I spent the whole day moving out all of my stuff from Tori's house, like a floating ghost. No energy, no enough sleep, my mind is flying everywhere. I'm pretty much like a goddamned zombie.

The break up took a tool, yet I need to move out or else I'll end up seeing Mat around Tori's house and I can't fathom the fact that everything we have had already ended.

I sighed, for the millionth time now since I arrived at my own apartment.

"You know you can talk to me, right?" Collins said when he heard me sighing. He's helping me out with my stuff here to finally settle.

"No. It's okay." I said, clearly I am trying to be okay. I have to. "I'm just kind of tired."

"We'll then let's take a break. I'm ordering a pizza for dinner." He replied and was about to dial the number of the pizza delivery but I stopped him right away.

"Do you mind going out for dinner instead?" I asked.

"Sure hun." Collins said and I immediately went to my room to change into some decent warm clothes. As I check myself on the mirror, I swear I look like shit but the puffy eyes are gone now.

I sighed, releasing the heavy heart I have and to stop myself from thinking about Barzy.

Barzy, fuck!

I cursed in at the back of my mind how that freaking nickname of him caused a sudden flashback of memories I have of him in my head. I'm not going to lie when he said he wants to fix us, I badly want that too. But I just still can't forget how hurt I was.

I just can't.

The betrayal, the kiss, the constant feeling of being not enough for him. I need fixing. I need to fix myself!

Collins and I decided to just take a walk on the streets and find a nearest place to eat. He suggested that I should take a walk, just a way of relaxing my mind a bit. The street where my apartment building is situated is full of places to eat so it wasn't hard for us to spot a not so crowded place to grab food and relax.

Collins and I settled on the chair inside the small pizza parlor right after we placed our order in the counter. Yeah, I know. We still ended up ordering a pizza.

When the serving lady put our orders on the table, Collins and I started devouring the pizza like we haven't eaten in such a long time. We finished our first slice in just milliseconds and grabbed for another one again.

"We're totally starving, I can tell." Collins commented which made me snicker for the first time today.

I grabbed a glass of my coke and drink at it right before talking. I just suddenly lose my appetite like literally out of nowhere.

"Hey girl, do you think I just overreacted?" I suddenly asked my friend as I settle my back on the wall behind me.

"You think so?"

It took me half a minute right before answering. "I guess so."

"Well, I don't blame you to be honest." Collins started answering as he eats another slice of pizza. "It hurts to be betrayed and being cheated on. But, you need some more time to think."

"Yeah, I know." I said, even if I have lost my appetite I still forced myself to eat.

Mat and I might be over but it doesn't mean I have to starve myself, that would just be a silly decision. After forty-five minutes of staying at the said pizza parlor Collins and I decided to leave.

"Hey, I want to get drunk." I suddenly said, I'm even surprised that those words even came out of my mouth to be honest.

"Okay, let's go get some drinks at the liquor store then."

"No. I want to go on a bar." I replied, Collins stared at me for like ten seconds right before I heard him sigh. "Oh come on! It's not like I'm an irresponsible drinker."

My best friend chuckled. "I know you're not but based on your situation right now, I know you will."

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever! Just two bottles of beer and I'm good."

"Fine." Collins finally said.

I need some liquor even just for tonight. I need some sleep without thinking about Mat, it fucking hurts! I swear.

I wanted to just stay in my room and cry but I won't let that happen, not yet. Maybe tomorrow I will whip about it, or maybe next week, or next month. Fuck! I just want to forget all the shit even just for tonight.

Few moments later, Collins and I found ourselves at the nearest pub. It's nice because there are only few people in here considering that it's still weekend. I immediately ordered two tequila shots right away when we settled at the bar counter.

I chugged the two shots one at a time and ordered another round. The substance is burning my throat and I know that once I devoured at least five shots, everything will start to look like haze.

The bartender hands another two shots of tequila.

"Woah. Slow down right there Jade!" Collins warned but I'm so eager to get drunk as hell tonight so I ignored him and chugged another shot.

Collins just ordered a water and I couldn't help but react. "A water?!"

He just nodded which made me laugh.

"Should I call this as a celebration because this is the first time you ordered a water at a bar since I've met you."

"I'm the designated mother of a grieving girl tonight, so yup! Water." Collins replied.

"Shut up!" I said slapping his arms and take my fourth shot and the fifth right after.

I'm a bit hammered now, I can tell. Tequila isn't my choice of drink and it only takes two shots of it and I'm good. But after five shots I won't say it is already enough. I need more!

Ten shots later... I found myself walking around the bar. I'm drunk, but I am aware. I don't even know what got into me that I decided to walk around the bar.

People around me are dancing when I decided to walk past the dancefloor heading somewhere. I am more like an idiot walking past through people who looks at me weird.

I decided to go to the ladies room instead, just for the heck of it! I don't feel like peeing just a bit of a break and to keep myself not to get way too dizzy.

The line is too long but I don't mind waiting. Not until two minutes have gone by that I became bored and realized that I didn't brought my phone.

"Shit!" I suddenly cursed which caught everyone's attention and darted there eyes on me.

Now, I'm embarrassed.

Especially when I noticed that all the girls in here are wearing make-up wearing some nice clothes and yet here I am, on a yoga pants and a sweatshirt. No make up and freaking drunk!

Now I feel so small, goodness! I have to leave. However, as I was about to walk someone called me up.

And when I turned to see who's the owner of the voice. My world abruptly spins and an anger in my chest starts to grow, it's Pauline.

"Wait--you look really familiar." She said walking towards me followed by her two other friends. They all look so stunning even if they're just wearing a simple jeans and a shirt. Fuck! Now I feel so freaking smaller.

"I remembered! You're Mat's roommate aren't you?" She asked but I didn't answered. "How was he? He's not returning any of my texts anymore."

So they're still really texting each other. Anger boils right to my core and before I can stop myself, I slapped her.

The shock on her face was on top of the roof as her hands covers the part of her face where my hand just landed.

"Bitch! What the hell is wrong with you?!"

I was about to yell at her and spill all my hatred, I want to tell her how huge of a homewrecker she is. But right after I commit another sort of damage again, someone is already dragging me out of the bar.

"Come on Jade, you're drunk."

I didn't complain. I just let Collins drag me to ride a cab going back to my apartment. When I settled inside the vehicle, there I finally felt weak and started sobbing.

Fuck! This is absolutely not me...