My parents force me to eat before school. After my episode yesterday, I'm being monitored suddenly. It takes me forever to finish eating a stupid waffle and by the time I'm done, Jenna's here. I guess Cody still isn't going to school yet.

I don't bother to take a coat with me as I walk out. My long sleeve shirt is fine enough. I get in the car and buckle up. I don't think the other's know about Gerard yet. I can't tell them. They don't know who Mikey is. The only one who knows is Cody but he's not here. They haven't heard anything yet. They don't know that he was taken out of the coma and he didn't respond. But they also don't know that Mikey fought tooth and nail with his mom about taken him off. Apparently, their dad is against it but their mom is the one making the calls. It didn't take much for Mikey to convince their dad that this was wrong, his mom gave in later. While he may have convinced her for now, if things get worse, they're not going to let him continue to be in pain. I don't want to think about that though. They're giving him time and that's enough for me. Granted, Donna may not be overly happy to see me since she figured out I told Mikey about what was going on. But I can accept her disliking me if it means Gerard's not gone. At least, not yet.

I get in the car and shut the door. "Hey," I say, buckling up.

"Hey," she says weakly. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm good now."

"Okay, that's good. What happened?"

"Eh, just low blood sugar but I'll be fine." Jenna pulls out of the driveway and doesn't say anything else. We pass Gerard's house. All the cars are still there. Well, that's good. They can't do anything to him if they're at home.

The car ride is quiet. No talking or radio. Just sitting in silence. We pull into the school parking lot and Jenna parks the car but she doesn't turn off the ignition. "Are you ready?" I ask softly.

She's staring through the windshield and sighs. "No," she whispers, breaking down crying. She hangs her head against the steering wheel and sobs.

I'm taken aback. I don't know what to do. Something must've happened that I don't know about. "Jenna?" I ask, placing a hand on her shoulder. They haven't heard about Gerard. The others only find out through her and she only finds out through Cody's mom since she's friends with Gerard's parents. But Mikey said they haven't told anyone and no one talked about what happened on the group chat. They only talked about worrying. And I can't say anything because it would be too hard to explain. And I know Gerard wouldn't want me to be the one to tell them about Mikey and the whole situation. Maybe I'm in the wrong for not telling but even if Gerard wouldn't be upset, I don't have the strength to talk about it.

"Cody's in an institute," she whimpers. "They took him there last night." My hand falls off her shoulder and I freeze. A chill runs down my spine. No, she can't mean like...a mental institute? What...what else would that mean? But it cant mean that. Jenna sits back, wiping her eyes with her fingers. "I don't know what happened last night but my dad, he came in and told me that Cody's going to the hospital and staying there a while. He's not getting better."

It slowly settles in me. He's...getting worse too. "What's going to happen to him?" I ask.

"I-I don't know. I mean, I knew he was taking it hard. Who could blame him? But I didn't think it would get that bad for him. I just...I don't know what to do anymore. I don't want anything to happen to him." She pauses for a minute, taking a heavy breath. "And we haven't heard anything from Gerard. I'm worried he's...it's too late."

"No," I say without thinking. I can't tell her that Gerard's okay because he's not but I also can't let her worry more than she is. "Look, I know things are hard but...you haven't heard anything about Gerard. So while it may not be good, understand don't lose faith in him."

She gives out a laugh of frustration. "I don't think I can afford to hope anymore." She quickly wipes her eyes and reaches for her backpack in the seat behind. "Let's go. We're going to be late."

The two of us walk inside. There's still snow on the ground, a few left over mounds here and there. I really hate snow. Where's global warning when you need it? Thank god it's Friday. This has been the longest week of my life and I'm glad it's finally over. But the weekend is no better. Tomorrow is the wake. Sunday is the funeral.

Before first hour begins, the group of us stand in the commons together. Jenna, Lynn, Brendon, Patrick, Hayley, Sarah and Me. There's...only seven of us. It used to be ten that would all be together in the morning or at parties. But it's down to seven. Amelia's gone. Gerard is... Cody's also in the hospital. What if...we lose them too? Would we lose anyone else? Would Jenna be able to handle it? Her brother and her two best friends. I can't imagine what else she must go through. The guilt and the trauma. Losing more. If something happened to them, would something happen to Jenna as well? This may start a chain reaction. What if it already has?

"Hey, Frank, are you okay?" Sarah asks. I'm not surprised the others knows.

"Yeah, I didn't hurt myself but I'm okay now," I say. She smiles at me and the others give me a sympathetic look.

"How's Cody?" Patrick asks.

"He's...not doing well," she says. The edge in her voice signifies what she means. The others slowly realize, worry spreading over their face and dread sinking in their eyes. "He's getting help now, hopefully the hospital can help him. Or at least stop it from getting worse."

"I hope he's okay," Sarah says.

"Yeah, me too," Jenna says, "but you guys will see him tomorrow."

"Not the way we'd want to,' Brendon says.

Jenna nods. Lynn looks at her sympathetically and gets hold of her hand. "After school, do you guys want to hang out?" she asks softly. "I know it's not going to be fun...but I just-I don't wanna be alone..." she trails off, her voice fraying into whimpers. She closes her eyes and tears trickle down.

"Yeah, I'll be there for you," Brendon says. She nods her head. "Hey, come here." He goes over and hugs her tightly. Jenna takes a breath. "You're not alone." Warning bell rings and the other students start breaking off and heading to class. "I'll see you next hour, you'll be okay." We all disperse and head our separate ways. I go back to down to art and stay with them. The girls are starting to work on their projects again. Oil pastel of fruit.

Guitar, we're back on track, as if the beginning of the week was eons ago. We play our pieces, working through the song. The atmosphere is as if nothing ever derailed the class in the first place. History, the other kids are gossiping about other things now like prom dates and who broke up with who. They're moving on. Even in math class, we're continuing back to our lessons. The world is moving on without Amelia.

The end of the day rolls around. I text my mom, telling her that I'll be going to Jenna's house. She tells me it's okay but she's still going to make me have dinner when I get home. I don't blame her for worrying. Jenna, Patrick, and I head over to her house and we all sit in her living room. It's rather surreal being here. We haven't hung out in...since before. And when we used to hang out here, we never hung out in the living room. Always on of their rooms or the rec rooms or somewhere else. It's never like this.

"I'm glad we made it through the week," Patrick says. "But I'm not ready for the weekend."

"I don't know what's going to happen," Jenna says shaking her head in disbelief. "This shouldn't have to be something I need to do."

"I know," I say. "I'm almost dreading having to go."

"I am dreading it," Jenna says. "It feels like I owe her so much more. She meant so much to me and I have no idea how I will ever be ready to say goodbye."

"What I wouldn't give for one more day with her," Patrick says.

"It just, it doesn't seem right this happened," Jenna says softly. Her voice starts shaking. "It shouldn't have been her time and it feels like I'm dreaming this awful nightmare. I wish she was here."

"I wish I could go back to that morning and start it all over," I say. "Have a second chance and do something different."

Jenna nods, her phone giving a buzz. "Hayley and Sarah are here," she says, getting up to head to the front.

Patrick and I stay at the couch sitting quietly. "You know," I say softly, "A part of me wonders what my life would be like now if I never moved. If I was still in New Jersey."

"What do you think about?" Patrick asks.

"Well, for one, I wouldn't know any of you guys. This year...excluding the...I've been really happy and I've been enjoying this all. But now...everything's falling apart." I glance at Patrick, looking at him softly. "I've never had friends like you guys, or real friends in general for that matter. I've never had this kind of...loss before. And that part of me that wonders if I was still in New Jersey, it wonders if I would be better off just staying there. Since I wouldn't have to go through any of this. And I can't help but feel guilty."

"You shouldn't need to feel guilty," Patrick says. "We can't help the things we wonder about. And that's a fair hypothetical. If you didn't meet us, no, you wouldn't be going through this. But you wouldn't have any of the good memories you made in junior year."

"Yeah, I know. It's just weighing one of those things...if this was really her time and it was inevitable, it may have been better for me to not get to know you guys. It's terrible but...if it couldn't have been avoid, then I could have avoided getting close and avoided getting hurt."

"It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all," Patrick says. "It hurts and it's not fair but I don't regret getting close to her. In fact, I regret not getting closer. If I knew what the end was, I'd still do it all again. I'd still be her friend even if I knew we couldn't have forever."

"You're probably right," I say. "I just wish life wasn't like this."

"Frank, life sucks. It's hard, it's painful, and it's worst," he says, but he pausing, taking a breath. "But it's also beautiful and wonderful, and it's a gift. We don't get to choose what we get but we get to choose what we do with it. And it's our choice if we make the best out of it or not. We only get one life and it might as well be filled with love and happiness, even if it comes with sadness and pain. The worst something hurts, the more we loved it. And if we're too afraid to love because we don't want to get hurt, then our life if only going to be filled with regret."

"Thank you, Patrick."

He glances at me slightly confused. "Wait...for what?"

"Just...being a good friend."