To be honest, Devon giving me a magazine wasn't really a big deal. I mean it not like I wanted to scream and cry when he said it would give him an excuse to talk to me. And I definitely didn't stay up all night coming up with every possible scenario that could happen in my head so I wouldn't look crazy and mess up my words. Ok so maybe it was somewhat of a deal, but not a big one. It's just that I'm kinda excited to see what would happen. Call me pitiful or desperate all you want, but you would be too if your one of the only gay people in your town and the only guy you've liked for more then a day showed any interest in you.

That morning I woke up from like an hour of sleep. When I said I stayed up all night, I fucking meant it. When I looked in the mirror, I obviously looked like shit. To try and wake myself up, I stand under cold water for a few seconds, and Jesus did it work. It was like I was on the titanic when it crashed.

After getting dried from my ice bath. I wrap my hair with a towel to absorb any extra water before blow drying it. As im drying my hair I hear the door to the bathroom open. Shit. Without any warning my dad walks in.

"Why the hell are you making so much noise?" He says kinda irritated. I don't even know why. It's not even the loud or early. But obviously I couldn't say that. The only thing I could think to say with out pissing him off more was just a simple 'sorry'. Turns out it was enough for him. "And put some damn clothes on" he said as he closes the door. That's when I remembered I still hadn't gotten dressed after getting out of the shower. Shit again. When the door closes this time I make sure to lock it. I then continue the day as normal.

———

When I'm at school I tend to tune things out and pay attention to one thing and one thing only. Call it a crush or stalking I don't care but I tend to listen to Devon's podcast. But today was different. Instead I didn't even touch my phone. I guess I was trying to be ready incase Devon came. But that didn't happen. I waited all day for him to pop up and ask for the magazine or something, anything, but it never happened. Apart of me was expecting it. It not like I was hurt or mad and thinking that he lied to me or it was just something to make fun of me. He probably just said they to be nice and forgot about the entire encounter.

For the rest of the day after I realized that our meeting was definitely not going to happen, I felt like shit. Not because I was sad he never talked to me, but because I got so excited and happy and I liked that feeling. It's not everyday I get the least bit exited about something and when he told me what he told me my whole body lit up with excitement. Losing that feeling throughout the day was like being high and slowly falling into withdraws. You feel happy for a second, then like shit for hours. That's how I felt today. Or at least in that moment.

I go through the rest of the school day like normal, but I can still hear that little voice in the back of my head telling me not to forget about yesterday and to stay happy, but at the moment I'm the furthest from that. Especially in this class. Right now I'm in English, and the person I sit right behind is the one and only Devon Evans. I try not to focus on him and the only way to do that is to not focus at all. I sit in my seat and zone out. Nothing exists to me anymore. The whole fucking would could be engulfed in flames and I'd burn with it without knowing. Being like this was like being in that happy state, just not as happy. Sometimes not even happy at all.

I heard a voice repeating my name. "Jake...Jake?" the voice went. The voice sounded familiar, it was soft and sweet. It sounded like the Devon's. I look up to see the person the voice had belonged to, and to no one's surprise it was him. "Um..Yeah" I answered as I'm caught off guard. "I was gonna ask if you maybe wanted to be my partner for the speech?" He asked. My mind stoped. I couldn't speak. "Um?" He said. "Yeah..I-I mean of c-course" I respond, well at least tried to respond. I was nervous and didn't know what to say ok. "Great!" He smiled "Oh um if we're gonna work together, might as well give you my number." He turns around and flips to an empty page in his notebook and writes something down. I hear paper ripping then he turns back to me and hands me a small piece of paper. "Looking forward to working with you" he says then turns around again.

Did my dreams just come true? Yes. Was I excited? Also yes. Was I nervous as fuck? Definitely. My mind couldn't stop thinking about all the things I could say or do that he might not like. What if he's one of those really weird people who don't like the way you walk or something like that? Wait what am I even thinking? He's probably not even gay. He's probably just trying to be friends.

"Oh I meant to give you this earlier" I pick my bag up and reach into it and pull out the magazine. "Here" I say handing it over to him. "Oh thanks! I forgot to get it from you" he said with a smile. So I was right, he did forget. But honestly I don't really care cause something better happened. I got his number.

A few seconds after giving him the magazine back the bell rang. I got up and started to return my books back to my bag. As I'm cleaning up Devon begins to speak again. "Hey do you want to grab lunch with me?" He asked. My body was about to explode. "Y-yeah" i reply quickly but calmly so he didn't think I was thinking about it to much. Know what I mean? We grab our bags and leave class and walk to the cafeteria. On the way we start to talk about some random shit that interests us and I was being less awkward than I thought I was gonna be. I learned that he really enjoys music and plays piano, that he doesn't like old dolls (which breaks my heart) , and loves old romance movies.

"Is it cool if we stop by my locker for a sec?" Devon asks. "Yeah that's fine" I answer. We get to his locker and he starts to put in his combination. Out of no where the person I hate most in the world comes up to us. That person being the one and only Lexi Cross "Devon is he bothering you? You know his in l-" she starts before being cut of by Devon. "No Lexi, now please leave" he said. The truth is Devon hates Lexi but I don't think he would ever tell her or his friend, my cousin, her boyfriend Junior. They have been friends for a long time, but ever sense Junior got with Lexi they have been talking less and less. "Wow, ok. Just tried to help." She says as she begins to walk away. She then stops in her tracks and turns around "oh and when Jake tries to get homo with you, don't say I didn't try and help." She says before turning around and continues to walk away. I was going to scream. I wanted to die. I wanted to disappear.

"I am so sorry, I don't know where that came from." Devon tries to apologize for something he had no control over WHICH PROVES THAT DEVON IS AN AMAZING PERSON! "It's fine, it's just Lexi being a bitch. You really couldn't have done anything." I say. "Does it bother you when people say that kinda stuff?" He asks. He's probably the first person to ask me how I felt, instead saying how they felt about it. "Not really. I guess I'm just desensitized to it." I answer. "Oh...Do you still wanna get lunch?". "Of course".

———

Wtf does that mean? I turn my phone off and run down the stairs to the front door. Thankfully my father didn't ask any questions as I slam the door behind me. Off to the park I go.

😍😍😍🥰🥰🥰💕💕💕💅💅💅💖💖💖🌈🌈🌈anyways stream Laurel Hell by Mitski