Wow, so the last time I updated was back in October 2018. That was a time ago. I do apologise for leaving it so long, I had both a busy year at university and also wasn't exactly sure how I wanted this story to continue. It took some motivation (having also just seen IT Chapter 2 last night, and I really enjoyed it) so hopefully, I can get some more chapters out. Bare with me, this will get me back into writing this, and I thank you all who stayed with this story.

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The bed groaned at her weight, a soloemn silence fell in the room as all Y/N could do was stare into her hands - for who knew how long.

She stared and stared iddly, staring at first each line in her palms then to the blinky red light that flashed on and off on your alarm on her bedside table, clicking down the hours she should've been asleep for; 2:57 am it read exactly.

There was a dull pain in the back of her head, begging her to sleep, reaching from the back of her head around her skull; as if she had receieved some trauma that caused her to feel so lightheaded.

The nagging part in her head told her sweetly, a euphoric and mystic voice that she didn't recognise spoke out, but in her head, it sounded more how her subconscious would sound if it had its own body and personality.

I wish it was that simple. Y/N called back to it, now involved in a conversation she wanted to get out of. There is no way I can if I tried.

The voice's calmly addressed, more so acting like her own therapist that she wished she could have in real life. Y/N didn't bother answering back to the voice, and with a tired frustrated groan, she threw her head back against the pillows behind her. Eater of Worlds, it's only coming to you what danger you got yourself into.

But I like the danger sometimes. She thought, a mirthless laugh came from her.

She couldn't help but replay the last words that Pennywise had said to her, before disappearing into thin air right in front of her. Y/N couldn't get a grasp on it's emotions, unsure exactly from the clown's pained expression; it made her wonder whether It meant it.

"She died, so you could live. And never has anything given me more pain and frustration in wanting to kill you. Just to get both of you out of my mind."

Since being thrown into the mix of demonic entities, never since meeting Pennywise had his words given you such a twist in her stomach, a twist similar to a knife stab- it was just as literally as that in feel that Y/N felt sick to her stomach once it left.

Many of the times Pennywise had threatened or teased ways of trying to bring her fear out for him, provoking her in ways just so It could smell it. But never did it go in to actually kill her. There was confusion and despair in her head, and she was certainly sure you weren't the only one feeling these mixed emotions; even if she was certain Pennywise could even fathom human feelings.

It seemed there had to be a certain turtle being involved in this all.

Y/N stared up at the ceiling, a click from her clock telling her it just hit 3 am, and yet, she was still there, awake and alive than ever before.

Will you go to sleep now? Now that we have spotted the elephant in the room? The voice curiously asked in her head. Y/N snorted, rolling onto your side. As long as you give me peace and don't bother me again, then fine.

As you wish. The voice died like a ghost amongst the wind, leaving her to herself as she finally succumbed to it and let her mind float through her dreams.

She was first of all floating, floating through thick black air with nothing pulling her back to the empty ground, a weightless feel going through her entire body. There she was not scared nor calm nor angry, just alone. It was maybe once she felt so free without the weight on her shoulders.

There was a distant sound of jiggles in the air, surrounding her with a melancholy tune that made her ears prick up; something so familiar, yet oh-so-odd.

It grew around her, bouncing from each side of her, teasing and taunting her in ways she couldn't imagine. "Hello? Who's here with me right now?" Y/N called from the abyss of her mind, echoing hauntingly around her.

The jiggling of music and bells stopped quickly, and there was a soar of noise similar to waves crashing against the cliffs at the seaside, so loud it hummed and thrummed against her core and ribs like a drum.

From the shadows, nothing could be visible to the eye, until Y/N caught something moving; a silhouette with a humanoid outline. Emerged from the darkness in front of her, she stared back face to face with a woman that looked exactly like her; still drenched as if she had gotten out of a body of water.

Her skin was murky and grey, with no true colour to it compared to hers, her hair tangled and ratted with knots. The only thing different about her were her clothes and her eyes... those eyes... they weren't E/C, they were pure gold. Golden than wheat, but more vivid and bright than headlights... .

What were they?

"Does it hurt, to have your heart snapped?" The mirror image of herself questioned, her voice low and haunting. "I- what do you mean?" Y/N asked in confusion.

"I tried loving, tried loving and proving my worth, but what can you get from a monster with no heart? Now look what happened to me." the drowned woman sang woefully, swaying on the spot in her long damp dress.

"Who, who are you talking about?" You tried getting answers from her, but she continued repeating the same words. "I tried and I died for it. What are we but humans, trying to prove to those our love, but being pushed away for it."

The black air lightened as if clouds were disappearing and a vision came before them. "I tried to show love, just like you, and I got from them."

You watched the scene for familiar to you like a witness to it all: a little girl getting too distracted at a public park and tripping into the murky pond water, drowning nearly there on sight, but she got dragged out in time by a few witnesses, rushing to keep her dry. Then the child's mother comes storming over, eyes burning with fury to blaze her to the ground as she strung her by the wrist and dragged her away. Still to this day, Y/N could remember her words:

"How foolish and stupid in the head do you have to be to miss the edge? Pigeons with half a brain the size of a walnut are smarter than you, and yet, you were incapable of seeing the water. What kind of child did God give me? Useless, absolutely useless."

They burned in a permanent state in her mind and heart, tattooed for eternity. It would be the only time she saw her mother so angry with her, and yet, she never forgave her for giving her this fear.

"That pain, that pain you carry is what drives him... drives him to hunger. He tried killing you that day, and he won't stop until you're gone."

"Why?" You whispered, tears leaking down you non-existent cheeks. "Why is this all happening? What is it that It wants that It didn't get from you and I?"

The woman wept tears of blood from her gold eyes, until she begun to drown in them, sinking underneath them as Y/N watched. Still, she could hear her words as clear as day.

"I loved It, and It didn't like that, It didn't want to understand it at all. But those feelings will not lie dormant forever."

When the woman disappeared was when Y/N sat up in her bed, shocked and gasping for breath she didn't think she needed. It all felt as if she had been drowning herself with empty water clogging her lungs.

She went to touch her cheek, her face wet with clear tears that didn't bleed red. She rasped a choked cry, looking to her clock that read 5 am.

Y/N turned back in her bed when she caught her breath, ignoring at best the clown standing in the dark corner of her room, watching with glowing golden eyes.

God. This. Was. Weird. I am trying to get back into the habit of writing this story again, and I cannot believe how long it has been. I'm surprised I didn't delete this or write it all again. But I thank those who stayed to continue and wait with patience. I will try my best to write some more chapters (with some with more sense to them). I will also try to write more fluff between Y/N and Pennywise - which I think I know how to.

Thank you for sticking round, thank you all!!