I woke up before Luella to go for a run this morning. Trev and Lue both came home last night and despite me wanting to ask Trev to go home, so he could be with August, he stayed the night.

I wasn't really allowed to have an opinion about that to be honest.

So I slept. And then ran a few miles and then came back.

And now I was out of breath as I unlocked the front door. I literally needed to lie down.

I loved this feeling.

I open the door and Luella and Trev look sort of startled as I open it.

I don't pay them attention I just lie down on the floor and breath.

"Are you okay?" Luella says shocked.

I ran up the stairs as well.

"Yes." I pant, laughing when their faces come to look down at me. I place my hand on my chest, feeling it rise and fall quickly. I am breathing heavily.

"Em." T laughs a little. "Who was setting your arse on fire?"

I smile choosing to ignore him. "I am so unfit."

They just look down at me and now that I had regained a bit of my breath I sit up. "I only did three miles, and I was dying. I am dying."

They exchange a look that turns my amusement at myself a little cold.

Oh okay.

Brill. Concern.

"I thought you weren't actively trying to lose weight?" Lue says softly and we walk over to the kitchen.

I don't want to have to defend myself.

I guess I have to.

"Running is good for you mental health. Getting up early is good too. I am just being productive."

"Okay." She says. "Did you eat before?"

"Just a bar thing." I say.

"You want food?"

Running always makes me feel a little sick if I am honest. But how can I turn down food?

"Um I think ima make a smoothie. Would anyone else like one?" I ask.

Trev is just quiet and when I look at him he nods.

"Trev is leaving us Em." Luella says, her voice amused and I turn around shocked, regarding them both.

He looks sheepish.

I just look at him confused.

"Mhm." She hums. "Going on a trip to London. Shakespeare thing. Third year fun."

I nod a little.

She moves around me. "He forgot to mention it."

I look at him my eyebrows raised.

"Don't be fooled by her calm tone Em. She was just shouting."

I snort and look at Luella and she raises her hands in the air as if he was utterly unbelievable.

"He hasn't mentioned it once. Then was like this morning when he woke up- oh yeah I better go pack, I go this afternoon."

"Oh Trev." I say. Starting to cut the fruit up into chunks so it was easier to blend. What else should I add? I have banana, strawberries... spinach? Is that really strange? What about kale? It can all be added in together can't it?

To be honest my dad went through a little phase of making smoothies and he would add whatever. As many good things as he could and then he'd add honey and most of the time they would turn out good.

I am feeling a little peckish as well... so I might toast a bagel and just have that with some butter.

"Lue..." He says. "I don't know what to say. I am sorry you're upset I am going but that doesn't mean I am not going-"

"I want you to go." She says rolling her eyes at him with full attitude and I smile at that.

I was waiting patiently for them to sort this out so I could turn the blender on.

I thought it seemed rude to do it before.

"I just feel like we should communicate better. I didn't know you'd be gone a week. This is the sort of that that you tell your girlfriend."

A slow amused smile creeps onto his face. "And who said you were my girlfriend?"

"Oh my mistake." Luella says all frustrated and angry and I grin, smiling at her and she just throws me a look that says I am not helping.

I move around the kitchen to toast my bagel.

Seeing as I can't turn the blender on yet.

"No, no. I was just wondering when you decided this- I mean we haven't really had that conversation." T smirks.

She looks livid. "Well I am sorry Trevor but seeing as you've been muttering my name every fucking night for the past week I assumed we were at that stage. But if you are suggesting we stay just friends then fine, absolutely fucking fine but you're not touching me ever again."

He is grinning and she is breathing angrily and I just laugh when he walks towards her and although she tries to fight off his arms he wraps his arms around her and they stumble together across the kitchen. Him whispering things into her ear that seem to calm her down and put her at ease.

I just smile.

I turn the blender on. Going about my morning as they make plans to go and pack Trev's things for this trip he's going on.

"Will you check up on August?" I ask as they're about to walk out the door.

Trev nods. "I always do Em."

I smile a little and nod.

Trev won't be able to check up on him if he goes for a week...

Do Rayne and that know he's going?

It was now my time to eat and shower and admittedly I know that my ease right now about consuming all these calories is due to the fact I also exercised. And that thought freaks me out a bit.

But I don't try and repress it.

I acknowledge it's there. And disagree with it.

I can put the weight back on. Like that is fine. I look pretty good with the extra little flab.

It's cute.

I look cute whatever.

Goodness.

Before long I am showered and re dressed, sitting down at my desk and creating a list of things that I need to do. Which is rather tricky.

I think I need coffee; coffee always seems to straighten things out for me.

I'll make some soon.

Anyway I concentrate on making my list and then I breathe so much easier when I see exactly what I need to do.

Call Dad.

Call Ivy.

Do anything that they need.

Then work on my Lolita essay.

Then do some writing.

It was simple tasks and I had more that I needed to do. But starting with this seemed good.

So I just flick the page over in my journal and I carry it out with me and make some coffee.

It's very quiet in here.

Music.

I ask our alexia to play some music and then I immediately quieten it. It was loud loud.

I press on my dad's name.

He sends me straight to voicemail.

Wow.

I try again.

In case I don't know... in case he didn't mean to. He's not exactly the most text savvy.

"Em you okay?" He asks immediately when he answers the call and my eyes widen.

"Yeah what's wrong?" I ask in response to his breathlessness.

"Nothing I just jogged out my meeting to answer the phone."

"Oh I'm sorry, it's just on Saturday mornings-"

"Yeah I just have a big case at the moment. What's up?"

"I wanted to talk about August Dad."

My dad lets out a weird pipe of noise.

"Has anything happened?"

"No. No." I say. "Rayne told me he's low and I gather you're helping him and I wondered if there was anything I could do to help you?"

My dad's silent for a moment.

"Sweetheart I really do need to go. I am in a meeting."

"Dad..."

"One thing you could do for me is stay away. I need you to not make this your business Emmy because I can only worry about one of you at a time and it's harsh this."

"Dad I can help you." I say.

I know him.

"I know you think that. But right now your positivity isn't what he needs. And I am worried he'd be harsh and you'd get hurt and I don't think he can handle anything else on his conscious baby okay? Just let him be."

I write down in my diary. 'Stop getting involved'. I laugh a little painfully.

"I seriously just wanted to help..."

"I know. You do. But I need you to just keep doing what you are doing. I can handle August I promise."

"Trev's going away. Did you know that?"

"Em, sweet, I really have to go back in. I am sorry. I will phone you later?"

"Dad-"

"Give me an hour. I will phone you-"

I just sigh and say goodbye.

I circle the penned 'leave him alone' a few times and I leave my book on the side and go and make a coffee.

I understand what dad said. I do.

I think I do.

Okay so I understand but I am not sure if I agree.

I press on Ivy's number before I can even think about it.

It rings.

"Emersyn?"

"Hiya." I say softly.

"Hi hon, you okay?"

"Yes I am okay thankyou-"

"How's uni? I feel like I haven't seen you in years. Like longer than when you were actually away. You should come home." Ivy laughs.

I laugh a little at that. "I promise to come home soon."

"Good." She says. "Now are you sure you're okay?"

"Yes. I am good. But I um- I heard August isn't."

"Oh." She says lightly. "Yeah he's struggling a little right now."

"Is there anything I can do?"

She pauses.

"Um.."

"Not for him." I say. "Not necessarily. I mean more for you, or Jackson or anyone. Like if you ever want me to come hang out with Lottie some time then I can or like clean, if you're too busy I can do that. Or drive Lots to soccer. I just... everyone does their part with us lot to help one another and I understand why dad doesn't want me to go to August and I understand that you probably wouldn't want that either. But I am here. I can help."

That was a speech and a half.

"Thank you, Emersyn." She says softly.

"No I mean it. Like I could go to the doctors and pick-up prescriptions or pick-up work or return library books or anything that you might need help with."

She laughs a little and I can imagine her smiling slightly.

"You remind me of me a little." She says. "Apart from the fact it seems as if you have a better grasp on boundaries."

"I am trying." I say softly.

"Right now Em, I am on top of everything. It's okay. He's gone through this before and he's actually pretty positive to fight it this time."

I nod. That sounds good.

Sounds like a lie. From him. A façade.

But it sounds good.

"So you think he'll be okay?"

"Yes." Ivy says.

"Okay well text me if you need anything. I can do it."

"Okay sweet, thank you for calling."

"No worries Ivy. love you." I say.

She tells me that she loves me too and that I should ring her also if I need anything.

I just write down in my book what she said and then I cross the things off my list. Then I just find myself writing my essay. It was okay. I had done all the research and the planning for it beforehand. And to be very honest I sit at that kitchen table hour after hour, finally fucking focused and able to do what I wanted to- finish my uni work.

And once I successfully finish my first draft I send it to Tate. We agreed to peer review and so once it's sent I forget about it.

Instead, I start up the project Henry and I are working on. All we have to do is explain how this one picture depicts the history and societal norms of the time. It's a presentation.

Which I was happy about. Presentations have always been sorta fun for me. Especially when it's over something I love. Which isn't exactly this painting. But it is fun to explore, express, analyse.

So I just write down notes that Henry can go over tomorrow. And when Luella comes back in I sort of stare at her confused as to why she had take away food with her.

I look out the window.

Oh.

It was dark already.

Shit I left my phone in my room hours ago.

"Em."

I look back at her.

"Hiya." I say. "Sorry you shocked me. I got lost in work."

She smiles at me and holds up the bag of food. "I come bearing food. Trev also just left for his trip so I am sad and was wondering if you wanna drink a little? Just food and wine and some silly TV?"

I smile and nod at that.

"Sure."

"Your hair is curly curly." She says walking over to me and placing the bag on the side. She then comes and twiddles a strand and I lift my arms up for a hug and she laughs bending down and hugging me.

"You okay?"

"Mhm." I said. "I had a productive day."

"Good." She smiles. "Right food and do we have any wine in or should I run to the shop?"

I dunno.

"One second Lue, I need to check my phone."

"Yeah you've been ignoring my messages." She laughs and I smile apologetically but walk away from her and into my bedroom to grab my phone.

I have a missed call from dad, I cringe at that, I forgot. A message from mum which at first look just appears to be a general life check in message and then Luella had messaged me a few times as well.

And Henry.

Henry had messaged.

I really do like hanging out with him.

He's so warm.

"Luella!" I call.

"Yeah?" She shouts back.

"Can I invite Henry?"

She pauses.

"Yeah sure." She calls.

I smile at that and ring him.

He answers pretty quickly.

"Hi."

"Hey." I say smiling at his slightly blunt hello.

"You okay?"

"Yeah I am okay. I am sorry I didn't reply I was just... not with my phone."

"Oh where were you?"

"just studying." I say. "Um, you wanna come round and have some wine?"

He laughs a little. "Rayne and Jude are out so that's why I wanted to see if you wanted to come here for a change. I feel bad that I am always at yours."

Rayne and Jude are out.

I pause.

"Emersyn?"

"Shit sorry. Hi. Still here. Well Luella and I are going to drink wine and watch crappy TV and probably just talk and chat and stuff."

"Okay..." Henry says.

"And you are welcome to join us if you want to. But please bring wine if you do."

He laughs a little and just says sure.

"Okay well I will see you soon?" I ask.

"Yeah I am going to eat and then I'll come round."

"Okay. See you then."

I walk back out and Lue is plating up food for us.

"Did you eat lunch?" She asks.

I don't know how to explain that the questions aren't helping.

"No." I say.

She nods and finishes plating up the food.

I wait for her to say something.

She doesn't.

"That's it?" I ask her. "No comments?"

"No Emersyn." She says lifting her eyes to mine. "I just want to know. I am not here to judge you or make you feel bad."

Oh.

I've always just made an excuse before because I thought she'd- lecture me.

"I was distracted." I say quietly.

"Okay." She says. "Are you hungry?"

I nod.

She just points to our food and then to the kitchen table. "Good let's eat then. I am starving."

So we do. We eat and we talk. About T mostly. I laugh loudly as Luella makes snide comments and my laughter makes her smile slightly despite her apparent annoyance. She's not really annoyed. She's just being dramatic and well I feel that so-

My phone buzzes and soon enough Henry is at the door.

He still doesn't knock.

He just texts and I sorta like it.

Luella jumps up to let him in and I laugh when he looks slightly taken back to see her face.

"Luella." He states. "Lovely to see you."

I snort and Lue shakes her head at him, looking back at me in amusement.

He holds up a bottle of wine and then lifts the other hand to show he brought two.

"I almost dropped it twice. Like-" He starts as he walks in. "Apparently the cold makes me clumsy."

"For some reason I seem to believe that it's not just the cold."

He playfully glares at me and then rolls his eyes, walking towards where I am sat still on the same chair as I have been all day and he just places the bottles of wine behind me, turning around and I let my head fall back, smiling at him.

He looks down at me and just places a hand on my head. Like a small hello and I laugh, he shrugs and goes around the counter to grab us glasses.

I let my head fall so I can see Luella too and she is smiling at little at me and Henry. Then the cow narrows her eyes a little.

"I need to shower." She suddenly announces. "And then I am supposed to be calling my dad- so I might be a while."

I frown at her. "You-"

"Sorry I know. But you have Henry now so it's not like I am leaving you alone or anything."

She is purposely leaving.

I am looking at her bored.

"Lue."

"Goodnight Hen." Luella says and he looks up, throwing her a wave and she practically skips out the room.

"Was she acting weird or am I still not used to her." Henry asks and I just shrug.

"Both probably."

He smiles and grabs the glasses in his hands and then looks over my shoulder to the sofa. "You wanna?"

"Yeah okay."

We make our way to the sofa and he pours glasses as I find something to watch.

"Oh. How was your family thing?"

He smiles as he pours. "It was good. Just sorter than expected. My sister asked for a family lunch, it was a meet the boyfriend sort of thing."

I smile at him, lifting my legs up under me as I turn to him. "Oh I bet you intimidated the poor guy."

He smiles back at me, lifting the glass to his lips. "You bet ya, he was practically quaking after I was done stumbling over my words."

I grinned and laid my head down on the pillow a little. Henry just turns towards me a little more so we were facing each other.

"And how about you? Are you feeling better?" He asks. "You almost worried me there yesterday."

"Almost?" I ask, smiling lightly.

"Okay yeah I spent the evening worried." He admits and my smile widens. He just narrows his eyes at me. "Why do I feel like you're just constantly laughing at me in your head Em?"

I shrug. "Dunno. I am not."

He smiles and gulps down his wine a little and I watch his actions curiously.

"You know..." He starts and I just close my eyes tired.

"Mm?"

His hand comes and very gently brushes against my cheek, I reopen my eyes slightly shocked at the contact.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

I nod. "I am good." I sit up a little and Henry finishes his glass of wine, I follow suit and I just put on some crappy movie that I had seen probably more times than necessary.

I reach on the chair for my blanket and when I pull it towards us I am shocked that Henry raises his arm for me to move into and I don't know how to not, so I just move into them, settling into his side and tucking my legs up under me.

I wanted to.

I know I shouldn't I guess. Because I am not passed the things that happened last summer. But I also... as I settle down on his side and I feel the way his heart is furiously hammering inside his chest I realise that I feel ridiculously happier when I am around him.

That the contact was welcome.

He wraps his arm around me and I stretch my arm gently over his middle, just settling in and he moves the blanket over us.

"Ima fall asleep if we stay like this." I whisper.

His hand lightly sweeps some hair out of my face and he shrugs a little under me.

"It's okay." Is all Henry says.

And so I close my eyes. My brain quiet. Calm.