Break wasn't long enough. It went by way to fast and honestly, I could definitely use another week. But I can't really complain, I didn't have much to do and the only plus side is all my friends are back from holiday and we can see each other again.

I haven't seen Gerard in a week since he's been out of town. Walking over to his house, I'm hoping something happens. I couldn't imagine anything being different but at the same time, it would feel insulting if nothing happened. What are we? I don't think we've ever said to each other we were "friends". There was always a different word or phrase we used to explain out feelings. You can't just avoid that word without a reason to it.

I ring his door bell and after a moment, his mom answers. "Oh, hi, Frank," she says, letting me in. "How was your holiday?"

"It was good," I say, taking my shoes off, "got to relax, which was nice."

"That's good, Gerard's in his room, you know the way." She heads back into the kitchen.

I head upstairs and knock on his door but it opens with the force of my hand. Gerard's sitting on the floor with his sketch book. "Hey, you," he says with a smile.

"Hiya." I walk over and kick the door shut with my leg and take a seat next to him. "How are you?"

He gives a small shrug. "Tired as usual, you?"

"Same." He puts his sketchbook in his backpack and throws his arms around me, taking me aback. "It's nice seeing you," I say. He's leaning on me and I lose my strength to hold us both up. Falling back, Gerard lays on top of me as I lie back on his floor.

"You as well," he whispers in my ear. The two of us don't move for a moment. To be honest, I wouldn't mind missing school to lie here all day. But eventually, he sits up and pulls me along with him while chuckling. "Man, it's been forever since we saw each other."

"Well, don't go out of town again," I tell him, brushing my hair back into place.

Gerard gives a small laugh. "I can't say that I can make that promise but I'll take it into consideration." It falls silence between us. It's both awkward and relaxing. I want to say something but I'm not sure what, I want to just keep talking to him but I have nothing to keep a conversation. But I also don't feel obligated to start a conversation. Gerard tends to have that impact on you.

When we get to art, Jenna is ripping up a piece of paper. "Starting your project over?" Gerard teases.

"Nope," she says, without glancing up. "It's for Christmas."

"That's at the end of the month," he replies, setting his backpack down and taking a seat.

"Well, I like being prepared."

"Funny you say that," Lynn mumbles. Jenna doesn't react but Lynn suddenly flinches. "Wh-hey," she cries, looking at Jenna, who has a poker face. I'm assuming she kicked her.

"There's too many of us so we're going Secret Santa." Jenna takes out a Ziploc bag and puts the pieces of paper inside, then shaking it up. "Okay, so I talked to Hayley and there's this girl she has a few classes with who doesn't really know anybody yet because she's new this year so I thought to invite her. If you get Sarah, just get a necklace because she loves necklaces."

"Noted," Cody says, "I think that's easy enough."

"When's the party?" Gerard ask.

Cody looks at Jenna. "I think it's the 21st, the first Sunday we get off," he says.

"Oh, shoot. I'm busy that day," Gerard says. Everyone turns and looks at him hugely disappointed, Jenna heartbroken. He cracks a grin. "I'm just messing with you."

Cody throws a ball of paper at him. "Oh, step off," he scowls. Gerard flails back and bats at the crumpled paper like a cat.

"Moving on," Jenna says. She holds the bag out to Lynn. "Don't tell anyone either."

Lynn glances up at Jenna then reaches into the bag, taking out a slip of paper. She unfolds it and I see a soft smile form on her lips. "I can work with this," she replies.

Cody goes next and he gets happy. "I was hoping for this," he says, with something suddenly in his mouth.

"What are you eating?" Lynn asks, turning to face him.

"I forgot I stuffed marshmallows in my pocket this morning." It falls silent at the table when he puts a freaking marshmallow in his mouth.

"You know what, I shouldn't act surprised," Lynn says, shaking her head.

"What?" he asks defensively. "You put goldfish in your pocket to snack on."

"Yeah, but that's goldfish."

"Oh, yeah, that really makes it better," he cries out.

"It really does."

While those two are bickering about how it's socially acceptable to put certain foods in your pockets, Jenna passes it to Gerard. He takes a slip but he doesn't really react, just glances up at her and sighing. "I got myself," he whimpers.

"What?" Jenna asks, glancing down at the slip. Gerard flips it around in his hand and it says his name in curvy handwriting. "What are the odds," she mutters. Gerard hands it to her and then reaching into the back again. He reads over and nods. Jenna tosses Gerard's name back in the bag then shakes it up. When I get it, I unfold it and see Jenna's name. She's my best friend so this has to be easy.

"Also, while we're on the topic of planning ahead," Gerard starts, "are we going to the ski trip?"

"Oh, yeah," Jenna says, "we should probably get a form during lunch and fill it out before next week."

"I'll fill it out but I'm not turning it in until one of you guys do too," Gerard says, "because unless someone I know is confirmed to be there, I'm not going."

"Makes sense," I say. "I've never been skiing."

"Let me tell you, it's hard," Lynn says matter-of-factly.

Gerard chuckles lightly. "It's not hard, dear, you're just naturally uncoordinated." Lynn rolls her eyes at him.

"You've gone skiing, Gee?" I ask.

He sways his head side to side. "Yeah, I've gone when I was under and then a couples times with Amelia last few years."

"Out of all of you guys, how are you at skiing?" I ask.

"Well, Amelia's the best, understanding," Jenna says. "Then..." she glances at Cody and he shrugs. "Between Cody and I because we go a lot but Gerard is really good and he doesn't go often."

Gerard nods along. "I was taught at a young age and I guess it's like riding a bike."

"Well, you have good balance so that helps," Cody says. He nods along. "And everyone else, I don't really know. I feel like Brendon and Hayley would be decent."

"I'm just terrible," Lynn says. Jenna turns to her to say something but Lynn cuts her off. "Don't trying to say otherwise. I just really can't ski. But I have fun going with the others. Granted, I don't think my parents would let me go."

"You can still ask, right?" Jenna says, looking at her.

Lynn sighs. "Yeah, I could ask but I don't think it'll do much."

"Worth a shot, and we also have the time when we go with Amelia's family where they think it's just you, Jenna, and Amelia."

"True, so I'll still get to go with you guys, just not with the school." She pauses, sitting at her table. "It's crazy to think the semester is nearly over and we're getting ready for finals."

"Yeah, oh, and speaking of which," Cody says, pointing directly at me. I raise my eyes at him. "Are you still interested in helping me with my final for music?"

"Oh, yeah, I think it's super cool," I say. "What do you have in mind?"

"Well, I finished writing everything over break, something to do on the plane ride. Can you read music?" I glare at him. "Wait, why am I asking you," he mutter. "Anyways, uh, I have the guitar part written out. Is this okay?" He's digging through his backpack and flipping through folders. "Hold up." He takes out a binder and pulls out a small packet with sheet music printed out.

I take it from him looking it over. Well, it's definitely not a simple note strumming. No offense to Cody, I didn't think he'd be capable of writing anything more than basic but that was because he doesn't know how to play. It's not impossible for me to do but it'll take a few days to learn how to play it. "Yeah, this looks great, when do you need everything?"

"I have to have everything done for the day of the final so I have some time still, it's not due until that day. How long would it take you to learn?"

I shrug. "Maybe a couple days, definitely within the week though."

His face lights up. "Oh, great, because I was worried I over complicated things and I don't know if it's correct or anything. I just know the computer sounded cool when it played everything."

"Yeah, we could probably record within the week if you have time. I don't have any plans so I can learn it within the next few days?"

"Totally, thanks again."

"What's your song called, Cody?" Gerard asks.

He gives a soft smile. "Dream Catcher," he whispers. He looks slightly embarrassed, which is weird for Cody. Usually, he's cool and collect, laid back and confident but not arrogant. But he seems somewhat shy, to his best friend.

But Gerard nods along. "I like that, sounds good."

"Thanks," he smiles.

"What about you guys?" he asks, looking at the girls.

Jenna and Lynn answer relatively together. "What Are You So Scared Of?" Jenna says.

"Demon Limbs," Lynn replies.

Everyone looks at Lynn and she shrinks down. "Ha, it sounded like she was asking me like what am I afraid of and then I said Demon Limbs."

"Yeah, I mean, that's something worth being afraid of," Cody says, nodding along. "But I'm excited to hear yours. I know Jenna was working on hers yesterday but she wouldn't let me listen."

"What?" she says, staring at him. "It makes me nervous someone watching me, I don't need to mess up."

"You'd do great though, you're very talented and passionate. I know you're doing awesome."

"Thanks," she replies lightly, "but you can wait until class to listen."

At lunch, Amelia grabs us a few information packets for the ski trip. It cost $80 this year since they had a successful fundraiser. I could easily afford that myself but I'm sure my parents would pay for it since it's "school" related. For the trip, we leave the school in the morning on Friday, January 16th. We'll get to the resort later in the afternoon and be going to our rooms, we get to pick our roommates in groups of four after we've turned everything in and paid. I'm probably going to be with my friends. The rest of the day, we can do whatever in the resort but not outside. We go outside on Saturday, skiing and sledding, whatever we like. It's very open based. Then Sunday afternoon, we leave. In the packet, it asks a few questions LGBTQ+ related, which makes sense. It's really nice the school makes acknowledgments us. However, I'm putting that I'm straight. If my parents do look over this, well, it's not the way I want to come out to them.

I continue to talk to Amelia about the trip in math class during out homework time. She sits in her seat in front of me but turned around and sharing my desk to do homework. "I've been waiting to go since I was a freshman, I'm so excited."

I smile at her softly. "I think it's fun going with you guys, we get to miss a day of school."

"Yeah, from what I've heard, I think you, Cody, Gerard, and Brendon will be going so I'm thinking you guys are going to be roommates," she says.

"Yeah, probably," I say, "I talked to Patrick, he said it cost too much and he has work." Amelia nods along. "What about you girls?" I ask.

"See, I know I'm going and Jenna will be too but we don't know about Lynn, I think her parents will let her but she's convinced otherwise."

"Doesn't hurt to ask, what about Hayley?"

"Yeah, Hayley doesn't like the cold, she doesn't want to go but that's okay."

"Who are you going to room with?"

Amelia shrugs. "It'll be filled up but they'll talk to everyone before hand so we're okay with it."

"At least they check you guys would get along." She nods in agreement, erasing the work and starting over. "Multiplying variables makes it cubed, not 3x," I say.

She glances down and sighs. "By now, you would think I would have known that." She continues the work. "But anyways, yeah, I'm glad they don't just stick you with someone. Because let me tell you, I'd be panicking otherwise."

"So who's basically confirmed they're like going to be going? I know you and me, Jenna and Cody would be too."

"Yeah, they've been waiting since freshman year like me," she says. "I've been going with them since we were preteens."

"You guys have always been close?" I sense a topic shift but I'm okay with it. It's covering my other objective in conversations for the period.

Amelia smiles softly. "Jenna and I have been friends forever, inseparable. I got to know Cody rather quickly when he came here. Usually, he would be talking to Gerard so they're close the way Jen and I are. But I think I'd be the next closest. Since I knew him the next longest."

I smile innocently at her. "Yeah, you four seem really tight," I say.

"Yeah, well, you've clicked with us too since you got here," she says. "I mean, Gerard and you are like always hanging out. And you and Jenna are also besties."

"Well, I mean, I don't really have a best friend," I say. "Jenna has you."

"I'm her girl best friend, you're her guy best friend. It matters."

I smile because I know what she means. "Yeah, but like Gerard's got Cody and that's cool."

She laughs lightly, not really doing her homework anymore. "Oh, don't even. Gerard's obsessed with you."

I falter, narrowing my eyes at her. "What do you mean?" I ask quietly.

"Okay, maybe not obsessed because that makes it sound like a serial killer but he's head over heels." I stare at her, my heart beating faster in my chest. "That's not right either," she says, tripping over her words.

"He likes me?" I whisper.

She glances up. "Huh? No, no, nothing like that-"

"Oh," I whisper, but she doesn't really acknowledge it.

"He thinks your really cool and I don't know, he talks about you a lot...all good things."

"Why are you so awkward about it?" I ask. Has he said something to her? Part of me wants her to tell me he does like me. But deep down I know that's not the case, a gut feeling. And it hurts.

"Because I'm making it sound like he has a crush on you and that's not the case," she says. I chew on the insides of my cheeks, bouncing my leg underneath the desk. "Granted, Jenna and I do ship you guys."

"Why?"

"Because you'd be cute together. If you were gay, it would totally work. Or bi or pan."

"Well, sucks," I say. It's not that I don't trust Amelia, I don't trust the others around me. I've only told two people. Jenna when it was just us in her room. And the Gerard. Yeah, we were in class together but the room was so boisterous and the two of us sit off to the side, I know nobody heard. I don't think telling Amelia would be bad, maybe I do want to tell her, then maybe she could easily ship Gerard and I without knowing I actually I like him. Okay, so only 2 people know I'm gay, one of them is Jenna. That means Jenna never told Amelia. Part of me feels happy that she values my privacy, not even telling her best friend. "Who else is involved in your little escaped?" I ask.

"Jenna, I think that's about it. We don't really broadcast it."

"Thanks," I say lightheartedly. I don't think I've told anyone I have a crush on Gerard. I want to keep it that way so time to change the subject back.

"Well, what about you? Do you ship yourself with anyone?"

Amelia stares at me wearily. "That's the weirdest way I've been asked if I have a crush on someone."

"Well, I'm a weird guy," I say. "I mean, there's the dance coming up and everything, are you going with someone?" I ask.

"Ha, I'm going with friends, not a date," she says.

"Yeah, but Jenna and Lynn are going together and with friends," I point out. She looks at me confused but I don't blame her. It's my turn to be awkward.

"What, you think I'm going to hook up with one of my friends?" she asks with laughing."

"I think anything's possible. Just wondering, haven't talked to you about it before. Patrick?"

Amelia reacts, not in a wince or anything like that. "No, I'm pretty sure he likes Hayley."

"He does?"

"Well, I'm not sure. Actually, no, I'm pretty sure but I haven't heard him say anything. They usually go to the movies together on Tuesdays since it's the day he has off and the day she's not volunteering at the pantry."

"Really? But isn't she ace?"

"Yeah, she is. And she's aro too. But that doesn't mean she can't date people. It's just different terms. I don't know, man. They haven't said anything. The only reason I think so besides the whole movie thing is she was trying to convince him to go to the dance but he said he didn't want to spend money just to be bored. And he didn't want people to think he's a loser either, a lot of things. But she offered to be his 'date' if he didn't have someone else to go with if it'll make it less awkward. He said he wasn't going to ask anyone but he'd go with her and the rest of us. I just think something could happen, you know?"

"Yeah, but would Hayley want that?" I ask. She shrugs. Why am I asking Amelia how Hayley would feel... "Okay, well Patrick and Hayley are unofficially but still going together. Jen and Lynn. You and...?"

"Frank," she whispers, "do you want to go with me?"

I start choking. "No, that's not what I mean," I say.

"Then what do you mean?" she asks. She isn't irritated, just very confused. I don't blame her. How do I ask her if she likes Cody without actually asking her if she likes Cody? Well, there isn't really a way to do that.

"Do you like Cody?"

"What?"

"I'm just wondering," I ask.

"Why, did he say something?" she whispers.

She's not answering the question... "No, it's kind of like how you think Patrick likes Hayley. Nobody said anything. I'm just curious."

"No," she says, shaking her head, "no. Cody and I are just friends. He's like the male version of Jenna."

"You have to admit if you were into girls or if Jenna was a guy, you guys would be dating." Amelia chuckles lightly because she knows I'm right. "Just a thought, if you can ship me I can ship you."

"Well, I guess we both won't ever get to see our ships sail," she replies.

Ouch. I know she only said it because she doesn't think she and Cody would be dating and because she thinks I'm straight but that hurt. "Yeah, guess so."