One Month Later

I sat in the bathroom holding the box in my hands. I was shaking. I was in this exact same position only a few months ago. Except I had been at the beach and I hadn't been alone. I couldn't believe this was happening all over again.

It was now or never. I didn't wait as long to find out this time. I couldn't help the feeling that maybe it was partly my fault for not being seen sooner. Of course, my doctor insisted that wasn't the case and that sometimes those things just happen. It didn't make me feel any better. Losing my baby was one of the worst things I had ever been through. It would probably upend me to go through that again.

This time, I was only three days late. I sighed and removed the test from the box and wrapper. Holding it in my hand gave me a sense of de ja vu. I thought back to that last night, to the way that Jimin had held me, the way he loved me. I felt the tears pooling in my eyes at the mere thought of him. I had been forcing myself to stay busy and trying not to think about him. I was only successful about half of the time.

I sat down on the toilet to use the bathroom and made sure to pee on the stick while I was going. I replaced the cap that came with the test and set it flat on the counter to wait.

I felt so much more anxious this time around. What would I do if I were pregnant? Would I reach out to him? Could I do that to him? I know in his mind, things weren't completely over. But I also knew that over time, he'd likely forget about me and move on. People say a lot of things when they are in the midst of emotions. I still felt the same way. I loved him. I wanted him to be happy. I wanted him to live out his dreams. I didn't want to be the one holding him back. I certainly didn't want to be the cause of someone else holding him back.

I shook my head knowing that I was being emotional. When it came down to it, I knew I'd tell him. I loved him. I couldn't keep his baby from him. I didn't even know for sure if there was a baby. As if waiting for those thoughts to cross my mind, my phone buzzed from the timer. I took a deep breath in attempt to prepare myself. I reached down and picked up the test, looking at the little window in front of me.

Shit.

Two motherfucking pink lines.

Again.

**Part 2 will be written after Hobi and Jess's book.