It is hard to believe that there is anyone on the planet who is not familiar with the story of A Christmas Carol. Right? The story of Scrooge and the three ghosts (four if you get asked on a quiz and also the first goes is Marley not the ghost of Christmas past). Anyway back to what I was actually thinking about as Luella and I freaking raced down the motorway towards home- A Christmas Carol.

I will bring you up to speed if you are unfamiliar. It's a story by Charles Dickens, not to be confused as Charles Darwin- like I did on my 9th grade biology test. Who suggested the theory of Evolution? My silly head- the English writer Charles Dickens. No.

Anyway sorry.

The story takes place on Christmas Eve, Scrooge is visited by a series of ghosts, starting with his old business partner, Jacob Marley. The three spirits which follow, the Ghosts of Christmas Past, Christmas Present and Christmas Yet to Come, show Scrooge how his mean behaviour has affected those around him. At the end of the story, he is relieved to discover that there is still time for him to change and we see him transformed into a generous and kind-hearted human being.

I always place myself in the story. Not that I believe Scrooge and I have many similarities, actually I feel like I pride myself to identify more with the scrooge that graces us after he has learnt all of his lessons.

But around this time of year, it is always on my to-read list, although I usually start and then get bored. But it always inspires thinking. I wonder what if the ghosts were visiting me in five days, what would they say. What would they criticise? What would they advise?

"Lue?" I ask, turning to look at her and she nods, drumming her fingers against the steering wheel in excitement.

She was so excited to get home.

Her father was coming to the party, he was staying in town for the weekend as Lue says a quick hello to her friends, and to her mum, and then Luella was going to go and stay with her father and her siblings for the holidays. That's where she is going to be spending most of her time when she wasn't at uni.

"If you could give yourself advice what would it be?"

Lue laughs, throwing me an exhausted look. "Emersyn, honey, please can we stop with these questions. Don't you think I've answered enough of your soul searching, world examining questions these past months?"

I smiled. "No seriously. If you could tell your past you something, like advice what would it be?"

She smiles a little, shaking her head and then she just sighs, as she always does, giving in to my question.

"I would tell her to- for sure- go travelling."

I grinned. "No regrets then huh?"

"Nope." She laughs and I smile.

"What about your present? What is something you need to remind yourself. Right now. In this second."

Luella's grin fades a little and she pulls the car into a turning off lane, we were so close to being actually home.

"I would like to remind myself that even though we're going back to normality, no everyday nonsense can take away everything that happened this fall."

"And that we'll be okay whatever?" I say.

Luella nods. "And we'll be okay whatever, we survived the journey from Berlin to Poland, didn't we?"

"Yeah." I laugh but then shudder, that was bad.

Moving on.

"Okay what about your future self-"

She thinks. "I think I just wanna tell her that I hope she has figured things out, and I hope she is less in pain than she was before."

Aw Lue.

"You hurting?" I ask gently.

She shakes her head. "No hurting. Just- coming back to this place. It's-coming home and I am so exciting to see everyone and I feel so- okay. But it doesn't go without saying that it's crossed my mind that Greyson will never see what we just saw."

"I am sorry Lue."

"No it's okay, he'd be happy for me and well if what everyone says is true, that a part of him will always be with me, looking over me, then he saw everything that I just saw you know? But it is a little painful just driving into town. We've been away so long."

I nod and turn my eyes towards the road, it was dark, it got dark about five in the evening now it's December. But the lights are bright, houses in the distance decorated for the holidays.

"I'd tell myself the same things. To everything you just said, I agree."

"Yeah well we have practically morphed into one person by this point." She mutters.

I smile. Even though over a hundred days together with the same person, is admittedly a little much, nothing ever could disrupt the bond Luella and I have. Like she is my sister now, as cliché as that sounds. It's the best way to explain it.

She's my other half, has been for months. It's going to be awful when we separate.

"You said you'd phone him when we got through the town margins." Lue reminds me.

"Oh shit yeah."

I reach for my phone and press on his contact.

"Em please say you're close?"

I smile. "I am, ten minutes if that." I say. "I am just coming into town. Can you get free now?"

"Yes, my siblings have finally left my side." Rayne chuckles. "I will sneak out of the gallery and drive over to yours. You're still planning to get changed and things yeah?"

"Yeah." I say. "We need a quick rinse."

"Okay well I will leave now."

"Okay don't tell mum."

"I won't." He promises. "But I swear, you're already half an hour late so we need to be quick."

"We will, I promise."

"Okay. I can't wait to see you."

I smile. "Me too."

Rayne hangs up and I toss my phone back into my bag and turn to Luella. She looks at me cautiously. I squeal.

"Oh god." She laughs.

"I am so excited."

"How do you still have energy? You haven't been this energetic since we left."

Maybe it's the town.

"Honestly I am just excited to see Rayne and mum and dad, but- I am so tired too."

Luella smiles. "Same, I just wanna sleep. I can't believe we still have at least four hours of the day left."

I smile. We had been awake for so long. Time zones are hard work. You easily lose track of things.

"It'll be okay. Plus, there is wine, always, and cake and Christmas treats so we shall just mix the sugar rush with wine drunk and we will be okay."

"Okay." Lue smiles. "I am excited to see T."

I smile a little. "When are you going to see him?"

"Tomorrow."

"Are you going to..."

"Tell him?"

"Mm?"

"Yeah." She says. "But like- I am excited to see him as a friend."

Oh goodness.

"Lue-"

"It'll be good for us, like we were friends first, I'll explain that I think we should just be friends and I'll um tell him that I got with other people and well he might be mad for a little bit but it's Trev. We love each other yanoe? We can't be mad for too long."

"If you love him why are you endin-"

"Shall we talk about the fact that thingy is going to be at your mum's party."

"We have talked about it Luella. We can revisit it if you must, just after you answer the Trev-"

She just smiles and shrugs. "I just want a fresh start. I need to grieve without guilt. I need to just feel okay and then-"

"And then?"

"Well, I do have feelings for him. Obviously. But it's not fair to get him to wait around so I will just end it and let him be."

I don't know if that is necessarily the right path, but it's not my choice, I think I just love T so much that I don't want him to be hurt. But Luella needs to do this, she does.

She wants this fresh start and to be honest, the whole idea sounds so good.

"Okay well, I am excited to see Trev too, I don't know when I'll see him though."

"He loves you, just text him and go for coffee sometime this week?"

"Yeah, I will."

We were nearing my house and honestly, I was growing a little nervous and I don't even know why. Like it feels so strange to be home, everything seems so- foreign but also the exact same.

"It feels strange to come back." I whisper, looking as we drive through the main traffic lights, heading down towards my road.

"I know."

I look at Luella. "I am going to be awkward when I see Rayne."

"What why?" She laughs.

"I don't know, I just feel it."

She laughs at me, shaking her head. "All you've talked about is seeing your best friend again, this whole drive."

"You are my best friend." I correct in amusement and she smiles.

He's also my best friend but when I say he's my best friend she glares at me because apparently, I am her best friend and it's not very nice to think of someone else as your best friend when your actual best friend regards you as hers.

Yeah I found it confusing to follow too.

"It won't be awkward, just, well okay it's going to be emotional for me, like I might cry and he won't cry because he hardly ever cries and so he's going to say 'why are you crying' and I know I will just cry more."

Lue smiles at me.

"So what? Just cry."

"True."

The Christmas lights are pretty much on every house this year, especially as we near home, it's not usually like this. Like usually it's the occasional house, but not this year. This year it's everywhere.

It's beautiful.

"Oh god it's so festive." Lue mutters.

Luella, unlike me, isn't much of a fan of Christmas. I dragged her to Winter Wonderland in London and wow- her unimpressed noises were heard. But honestly it was magical.

We were so close now. We turned down our road and I couldn't help but watch Rayne's house as we drove past. The imagine of the flashing lights drifted to the forefront of my mind, the last thing I had seen of everyone, that day. I shook it off.

So much had changed. I had changed. Things were so much better.

The usual trees that used to create our little cove down towards our house were sprawled bare due to the winter month and I could see perfectly Rayne's old car, lights shinning out towards us as we drove towards him.

"Oh goodness." Lue laughs as I am practically gripping the car door.

I don't even know if I had specifically missed Rayne, we weren't on the best of terms last summer, but he was my home. Does that make sense? He was family. I just missed home.

"You wait till the car is stopped missy."

I send her a grin and just as she pulls to a stop I practically leap out, Rayne just casually stepping out of his car and so I run, laughing when he looks surprised, but a big grin greets me before I fling my arms around him.

He supports the impact well, not moving a step as he catches me, wrapping his arms around my back and squeezing me just as hard as I was squeezing him.

"Wait I didn't even look at you." He laughs, pulling back and I just pull him in for another hug.

I don't need to see his face, his hug feels like home.

"I missed you." I admit, my voice wobbling and he laughs, wrapping his arm around me and I just press my face directly into Raynes jumper and absorb the familiarity. I love change, I loved finding new things, experiencing new things. But nothing beats this feeling, of pure relief and home and belonging.

Okay I was crying.

Rayne laughs loudly, placing his hands on my shoulders and extending his arms so he can look at me.

"Emmy why are you crying?"

I told you so.

I laugh, looking back at Luella and she's just standing slightly awkwardly at the car.

Oh Lue.

She's been needing a wee the whole two hours back and I made her not stop.

"Oh god." I mumble, wiping my eyes and I turn back to Rayne. "You smell good."

"You cried because I smell good?"

'No." I laugh, tearfully, pushing him away and I turn to Lue. "Right let's go inside, no peeing here."

"Please."

It only took us half an hour to get changed and ready to actually head out to mum's Christmas party. I had stopped crying, gathered myself, now all I could feel was my soul glowing. Which sounds strange I know, but being back with Rayne, with Lue at home, with everything that happened this fall securely filling my mind with culture and art and experience and happiness and- just with everything making me so happy I felt as if I was glowing.

Luella too, her chaotic energy, like mine, sort of softened over these months. Like we just fell in love with the world and it wasn't this frenzied, all-consuming love that took your breath away it was this love that just opened your eyes, settled your heart and made your pulse beat in the rhythm of the waves or the wind or the soil.

That's why when I walked into my mum's gallery and all my family turned to see the intruders and as I watched my mum's lips part and my dad's small smile turn into a full blown grin I couldn't help but just grin straight back. We all did.

There were no tears from my eyes as I was wrapped in a huge hug by both my parents, tears however fell from Luella's eyes when her dad hugged her, and I grinned at that. She had cried a total of two times on this trip.

Two.

Like I cried more than that the first day.

But to be fair I was getting over a pretty shitty heart break situation.

Speaking of which...

As I pulled out of my mums arms I was pulled straight into the arms of my Ivy, she wrapped me up and even Jackson greeted me with a warm hug, Lottie next and I breathed a sigh of relief when I could feel his presence behind me but my grandad stole the awkward moment of not wanting to hug him too.

We would have never hugged before anyway.

The gallery was catered out, all the art specific to the winter months and an awful amount of fairy lights decorating the space. It was beautiful as always and I was pretty much greeted by everyone. It was always just family and family friends; it was a known thing that I was travelling and might not make it back for this party, so I think everyone was pretty surprised.

"Okay okay, tell us everything. You must be ready to burst." My mum grins and I send her a smile, eyeing her mulled wine.

"Actually, mum we have plenty of time for stories, is it okay if I just get a drink and just enjoy being with you all- everyone?"

My mum looks slightly shocked, but nods and my dad sends me an amused look and places his hand on my back, leading me into the main refreshment area. The bigger room was less full of people chatting and I grinned a little at my cousin, Frankie, my dad's brother's little girl. She just sent me a quick grin back and ran back over to my uncle Brandon.

"Now, we understand you're going to be all grown but at least call your mum mumma or something bubba, she's going to pass out."

I smile at dad and I let out a small breath, that was slightly dizzying, the saying hello to everyone thing. My dad pours me a drink and I pick at the food, grabbing a cupcake and turning around to find Luella. She was hungry. I see August properly then, he was stood talking to Rayne by the entrance of the room, Luella by their sides and I smiled as Lue was beaming up at August.

I look at dad and his eyes are already on me.

"You okay?"

"I am so good." I tell him honestly.

That wasn't as nearly painful as I thought it would be.

Just seeing him.

I have worked through so much when I was away, but you don't actually know how something if going to make you feel until you are confronted by it.

But it was okay.

I let out the breath it turns out I was holding. I was relieved. I was waiting for pain but instead as I let my eyes drift over to them by the door I was just okay, he had a smile on his face, a bored, slightly amused smile and I was thankful that I had actually done the healing I thought I had.

I turn back around and take the drink off dad.

"How is life Dad?"

He grins. "Slightly boring now that you're not driving your mother and I insane. Although, I am not going to pretend like I haven't been constantly worried and wanting to know your where abouts."

"Dad you had find my friend, like on your phone, I had my locations on you could have just worked it out-"

"Well, that's like invading your privacy."

"Dad not when I have chosen to share- oh never mind." I laugh and I take a sip of the warm wine. I sort of hate this, it's kinda gross, mum feels the same way. But it's tradition.

"I am going to go find Mum to complain about how much I hate mulled wine."

My dad nods at me. "And she'll tell you how much she hates it too, then you'll both continue to drink it all night."

"It's festive okay?"

"Okay." He chuckles.

I step away from him, heading towards the other door so I can get back into the main gallery space and my dad reaches for my shoulder. I turn around on the slight tap.

"You look so beautiful Emersyn, I am so proud of you, for coming back the way you have."

"Dad I have only been here-"

"I know. But I can feel it."

I smile. Because I think I can feel it too.

"It means so much to me, hearing that of you." I say gently.

"Well, I hope so." He mutters, scrunching his nose up at me. "If you said you-"

Eyes rolled, I turn around with a smile on my face and I set out to find my mum. Ready to wait patiently by her side until she's done talking to whichever friend she had invited.

My mum has a lot of friends. Like a lot.

The larger room was clustered with little groups of festive yet formally dressed people and I smiled in relief when my mum was stood with just Ivy.

They were talking, smiling and I am so happy. So happy that I got what I wished for. For it to feel like this, to feel so warm.

I take another sip, literally filling myself with warm flavours of Christmas and my mum doesn't turn to me when I step up to her but she does link her hand with mine and pull It up to her lips, squeezing it three times and when I wait besides her Ivy sends me a smile.

"Emersyn you look older and it's freaking me out."

"I do?" I ask.

"Mhm." She laughs. "And your friend Luella. You both look so, travelled."

"Well maybe it's the exhaustion making our face wrinkle." I laugh and look around for Lue, she was now stood with her father but she catches my eye and she immediately heads towards us.

"Ears are burning." Lue says.

"Hi honey." My mum says and wraps her arm around Luella. "You tired too?"

Lue looks at me and we share a pained look.

"We didn't get much sleep last night, or like today, and well travelling Europe is sorta tiring."

"I bet." Ivy laughs and looks at my mum. "I would be asleep literally every time we sat down."

"Don't- I would just be moody because exhaustion makes me a right cow." Mum says.

Luella laughs. "Em doesn't get tired, she strives off the fast paced-ness of everything. But as soon as we got home, like back into this car we both crashed. Like-" Luella turns to me and I nod.

"I can feel it in my hands."

"Huh." Ivy laughs and I turn to mum amused.

"I just mean like you know when your body is so heavy with tiredness and just- sort of peacefulness. That's how I feel."