Stargazing. The smell of the earth after it rains, or after you mow the lawn. Misty mornings by the sea, tea to warm you up and warm chocolate chip cookies to make you smile. Lavender and daffodils in the spring, fields of blue bells, or sunflowers, of strawberries. The smell of old books, of an old church, the memories both hold. Soft whispers in the night, an exchange of trust, secrets, love. Quiet afternoons, the radio in the morning with the soft sizzle of bacon in the-

Well I am vegetarian now so no bacon for me.

But the smell of breakfast and the tired hello smiles of your family. Open windows, cold breezes, sunlight, no- moonlight.

Things that are so simple, things that you don't appreciate enough. That you don't think, wow, this is so so beautiful in the moment. It's all so beautiful and I want to feel it all, I want to see it all.

I guess there isn't really a reason for me to have wanted to run away. I've got a great life, no real problems. But sometimes I just wanna get up and go, without any direction. I want to lose my way and forget where I come from. But here I am, back home, waiting for someone to pick me up from the airport. Probably Rayne, hopefully Rayne. It just depends if my Dad lets him.

I had just spent the last month studying in this little town in Italy called Portofino. I somehow managed to get myself a place on this June mentoring programme under this beautiful Italian writer called Miss Achille. I say beautiful because not only do her words spill such magnificence, she was beautiful inside and out. And for some reason, she had turned sixty and decided to grace a handful of students and bring them to her, send them on little adventures, force inspiration, force creativity upon them and it was the best thing I have ever done.

And not necessarily because she taught me so much, more because she illuminated the world for me in a way I had never seen it before. The beauty in the little things. And now it seems this need to explore is never going to get satiated. Waiting at the airport for Rayne, all I want is to turn back around and discover more. To find more.

The best part about airports lies in what they symbolise. Airports for me always used to be stressful, the chaos, I used to feel like I could see the stress literally escaping people's pours and fogging up the air like a toxic pollution and then I used feel it being dragged into my chest, my lungs, my blood. Other people's stress. I didn't need that.

But now, airports mean new beginnings, long awaited endings, arrivals and departures, hellos and goodbyes. I sit with my suitcase in one of the chain airport coffee-shops. Airports are fascinating to me as it's one of the only places where you can enter one way and then step out a thousand miles away. You can enter from a desert and exit into a blizzard. In from winter, out into summer. In from familiarity, out into something completely new, different, scary, exciting. So exciting.

So many things happen at airports, tears, smiles, laughter, goodbyes. Goodbyes. There's a couple, probably only sat three meters away from me. I- casually eating a vegan cheese toastie which was honestly highly disappointing, couldn't bring my eyes away from being stuck on them. I couldn't help it. He was leaving. That was clear. They both seemed fine. So fine. But the way her hands shook when she reached for the coffee, indicated other wise. The way his leg was bouncing anxiously under the table showed he wasn't okay. Neither of them were okay, but instead they were just talking, softly exchanging casual conversation as he waited for his plane. And I wondered, maybe, if he was waiting for her to ask him to stay, or maybe she was waiting for him to say he couldn't go? But instead I bet they were talking about the delays, about the weather, about the news. I bet they were avoiding the topic of him leaving all together.

Or maybe not. Maybe they hardly knew each other. Maybe I was so far off it would be comical to actually know what was going on with them.

I looked away, searching for him because he should be here by now and as patient as I am, I also get worried. My dad didn't trust Rayne driving, despite being my best friend, and one of the last people to purposely put me in any danger, my father was slightly disapproving of me getting into his car. Which wasn't utterly unwarranted. The car he has currently... might be his fourth in two years.

It wasn't technically his fault; he was just unlucky.

"Emmy." Rayne's voice surprises me even though I was searching for him, excitement filling my veins as I quickly turn around in my chair, giving him the biggest grin I have felt on my face all month.

I loved this last month, all of June I spent out in Italy, finding beautiful reasons to love being alive, finding how to write beauty and translate it to moments. Because moments, memories, give things substance. But memories are mostly created by people. I found so much value in the little coastal town in Italy, in the little things, in the coloured bricks and uneven cobble stones. But you forget beautiful moments aren't just created by environment, it's the people. Always the people that give a moment importance.

"Rayne." I grin, scrambling out of my chair and he jogs to me, wrapping his arms around me in the tightest hug we've probably ever shared. But well, I also hadn't ever left him for a month before.

"Oh my god." I laugh, getting squished to death by the boy. "Put me down."

I am dropped back down to my feet and he flashes me his usual cheeky smile. "You look good, you are all tanned and grown up."

"Grown up?" I snigger, my skin was slightly darker than its usual creamy pink porcelain colour and my hair was in a low bun, the curls spilling every which way. Tragically this morning I showered and then set out in the Italian heat with wet hair, which always resulted in curls. When I left I suppose I always looked neat, tidy, my hair down perfectly, makeup light but the same every day. This afternoon my face was bare, freckles littered everywhere and eyes open.

That's what I felt now, that my eyes were pretty wide open. Which is silly I know, I went to learn how to write creatively, but I ended up falling so much more in love with the world. I have always loved people, I have watched them, made up stories about their lives in my head, literally every single day since I was little. But something's changed. I have this desire in me to just- be free? Maybe. To live. I guess, I think I suddenly stopped wanting to make up stories and find my own.

I don't know what was restraining me before.

I want write from experience, I want to write from the beauty I've seen, the love I have felt, the pain even. I want to stop using my imagination and immerse myself within the words on my page. That is what she told me, Miss Achille. To feel. To write from within.

I send a kind smile at a few people as they grinned at us, time forgotten as they had just witnessed the stereotypical airport scene. A four thirty in the afternoon hello.

"I missed you." Rayne says and I just smile. I did miss him too. I missed everyone.

He hadn't changed, still had his long-coiled curls that shot out in all directions, still had his too large grin and warm eyes.

"I missed you too, obviously. Come on, can we go home now?" I ask grabbing my suitcase and bag, and of course my coffee. "You want my toastie?" I ask and he shakes his head, pulling a face.

"Not even a little bit. Your mum is cooking." He smiles. "They are all still at the beach house if you wanna go straight there?" He asks.

"Um..." I pull the suitcase along with us and Rayne takes my big bag from me, to which I just send him a thankful smile. Today has been awfully long. None of the friends I made in Italy are from around here, so I had to say goodbye to them before we even boarded the planes and then it had been a lonely flight. I was sat next to a mother and a daughter which made me miss my mum, and it was also was sad because I wanted to chat and I had no one to chat to.

Wait what did he ask?

"Pardon?"

"You tired?" He laughs, nudging his shoulder against mine and I nod.

"Exhausted, honestly."

"You can sleep in the car."

"Nah it's okay. I wanna talk to you, I wanna know everything that happened in your life when I was away."

Rayne makes this noise.

This weird noise and I frown, studying his face and he just refuses to make eye-contact as he replies.

"More importantly, what you have been doing? I am sorry I kept missing your calls Em."

"Nah it's okay, I get it." I smile, then I shiver slightly when we finally exit the airport entrance.

I was constantly cold. Like it was horrible. Even in the summer, although the days are okay here, it gets so cold at night and I don't get why no one else ends up as cold as I do. It's as If the sun absorbs into their skin and instead the sunlight is reflected off mine. They stay warm when the sun goes down and instead my skin just feels like it's absorbing the moonlight instead.

Plus I just spent the last month in Italy, it was so wonderfully warm at night. My friend Hattie used to just glare at me, as she melted, and I revealed in the warmth. It's not usually that hot apparently, Miss Achilles said she thinks the world is ending, that it's the hottest it's ever been there. She told us to love before it's too late.

"And I said do you want to go straight to the house or do you have keys for home? I can take you there if you need to get an overnight bag or something?"

"Um yes please." I smile at him. "I would prefer not to turn up all gross and dragging a massive suitcase of dirty laundry behind me."

"Dirty laundry?" Rayne laughs, guiding me by the elbow in the direction of his car.

He was so familiar, family. His family felt like my family, we practically all were. His parents and my parents were best friends. Like they decided to move to our hometown together. Well I think his parents decided to move back home and then my dad had to literally force my mum into the move too but well she loves home probably more than he even does. But yeah, dirty laundry.

"Well you see, I was washing stuff and then it was my last week and I was like what is the point? I didn't wanna waste any time so I just, I don't know- didn't."

"You mum's not going to be impressed to find your suitcase full of dirty clothes." Rayne laughs and I just shrug.

"She will hopefully be happier to see me than angry about my failure to function as an adult. Plus... I will do it, just wanted to do it at home." I say and he smiles.

My parents weren't exactly readily on board with my sudden random decision to go to Italy at the beginning of the summer. But they never once said no, they couldn't really, I was eighteen and literally about to move into the city to study English at the university. But I knew she stressed a lot, my dad probably too but he was probably having to chill my mum more than letting himself stress about me.

"How is my mum?" I ask and Rayne shrugs.

"Both seem good, your dad and August have been annoying as fuck though."

I cringe at Rayne's harsh language and then raise an eyebrow.

"I forgot August was staying with you all as well." I admit.

August was Rayne's older brother. He was only like two/ three years older than us. But we hardly saw him since he went to university. I was surprised that he agreed to go to the beach house last week as he hadn't the last few years.

My father and Jackson (Rayne's dad) had brought the beach house together as a sort of gift for our mum's. It was still in our town, so I think it's slightly unnecessary but it's good for our parents to have a vacation, even if it's still in Sampson. The gift-slightly extravagant- I agree. But my mum and Rayne's literally adored this house and we usually go there for a week at the start of the summer and then again for a week at the end. They rent it out in-between.

This year I had basically missed the first week, although we will be heading there after I got a few things together. For the last night. It was always so nice, to see my parents utterly relaxed, to see Ivy and Jackson properly, to spend time with Lottie- Rayne's little sister. Obviously, Rayne and I went to the same school, we've been close since we were literally five years old. So I see him all the time. But my mum was busy, always, and she didn't get much time to see her friends, wanting to spend the free time she did have with me or with my dad. And Ivy, Rayne's mum, worked at my school, so although I saw her quite often, my mum and dad hardly saw her and so the week vacation over the summer I guess was just a time where they all get to spend time together.

And well the beach is always great.

"It's actually been good." Rayne says, referring to August saying this past week with them.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah like we've actually talked a lot."

"Wow." I laugh, grinning as I see his familiar beat up car.

"Is that another new scratch?" I say, walking up to it and running my fingers against the roughed material.

"Yes but it's sorta old I promise."

I just throw him a frightened look and he returns it, exaggerated and mocking.

"Get your ass in the car."

I pout. "And you being nice to me lasted about 0.3 seconds."

Rayne laughed, unlocking the door and he jogged round to my side and grabbed my suitcase for me. "I am lovely to you."

"Mm." I hum, grinning when he leans over and opens my door for me.

"See gentleman."

"Wow."

"Now ass, car, please. Your dad said he's call if we weren't back by five."

It was basically quarter to five now, we'd never get back in time.

"I'll call him." I assure, grabbing my phone. My dad was sometimes a little harsh, not on me, ever, just everyone who talked to me.

It's funny because me and my mum just laugh at him, whereas the guys quiver. My dad's known Rayne for well-forever and he still watches him wearily. Like, my dad loved him, cared and all, but did not easily accept that Rayne and I were just friends.

"How was your summer then Em?" Rayne says as he starts the car and I decide to just fire my Dad a text telling him that we are setting back now.

"Rayne I was gone a month." I laugh. "We still have two months before I leave. The summer's not ever yet."

"Yeah well for the first bit then." He sends me a quick smile. "Shit Em so much has happened since you were away."

My eyebrows raise. "Really? What like?"

"Just- I made new friends." He grins and I laugh at that. Rayne was always making new friends, his hair attracted attention and then his grin kept it. He seemed like the jokey class clown and then when he actually got close with people, they always fell. It was pretty funny to be honest.

"As in new guy friends or new girl friends? Do I have competition?" I laugh, pulling my legs up on the seat to get comfy. Don't tell my dad.

"Both actually." He laughs. "Harrison from school? That group I kinda slipped into."

At school it was always just Rayne and me, like we got along with everyone but we stuck together a lot. The guys in our year would always try and get Rayne to come with them, even trying to get me interested in them but I would always feel uncomfortable, like they weren't being kind for the sake of being kind to me yanoe? So Rayne never really spent much time with them.

"Oh so Ben and William? Keiran and Levi?" I say and Rayne nods once, his jaw slightly tensed, and I lift my hand to it.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing." He says, removing my hand from his face and I just take it back, narrowing my eyes at his profile.

"So you have guy friends now." I say, crinkling my nose and he laughs then.

"They were always my mates Em, but yeah I've spent a lot of time with them and their friends."

"What have you been doing?" I ask as I relax into the drive. It wasn't far, luckily, but it was far enough for me to have to get myself comfy.

"I don't really know, I've been playing with DOF a lot." He says, avoiding the topic of his friends slightly.

Days of Jupiter. It's a Indie Rock band that Rayne is sorta in. It's August's flatmate's band, I think. I never go to their gigs because I would be left alone as Rayne plays and as much as I play the independent woman well, I am not stupid. Those sorts of gigs aren't exactly safe to go to on your own.

Rayne plays the guitar, or well a base guitar I think in the actual band? I don't honestly know the difference.

"Yeah?" I ask.

"Mhm. It's been good, and like I've been going out with the guys more and over this past week your dad has actually been explaining a few business things to me."

Rayne doesn't know what he wants to do with life. So Jackson and Ivy have suggested taking a year out from education, but as long as he helps out with the main practice.

"Why my dad?"

"Oh just because they have been working on separate cases and my dad said that his one is more confidential whereas your dad's been working on this intervention programme that could work in schools. It's been pretty good to be honest; I wonder if August would have stayed in school if they had used it with him."

"Well Leo did alright anyway didn't he?"

Rayne snorts. "Don't let him hear you call him that and yeah, but I am also thinking about the kids who didn't yanoe?"

"Yeah." I agree. I used to call August Leo because he honestly acts like the dark side of his star sign all the time. When I was thirteen, I went through this horoscope stage, which I am still most definitely in, but well less crazy I guess. I call August Leo because it's fun to wind him up and also because he is honestly such a Leo.

Leo's can act like they're better than everyone else. He is shit at controlling his anger, and he's rubbish at asking for help when he's in need. Like a few of years back, when he had to leave school I just remember our parents stressing a lot about him and he just wasn't even accepting the help they were offering.

They can be scornfully arrogant and can demand respect and expect those around them to behave subserviently. Leo expects people to just listen to him and for him to just get his way. He has zero patience, Rayne's older brother honestly is so bad at holding in the truth, like he is so blunt sometimes it's stressful to even be around.

Leo can be cold and so unnecessarily uninterested. For example, I got my letter of acceptance to University when August was 'round ours working with my dad on a few math problems. They work through things together sometimes, I don't know when they formed their little bond but yeah, I see Leo with my dad more than I see him speak to Rayne or well Jackson. Anyway August just sighed.

He sighed.

Because well, I got accepted to the same uni as him.

He doesn't like me. It's sort of open knowledge that August Parker is not a fan of Emersyn Harrington. But he tolerates me, as much as he can anyway.

There's nothing wrong with me, honestly. He just has this thing against me.

Probably because I am happy and he never is.

August is smart, like brains for days smart. When he left school before his exams, everyone was stressed because they knew he had so much potential. Turns out he ended up going to all of his exams and he aced them anyway. Meaning he got into university. He's studying something scary like maths or science. I think it might be physics. I don't know.

I liked English Literature.