《》What Kind Of Dad He Would Be
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First thing I thought of this morning when I woke up: "If I eat leftover spicy thai curry for breakfast, will I regret it the rest of the day?"
Second thing I thought of was this scenario.
I guess I had Father's Day on the brain...
-Both of them will make uniformly fantastic fathers when the time comes. However, they will both sign up for the following courses before the blessed arrival:
-Breaking The Cycle Of Toxic Parenting
-Yes, You Can Create Your Own Destiny
-Forgiving Your Family Of Origin
-Anger Management For New Parents
-Let Go, Let God (Meetings on Monday in the chapel hall--all faiths welcome!)
-Daily podcast: Surviving Narcissistic Parents 101--How To Move Past Your Childhood And Rewrite Your Own Future
-Are you kidding, he will be an ecstatic, over-the-moon father who walks around staring at the sky saying "Thank you, God!" every chance he gets
-He's REPOPULATING THE CLAN!
-If the kid ends up having your eyes instead of his, there may be a little trouble, but hey. He'll just wear you out until you get that Mendelian thing right.
-Everyone thinks he'll be such a good dad!
-And he is a good dad! He's soooo nice!
-He's a little immature still and loses his temper over dumb shit, some things you just don't outgrow, but he's still the coolest dad on the block
-Everyone thinks he'll be a rotten dad!
-Bingo! He is a rotten dad! He's soooo unbelievably shit!
-Being a self-centered asshole, having a kid throws him into a panic about "getting old" so he spends all his time staring in the mirror, looking for nonexistent wrinkles, and fixing whatever miniscule imperfections he finds with Texture Surprise
-Ends up being that irritating parent who takes kiddie sports leagues way too seriously, showing up at the soccer field and grimly jotting down plays so he can bark at his 5-year-old later. "What was that? You get a case of the fucking yips out there? Of course it has to be the day your grandfather is watching."
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-Will listen in on his kids' conversations with friends and interject comments at opportune moments. If his kid says something like, "Wow, I lost my mind!" during a group chat, he will announce in a ringing tone, "Ah! I see! Is that why you brought home a D in algebra last week?"
-Is a kind, patient, loving, and good father, but because he is a perfectionist, he can't stop himself from thinking every single time he looks at his child: "I know I put a condom on that night. What the hell happened?"
-Feitan knows how babies are made, but he prides himself on having strong pullout game. I mean, you gotta hand it to him, he made it to almost age 30 without any whoopsies
-Something will eventually come along that wrecks his batting average, however
-He'll quit the Phantom Troupe. It's all fine and well for Chrollo to remain in the Troupe as a dad, because he's the boss and gets to sit around and give orders, but grunt work in the Ryodan sucks and is definitely not conducive to fatherhood... so, he'll be brushing up his LinkedIn
-"Dude! If Danchou and Fei are dads, I want to be one tooooooo!"
-(Feitan and Chrollo:) "You're good dude. Just keep it in your pants. Go hang out with Franklin"
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