I sat there on August's floor for a while. We didn't talk. He just got into bed and I watched him lift the covers over his head, affectively shutting me out but I didn't mind.

He was asleep soon after that. I could tell because in his sleep he must have gotten hot and removed the duvet from over his face. His eyes closed, breathing evened, music still going.

I just watched him sleep for a little bit. Not in a creepy way I swear. Just in a way where I was trying to collect how on earth I was going to make sure he was safe over the next week, or two or three. I don't know.

That's all I wanted to do.

I had also text T. Asking him if I could sleep in his room. He said of course. But I still couldn't get myself to leave the room.

Not until I heard my dad's voice.

He was outside the door with Ivy and I cringed.

He's going to be mad.

He might not be.

With August asleep I quietly stand up and creep out, opening his door and shutting it quietly before I lifted my head to look at my dad.

Him and Ivy were stood a little distance away from me, they were pulling apart from a hug and he turned to me.

"What did I tell you Emersyn?"

"You didn't tell me how bad he was." Was the only response I could give. "I wouldn't have agreed to stay away if anyone had actually shared with me that he was this bad."

Ivy just looks at my dad. I know. I know that no one has any obligation to tell me things about August. But I feel like I should know this.

"He comes to me." I state. "As problematic as this has been. For the past year August has been coming to me. And I know I made the mania worse..." I start to walk towards them. "But this summer, when he himself was confused about what was going on with him, we would go and do things to take his mind off it. We would lie on the beach or camp out in his room or we would do stupidly reckless things which I understand is why you don't want me here... but he would come to me."

My dad is just stood there watching me.

Neither of them says anything.

"And I know that things ended badly between August and me. I assume that neither of you even fully understand how badly they ended. But at Christmas as well...August came to me. Reached out to me. When he refused to talk to you guys he talked to me. And I know. I know that August talking to me doesn't make me special, nor does it mean that we are bonded or that I know him anymore than you guys do. But I can't leave him."

"Em."

"No Dad." I say silencing him. "I am really sorry if my presence here is not what you want but I physically cannot leave. I will be sick with worry. I won't be able to ever forgive myself if I just ignore that he is going through this."

Maybe I was being dramatic.

Oh well that's my personality.

"So if you're going to tell me to leave then I am going to have to say no. And I will have to remind you that I was the one with the keys. With the permission to stay here. I am the one that he won't feel awful about letting down with this. He can show me whatever and we have the history that he knows I won't judge him. So please-Don't protest this."

My dad goes to say something and then pauses. He looks at me. Then to Ivy. Who seems to be on my side. I am unsure. But he looks between us and then he sighs in defeat.

"How is he?" Dad asks.

"Asleep."

He nods and looks at Ivy. "How is it in comparison to last time?"

Ivy shakes her head and she shrugs as if she is unsure. "I don't know. It's bad. But he doesn't seem to be in as much distress. Like pain. He's just- not really replying or talking."

My dad nods. "Does that just mean he's not feeling anything though?"

"He spoke to me a little. He told me I shouldn't be here. He wouldn't have said that if he didn't care." I say.

Ivy just looks at me. "What else did he say?"

"Nothing really. He was confused."

Ivy nods. "Okay well I will stay and make sure he takes his medication and- we'll take away anything that could harm him and... therapy how are we going to get him to therapy?"

My dad just rubs her arm a little and then looks at me. "Ideas?"

I shake my head. "If he hasn't got the energy to move then he's not going to have the energy to sit there and talk to someone about it all. Um, why don't you just wait until his team comes out tomorrow and then they can actually set up a plan?"

Ivy nods. "Okay well I am going to go and find things-"

"He's asleep." I say shaking my head. "I can do it. I know where he usually keeps things."

"You know what he uses?" Ivy says slightly shocked and I just stare back at her.

This was awful.

"Yeah I know. When that morning happened, before I left your house, I gathered everything I could find that could hurt him and took it. He helped me. It was fucked up but he told me then like things he does..."

I feel sick. It's the gulped wine from earlier. I can still taste it.

"Just... I don't know how to help him. There's no way I can get him out of an episode, but I do know how to keep him safe so please just let me do that?"

Ivy nods. "His medication too. Um, he keeps it in his side draw."

I know this.

I also know that he has some in his bathroom and in the kitchen drawer a few meters away from us.

I nod.

"You want his medication? Like can you do his medication everyday?" I ask.

She nods. "Yeah I will do his medication every morning."

She looks between us. "Cole you have that big case, you and Jack can't-"

They are working on this pretty high profile court case. My dad is collecting statistical data to help prove that the boy in trouble didn't actually do something. I don't know.

I look at dad. "Can't you two just- swap out?"

My dad shakes his head. "Maybe I don't know. One of us can always check in in the morning though so we could do the medication instead Ives, you have work in the morning and it makes no sense for you to drive all this way out here."

"I can do the medication every morning if you-" I start.

My dad just shakes his head. "Em, you forget your coat when it's raining outside. I love you but medication is so important right now for him and well he can get really harsh when we try and get him to take it."

I nod. That's a little harsh. But to be fair I am easily forgetful. Not that I would ever forget to do this. But I understand the trust not being there.

Ivy nods. "You or Jackson then in the morning come and get him to take the medication?" Ivy asks. "Then I will come in the afternoon to check in. I can get Frank to let me off at two every day so I will come in then. Try and get him talking or working or up and about."

"And well I can push my workday back to mid-day." My dad says. "Jack and I can anyway, so we can swap out."

"I can come here for lunch." I say quietly. "Like I have lectures usually from nine to half eleven ish and then I usually have a two our lunch gap and then lectures again in the evening. My latest finish is six. Then I can just come back here and Ivy can go home."

They both nod.

They're looking at me slightly apprehensively.

I sigh. "Please take me seriously. I can help you two. I can just be here. I know this place. Let me stay and help at least until T comes home and then T can be here and I know he won't be alone."

"And Rayne." Ivy says. "We have Rayne so."

My dad nods and then he looks at me. He looks at Ivy.

"Nena forgive me for saying this..." My dad says and my eyes widen when he looks directly at me. "Emersyn you deserve better than having to do this. August is not your reasonability; he is ours. This is your first semester of Uni, you're supposed to be making friends and having fun and we already know you're a little overwhelmed."

I nod. "If it gets too much I will communicate."

He sighs. "Emersyn you and August- this isn't normal teen drama- It's not romantic. He will not love you for this."

I cringe.

"Dad I am not here because I want anything from him. I am here because I care about him. Because before the stupid shit happened, we were friends. Because he is important to me and to you, to Rayne, to mum, to his parents that we love."

My dad sighs and looks at Ivy. "She shouldn't be here Ivy."

"I think we need her." Ivy says quietly. "Plus I know how she's feeling."

"It's not the same." My dad protests.

Ivy looks at my Dad. "I am sorry Cole but as much as you're obviously looking out for Em. I am looking out for him. There's no way I can tell her to go... she's right. He trusts her. And when Jackson needed help I know exactly how it felt to feel this need to be involved."

He looks at her. "You were in love with him though."

Oh god.

They look at me.

"I am not in love with August. I just wanna make sure he doesn't hurt himself."

They nod together and my dad yawns, dragging his hand over his face in exhaustion and I look at him.

"Go Dad." I say gently.

He just looks at Ivy. "Has he eaten anything?"

"Probably not." She says. "I'll make something-"

He won't eat it.

But she heads into the kitchen away and my day extends his arms open for me, asking for a hug and I go into them. Hugging him back.

He leans down. "Protect your heart and keep your head." Is whispered softly and I pull back.

I just nod.

"And prepare yourself bub. Nothing is going to happen to August. We are all doing everything so nothing will happen. But I need you to prepare yourself for the possibility."

Ouch.

I pull back out of his arms.

"Dad I know."

"Good." He says quietly and then we hear Ivy curse, she's looking down at her phone, her eyebrows pinched together.

"Lottie overheard Rayne and Jackson..." She lets us know. "Apparently she's very cross."

"Oh god." I breathe, looking at Dad.

"Do you have to go?" My dad asks.

Ivy shakes her head. "No, no Jackson will handle it."

Dad walks over to the counter and I just follow around to Ivy's side, taking over dicing the onion which she had somehow found.

Her phone goes off again and she lets out a pained, stressed laugh. "Okay no he can't. He says if August is safe then I need to come home."

"Go." I say immediately. My dad nods.

"I can drive you." He offers. Apparently, Rayne had taken Ivy's car home because well his mum was going to stay here.

I look at him slightly shocked that he was going to leave me here. But it was fine. Like- that's what I wanted. If August found out that so many people were getting together to look after him he'd be heavily unimpressed.

"I-" Ivy looks at me. "You'll stay?"

I nod. "I will stay. And I will take away everything dangerous. Like I'll hide it. I promise you Ivy."

She agrees slowly and as she gathers her things, I talk to dad softly about August and what to do if anything gets worse.

I continue to cook whatever it is that she was going to make until they both leave. Then I just turn it off.

I head back into August's room and I take away the key to his room so he can't lock himself in, or me out. I just take away the possibility of that. And as he's still asleep I just go around his room and I find things which I believe could hurt him. I try and do this as quietly as possible.

But when I get to his medicine draw, right by his head, when I look at him again, my hands full of his medication. It's a new medication. Different than what he was taking in the summer. Anyway, when I look at him his eyes are already open slightly. Watching me.

I give him a small smile which he doesn't return. I wasn't expecting him to.

I just continue. Letting him watch me.

And then I leave the room and go and lock them away in T's room. Well lock. I just hide them in his bathroom. The same with things in the kitchen or in his bathroom.

When I am finished I go back to check on him and he was still just bundled up.

"Are you hungry?"

He doesn't respond to me.

Just recloses his eyes.

So I take that as a no and I start picking up things around his room. I can feel his eyes on me again as I clear off the top of the other bedside cabinet ready to move it out of the room.

I was just making room on the floor so I could somehow haul Trev's mattress in here.

I didn't want to share the bed.

That was crossing boundaries and I knew that. I knew I couldn't just jump back into bed with August as if that was utterly normal. It wouldn't be normal. We haven't been close in months, for perfectly sound reasons.

But I didn't feel comfortable enough to just go and sleep in T's room. That felt like leaving August. Like if I did that I may as well go sleep in my room. I can't.

But a bed on the floor sounded reasonable to be honest.

I just needed to figure out how to haul Trev's double mattress across the flat and into August's room.

Quietly.

I didn't wanna piss him off too much.

He needed to be asleep I guess when I did it, so I just grabbed my phone which was on his bedroom floor this whole ass time and I sat down against his wall again, watching him back and I think the eye contact was too much because he closed his eyes.

And I replied to Luella.

I didn't feel anything really. I felt slight twinges of panic and then I just blocked it out. Like I just needed to know.

And then I just felt determined.

I just agree. It was scary. I think I just didn't believe it and then when I found out he was fine I was like- see he's fine.

He's so not fine.

I look up at his face. It's not even restful in his sleep. He's asleep now. I think. His eyes are closed anyway.

I close Luella's messages and go to Henry's.

I guess Luella and Rayne didn't really explain it to him.

I send the X to represent a kiss. It's friendly. To show I'm sorry for leaving him when I was almost sure something was about to happen between us.

I also don't think I would have stopped it.

I probably should have though. I guess. I don't fucking know.

I pulled my legs up to my chest and frowned down at the message. I didn't really understand what to reply.

My chest burns with confusion. Because Henry is an utter angel. Like he just is. And my heart is burning and I am confused what that feeling is.

He got me to smile with that.

Henry doesn't reply to me for a while.

And it does make me smile slightly. And then I get up, August's eyes reclosed anyway. I tell myself I can do anything. Which includes the mattress move.

They're just heavy okay.

....

I did it.

I am now laying on Trev's mattress. Squashed between August's bed and the wall. I had to move his chair which was piled with what I found out was dirty clothes and I had, still out of breath, put the washing on.

Which was a mistake because it takes an hour and a half and I am exhausted and it's so loud but it was necessary.

Anyway I got the mattress down and made myself a bed on the floor. Which honestly was really fucking comfy. As now that I know he's okay, physically okay, my heart calmed down. I realised I had been so tense with anxiety. For him.

But I just seem to be able to work with that.

Like it seems as if I need a purpose. Then I'm okay.

So I was falling asleep and August was in a deep sleep. My dad said he'd probably sleep a lot over the next few days. That I should just make sure he eats and drinks otherwise he'll have to go to a doctor.

My mum apparently used to do the same thing. Have a depressive episode and get so malnourished that she had to get like things injected into her to rehydrate her. I don't know what it's called.

It doesn't matter.

But I do fall asleep then.

And in the morning I set about rewashing the laundry because I fell asleep and left it there overnight. Then after cleaning, Jackson came and I handed over all of August's medication. Jackson said he'd hold onto it and either him or my dad would come in the morning to make sure August got it.

Then loadsa people came.

Which was sorta intimidating. I was allowed to stay in the room with August as they tried to talk to him. They asked him scary assessment questions which he was uncooperative with.

Well he was awake. And he just replied with the negative for everything they asked. As if he had memorized the answers to how not to sectioned. They knew what he was doing. But they also said that they couldn't do anything if there was no evidence that he was at risk.

So they just left him be and we all had a conversation about like his plan.

I just sat on the counter drinking tea and wondering how on earth I managed to wiggle my way in here. Like there was a doctor, a mental health practitioner, August's psychotherapist and then Ivy and Jackson.

I said I could leave. Ivy asked me to stay. So I stayed and listened.

A lot of it was just about keeping him safe until the episode subsided. Like they said there was no way to force him out of an episode. They were just saying that adding more medication to stabilise his depression may work against the base line medication. Like he's on mood stabilisers which clearly aren't yet working. But they said that they need to give them more time.

That adding more medication, like they would with more mature bipolar patients could swing August into another mania episode and we all agreed that he couldn't deal with that.