at least that was what I always told myself.

My big house was lonely. Hell, I was lonely, it was the middle of the night and I was sitting in my bed, all alone, eating frozen yogurt.

Which really wasn't even frozen anymore.

Maybe it was better this way, if I was alone, I wouldn't be able to hurt anyone. It had been us over four hours since Derek left.

The bloody sheets were a reminder of exactly how rough he had gotten with me. I wouldn't even call what we did vanilla, because he was violent.

I guess, to some extent I deserved it. I even enjoyed it, really. Derek's things were still here, and I wasn't sure when he was coming to get them, or when I would go and get my things from his house.

That last time he put so much emotion into it, the pain of my body being violated like that reminded me of the early days with Bryan, memories I wasn't sure of what to make of anymore.

I stood up, ignoring the eerie silence and walked over to the closet, digging around in my underwear draw until I finally found what I was looking for.

My diary.

I took a deep breath as I walked back into my room, as I sat on my bed I opened to a random page.

November 26th

My dad best friend came over today. His name is Bryan. He's so hot! Everyone agrees with me too, I have always liked him, but he's thirty-four! Doesn't that just blow?

He's been looking at me recently, not the way he used to. He looks at me like my dad looks at my mom, Bryan is married, his wife has a daughter that isn't Bryan's. Her daughter lives with her father. I've only met his wife a few times. My dad says that they love each other but I'm young, not stupid. How can Bryan love his wife if he looks at me the way he does?

November 27th

Tomorrow is my birthday and I'm so excited. Yesterday when Bryan was over, he said he has something special to give me for my birthday, the way he said it made a knot develop in my stomach. I wonder what he was going to give me. I can't believe I'm going to be fourteen. I'm totally getting old. Michaela said she lost he virginity yesterday. I want to too. It will make me feel something, right?

Michaela said that she cried, that it hurt a lot. Wasn't that the beauty of losing ones virginity? Wasn't that why you have to choose the right person? To share your pain....To cause the pain.

She lost her virginity to her boyfriend Josh. He's older than us, he's almost seventeen. She says she loves him, but when he sees me, he says that if I go out with him, he will leave her. I don't want that to happen though, because that will hurt her.

My dad said that Bryan will chaperone my party, I'm so excited. All my friends say that he's gorgeous, and he is.

He's really excited to give me my birthday present. Something about me finally being old enough. What the hell does that even mean?

I can't turn the page. I know what's written on the next page. I've read it so many times could read it so many times I can recite it as well as I can the pledge of allegiance. After everything I've been though today, I don't know if I can bear to read it again.

But I do.

November 28th

I'm confused.

I'm staring at my bloody sheets. I...hurt. I don't know what to do. My body is confused. I'm in pain, I'm in so much pain, but I feel alive...rejuvenated.

Bryan's release is dripping down my legs. After what just happened...I'm scared and my heart is beating so fast. In the best and worst way possible.

I just lost my virginity.

The best part was...the pain...the ripping sensation, as my innocence was taken away from me.

The forbidden-ness of it all.

I remember that day so clearly. It was like it happened yesterday, not ten years ago.

I looked at the clock, it was just past three-o-clock in the morning. I wasn't used to the deafening silence in my house. Now that I was the only one in it I realized just how big it was.

"I'm lonely, Rose." I said, sighing tiredly.

"You always say this at this time of year."

I did, didn't I? An anniversary for ones two year old son death wasn't exactly a celebrating time.

"Will you come?" I asked quietly.

She smiled, a real genuine smile, although this was the one time I didn't want to see it. My son was fucking buried six feet under and she was fucking smiling.

"Of course I'll be there, doll. It's in two months from now?"

"47 days. To be exact."

The death of my baby boy. Mine and Bryan. My little man who deserved to live, who didn't commit any sins like I did. My only child who needed me.

It as safe to say I was...depressed.

On my way to work the next day, my mother called. She, along with my dad were coming to visit. Time coincidence, I think not. I wasn't exactly sure what would happen when my dad and Bryan saw each other.

One was my father and the other was my fathers child.

They were also the same age.

Once I finally arrived at work, I parked in my regular spot, not paying attention at all to where I was going, completely lost in my own thoughts.

That was, of course, until I spilt hot coffee on my shirt when I raw into someone.

After a very unladylike squeak, I looked up into cold-ice blue eyes, a Grecian straight nose, and for a man, full pink lips that were quirked into an amused smirk.

If it isn't, Christian Ruxin.

"Oh, shit! I'm so sorry!" I exclaimed, when I realized I had not only gotten coffee all over myself, but on him too.

He shrugged, and I watch fascinated as the muscles under his shirt moved rhythmically. I frowned to myself, when had I ever noted something like that?

"Are you okay? You seem kind of out it?" He said, and I noticed that he had his hands wrapped around my forearms in an attempt to balance me when I bumped into him.

"I'm fine, but I do need a new shirt, obviously." I said, looking down at my previously white shirt that was currently stained mocha.

"I have an extra that was too small in my office, if you want to use that?" He queried.

"It's alright, I have an extra in my office."

When I threw my now empty coffee cup into the trash and stepped into the elevator, he followed me.

"Have you moved offices?" I asked when a silence settled over us. It wasn't an uncomfortable silence, but there was something that was putting me on edge

"Yes, after our take over I decided that it would better if I was here."

"But aren't you needed in California?"

I had done my research on Christian being as he was my boss and all, and even though he had just purchased Rein industries he had at least four publishing houses and art galleries that were doing very well that he would need to give him attention to.

Most of his businesses were based in Seattle, all over the place really, but I knew the majority were there so I didn't understand why he would be here, especially since Rein Industries was the only of his businesses based here.

"I have a couple...of personal interests here." He said, his blue eyes meeting mine.

"And your personal interests are more important that your business interests?" I asked curiously, interested in learning more about him.

His eyes didn't waver from mine ,"Not usually, but definitely in this case."

The elevator door opened, and we both stepped out onto the thirty-first floor. As we made our way to my office, I noticed how quiet it got.

Diana, the PR manager was glaring daggers at me, and when I noticed how she didn't seem to miss the way Christians body was pressed so closely to mine, I smirked.

"Something funny?" Christian questioned as he probably noticed me smiling.

"Your fan-club is not very happy." I nodded my head toward the eyes of our colleagues, who quickly looked away when Christian looked over my head at them.

He let out a husky chuckle that made my insides clench, but didn't say anything.

Once we were in my office and the door was closed, I felt...awkward. I needed to change and he was here, and definitely didn't seem to be leaving anytime soon.

When I found the shirt I had been looking for, I turned around and found him staring at me. When he met my eyes, he didn't move, he didn't speak, he didn't do anything.

Keeping eye contact with him, I started unbuttoning my shirt, wondering if he would turn around and leave.

He didn't.

As I undressed and his eyes locked with mine, the same sexual tension that lingered in the air when we were in elevator was back full force. As soon my top was removed, his gaze moved to my chest, with was covered with a red lace strapless bra.

My panties were really wet, his gaze was unnerving, it was like he could see right though me. This wasn't appropriate, but I had never cared before and I wasn't sure if now would be the best time to start.

His eyes travelled down my stomach, stopping at my belly ring and his gaze darkened as he watched me change. I knew he was turned on, the outline of his rather large erection was straining his pants.

Once I had my shirt on, the coffee ruined one hanging to dry so I could send it to the dry-cleaners, we finally spoke again.

"Enjoyed the show?" I asked, smiling cheekily at him.

He glanced down at his still there erection and chuckled. "I think you are aware that I did."

Do you need a shirt?" I questioned, noticing he still had coffee stains on his.

He frowned. " You have a mans shirt in you office that will fit me?"

He seemed bothered by that for some reason, but I ignored the frown on his beautiful face as I rummaged through the extra clothes I had in my office.

"Yes, I do." I turned around, my back facing him as I reached for Derek's shirt that I still had here. Once I handed it to him, he took his off and it was my turn to be shocked into silence.

His body.

Without a shirt I could see tan skin that covered his body. Smooth and clear without a blemish in sight. Strong mucles that flexed underneath his skin, he was definitely a sight for sore eyes as he put Derek shirt on. I was... fascinated, as my eyes trailed down hard, flat washboard abs, following to the sexy indent of his hips that was shaped into a 'V' and eventually to is happy trail. Unfortunately that was a far as it went.

This was incredibly...hot.

He was aware that I was watching him, exactly the way he watched me.

"Thank you for the shirt." He said, smirking when my eyes moved to his.

"It was no problem."

If you give me a show like that again, I will make sure to spill coffee on you more often.

I glanced at the clock and realized that he had been here for just under twenty-five minutes. I had absolutely no idea where the time had gone.

It seemed he noticed too as he glanced at his watch, frowning.

"I have a meeting." He murmured.

"I'll let you get to it." I don't know why but I don't want you to leave.

As he turned around and headed toward the door, I sighed. It was definitely going to be a challenge working for him.

"Emilia?"

I snapped out of my inner monologue and looked at Christian.

"Would you like to meet me for lunch tomorrow?" He asked, running a hand through his ink colored curls, messing them up sexily.

I smiled. "Definitely."

"By the way Emilia, red is definitely your color."

With those parted words, he walked out of my office.

A/N: Well, that escalated quickly lol.

I know I said I wasn't going to update during finals but DreamerForNow updated her new chapter and I was so excited I decided to update lol. The love I have for her books shouldn't even be legal.

Soo....Christian has finally been introduced! Like officially.

TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK PLEASE.

OH, and now you know who Mason is.

He was not a miscarriage. He was born, and died at age 2. That means he was ALIVE for two years. More about that will come later though.