The bullet was meant for me. I was supposed to die, yet here i am alive and breathing. The situation hit me hard. Not only did i take somebody's life. It was somebody who was close to Emma. The look she gave me whilst pointing the gun at me was the worst. It showed that me waking out of her affected her a lot more than she let on. Sure i felt awful about the whole situation but i didn't expect it to end like this. It's not like i ever gave her choice thought. I never discussed why i left i just did. This whole day has been the icing on the cake. I can't deal with this anymore.

As soon as the whole scene was over i ran up to the roof. Nobody noticed. They all had more important things to do, whereas i needed some fresh air. It was all too much. I had made Emma's life hell and taken away her only living family member away from her. All while I though i was doing the best thing. You know that feeling after you've messed up bad, and you just rethink your life and how it would have turned out if you just did that one thing differently. I was. Everything wrong now would be ok if i told her i was Spider Man. She was kidnapped. If she knew who i was i could have protected her, not walk on eggshells around her to protect my secret. I'm so selfish.

I sat in the ledge, just feeling the wind of the afternoon almost evening comb through my hair. I feel at peace up here. The wind was mixed with my own salty tears as I combed all of hair back in my hands. I really messed up. But i cant just run from my problems, i need to face them. I learnt that from my Spidermanning. If i didn't I don't know what i would be doing right now. Probably getting out of this situation.

It also might be that my love Emma is too strong. I refuse to leave this Earth without declaring my love toEmma like I should have done all these years ago. I stay up on the roof for while. I calm myself down as much as i can so I'm not suffering an anxiety attack whilst i try and talk to Emma. I've already suffered 2 up here. They seem to be worse for me because of my heightened senses, yet its also easier to calm down as i can hear and fell things more clearly. Yet I'd rather have none. It makes me feel like I'm drowning, and i don't like it.

I walk through the tower trying not to think of all thats happened as i see staff running all over the place in order to clean up after the commotion.

I head to med bay, ready to face the music. As i walk in, everyone is already in there. They are so in thought and possibly distraught that they don't bother turning as i come in. The reality of the situation hits me even harder.

Emma is cuffed to the bed, pale and covered in bruises. The fluorescent lights make her look worse than she was earlier.

I drag a chair over to a free space next to her bed and wait for her to wake up.

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It was around 20 minutes of silent waiting before she awoke.

She looked around proud of herself for some reason, but then she deflates. The look of anger in her eyes after is directed at me. I just want my Emma back. Not this version of her that's probably gone to hell and back. I want soft, kind and cuddly Emma back. The one before everything went wrong. If we can't make up i don't know what much else there is worth fighting for. Everything i have done and will continue to do is for Emma.

I had enough of everyone staring at me. Although i felt inclined to stare at both redheads in the room, i didn't. Instead i glanced whilst turning my head. Super sneaky. I tried to get up because the Avengers seemed to calm to be next to me. I'm a bloody assassin, but i was pulled right back down. I looked toward my hands and felt on my ankles cuffs, keeping me to the bed. I can escape normal cuffs, no problem yet these are stark cuffs. The red room was barely getting their hands on these so we hadn't been able to train with them yet. It wont stop me from trying, although it would be easier trying without doing it under the watchful gazes of these so called heroes.

Peter was here as well attempting to get me to make eye contact with him, yet i didn't give him the pleasure. I decided on the silent treatment. I wouldn't be talking to them because i despise them. I also need to figure out a plan in peace. Maybe if i fall asleep they will leave. With that i gave a glare to everyone in the room whilst turning my head to the side in order to not see their faces. I didn't work as i could still feel their stares so i decided to confront them about it.

"Okay, what the hell do you want from me!? You've already made matters worse, the least you can do is stop staring at me like I'm the main show at the circus!" I stated alarmingly calmly if i must say so myself.

Instead of replying to me, everyone in the room looked at me with pity. I can understand Peter looking at me like that, as he may feel bad, but I don't know these people and I don't know why they are acting like this. They obviously don't feel bad about capturing me as they have tied me to this bed. What happened to the right to walk or even move?

They all looked to each other with sad expressions. Wow, i didn't expect the Avengers aka the epiphany of happiness and grace to look this down. I guess i did succeed in one thing. I somehow killed their feelings, and i will tell that win.

Iron man then steps forward right to the side of my bed. All i want to do is move away from him but i can't.

I may act fearless, but I'm not. I'm scared. I'm so scared. I need to be brave to get through this. Fake it till you make it right?

"Um Emma, I don't know how to say this but.................I'm really sorry to say that uhh your mother is.....dead. She unfortunately passed away earlier this afternoon. We are all so sorry for your loss. We understand if you need space, but we are all very happy you are ok" he said

I waited 10 second in silence whilst they all looked around nervously before i busted out laughing. "Omg, i mean i didn't know you were jokers but I don't think you should continue. I mean that is not even remotely funny. Like is this you guys' humour?" I ask deadly serious. If so they need to work on this gig.

Natasha Romanoff then stepped forward "Emma, i know you might be in denial but it's the truth. We wouldn't lie to you"

"No its not true. She's already dead. She was killed and i already had to suffer through that pain. I don't see why the people who want to do good want me to go through this pain. You have no idea what I've been through!" I shout angrily at them. They are about to start talking when I shout at then to get out. As I thought they didn't move. I didn't want them here. I didn't want to be here.

"Don't you get it! I don't want to be here with you! I want to be let free. I have a debt i need to pay! AND DONT YOU DARE TALK BADLY ABOUT MY MOTHER! She may not have been the best but she was mine. You dint get to insult one of the only good things i have going for me!"

As i was ranting, i was trying to wriggle to get out of the grip of the cuffs, but it was no use and it only made my ankles and wrists sore. That's when the annoying voice of Peter Parker was heard

"You don't see me as something good in your life?" He asked me looking heartbroken.

"No, no I don't. You walked out of my life. That killed me. But you wouldn't know that, as you weren't there. You haven't been there! You cant fix that. I know now that I'm obviously not good enough to be your friend like MJ and Ned so I'm not going to fight for your approval. The only people i want to be with are the people who made me see the best part of me, the people who accepted me and helped me. That wasn't you, and it never will be. It doesn't matter how many times you apologise, i will never forgive you, just like me heart wont heal due to the insecurities you gave me!" I stated angrily.

I then felt my eyes closing, and i accepted the darkness. This was my safe place, or at least it is until the monsters come out.

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It's official. Emma hates me. I knew I shouldn't have asked her that question. Why would she see me as something good? I'm not. I ruin everything i touch. Emma was the source of my comfort; my light, and without the light in my life the darkness took over. Although my life was still great with the Avengers and school, the walls of my room saw the real me. I don't want anyone to see that especially Emma. But i cant be strong anymore.

Before I know it, i am pulled into someone's arms, and held as i feel wetness pool on their shirt. I know i should pull away, and put on my big boy pants but i can't. If i thought my heart was broken before, i can tell everyone know that getting confirmation made it 110x worse. I don't know if i can life with myself anymore. I cause her so much pain. Maybe i deserve the pain I'm feeling in my chest. Maybe it would have been better if she shot me. I can run form my problems this time. The pain seeps through my whole body,and all i can do is cling onto the comfort provided for me, for dear life.

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It killed everyone to see Emma in anger which is why they all silently agreed to sedate her. Sure, it wasn't the best thing they could do but Emma needed the nutrients and they needed her to be calm so she didn't hurt herself.

Then Peter was sobbing for his life, holding into Tony's shirt with everything he had. The avengers needed to take care of what Emma had said, but fist they needed to make sure their kids were ok.